What do you do when your family is falling apart...

What do you do when you're caught in the middle? My mother is addicted to pain killers which knocks her out by 5pm...and she has a real problem spending money she doesn't have. She is constantly in the red with her bank account. My dad, upset at the way my mom is, constantly critcizes her about spending and how she falls asleep because he's so frustrated with her. He's tried to get her help, he's tried asking her nicely, getting mad, everything. She just lies to him because she does it anyway and doesn't want to hear his shit.

The comes in my sister, who's in debt up to her ears. She was in the army, but then came back and I moved in with her and her friend. She spends money worse than my mother, lives like a complete slob, and leeches off the government checks she gets in every month. After the lease was up she owed so much money she moved in with my parents. She took a loan out from my aunt to go to beauty school to learn how to be a hair stylist and beautcian, and almost lost her gi bill because she never went to class. She finally made it through school, but won't take the final test because she's decided she doesn't want to do that any more. She won't get a job, she just lays around my parents house. My dad, already upset with the way my mom was acting, now had to deal with my sister. My mom, upset with the way my sister and dad always went at it began secluding herself in her room. My dad finally was going to kick my sister out when she slashed up her arms. None of it was deep enough to actually hurt her, but it got the point across. The rest of my family got involved and my sister's words turned them all against my dad who moved out of the house. He now lives on his own, and it's not easy for him because he owns his own business but doesn't make THAT much.

Now my sister and mother live together, the fighting is pretty much gone because my mom doesn't have the guts to stand up to my sister and secludes herself. My sister basically runs the house. I've taken care of my mom's painkillers because I give her the days worth every day. I feel like I'm babysitting. I honestly don't even know if I'm helping because I found she's had other pain killers she didn't tell me about. So I found them and confronted her and took them. Then the next month she said she decided to tell the pain place not to issue her any and then I found she was lying about that too. The lies lies lies, it's hard to have your mother lying to you so much.

So now my father is thinking about a divorce. I've been trying so hard to keep the family together. With calming either side down about the other, trying to get a handle on my mom's pain killers and setting it up so she knows how much money she has in her account and how much she can or can't spend, getting them all together at my apartment to play boardgames and interact with each other. I'm just so tired. I'm so worn out with it all. I love my family but they don't seem to love each other, and I'm stuck in the middle. I want to go back to being a happy family again, but I think at this point that's impossible.

So what can I do? What should I do? Has anyone else out there dealt with something similar and can share some way to deal with this? Because sometimes, I feel like I'm at my limit and I could just crumble at any second. I want my family back...but am I just being selfish? I just don't know anymore.

Anyone out there? Anyone listening?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Don't ask the people on an internet forum what to do in your situation. Seek a professionally-trained counselor instead.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I agree with the above. Your problem seems so complicated that sharing our experiences seem negligible to how it can help or better your situation.

However, I will say this: when you're caught in the middle, you can't do much else about everyone else around you but YOU need to keep yourself strong, try not to get involved too much, and do what you need to in order to keep your life straight. In other words, keep your own priorities straight as much as possible.

As far as the lying mother, my mother did the same thing to me. She borrowed money from me, got a second equity loan on my name because her credit was so damn fucked up, then lied to me that she'd give me back the money and will send me monthly checks to help me pay for the school loans. BULL SHIT. So what I did in retortment and in spite against that to my mother was complete neglect. I ignored her on her birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's, Mother's Day, and again on her birthday. Finally I said to her if she didn't live up to her promises and give me back my money, I will divorce her, legally and literally. I still make it a point not to call her for any special occasion, especially if she believes a daughter should call a mom on those days. I know it's childish, but there became a point where blood and money could not be separated. I could not care how much blood she shed bringin me into this world, a promise is a promise and this loan was something I was NOT going to be able to afford her breaking her promise to me again.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'd leave.

Seriously. You've done all you can for your loved ones, but they're fucking with you now. They're taking your help for granted. They're only going to continue to lie to you.

Worry about yourself, now. It seems your personal well-being is going down the shitter with your family. I'm all about helping people in times of need, but not at the consequence of my own health. There's only so much you can do.

Get out. Go live with your Dad or something - he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.

Those two broads are going to need to learn the hard way how to take care of their addictions, bad spending habits, and living conditions. They both need to see someone. I would mention it to them upon leaving. "When you guys get help, I'll consider coming back" or whatever, provided you can avoid being an enabler in the future.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

You can't hold a family that doesn't want to be together together, no matter how hard you try, and you'll just destroy yourself trying. It's very noble of you to want to help, and to try to help, but in the end you cannot be the one to take responsibility for their lives. After a certain point, you have to just look out for yourself and let people do what they will. (They will whether or not you let them anyway.) It took me years to accept that, and wish that I could have sooner.

Stop Sign has a point, you need to get the perspective and assistance of someone with actual training.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Try to get your sister a boyfriend and let him deal with it.

Seriously though the counselor and getting the heck out of their ideas are probably the best anyone can give you. You have your own life to live, it's not your job to support your mother and sister.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Hoy, that sounds like quite the trip there.

I agree with the above board members. As hard (and cold) as it may be, focus on your own life. You have goals, right? You have things you want to do, right? Do them. I don't know your age but if you are in High School/College, focus on your studies. You have to make sure your life is in order. It helps no one if you give up all your free time, your grades, etc. and leave yourself stressed to the point of a breakdown.

By doing this, you should also put some distance between all that is going on and yourself. You seriously need that distance or you are going to go nuts.

Keep in mind that they may not be happy if you suddenly devote more time to your studies/friends/interests. They may be angry, or may be cold towards you. They may act like you don't care. However, keep in mind that you DO care, in fact to the point that you are going nuts and asking people on an Internet forum for help. Furthermore, you have to keep your own head above water. What good is it if you also go nuts in all of this? Will it help anyone if you go nuts? Of course not.

I would also advice getting some professional counseling...for all of you. I'm not saying that in a mean way but for your own good. I, and the other forum members can only give some basic advice, but we certainly don't hvae the qualifications to handle this.

FELIPE NO

I don't have much else to add than what has already been added, but I'll just say to never hang your head and always stay tough. Battling through tough times like this will make you stronger for rough times ahead.

Sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she can get off the pain killers. Addictions are a tough thing to beat, but people do beat them.

Hopefully she can get some help with that. Some people can't do it alone and need to be forced to quit, as sad and painful as that may be.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Like Sass said, just leave man. Well maybe not leave, but distance yourself from it. Don't let the ruin of your family drag you down to ruin. Your dad seems to be doing okay. He'll get by. Do the same for yourself. Get your own place if you can, and live your own life. Your mo and sister will spiral down to nothing. If they decide to change, they'll come to you for help. If you want to be able to help them you'll need to be in a good situation, or you won't be able to help them. So just let them go, and get yourself good.

Jam it back in, in the dark.