Your Relationship with your Parents

Old and young, stupid and intelligent, we all have parents.

How is your relationship with the people who brought you into the world? Are you very close to them? Do you confide in them? Have you grown away from them? Do you resent them for something?

I have a bizarre relationship with my mother and father. They've been divorced since I was 8 or so, and there was a lot of turbulence involved with said divorce.

I love both my mother and father dearly, but I have a love/hate relationship with my father. We're a lot alike, and we butt heads more often than necessary.

When I was a teenager, I really held something against him. But these days, we live peacefully (most of the time) and appreciate each others' presence.

How do you get along with your folks?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well, my relationship with my parents is non-existent. My family is the definition of "dysfunctional," and I grew up with neither my mother or father. (I was raised by my grandmother, which was a vicious cycle of neglect and conflict... =/) My whole view on the "family" concept, as such, is pretty skewed.

However, most of my friends have the sweetest parents in the world, but they (the friends) dislike them (the parents) because they're "overbearing" or something. This literally hurts me because I never had anything like that, and I can't imagine what it be like to have parents that act like they cared that much. But I guess it's my background that allows me to have such appreciation.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I get along very well with my parents and I do indeed love them dearly. Of course, I could do without them endlessly getting worked up about small stuff (HAVE YOU FED THE FISH YET? NOO!).

I do not confide in them much (if at all), though -- but, then again, come to think of it.. I barely confide in anyone at all. I mostly just talk with them about daily, mundane stuff (most of the time). Although I have recently began to talk more about my future (as in education) with my dad.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Lee, I was thinking along those same lines yesterday. My parents pretty much let me do whatever I wanted as a child/teenager. They weren't strict at all. I was thinking about the best friend that I had growing up and how her dad used to take pictures of her and her sister all the time and her mom was always making clothes for them. They used to take actual vacations, which my family never did. Their dad used to take them fishing, and their mother taught them how to do things like sew, garden, etc. I remember once they remodeled their attic and made an awesome room for my friend and her sister, and it occurred to me that my own parents didn't really spend time (let alone money) on me or my siblings.

I love my parents, but depriving your children of simple things like time and attention really have a lasting effect. My parents are good people and I respect and love them a lot, but I wish I had had a different childhood...one more like my friend had.

As far as my relationship with them goes, we have a pretty good one, althought I do think I'm overly concerned with what they will think or say about the decisions I make. Also, they have a BAD track record of meddling in my parental decisions with my own children and undermining my authority with my children, which has caused major, major problems in my family.

I can't help but love them, though.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

I love my parents, but depriving your children of simple things like time and attention really have a lasting effect. My parents are good people and I respect and love them a lot, but I wish I had had a different childhood...one more like my friend had.

I agree entirely. I think if you're going to produce some offspring, you should be absolutely sure that you're going to be able to provide them time and attention that ALL CHILDREN need.

It seems like so many people plop their kids down in front of a television set and let that babysit them. I understand that its really HARD to raise kids in todays day and age where the cost of living requires two parents to work - but if you're going to reproduce, you should ensure that your kids will have enough of your attention and guidance to help them with their growth.

Not to knock anyone's parents, of course. We're all human and we all fuck up. But it just seems to me like so many people in the world today don't give a shit.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Lee-chan

Well, my relationship with my parents is non-existent. My family is the definition of "dysfunctional," and I grew up with neither my mother or father. (I was raised by my grandmother, which was a vicious cycle of neglect and conflict... =/) My whole view on the "family" concept, as such, is pretty skewed.

Same here. I have no relationship with either one of them and I have no real desire to have one with either one of them. Before you go telling me I should appreciate them and whatnot, please understand there's a valid reason for my indifference. It has nothing to do with past teen angst or anything like that. If you want to know, PM me.

I've basically been raising myself, I guess. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my father disappeared. I was left with my mother, who wasn't really there to begin with...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My relationship with my parents is not exactly what I would like it to be.
I myself have grown up in a home that is not hostile at all, but there is little closeness between me and my parents. Occasionally, I will divulge a few feelings of mine to my mom but nothing too deep, and I never really have any personal discussions with my dad. Usually my discussions with my father are limited to just matters of intellect.
Unfortunately as well, there was not a whole lot of explicit displays of affection in our family, so I seem to have trouble doing the same with others. Although, my parents definitely show love in more subtle and implicit ways. One time I had a conversation with my dad about how our family operated (and this was a very strained conversation, to say the least) and he was basically saying that he ran our family so that love was something that was inherently understood in how we interact, and did not need to be overtly expressed all the time.

I guess I feel like that Hasidic Jew boy from Chaim Potok's "The Chosen."

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I agree entirely. I think if you're going to produce some offspring, you should be absolutely sure that you're going to be able to provide them time and attention that ALL CHILDREN need.

It seems like so many people plop their kids down in front of a television set and let that babysit them. I understand that its really HARD to raise kids in todays day and age where the cost of living requires two parents to work - but if you're going to reproduce, you should ensure that your kids will have enough of your attention and guidance to help them with their growth.

Stuff like that almost makes me wish that there was some kind of test people had to go through to have kids.

Surely, not EVERY human is fit to reproduce.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I usually get a long with my parents. I'm 18 now and it's taken a long time for us to kinda understand where the other ones are coming from but we're pretty cool with each other now. They trust me and my decisions and I respect them and their rules (mostly)

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I get along pretty well with my parents. My mom is by nature very nosy and likes to stay as involved in my life as possible, which means that when she asks me stupid questions on the phone my little brother or my father get frustrated with her, but she and I have a good relationship and talk probably 4 times a week. My dad and I talk about once a week, sometimes twice. Growing up, my parents cared a lot and tried to make sure I got what they thought was best for me, and looking back I think they did a pretty decent job. I'm pleased with the way I was raised, and I blame my good relationship with my parents now largely on that factor.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Fyodor D.

Unfortunately as well, there was not a whole lot of explicit displays of affection in our family, so I seem to have trouble doing the same with others.

Yea, I grew up like this too. Even today, I can not for the LIFE OF ME tell my sister "I love you."

Her ex-boyfriend (and a good friend of mine) once made fun of the two of us, telling us how mentally unhealthy we are. "You both want to say it to each other, but neither of you ever do."

If I was forced to for whatever reason, I would break down crying for hours. And I have no idea why.

My father tells us he loves us from time to time, but usually in the casual hanging-up-the-phone kind of way. He never really does anything but assault our personalities - which probably explains why I am such a bitter, hostile, distrustful person.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I love my mother - she is an incredibly selfless human being, but dislike my father. He is quite possibly the most passive-aggressive, petulant, ill-mannered, bipolar person I have ever met, and the older I get the more I realize how fucking crazy he is - really, talking to him is like going in infuriating circles. He constantly criticizes my mother as well, and that pisses me off to no end. I feel sorry for her that she married the guy.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I can totally relate to everything you just said, Sass. I can't imagine telling my brother or my sister that I love them, even though I do love them a lot. It would be too weird.

My parents were very openly affectionate with one another - almost to the point that we all wanted to vomit, but not so much with us kids. To this day I don't like to be touched or hugged. I won't even get a massage because I don't want someone putting their hands on me. All of my friends at work know that if I'm in a sad mood or something is wrong, the last thing I want is a hug. I just want to be left alone.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I have a pretty solid relationship with my parents. I like the fact that I can sit down and talk with them about personal issues, and then a few hours later laugh and joke with them on a different subject altogether.

I guess I am lucky that I have such a good relationship with them. My best friend has a sort of love/hate relationship with his mum, because they don't agree on certain things and what not, but I know for a fact that there is no bad blood between them.

We argue sometimes, as all teenagers do at some point, but me and my parents have never had a major falling out, so our relationship is pretty solid.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My relations with my parents is extremely bad. My father is a spoiled brat that couldnt make his own living toward family, my mother must work hard to schoolin my sis and me. Consequently, I never speak to my mother in daytime, only night will do because she always come home late. My granny is my mother, when she died year ago I cried as if I would like to go with her along. My father and my mother are not graduated from university, the way of their thinking is old-fashioned and conservative.

I know it's wrong to hate parents. But I just cant help it, my mother and my father always give least appreciation toward me. They never come to student concerts which I participated on, the reason is simply because they dont treat me as child, rather because of economic investment. That's what I thought from hourless lectures of my mother keep telling to become rich rich rich so that she will have happy living in her old day (it's common philosophy in chinese family).

But you know, everyone have problem, so all I could do is to become parent of my parent. by maturing myself and understanding their problems, I could
overcome my need to be loved by them.

Originally Posted by doodle

I love my mother - she is an incredibly selfless human being, but dislike my father. He is quite possibly the most passive-aggressive, petulant, ill-mannered, bipolar person I have ever met, and the older I get the more I realize how fucking crazy he is - really, talking to him is like going in infuriating circles. He constantly criticizes my mother as well, and that pisses me off to no end. I feel sorry for her that she married the guy.

I know how you feel, It's really gruesome to have a dad that could be considered a parasite in your house.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by doodle

I love my mother - she is an incredibly selfless human being, but dislike my father. He is quite possibly the most passive-aggressive, petulant, ill-mannered, bipolar person I have ever met, and the older I get the more I realize how fucking crazy he is - really, talking to him is like going in infuriating circles. He constantly criticizes my mother as well, and that pisses me off to no end. I feel sorry for her that she married the guy.

That actually just perfectly described my relationship with my parents, except everything has gone downhill since my mum died. Just add absuive and slightly neglective to the mix. My mum was the one who always made me feel loved.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I absolutely love my parents. They are smart, loving, supportive--i've been told by many of my friends that they consider me very, very lucky to have ben raised in such an environment.

But my father has some quirks that just drive me nuts sometimes. I don't know what it is, but they just annoy the hell outta me.

When he urinates, he leaves the door to the bathroom wide open; you can hear it from anywhere in the house. He'll have coughing and sneezing fits, but will not cover his mouth or make any attempt to redirect the spray. It just goes right out into the room. Late at night, he'll eat the leftovers of dinner that have been sitting at room temperature for five hours without bothering to reheat them to any kind of safe temp--and he wonders why he get diarrhea so often...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

My parents did well to raise me by making me learn a lot about life on my own. If I asked them a question, most of the time they would make me try and figure it out myself. They never helped me with homework once, always saying that the answers are in my schoolbooks and, hopefully, somewhere in my brain. It's made me independent, but I still do ask them for help whenever I get into a jam I can't fix.

My relationship with them isn't very loving. We don't say things like I love you and other terms of affection. Most of the time we just joke around and end up being sarcastic about any given subject. My father and I like to wax politics about world events, but with me being a libertarian and my father leaning more towards being democratic, it's hard to find a middle ground in those debates. My mother and I just exchange jokes and share the same ire for modern television shows. I suppose my parents are just plain vanilla average, if not a little more humorous than that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My parents are pretty cool. We've had our fair share of arguments in the past but i spend more time with my parents than with my friends because they're a damn sight more interesting sometimes. I spend practicaly every Friday night with my parents just talking about various stuff. I confide a fair bit of stuff in them, but not like my really personal stuff.

I'd say i have a pretty healthy relationship with my parents considering my age and my friends' relationships with their parents.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I have always got along pretty well with my parents. More so with my mother than my father. She listens to me and where my father yells over me. I can talk just about anything with her and she doesn’t try control my life like some of friends’ mothers do with there kids, she lets me make my own decisions.
I get along with my father somewhat, but more or less I stay out of his way and he stays out of mine. Hell, a lot of people are surprise I even have a father, I hardly ever talk about him.

I was speaking idiomatically.

My relationship with my parents is pretty good. I get along really well with my mom... We don't really argue alot and we care alot about each other. I still feel the same way towards my dad, but just eliminate that whole "We don't really argue," part. Me and my dad argue about the stupidest crap in the world and we'll get each other pissed off about it also. We tend to butt heads at the whole, "You're wrong, i'm right" thing. We'd just end up repeating details in the end.

Otherwise, it's pretty good.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My relationship with my parents is good. I grown up in a normal home that my parent teach me lot of thing, right now Im very happy because I can talk to them or ask them anything that I don t know.
They alway try to help me in anything that I need, also they teached me about relationship with other people were important.

FELIPE NO

My relationship with my parents are okay. I get along with my mother than I do with my father. She is a bit old-fashioned though and believes in not dating anyone until 21 and no sex before marriage.

My father and I are both incredibly stubborn. In an argument, we both refuse to step down. He usually uses his age and authority to try to win arguments. It's a bit unfair, but I usually try not to challenge that because it's just a waste of time.

How ya doing, buddy?

The relationship I have with my dad, I think, is quite good. We can talk about anything, (examples: technology, army, music, history), and by the tone of his voice, I know he loves me. Sure I argue with him, but it's easily forgiven.

With my mom, I kind of feel bi-polar. Some days are really great, and others are terrible. I'm not sure what the issue is, I guess I'm just more like my dad.

Growing up (and still), I received a lot of love. Although, there were times I didn't feel it. Especially when I was very young, when my sister passed away, it was a rough time for my parents, and raising two other young children would have been very difficult.

I know I've grown apart from them over the past couple years, but the way they both treated me, the way they loved me, the way they disciplined me, is something I will never forget.

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