Male and Female Sociology

Ok, long story short, I'm a guy, and throughout my life theres always been at least one girl who treats me like shit for no good reason. At school, at work, even online. It's something thats been bugging me for the past several years. They say women are the greatest mystery in the universe, so I'd like to ask some of the ladies here one simple question. Guys, I'd like to hear your perspective also. If you've been through this.

Ladies, have you ever had a guy interested in you, but you weren't sure if he wanted to go out or just be friends? What do you do in these situations? Sometimes, when I'd like to get to know someone better I'll be a little friendly, try to strike up a conversation or what not. Usually, that works but on occasion theres one girl who responds with a mean attitude, a bitch for lack of a better word. She thinks I like her and she's not interested, so therefore she tries to turn me off by treating me like an idiot or lesser mortal, and nine times out of ten it works. Is it just my imagination or is she actually playing hard to get? Ladies, have you ever treated a guy like crap just because he liked you (as a friend or otherwise)?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Guest

They say women are the greatest mystery in the universe, so I'd like to ask some of the ladies here one simple question. Guys, I'd like to hear your perspective also. If you've been through this.

Men always say this.

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Ladies, have you ever had a guy interested in you, but you weren't sure if he wanted to go out or just be friends? What do you do in these situations?

Okay, hold up.

A GOOD woman would be honest about herself - talk to her friend who is interested in her and lay it out, plain and simple for him.

A BAD woman would manipulate the situation. Talk to LeHah. I'm sure he can shed some light on this for you. ^_^

Now. I'm not saying women on a WHOLE are bad when they do the latter. They're probably just trying to save face or protect your emotions. They'll play games, they'll avoid the truth - whatever it takes. Sometimes, it's not a BAD move so much as a confused move. Other times, it's just pure, plain, self-interested manipulation.

A lot of women like to have men around who are interested in them because it makes them feel good. You need to watch out for the red flags and tell-tale signs.

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Sometimes, when I'd like to get to know someone better I'll be a little friendly, try to strike up a conversation or what not. Usually, that works but on occasion theres one girl who responds with a mean attitude, a bitch for lack of a better word. She thinks I like her and she's not interested, so therefore she tries to turn me off by treating me like an idiot or lesser mortal, and nine times out of ten it works.

O wow. What kind of women are these that you are picking? Do you REALLY find this more often than not? Thats rather strange. How do you pick them? ^_^

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Is it just my imagination or is she actually playing hard to get? Ladies, have you ever treated a guy like crap just because he liked you (as a friend or otherwise)?

Some women have been taught to play hard to get, but usually, they're not blatant bitches about it like you've noted above.

I think maybe it's best to know how old you are, though. Sometimes, it makes a difference. I think you're in the older crowd, though. Correct me if I am wrong?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm 23 and I work with two girls who I think are attractive, so I try to befriend them at least. One is 20, from what I heard, but she could probably be younger, which might explain it. She was being pretty bitchy today, for whatever reason, maybe I was too nice or something. One thing she did today was deliberately distract a coworker of mine, leaving me to do extra work. The other one is 23, and while not bitchy, she's friendly with mostly everyone else but me. I figured she must think I like her enough to ask her out, but since she's not interested (I guess) she treats me like a total stranger, sometimes not speaking back when I say 'hello' or 'good morning.'

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O wow. What kind of women are these that you are picking? Do you REALLY find this more often than not? Thats rather strange. How do you pick them? ^_^

Not more often than not, perhaps one out of ten. Theres always one girl in a group who's like Miss Popularity. And since I've never been one to follow trends or fads, I automatically don't compute with her. This probably sounds like your typical High School social drama but for me its still everyday life. I'm tired of trying to be a girls friend then getting treated with disrespect and humiliation in return.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Guest

I'm 23 and I work with two girls who I think are attractive, so I try to befriend them at least. One is 20, from what I heard, but she could probably be younger, which might explain it. She was being pretty bitchy today, for whatever reason, maybe I was too nice or something. One thing she did today was deliberately distract a coworker of mine, leaving me to do extra work. The other one is 23, and while not bitchy, she's friendly with mostly everyone else but me. I figured she must think I like her enough to ask her out, but since she's not interested (I guess) she treats me like a total stranger, sometimes not speaking back when I say 'hello' or 'good morning.'

Yea, if neither are nice enough to greet you pleasantly when you arrive at work and greet them, don't pull your hair out over them. (Especially when one of them you describe as being outright malicious.)

Find a nice girl who will respond to basic greetings.

Now, you really should consider yourself here, too. I am not saying there's anything wrong with you or that you're lacking socially - I am just asking if there's a REASON these two women would outright be so ... avoidant. It's really impolite, especially in a work environment.

Otherwise, you'd best just forget about them. If you think one or both are interested (which I doubt), let them come to you at this point. Otherwise, you have little chance in hell.

(Also, it's best not to try and date people you work with~)

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Not more often than not, perhaps one out of ten. Theres always one girl in a group who's like Miss Popularity. And since I've never been one to follow trends or fads, I automatically don't compute with her. This probably sounds like your typical High School social drama but for me its still everyday life. I'm tired of trying to be a girls friend then getting treated with disrespect and humiliation in return.

There's a reason they say "nice guys finish last." While I understand what you're saying - you're trying to be a nice guy, a friend to a woman - women SOMETIMES see this as a door to walk all over you.

Be kind, but not TOO kind.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

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Now, you really should consider yourself here, too. I am not saying there's anything wrong with you or that you're lacking socially - I am just asking if there's a REASON these two women would outright be so ... avoidant. It's really impolite, especially in a work environment.

Yeah, I'll be honest, I don't have the greatest, friendliest, most outgoing personality in the world. I wish I did but you can't change who you are in one day y'know? I figure thats the kind of guy these girls want, which sucks for me because I'm almost the exact opposite, the silent type who never talks much and keeps to himself.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Guest

Yeah, I'll be honest, I don't have the greatest, friendliest, most outgoing personality in the world. I wish I did but you can't change who you are in one day y'know? I figure thats the kind of guy these girls want, which sucks for me because I'm almost the exact opposite, the silent type who never talks much and keeps to himself.

While thats not a bad trait in itself, most women like a man who exudes confidence. It's a strange thing. I happen to not be one of them, but from what I can tell, most like a nice, self-assuring male.

Best to brush up on your social skills, mate.

Here's a tip: Women love to talk about themselves! I wouldn't recommend this with these women in particular, but it's easy to get a woman talking. Talk less about yourself and ask her genuine questions about herself. You'd be surprised at the response you'll get!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

In some situations, I like to just go up and ask flat-out what makes a man attractive to them. As Sass said, women love talking about themselves, and if you can ask without coming off like you're only asking cause you wanna figure out the best way to get in their pants... they'll probably tell you.

But, I also see no reason to socialize with malicious girls. If she's an attitude, leave her alone. If not, the best thing you can do is be interesting. Unique. Find something that sets you apart from the rest of the male population and run with it. Don't shove it in her face or talk to her every day, just enjoy who you are. Again, like Sass said, brush up on your social skills.

Granted, not all advice is foolproof. There'll be women, maybe even these women, who like something else entirely. Maybe they like jerks or badasses. Maybe they like super-sweet nice guys. But I'll tell you this much, no person, male or female, is worth changing your SELF for. That doesn't mean you can't learn how to be more confident or assertive, that doesn't diminish your SELF at all.

FELIPE NO

I can honestly say that I have never been intentionally bitchy to a guy just because he happened to be interested in me and I wasn't interested in him. What a bunch of bitches you associate with.

For me, though, I know almost instantly whether I'm interested in someone. Very seldom has someone grown on me the way you describe, although it has happened a couple of times. Also, I try really hard to be honest with a guy, but sometimes you men make it so hard, either by getting all pissed off that a girl doesn't like you that way or by getting all whiny and sad about it. TIP: If a girl doesn't dig you, acting like a jerk or a crybaby isn't going to make her change her mind.

And Sass is right about the self-assured man. There's nothing more attractive, and there's nothing less attractive than someone who isn't.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I don't think you should turn this into a "why is this always happening to me" thing. You seem like a perfectly fine individual with good intention and you don't have anything to apologize for. I just honestly don't think these girls are worth complaining about.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Also, I try really hard to be honest with a guy, but sometimes you men make it so hard, either by getting all pissed off that a girl doesn't like you that way or by getting all whiny and sad about it. TIP: If a girl doesn't dig you, acting like a jerk or a crybaby isn't going to make her change her mind.

Best. advice ever.

If a girl isn't interested, seriously - WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER to be forcefully attracted to you?

You should be looking for a person who is voluntarily interested in you - without much effort from yourself. Sure, it sounds like a pipe dream but it happens.

Don't pout or whine because a girl doesn't like you (not that you are, of course). Shrug it off and chock it up to HER loss (I really dont know if it is, but whatever).

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There's nothing more attractive, and there's nothing less attractive than someone who isn't.

Guest, see? =D

You really should let go. It's a weird thing to say, but I notice a LOT of men get worried and wound up tight when dreaded [ ig]girls[/i] get involved in their social interactions. I'll never get that - you should just let go and let yourself shine through and make an impression. No one likes a cookie-cutter of a man.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

You guys make a good point. That aura of confidence and assurtion is something I never really had, or at least put on display. Being that I don't talk much as is, my social skills naturally suck [but hey, I'm a good listener]. I'm the type of guy who you wouldn't know was in the room unless you bumped into him. Subilty and surprise has always been my style.

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Sass's comments made me think of a few things that could add some different facets to this discussion.

A lot of people seem to think that when guys get angry or upset when rejected, it's because they want a woman to feel something she doesn't feel. I've found that it's easy to accept if she truly doesn't feel it, but when it seems like she does, or has in the past, and is just refusing it now, that's what's aggravating. We all know attraction isn't a choice, but it is a choice to grab onto the "sparks" of attraction when they're made, or not. And when a woman doesn't, for seemingly no good reason, that is what upsets a guy - because he saw something worthwhile in that, and she didn't. This can be especially frustrating if she is always saying what a great guy he is. I've even had a girl tell me I met all the criteria for her "perfect guy" ... and admit that attraction had sparked once or twice, but that she just didn't want to grab hold.

I personally have my own ideas as to why all this is... but I thought I'd get some other opinions as well, and try to add another angle to the discussion.

EDIT: Guest, I am (or was) very similar to what you just described. Girls have always told me I was a "good listener" and that it seemed I really communicated with them and really understood. But that never got me anywhere. Now I've learned how to balance listening with assertion, so that I'm not just their personal diary, and it's changed some things. For one... well, like I said, I'm not their diary. So they don't think of me JUST as someone they run to with all their problems.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Ayos, that "spark" you speak of is ESSENTIAL. I call it "chemistry" but whatever...it means the same thing. Here's what you have to understand, though. Sometimes it's there for a little while, then it's gone. And when it's gone, it's gone. Getting frustrated that the girl isn't trying hard enough to keep hold of that spark is like pissing into the wind. When she realizes - for whatever reason - that the chemistry that used to be there is gone, there's usually no getting it back.

Sometimes it happens for the silliest reasons, I will admit, but there's nothing she can do about it. Giving her a hard time, or getting angry or pouty will only make her feel less attracted to you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Oh, I myself understand that. I was just saying, this is the subtle difference between guys getting upset that a girl won't force herself to be attracted to him, and guys getting upset that there WAS a spark but she said "oh... well, nevermind." And yeah, when it's gone, it's gone. Maybe someday later you can recreate it, but no dice for the here and now.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Girl = Emotions use to make chooices
Guy = Logic to make chooices

Simple as that.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Von_Ronsenberg

Girl = Emotions use to make chooices
Guy = Logic to make chooices

Simple as that.

That's really simplifying it a little too much.

Are you implying women are less logical than men in decision-making?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

He who dares, wins. In other words, if you don't put anything of yourself on the line you can't gamble on getting anything in return. Just have the confidence to make the most of what god (or Darwin) gave you, but be more active rather than passive.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

If a girl isn't interested, seriously - WHY WOULD YOU WANT HER to be forcefully attracted to you?

You should be looking for a person who is voluntarily interested in you - without much effort from yourself. Sure, it sounds like a pipe dream but it happens.

I've always thought this. And if these two girls are giving you the cold-shoulder and being completely bitchy, why bother? I'm sure there is a girl who will smile and say "hello" when you greet her rather than ignoring you. I think playing hard to get is more trouble than it's worth; women should just be straight shooters when it comes to this.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

I think playing hard to get is more trouble than it's worth; women should just be straight shooters when it comes to this.

While it would be NICE, it would take half the fun out of "the chase." I know a LOT of guys enjoy the chase - being intenionally played with, flirted with, toyed with. Not in a malicious way! Just in the flirtatous, playful kind of way.

You men love the chase. If women were straight-shooters all the time, you'd all shit your pants. Don't even act like that. ^_^

Part of a women's alleged "allure" is her mystique and graciousness. A woman is SUPPOSED to be a mystery to you. You just keep coming back for more. Just know when the mystery and allure is costing you too fucking much.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Von_Ronsenberg

Girl = Emotions use to make chooices
Guy = Logic to make chooices

Simple as that.

HAHA!

Probably a boy. And probably less than 15.

Who knows though, there ARE some adult guys who believe this. How they could ever be in a meaningful relationship with a woman I can never understand. That was indeed an oversimplification.

That was really funny Von Rosenberg.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?