Dealing With Depression

I've always had depression for the longest time ever since I was 13 years old but I've always tried my best to try to overcome it and not let it get the best of me.

Ever since I made the choice to move away to work, I've been dealing with depression on a more constant basis. I decided to make the choice to move away because I wasn't really doing much with my life back home in terms of finding a long term career that focused on my field of study. I had to make a big sacrifice in order to try to build a stable foundation for me and my fiance.

I just sucks sometimes because I feel so sad because of everything that I gave up in order to secure a stable future for myself. My fiance is back home because it was a better way to secure more funds since it is so expensive to live up here. As much as I miss her, and the fact I only get to see her once every 3-4 months she is the one of a few people that gives me the much needed strength to try my best to survive all the emotional distress I have to endure while I work up here.

I'm just grateful that I have christmas holidays coming up so I can get home to see her and my family for the next three weeks starting on December 14th, but come January 6th its back to the same vicious cycle and its get harder on me everytime I leave, because I kind of feel it elevates my depression even more.

My dad more than anybody understands what I'm going through since he had to go through the same thing I did and he was already married and already had four kids at the time, so I know and respect the fact that he had it harder. He told me a very important thing, when I had to go to work. He told me that life should never be based on conveience, he said that if your not ready to sacrifice for the things that are most precious to you, your not ready to make the most out of your life in the first place.

I guess in the sense thats what keeps me going; short term pain for long term gain. As hard as it is, I will continue to endure it. I could easily go home and stay with my parents, my dad has always told me that I could go home anytime if I ever found it too hard, but I absolutely refuse to because if I do: I failed myself, I failed the woman I love and I failed my family and my friends. I absolutely refuse to be a dissappointment to myself and the people that are important to me.

I'm very grateful for what I have accomplished for the over one year I've been here working. I managed to get a home for my fiance & I, I've managed to pay off my line of credit, I got all my appliances for my brand new home paid for, and I know if I continue to work up here I'll eventually get all my furniture paid off, my line of credit, and my upcoming wedding. My fiance is helping me more than I ever imagine with my depression, because when I eventually have enough experience up here I'll be able to get a full time job back home and she is home to always give me that constant reminder of whats waiting for me when I overcome this challenge. She always makes herself available to cheer me up, but it acts a double edged sword. I enjoy the comfort she gives me but it also reminds of everything I had to sacrifce.

I know in time I will overcome it, and then I can look back on it and laugh at it, and think to myself it was better to get it over while I was still young instead of doing it for the rest of my life.

Even though I know what my goals are and I understand the consequences that come with them. I still deal with depression, and I try my best to keep myself occupied by playing a lot of video games, and trying to socialize, but its kind of hard when you work long hours, and work schedules like 12 days working with 2 off, or working 24 days straight with 4 off. A lot of times my depression gets me so de-motivated on my days off I really don't want to to do anything.

What I would like to ask from the GFF community is if anyone ever had to go through this; how did you deal with your depression if you had any? Do you have any suggestions on how to try to keep your mind occupied. I probably would be able to enjoy myself more if I was in a place that had more things that pertain to my interests, but unfortunately it doesn't exist in this case, since this place is kind of like a boom/party town and I'm not really much of a party person.

I could easily go on a trip to take my mind off things, but I'd much rather get things paid off, because it'll be less stressful for me the less debt I have to deal with.

17 days and counting then I get a much needed break.

How ya doing, buddy?

No one has ever cured depression by writing about it on the internet.

See a doctor.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I've dealt with clinical depression for a good chunk of my life. I'm very aware of how it affects the way you feel towards yourself and the people around you. You shouldn't need to deal with this without help. Go see a doctor.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

While they are a possibility, doctors, drugs and psychiatry aren't necessarily the answers to everyone. You may also consider implying yourself in a spiritual activity or search among alternative medicines.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Slightly off topic, but if you don't mind me asking, what sort of work do you do that has you working straight for 12 days with then only 2 days off?

You must be working some extremely long hours. Sure, work may allow you to take your mind off your fiance, but the less time you have to actually relax the more stressed and depressed you will get I'd argue.

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I wouldn't take medications unless you consider the following:

1.) Are you depressed because of how life is going?

or

2.) You have a good life, however you are depressed for no logical reason?


If it's 1, at the most, see a psychologist. You could always reevaluate how you are living your life and make drastic changes to improve your perception on life.

If it's 2, go see a doctor and get medications.

Just advice from a random schmoe on the forums.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The only cure for depression is to not be depressed. Accept your position in life and stop moping. We all get anxious, we all have concerns over the unknown. That's normal, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't act like there is.

If you don't like your current status, change it. If you acknowledge that your current status is an investment for the future, then accept what you've chosen with the satisfaction of knowing that you'll be better off for it. If you don't truly believe you'll be better off, then why are you sticking around?

Forget drugs like Zoloft and Wellbutrin. They don't fix a damned thing, they just mask the symptoms. Wellbutrin doesn't mend relationships. Zoloft doesn't find you a better job. Don't rely upon drugs to do what you should've been doing yourself all this time.

I speak from experience. I've been depressed twice in my life, felt as though I'd lost all control and that I had no direction. Each struggle was short-lived because I made myself get up and deal with it. Sometimes it requires a lot of patience. Sometimes it requires fighting the odds. It can be done. I've done it.

If you don't believe you can do it, it'll never get done. Moping solves very little.

FELIPE NO

Ignore this doctors and drug bullshit: that'll do far more harm than good.

What I've found to help the most is to take things in small bits. Don't think about the entire marathon you have to run. Just focus on getting next step. That helps a lot.
And also general patience. Learn to be patient. When things go bad, sigh, and take it again in small bits. Don't allow yourself to be pissed off because blowing a gasket begats blowing more gaskets until all you do is blow gaskets. So just sigh, ackowledge things went wrong (in a HEALTHY way), smile, and keep chipping away at it.
When things are really desperate (when you feel like you're falling down and you don't really even want to stop), just talk to somebody. Don't find a goddamn doctor. Go out and volunteer instead of playing games. Volunteer for a few hours, and talk to that old lady chatterbox. As stupid as it sounds, I'v found that just talking, about anything, really helps.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I think it's as ridiculous to say that no one should take medication for depression/anxiety as to say that everyone should every little time there is a decrease in mood. For goodness' sakes, try to get a balanced opinion! Psychologists can be very helpful in sorting out your thoughts, and if that doesn't seem to do it to you, perhaps then you could seek the psychiatrist route. (Edit: Crunchy hit it on the nose.)

Also, if you are as busy as it seems, perhaps the stress and wear-and-tear on your body is bringing you down emotionally; anyone can turn into a nervous wreck when they don't get enough sleep. Sunlight is also a key component--if you can find just 30 minutes out of each day to bask in the sun for a bit, you might notice an improvement in mood.

Your situation sounds tough, man. I can't imagine being away from a fiance for 3-4 months at a time; it sounds brutal. You know, though... Things don't have to be financially perfect for you to marry... How far off are you thinking this wedding is? If you already have a house, well, that's huge (heh, that was kinda funny). Also, does the cost of the wedding fall entirely on your shoulders (that's not usually how it works, after all)? Why can't you marry and have her move to where you are? Where is the home you bought? There are missing puzzle pieces, here!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Crunchy

There's a difference between feeling shitty because you don't have a job, and clinical depression, which is what he said he has.

The only thing that makes depression clinical is that someone got paid to say "Yup, you're depressed." Otherwise, it's all the same sense of dejection and hopelessness. The duration is the only mitigating factor.

My mother suffered from depression. My brother has it now. They both took/take medication for it and I don't see much benefit. All either of them gained was a convenient crutch, a medical excuse for their misery. "Oh, I can't go look for a job. I'm depressed." The medicine hasn't made them more ambitious, it hasn't bestowed upon them better habits.

Depression is a lack of belief in oneself and in others. Therapy can help recover this but you have to be willing to accept change. And let's face it, you may not be willing to change. Deep down, this strife, this drama - it's what you want. It gets you attention, you crave that attention. I've seen your type - you lack confidence. You don't believe yourself to be remarkable in any way, so being a perpetual victim of your own creation is the only way you can be noticed by others. People are sympathetic, they pat you on the shoulders and tell you you're special, that you're a swell guy and all you need to do is buck up - things will get better. It's a placebo and it doesn't produce any lasting satisfaction, so you allow things to get worse so you can get more attention.

Well, guess what? It won't get better until you decide to let it. You can pay it all the lip service you like until you're blue. If you don't mean it, nothing will happen. Don't talk about the change, become the force of that change. Stop being a victim and do something about your predicament. This is how depression spirals out of control: people grow to depend upon others for confidence instead of finding it within. I've done this too - I'm not just preaching. It's harmful and medication cannot negate destructive patterns.

One month ago, I was severely ill and near penniless in the hospital. I wasn't hungry. I had no desire to get out of bed. I didn't see a point. I wasn't interested in television or my Gameboy. A few people called me but I ignored them. I didn't even want to speak to anyone. That's the lowest I've ever been in my life and it was less than thirty days ago.

I laid there in a hospital bed wondering if there was any point in even trying to recover my health. I'd only go back to the same house, the same job and the same debts. I could've let myself die right there if I wanted to. The doctors agreed: I was clinically depressed.

They wanted to medicate me. They tried. I refused the pills. I had to force myself to get up and to take everything piece by piece. I had to find a reason to continue because I sure as hell didn't come all that way just to give up in a hospital bed. I didn't know what I was looking for, just that the search itself was enough reason to forge on ahead.

Over the next few weeks, things improved. After months of frustration, my financial burden was significantly lightened. I received some unexpected correspondence from a place I'd contacted a long while ago, and they offered me a very appealing prospect for my future. A couple folk I know took a lot of time from their busy schedule to come visit me and make sure I had things I needed - friends I never fully realized I had. My physical recovery was faster than expected and in six weeks, I'll be taking a very huge step forward in that department once again. I'm nervous but I'm also excited.

A month ago, I could've died. Instead, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and decided to find a better direction. In that moment, everything around me changed too. Right now, I'm very optimistic for my future. I've got real plans for my health, my education, my career and my hobbies. In the process, I might find plans for romance. Who knows?

Depression is nothing but a matter of perspective. You're a victim or you're in control. Shit or get off the pot.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Although your stance on anti-depression medication is understandable given that you've seen it have little to no effect on your mother and brother, I'm a little surprised that you would write it off as worthless, Crash. Like Crunchy said, it's hard to pick yourself up once you've reached the point of pretty much giving up. Just because you managed it doesn't mean everyone can, and you shouldn't expect everyone to be that strong. Some people need a crutch to lean on for a bit before they can pick themselves up, and there's nothing wrong with that.

That being said, I agree whole-heartedly with everything else Crash just said. No amount of pills or therapy are going to do a damn thing unless you're ready to work towards a change. In fact, it might make you even more depressed in the long-term if you think all you need are pills/therapy and those fail. You need to be ready to accept your past failures as well as the harsh realities facing you in order to move forward.

In Angel of Light's case, I don't buy it that you've been flat-out depressed since you were 13. I'm sure there were various reasons that came and went over the years that left you with little break in between that made it seem like one big streak of depression, but identifying those factors is the key to getting out of it. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're on the right track. I'd only recommend meds to someone who's contemplating suicide and you don't seem to be anywhere near that point. Therapy might not be a bad idea if only to get you thinking about ways to improve your situation, but since your current issue is saving money I'd only do that if your job provides for a few sessions in your health plan. It's painful waiting for that undetermined date in the future when everything will be peachy, but sometimes that's the only thing that can be done.

What you should do is find a way to have your fiance move up there or at least find some way for you to see her more than every couple of months. I'm sure that would vastly improve your outlook on things. You should be more worried if you weren't horribly depressed about leaving your fiance behind for months at a time.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Something people don't realize is that depression medication will only treat the symptoms and not the causes. And most times it's more of a physical/bio-chemical problem than a mental one actually.

Read this. It has a lot of info on why depression is actually more of a nutritional disorder. I hope it will help you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by niki

While they are a possibility, doctors, drugs and psychiatry aren't necessarily the answers to everyone. You may also consider implying yourself in a spiritual activity or search among alternative medicines.

Originally Posted by neus

What I've found to help the most is to take things in small bits. Don't think about the entire marathon you have to run. Just focus on getting next step. That helps a lot.....When things are really desperate (when you feel like you're falling down and you don't really even want to stop), just talk to somebody. Don't find a goddamn doctor. Go out and volunteer instead of playing games. Volunteer for a few hours, and talk to that old lady chatterbox. As stupid as it sounds, I'v found that just talking, about anything, really helps.

Originally Posted by nanaman

Something people don't realize is that depression medication will only treat the symptoms and not the causes....

I'm with these guys. I have dealt with depression in the way these three people explained with something I would like to add.
Determining your future goals. How do you see yourself now? Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

A plan formed with the council wise and experienced people works.
My plan is to take care of my body with diet and exercise, maintain positive helpful relationships, not hold tightly to "things" and see the world from a point of view that has me in a raging river flowing to a positive destination.

You may have a brain chemistry problem but do all that you can to manage it with your frame of mind. Make the effort to smile at people they smile back and it helps trust me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I've had depression for ten years now and I'm still depressed. It started when I entered high school. I hated it so much, yet there wasn't anything that I could do about it. Failing numerous classes and my teen-frustration phase bordered on eventual apathy and almost dropping out. I somehow still managed to get my diploma, but all of my college years were pretty much the same way because of my depression. I'm also a loner, so by the end of the day, I realize that I'm still the only one without a circle of friends to call my own which makes the depression worse. Because of depression, I started avoiding people, thinking no one really cared anyway (something I still believe today) and used to stay in my room talking to myself. After ten years though, I feel that I can't return to the my old self where I had a more positive outlook. I really don't know how to cope with depression. I just repress myself, because I know people will only tell me "there are others suffering more than you." That's not what I need to hear.

Before going to bed every night, I just wish that I never woke up again. It always feels like everyone else's lives are so much better than mine. Everyone is productive and responsible and have dreams and have friends that encourage/support them. I don't have any of that, so I feel worthless every day. I pretend to be positive, just so I can hide the fact that I'm a loser. I've thought of suicide many times and attempted it twice. Now I just feel like overdosing on sleeping pills or something. Many times I think, if I were someone else and had a positive attitude, the reasons for living would be abundant. I can't do that. I can't change the way I feel even if people told me to change my attitude. I've tried many times, but the grief just resurfaces again. I've also tried exercising, going outside for walks and going to the movies once in a while, but that's only temporary relief for me. As for psychiatrists? I don't like taking the same redundant advices as it only discourages me more for some unexplainable reason.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Erisu Kimu

I can't change the way I feel even if people told me to change my attitude. I've tried many times, but the grief just resurfaces again. I've also tried exercising, going outside for walks and going to the movies once in a while, but that's only temporary relief for me. As for psychiatrists? I don't like taking the same redundant advices as it only discourages me more for some unexplainable reason.

I had a friend that sounded alot like you. He was an old school buddy I kept in touch with for years. What helped him was his daughter. He poured his energy into providing for her. I'm not saying go out and have a baby.

Try putting some energy into a charitable cause. I see it in my church all the time. Moms who's kids left the nest, old widows, the handicapped, all involved in something that makes them whole in some way.
I volunteered in a homeless shelter for awhile, not for depression but for spiritual reasons that helped me grow stronger in some ways.

FELIPE NO

I have no sensible advice but I'd like to share my experience, as I've been watching this thread since the first post and every suggestion I would have has been made by Crash Landon and subsequent posters. I've gone the whole 6 feet. I've had psychologists and psychiatrists. I've done every drug, legal or otherwise. I've overdosed. I've lost love. I've been lost. None of that matters. The universe is hostile and impersonal. You're going to have to make the best of it.

Try social drinking or get some toking buddies, or hell, get some gaming buddies to death match with over some beers. The connections you make may help validate your existence. Humans are social creatures, after all. Without society, you are alone. If we were meant to be alone, we would hatch from eggs.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by LordsSword

Try putting some energy into a charitable cause.

I have done that before. I used to donate to children's hospitals and stuff like that. I still help people whenever possible and it does feel good doing that, but my problem still lingers like a parasite.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Donating is a lot like throwing money at a problem. It helps the cause but it doesn't help you. Putting energy into a charitable cause is more along the lines of getting off your ass and doing something you can look back at and see. The key word is energy. I'm not going to assume you're clueless over this, Erisu.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wanzer's right. You're gonna have to do better than buying your way out of depression.

I'll concede that it's not always simple to find a charitable outlet. Many places are no longer willing to accept walk-in assistance. You can thank the miracle of frivolous lawsuits for that. But this isn't to say that outlets cannot be found.

Although I myself am not very religious, church outreach programs can still be very rewarding.
Volunteering at children's hospitals is also a very worthwhile exercise. Some kids are there for weeks at a time and their parents have to work. Many children appreciate someone who'll play Monopoly or air hockey with them.
If you're unable to find a specific outlet, contact a local service organization such as Kiwanis, Lions Club, The Rotarians or the Sunrise Optimists. Any of these clubs will know of several places or efforts that need more manpower and they'll be able to introduce you to the people necessary to begin helping out. They won't be upset or bothered by your inquiry so don't be shy, it's why these clubs exist.

Even if you're not the social type, there's stuff to do. You don't even need to be part of a group. Get a garbage bag and go to the park or a popular place, then pick up all the trash as you safely can. Who cares if anyone thanks you? You've done the community a service and you know what you did. That's all that really matters. But if you keep at it, maybe others will notice. Some may even be inspired to join in. You never know what could come of something so simple and selfless.

It's all in what you put into the effort that determines what you gain from it. Donations are a fine thing but sometimes you need to immerse yourself completely, if for no other reason than to break up the monotony.

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Originally Posted by Wanzer Radio

Donating is a lot like throwing money at a problem. It helps the cause but it doesn't help you. Putting energy into a charitable cause is more along the lines of getting off your ass and doing something you can look back at and see. The key word is energy. I'm not going to assume you're clueless over this, Erisu.

My bad for not mentioning the specifics. Back when I used to be religious, I attended church and took part in a lot of physical activities where helping people less fortunate was a focus. Salvation Army was one of the places. But, if that's not energetic contribution, then I don't know what is.

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

Even if you're not the social type, there's stuff to do. You don't even need to be part of a group. Get a garbage bag and go to the park or a popular place, then pick up all the trash as you safely can. Who cares if anyone thanks you? You've done the community a service and you know what you did. That's all that really matters. But if you keep at it, maybe others will notice. Some may even be inspired to join in. You never know what could come of something so simple and selfless.

This sounds like a good idea. I might do it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I suppose I don't really deal with it at all. I was on Welbutrin and seeing a therapist once a week for a few weeks last year after coming very close to attempting suicide. The therapy made me incredibly uncomfortable, so I quit after a few weeks. No pills without therapy, of course, so that was the end of those, too.

I've had social anxiety as far back as kindergarten, and the depression started in high school, but my life pretty much ended after I dropped out of school and the store I worked at for almost a year and a half closed a couple years ago. That's when it really got bad. I haven't worked in two years; got hired a couple places but quit both after one shift at each place because the anxiety got so bad.

At every stage of my life it seems like there's been one thing or another wrong with me that's kept me isolated from everyone else. I've just sort of accepted that. What keeps me from considering suicide anymore and really turned things around for me in terms of how I think about life is a very, very simple Wilco song called "Either Way."

Spoiler:

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will blow away
Maybe I won't feel so afraid
I will try to understand either way

Maybe you still love me maybe you don't
Either you will or you won't
Maybe you just need some time alone
I will try to understand
Everything has its plan
Either way I'm going to stay right for you

Maybe the sun will shine today
The clouds will roll away
Maybe I won't be so afraid
I will understand
Everything has its plan either way

You never what tomorrow will bring. Might be something good.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I get depressed and no, I don't take medicine to combat it. I just keep myself busy and think of positive thoughts.

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I've never been diagnosed with clinical depression, but when I am depressed, keeping busy is always enough to take my mind off of depressing things and make me feel like my life has a purpose, and I know this is the case with friends I have that have had problems with depression (and ex-girlfriend). I strongly believe that keeping yourself active in your education, work, and hobbies far exceeds the positive outcomes of anti-depressants.

FELIPE NO

The way I deal with depression is listening to music, composing music, occasionally toking, and talking with friends (if any are available). Also, going into the country, to the beach, or seaside puts me in a positive state of mind. That gets me away from the festering pile of bile called humanity.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Depression is a bitch.

The worst thing to do with depression is to allow yourself to STOP. If you stop, you will inadvertently slide backwards. Keep shuffling, keep moving.

I agree with pretty much Crash Landon has said. The important thing is realizing you have the power. The power to change your life, your perspective.

Jam it back in, in the dark.