Gal Pal problems.

Originally Posted by Aequitas

So just see if she wants to get some coffee or catch a movie sometime and such?
Also, when would I know when it is a good time to flirt / how to tell if she is interested in me?

I think right now, you should be focused more on being there for her. Let her come to you.

And make sure it's not in a week.

Although, depending on your age, she could be over the guy in a week. WHO KNOWS!

Are you in uni or in high school??

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Currently in High School, 12th grade. And the two of us are going to be going to the same college.

And by "Let her come to you" are you refering to let her ask me, or wait until she flirts or something?
(Also, if it isn't much of a bother, what are some of the ways you can tell if a girl is flirting with you?)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Aequitas

Currently in High School, 12th grade. And the two of us are going to be going to the same college.

And by "Let her come to you" are you refering to let her ask me, or wait until she flirts or something?
(Also, if it isn't much of a bother, what are some of the ways you can tell if a girl is flirting with you?)

If you're seniors in high school, I would imagine you have a reasonable grasp on relationships.

So. What I am saying is give her distance, give her time. Let her decide when is good for her. You don't want to push - you'll only end up pushing her away. Unless she IS that unstable person I see a bit of.

I really can't tell what kind of a girl she is. She DID break up with him. But she DID announce this shit to people. So.

What I am trying to say (sorry sorry) is that you should wait until she shows an interest in you. If that doesn't happen on it's own, I would wait some time before trying anything.

But flirting? Maybe a couple of months? I don't know. I can't get a good READING. ^_^

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She hasn't really anounced any of this to anyone other then me, so she didn't realy 'announce' it to people.

She isnt really that unstable, its just when she loves someone she'll try to fix the relationship until she's f'n fed up, then she'll just end it.

How will I be able to tell if she does show an interest in me / flirts with me?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Aequitas

She hasn't really anounced any of this to anyone other then me, so she didn't realy 'announce' it to people.

She isnt really that unstable, its just when she loves someone she'll try to fix the relationship until she's f'n fed up, then she'll just end it.

How will I be able to tell if she does show an interest in me / flirts with me?

Trust me, you'll know.

She'll stick her hands down your pants. If she doesn't, it's obviously not love.

I am the wise Sage in the ANGST! forums.

FELIPE NO

I think if she had her hands down my pants I would care less about asking her out at that moment =p

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

So you're saying you're only in it for the SEX?

No wonder you can't tell.

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When you're only in it for the sex it's way easier to tell!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Reznor

So you're saying you're only in it for the SEX?

No wonder you can't tell.

It's called sarcasm, I guess I forgot that doesn't carry over well online.:biggrin:

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Aequitas

She hasn't really anounced any of this to anyone other then me, so she didn't realy 'announce' it to people.

She isnt really that unstable, its just when she loves someone she'll try to fix the relationship until she's f'n fed up, then she'll just end it.

How will I be able to tell if she does show an interest in me / flirts with me?

Are you asking me how you can tell if a girl is flirting with you?

Man. You're a senior in high school?

Just wait patiently. Someone once said patience is a virtue, and he was probably right. You'll probably be able to tell, if you're the intelligent sort. But don't rush to conclusions. She may not even have an interest in you romantically.

I'd say after 6-8 months or so, if she hasn't made a move on you, she's either not interested or you need to step up your game and stop waiting for her to come to you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

6-8 months ? Geez... they weren't married or anything. And from what I gather, she's been in more than a relationship... and since you're both still in high-school... I would say :

Be the 'good guy' and be there for her... should last 30-45 days. If after that point she does not actively still fuck around with the ex... I would tell you to step it up just a notch and tell her you really enjoy being around her and that you'dd like to do shit outside of school...in your case go out for some coffee or whatever floats your boat.

Then, you're going to be perfectly able to see if it's worth anymore of your time... If not, hey... life's a long-ass journey.Clarification :

I met a girl about a year ago, went out with her a few times, for maybe a month, but shit happens and at that time I was a pussy and went back with my ex. When shit didnt last with my ex... I felt fucking sorry for myself because that other girl I had met was such a score... We were still talking on MSN and she had this stupid shit boyfriend at the time... well it turns out she eventually left the guy because she definitely had feelings for me.

What I'm saying is, if you love the girl... you might be better off going out with her when you're 21 than when you're 17... chances are you'll be able to hang around longer... so don't rush things. If it's not in her interest at this point in time... carry on. Live your life and chances are if you're going to the same college, you guys are going to stay in contact and eventually things might be different. You seem like the 'intellectually-oriented' type guy that's maybe a bit shy with the women... and for some odd shit reason, us intellos really don't get much female attention anywhere before college... lol

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by CileGray

6-8 months ? Geez... they weren't married or anything.

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What I'm saying is, if you love the girl... you might be better off going out with her when you're 21 than when you're 17... chances are you'll be able to hang around longer... so don't rush things.

What.

All I am saying is don't PUSH. Unless she comes knocking on his door, I would wait it out patiently. Like you said, there IS no real rush. THey're going to probably know each other for a long time, since they're going to the same college and all.

I would recommend just getting closer to her as a FRIEND than trying to rush into having a relationship with the girl. Let her ripen up a little bit.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Aequitas

How will I be able to tell if she does show an interest in me / flirts with me?

Make a move, pretty much.

I'm not saying that you should make a move at this point, but the advice is in this thread is horrible. It's a one way ticket to the friend zone and blue balls land. You need to establish that you are a sexual being and that you want her. Don't be all dramatic with it either. You can still let her know that you understand her situation and identify with giving her some space and the whole ordeal with your old friend. But still, this shit has to get it out in the open. If you don't, and she's even remotely attractive, some other fuck off will.

Tell her what you're telling us. Just don't do it in a "OMG I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" manner. Rather, do it in a "Hey, I think something could happen between us, what do you think?" manner.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by SMX

I'm not saying that you should make a move at this point, but the advice is in this thread is horrible. It's a one way ticket to the friend zone and blue balls land.

You know, being friends is more important than getting laid - especially if you're looking for a lasting relationship.

But hey - if he's looking for sex and sex alone, then yea. The advice sucks.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I actually agree Sass.

But the fact of the matter is that the typical girl - especially around his age - have two very different connotations to friendships and relationships. He's going about it like the typical nice guy and as such, will probably end up getting the kiss of death ("I just want to be friends") just like the typical nice guy. You DO NOT want this. It it gives you false hope and make you grow tired and hateful.

Therefore, as a guy since we have to deal with this shit, it's best to establish romantic interest first and make friends later.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by SMX

I actually agree Sass.

But the fact of the matter is that the typical girl - especially around his age - have two very different connotations to friendships and relationships. He's going about it like the typical nice guy and as such, will probably end up getting the kiss of death ("I just want to be friends") just like the typical nice guy. You DO NOT want this. It it gives you false hope and make you grow tired and hateful.

Therefore, as a guy since we have to deal with this shit, it's best to establish romantic interest first and make friends later.

That initially sounds SO BACKWARDS to me, but upon thinking about it, I think you may be on to something.

I have no idea what this girl really IS like, though. My brain wants to label her as a sympathy whore, but she broke UP with the guy. So I am kind of FUZZY on her reading.

But if she has a romantic interest in him at all, it will come out eventually, right? I mean, how many guys are CONVINCED they can push their love on a girl and make them like him back? Its insane.

You can't CONVINCE someone to like you, guys. It won't work. ESPECIALLY with women.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

True, but remember that romantic interest is not binary. In otherwords, it's not like it's an on or off state. It's analog. It varies, a lot. The only way she's going to come on to him is if the interest was SO high, and frequent, that she can't take holding it in anymore. There may be a low (even to the point where it's not really conscious yet) level of romantic interest that's there with the girl. However, he has to invoke this romantic interest by some means. Otherwise, even if it's there, she's going to pass him off as not liking her 'like that.' Some other guy is going to come along, and the cycle of him being the her emotional whore to the other guy is going to repeat.

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Originally Posted by SMX

True, but remember that romantic interest is not binary. In otherwords, it's not like it's an on or off state. It's analog. It varies, a lot.

Ahahhahahahhahahaha, do you have a girlfriend, you fucking nerd.

(No. I really liked the metaphor. GEEK. ^_^ )

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The only way she's going to come on to him is if the interest was SO high, and frequent, that she can't take holding it in anymore.

Whats your reasoning, here??

Quote:

There may be a low (even to the point where it's not really conscious yet) level of romantic interest that's there with the girl. However, he has to invoke this romantic interest by some means. Otherwise, even if it's there, she's going to pass him off as not liking her 'like that.' Some other guy is going to come along, and the cycle of him being the her emotional whore to the other guy is going to repeat.

I would think spending plenty of time doing some rather ambiguous "friendlike slash date like" activities together would open a door to these kinds of feelings, yes.

It kind of begs the question of "where do I stand here. We're in some interesting territory, here."

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Ahahhahahahhahahaha, do you have a girlfriend, you fucking nerd.

(No. I really liked the metaphor. GEEK. ^_^ )

I'm a computer science dork, so I couldn't help. :P And just for the sake of saying it, no I'm not in a relationship. More like, I fool around with random chics that I happen to come across.

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Whats your reasoning, here??

I admit not all girls are unwilling to express interest, directly (no stupid ambigious signals), to somebody they like. But most girls keep it in and just sit around waiting for the guy to make a move, especially when they're young and immature. So, unless the girl is just SO infatuated with the guy, she's probably going to chicken out and not say anything.

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I would think spending plenty of time doing some rather ambiguous "friendlike slash date like" activities together would open a door to these kinds of feelings, yes.

The dilemma of every nice guy out there.

I thought like this once too. But after ending up in the friend zone with friendships that seemed so perfect for a relationship, I sat down and rethought my position. So basically I just stop giving a damn about females feelings or forming bonds with them (initially) and just did/said whatever I wanted. Sure enough, it got to the point where some girls started having secret crushes and got all giggly and shit over me. I have some theories on why this happens. But as a guy, after a while you just start to accept that being sexually enticing has to come first.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by SMX

I admit not all girls are unwilling to express interest, directly (no stupid ambigious signals), to somebody they like. But most girls keep it in and just sit around waiting for the guy to make a move, especially when they're young and immature. So, unless the girl is just SO infatuated with the guy, she's probably going to chicken out and not say anything.

Well, yea. I guess the stupid girls do that. =/

But in all reality, I have no idea what this one is like. I almost ALWAYS see a glint of personality that can determine what a girl will do when a man talks about her.

But this one is SHADY, man. I don't know what to think!
The dilemma of every nice guy out there.

Quote:

I thought like this once too. But after ending up in the friend zone with friendships that seemed so perfect for a relationship, I sat down and rethought my position. So basically I just stop giving a damn about females feelings or forming bonds with them (initially) and just did/said whatever I wanted.

Ah, jaded. I SEE. But you know this guy isn't like you - nor as experienced, I imagine, so why advise him like he was your peer, you know?

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Sure enough, it got to the point where some girls started having secret crushes and got all giggly and shit over me. I have some theories on why this happens. But as a guy, after a while you just start to accept that being sexually enticing has to come first.

Depends on the kind of girl you're aiming your groin at, sir.

The "nice guy" approach sometimes works. But like you said, its definitely not foolproof. You take a risk - but without more knowledge, I can offer no more, you know?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well after reading through your conversation here, I have the following info to add on.

When she had a crush on her latest (now ex) bf, she told me (in retrospect) that she was soo nervous about confronting him about it but after two weeks she built up the guts to ask him to the movies. So she seems to be the type that if she likes someone, she is willing to make a move.

And SMX, How would you suggest I make it known that I am attracted to her like that? (I am probably going to wait a few weeks (4-6) before attempting anything, if at all. Depending on her current situation with the as---I mean ex.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Aequitas

When she had a crush on her latest (now ex) bf, she told me (in retrospect) that she was soo nervous about confronting him about it but after two weeks she built up the guts to ask him to the movies. So she seems to be the type that if she likes someone, she is willing to make a move.

To be honest dude, this probably doesn't bode well for you.

She probably sees you as a friend if she confides this to you - and she doesn't think you'll get upset or jealous.

Try working on the romantic aspect in those couple of weeks.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Doesn't seem to me like she's attracted to you, dude. I wouldn't dwell on it any longer and just take your friendship for what it is. Move on to some other chix.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Ah, jaded. I SEE. But you know this guy isn't like you - nor as experienced, I imagine, so why advise him like he was your peer, you know?

He’s not that much (physically) younger than me. I just happen to have a lot of experience. I admit I’m biased, I’m advising him this way because his scenario is extremely archetypal. It’d be different if it was more unique. But tons of guys go through this same exact issue. That’s why they’re sites, books, movies and god knows what else about it.

Originally Posted by Aequitas

When she had a crush on her latest (now ex) bf, she told me (in retrospect) that she was soo nervous about confronting him about it but after two weeks she built up the guts to ask him to the movies. So she seems to be the type that if she likes someone, she is willing to make a move.

Not so fast there buddy. Of course it’s possible that she might be the type. But there’s a big difference between telling somebody you have romantic feelings towards them and just asking them to the movies. It’s not nearly as heavy and thus easier to bring yourself to do. After all, some people actually just want to hang out.

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And SMX, How would you suggest I make it known that I am attracted to her like that? (I am probably going to wait a few weeks (4-6) before attempting anything, if at all. Depending on her current situation with the as---I mean ex.

Hmmmm…usually when I want to get physical with a girl, I just test the water before hand. I usually don’t have to really say anything till were done making out or whatever because at some point of time the “I want you part” gets so obvious that saying it isn’t even necessary. Just judge her responds to your (non verbal) advances and see what you can get away with. Something you should look for:

Can you maintain eye contact without her looking away?
Can you get right up next to her without her acting oddly?
Can you even touch her without her freezing up?
Can you (playfully) grab/hold/contain her?

Basically try these out. If the light is green you’ll probably know it because she’ll probably provoke you into fucking with her. Although I should give you far warning that it’s never FULL proof, ever. One time I had a ‘friend’ in my bed and pinned down with me on top of her. She kept saying “I bet you can’t find where I’m ticklish at.” So after trying for a minute I went under her bra going at it. She didn’t do a damn thing about it, but giggle. When I got around to asking her out, she STILL put me in the friend zone.

So, I guess the best answer would really depend on the type of person she is. If she’s more reserved, level with her one on one. If she’s more on the wild side, make a move on her. Whatever you do though, don’t be dramatic with it. Though honestly, I really don’t think she’s going to go for it. If you got the hots for her that bad though, I guess you might as well try so you can confirm it though.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

To be honest dude, this probably doesn't bode well for you.

She probably sees you as a friend if she confides this to you - and she doesn't think you'll get upset or jealous.

Try working on the romantic aspect in those couple of weeks.

She told me this around a year ago when we were becoming close friends, it's not something she has told me recently. Does that fact make any difference?

Double Post:
Well basically my 'group' of friends I'm in are kinda....touchy, for lack of better words.
I know I can keep eye contact with her for awhile without her looking away, save for at art school because we are supposed to be working.
Getting next to her, yeah, we're all always in eachothers faces.
I can touch her without her freezing up, but only in certain ways
Yes, I can playfully grab her / poke her/tickle her. (though she isn't highly fond of poking)

And yes, I'm not sure if there would be that big of a chance for her to actually say yes, but I will try to keep my confidence up so it doesn't look like I've got none.
And would it really hurt to just go for it and try?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.