HAY GUYS

Paco · 12:27 AM

Originally Posted by Denicalis

Yea, I hear about three days later that not only is she married, she's married to my english prof. Railed her even harder after that. Fucker gave me a 79.

Yeah man. Marriage is kind of a dealbreaker for me too. I dated this girl from Bakersfield for about 7 months too and then one day she just wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me, "Charlie knows about us."

???

"Who the fuck is Charlie?"
"My husband"

You. Have got. To be. KIDDING!

I left that night and I never so much as stop for gas in Bakersfield on my way to L.A. anymore. That town left a bitter taste in my mouth... In more ways than one. :/

Double Post:

Originally Posted by FallDragon

I can't tell if you're lying or not. For your sake I hope you are.

Whether he's lying or not, it's fucking genius and you can't deny it.

I was speaking idiomatically.

No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:28 PM

Originally Posted by Reznor

Hahahaha. HOOOOO BOOOOOY.
I don't think I'll ever have a story to top that one. Not even on my deathbed.

You good sir, win 500 internets.

Let me guess, she had no ring?

She started wearing the ring after I found out about the marriage. It worked for me. Like I said, I really hated that prof. As such, seeing his wedding ring blurred as his wife worked over my dick? Fucking genius.

Originally Posted by EncephaROX0RZ

Yeah man. Marriage is kind of a dealbreaker for me too. I dated this girl from Bakersfield for about 7 months too and then one day she just wakes me up in the middle of the night to tell me, "Charlie knows about us."

???

"Who the fuck is Charlie?"
"My husband"

You. Have got. To be. KIDDING!

I left that night and I never so much as stop for gas in Bakersfield on my way to L.A. anymore. That town left a bitter taste in my mouth... In more ways than one. :/

Were you at least tempted to yell "HOLY FUCK! CHARLIE IN THE TREES!"?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Paco · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 10:32 PM

You know... Right about now, anything else to say would have been better than, "Wait... Are you serious? I um... Gotta... Go."

I went out like a punk bitch.

FELIPE NO

No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by Encephalon

You know... Right about now, anything else to say would have been better than, "Wait... Are you serious? I um... Gotta... Go."

I went out like a punk bitch.

Seriously. In that instance, you just bust out the "Hory Fuck! You must be Kidding. You are one rame chick." Engrish is the ultimate diss.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

FallDragon · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

She started wearing the ring after I found out about the marriage. It worked for me. Like I said, I really hated that prof. As such, seeing his wedding ring blurred as his wife worked over my dick? Fucking genius.

Deeply seeded anger issues much? Seriously, it sounds like this story should end with "Then I strangled the bitch to death and poured her blood into my profs coffee one morning as I said with a smile, 'This is how your wife said you like your coffee."

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No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:39 PM

Originally Posted by FallDragon

Deeply seeded anger issues much? Seriously, it sounds like this story should end with "Then I strangled the bitch to death and poured her blood into my profs coffee one morning as I said with a smile, 'This is how your wife said you like your coffee."

No, I liked -her-. She was fantastic. I didn't like him, so fucking his wife made me happy. It's not like I raped his daughter for revenge. I just didn't stop fucking his wife after I found out they were married. Apples and oranges.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

FallDragon · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 07:43 AM

Quote:

It's not like I raped his daughter for revenge.

That's because it might've been incest. :love:

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by FallDragon

That's because it might've been incest. :love:

O SNAP. Fall brings the funny to this party, I see. And no, she never got pregnant. Literally. Not even with him.

However, another dealbreaker story. I go to a party, I get hammered, I go upstairs with this girl and we start fooling around. I rock out with my cock out, she jams out with her clam out and we get it on like Donkey Kong. Two days later, it happens again. Third day comes around and, with my tongue buried inside her she says "I think you should know, you'll always come second to Jesus Christ in my life." I fucking laugh. Har har joke, right? NO FUCKING JOKE. SHE PULLS OUT THE BIBLE AND TELLS ME SHE CAN'T BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE LIKE SHE DOES. My classy reply? "Wait, what? I know Jesus chilled with prostitutes, but what the fuck?" And that's why Deni is the Casanova of our age. His ability to sweet talk the ladies.

Funny story. A buddy of mine married that girl three months ago. He thought she was a virgin. She'd fucked two of the guys in the party. We don't have the heart to tell him.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

FallDragon · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 07:55 AM

Quote:

Third day comes around and, with my tongue buried inside her she says "I think you should know, you'll always come second to Jesus Christ in my life."

LOL. I don't even know what I would say to that shit. Something like "I hope Jesus Christ is your name for my penis."

Seriously, people who are desperately Christian are a sad folk.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Paco · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by Denicalis

"I think you should know, you'll always come second to Jesus Christ in my life." I fucking laugh. Har har joke, right? NO FUCKING JOKE. SHE PULLS OUT THE BIBLE AND TELLS ME SHE CAN'T BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE LIKE SHE DOES.

You mean the fact that you'd already reamed her three ways from Sunday didn't cross her mind before she pulled the "Jesus" card? Oh that's fucking classic.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

julia · Mar 13, 2006, 12:57 AM

You know, a chick who will pull out a bible while a guy has his tongue in her twat is just plain scary. And would surely be a dealbreaker for me if I was giving a guy a bj and he whips out the good book.

Good lord, that just blows my mind someone would do that in the middle of sex.

FELIPE NO

Fjordor · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 01:58 AM

Originally Posted by FallDragon

Seriously, people who are desperately Christian are a sad folk.

No, people who say they are Christian and have no idea what it means are sad folks.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Paco · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:01 PM

I think that's what he meant by "desperately christian", oh ye crusader of Christ.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 12:01 AM

Originally Posted by julia

You know, a chick who will pull out a bible while a guy has his tongue in her twat is just plain scary. And would surely be a dealbreaker for me if I was giving a guy a bj and he whips out the good book.

Good lord, that just blows my mind someone would do that in the middle of sex.

Exactly what scared me. Not that she was religious. That's fine. Religon is great. Keen, even. Jesus is my homeboy. But when it's all "Do you know we have a common friend? Jesus Christ?" That shit is FRIGHTENING.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

FallDragon · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 08:02 AM

Quote:

No, people who say they are Christian and have no idea what it means are sad folks.

Yea, that's basically my definition for desperately Christian, they're in it for Heaven, not for how to live their life. The mentality is "Oh shit Jesus is watching this guy eat me out, he'll be angry and not let me into heaven. I better make it a threesome with the Lord! *gets Bible out*"

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Paco · Local time: Mar 12, 2006, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by FallDragon

"Oh shit Jesus is watching this guy eat me out, he'll be angry and not let me into heaven. I better make it a threesome with the Lord!" *gets Bible out*

See... It's posts like this that REALLY make me wish that we had a thread specifically dedicated for "Quotes out of Context" from the boards themselves, not IRC.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Fjordor · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 03:01 AM

Originally Posted by FallDragon

"Oh shit Jesus is watching this guy eat me out, he'll be angry and not let me into heaven. I better make it a threesome with the Lord! *gets Bible out*"

Pure heretical hilarity gold. XD

I was speaking idiomatically.

Azral · Mar 13, 2006, 01:01 PM

If the girl mentions or hints to the fact that they dislike videogames... The connection is pretty much over right then and there.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

valiant · Mar 13, 2006, 01:54 PM

Oh man girls who like to participate in stupid activities that guys like (i.e games) are truely solid gold...for it shows flexibility and willingness to accept new things.

FELIPE NO

Hush and Cool · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 08:53 PM

Quote:

If the girl mentions or hints to the fact that they dislike videogames... The connection is pretty much over right then and there.

You do realize that the majority of girls don't like videogames, right?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Paco · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by Hush and Cool

You do realize that the majority of girls don't like videogames, right?

Where exactly are you getting your impeccable figures and percentages, oh wise one?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Reznor · Mar 13, 2006, 11:29 PM

Originally Posted by Encephalon

Where exactly are you getting your impeccable figures and percentages, oh wise one?

I think Google.com.
I believe he used his fat fingers to look up these statistics.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Paco · Local time: Mar 13, 2006, 09:36 PM

Yes, the lack of actual numbers only adds to the integrity and credibility.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Elcee · Local time: Mar 16, 2006, 12:02 PM

Definitely not a breaker, but I've just come by the fact that my gf is the 'never been kissed' type. She claims to have been but the pudding is a different flavor. This makes my life a speck more interesting. What do I do, guys and gals? I've never been in this situation. How might I go about this nonchalantly?

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No. Hard Pass. · Local time: Mar 16, 2006, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by Elcee

Definitely not a breaker, but I've just come by the fact that my gf is the 'never been kissed' type. She claims to have been but the pudding is a different flavor. This makes my life a speck more interesting. What do I do, guys and gals? I've never been in this situation. How might I go about this nonchalantly?

Are you saying your girlfriend claims to have been nailed, but doesn't seem like she has? Did you ever consider she may just be awful at whatever it is that tipped you off?

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