IDENTITY CRISIS!!!

I've been going through a lot of things lately, and I think a lot of it has pointed to the fact that I don't really know who I am, or who I want to be. In technical terms, I hear that this is called an "identity crisis".

I feel that I've been really malleable lately, I guess, changing shapes to fit whatever role I need to fit in at the moment. I'm the studybug in class, I'm the goof-off in clubs, I'm open when hanging with friends, etc. But all of it feels "fake"; but I don't know what an alternative might be. I'm just left feeling really pointless and empty though as far as anyone can tell I'm doing just fine.

Apparently, this kind of thing is normal in adolesence, but I'm a bit past that stage right now, and I don't think I'm showing any signs of progression. I'm stuck. I literally don't know what step to take.

So, I'm sure that many of you have been through something similar, and some have even conquered this. Any advice or comments?

How ya doing, buddy?

Maybe you could try doing a variety of different things that you've never done before. Who knows. Maybe one day you'll find something you love that you never would have guessed you'd enjoy doing so much.

If all else fails, just try to be patient until you have kids. After that, you won't have time to ponder such things as finding yourself and what you like.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

How old are you?

This is really common, especially for people who are still in school. And there is truly no amount of school that will teach you who you really are. You need to get out there, experience things, and form opinions on things. Try to keep active and busy, just to mold yourself in a more pliable manner.

Theres nothing like experiences that will help you find yourself in a quick and efficient manner.

And remember - its completely natural to be confused about who you are at various stages of your life. You're not alone in that aspect.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

You can also look to old memories of your self as a reference. Who you were before and who you are now and which 'you' felt more like you if that made any sense.

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It sounds to me like your a regular guy {or girl} who knows when to be serious and when to play around. This isn't a bad thing. I mean do you really expect to act the same way in class {and eventually at work} as you do when you're doing not class {work} related. Being serious all the time isn't good, being silly all the time is not good. If you are in a situation and you're consciously questioning your behavior, what are your behavioral expectations for said situation?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Just keep exploring new things.

Within wise boundaries.
I doubt that it would be wise at all to try and experiment with any drugs or sex. Stay away from that. I doubt that you have a calling as a pornstar or a drug addict.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

As I don't like giving out my age here on the 'nets, I'll say I've been in college for a bit now.

Yes, I'm quite aware that there's "a time and a place for everything," but I believe that I'm way too wishy-washy for my own good. It feels like my personality is too inconsistent - even certain values and perspectives I hold shift wildly from time to time because it's what I feel is "appropriate", would get people to like me, or help me get ahead.

I think the main thing is that, over the past few months, that I've made discoveries about myself that have left more questions than answers. And as I've said, they've left me feeling utterly pointless.

I know that "trying new things" might help me get somewhere, but I'd be lying if I said I'm anything less than paralyzed with fear. I'm made some pretty stupid mistakes by doing things that I've considered to be done in the name of "broadening horizons". The thing is, everything I've done like that has been a mistake, most quite hurtful and damaging at that.

So know I sit here, staring at what I just typed, and note that one of my biggest problems is with fear. I'm guessing that this is the part where I "grow some balls" so I can move on with life?

FELIPE NO

The feeling of pointlessless is commonly associated with college, yes.

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Originally Posted by Lee-chan

As I don't like giving out my age here on the 'nets, I'll say I've been in college for a bit now.

Dude. No one can do anything with two digits. Don't be so paranoid. Your BIRTHDATE, maybe, but not your actually existence age.

Quote:

Yes, I'm quite aware that there's "a time and a place for everything," but I believe that I'm way too wishy-washy for my own good. It feels like my personality is too inconsistent - even certain values and perspectives I hold shift wildly from time to time because it's what I feel is "appropriate", would get people to like me, or help me get ahead.

Maybe you're just growing as a person. People are always changing and growing, and you're probably just shedding your skin from being a kid.

Its a hard transition into the real world and trying to find yourself - especially when school usually tells you what to do, think, and act like.

Quote:

I think the main thing is that, over the past few months, that I've made discoveries about myself that have left more questions than answers. And as I've said, they've left me feeling utterly pointless.

Welcome to life. ^_^

We all go through this at some point. Find something you love - absolutely love. Once you find that little niche (and it could take YEARS), you'll find yourself.

Quote:

I know that "trying new things" might help me get somewhere, but I'd be lying if I said I'm anything less than paralyzed with fear. I'm made some pretty stupid mistakes by doing things that I've considered to be done in the name of "broadening horizons". The thing is, everything I've done like that has been a mistake, most quite hurtful and damaging at that.

You're not always going to be a happy guy who loves every experience he's tried.

Take your bad experiences and chock them up to "do not try again." But don't be afraid to try new things all together - you'd be doing yourself an injustice. If the horse bucks you off, just get up, brush yourself off, and climb back up.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Megalith

The feeling of pointlessless is commonly associated with college, yes.

Holy shit, I actually agree with Megalith for once. The world shall now burn in an apocalyptic oblivion.

For the thread-starter:
Just do some dabbling in a lot of different subjects to see what best suits you. No you cannot become a professional gamer (unless you're good, which you may or my not be) or a professional anime watcher so it's best to get that out of your head now. As for whether you're gay or not, can't help you there.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Lee-chan

I've been going through a lot of things lately, and I think a lot of it has pointed to the fact that I don't really know who I am, or who I want to be. In technical terms, I hear that this is called an "identity crisis".

I feel that I've been really malleable lately, I guess, changing shapes to fit whatever role I need to fit in at the moment. I'm the studybug in class, I'm the goof-off in clubs, I'm open when hanging with friends, etc. But all of it feels "fake"; but I don't know what an alternative might be. I'm just left feeling really pointless and empty though as far as anyone can tell I'm doing just fine.

Apparently, this kind of thing is normal in adolesence, but I'm a bit past that stage right now, and I don't think I'm showing any signs of progression. I'm stuck. I literally don't know what step to take.

So, I'm sure that many of you have been through something similar, and some have even conquered this. Any advice or comments?

This is typical as youare no longer within your family boundaries in which in most cases they usually define for you your "identity." Likewise your Highschool also defined your identity through several factors such as your cliches, or clubs etc.... Guess what is stated above, trying new things to suit your need, would be most appropiate in order to determine who/what you are most comfortable with. In my opinion, I do not believe you are going through an identity crises (usually crises with identity occurs a tad later in life in most cases) but rather you are just trying to fit in with a new environment.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hey I think I'm having a bit of an identity crisis type thingy too! I'm 20 and I'm at university, I guess this is a common time for it?? Yeaah well I find I'm not sure how I want to act in different situations...like I'll know of lots of ways I COULD handle a situation, but then I don't know which way best suits me! And 'cause I choose to do things differently everytime I'm coming out with a rather random personality! If you ask my opinion on something, I'll give you an answer that'll probably be changed within the next week or so! Goddamit my brain must be trying to evolve or something! Is this what your talking about?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My friends helped me out when I didn't know where to go in life. They made a few suggestions, picked out traits in my personality, and pointed out other things in me that makes me unique in their eyes. They also pointed out things that I seemed to like doing, which helped me find a place to begin.

I was speaking idiomatically.

One of my main qualms about the situation is that I everything I do lately lacks depth or signicance to me, including relationships. They've really been suffering lately. In fact, it's gotten to the point where I'm uncomfortable addressing any of them about subjects like this. But I suppose I could go out on a limb and try.

While I'm on that point, a lot of the things I... thought... I liked to do, I've been losing interest in - inlcuding games and anime lolz. I've been so inconsistent in so many areas, which is why I'm bugged.

But perhaps Sass and valiant are right when they say it's just... growing pains or something? The only argument I have with that is that it feels like this has been going on way too long and I figured that I'd be adjusted to things by now.

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I must honestly say I'm going through the exact same thing down to a T. I'm in college as well, going for a major in networking, and things feel pretty bleak and hopeless. After the second semester, I found the topics to be incredibly dry and boring. It didn't help that the instructor is a rambling idiot, either.

Right now I'm in my fourth and final semester, and I won't graduate because I've failed 2 classes, and well on my way to failing this entire season. Talk about hopeless.

I understand where you're coming from when you say that everyday occurances don't seem to have any kind of significance. Does it feel like the entire day has just passed you by and that you've almost wasted a day in your life? That's how some days feel to me. I don't have as meaningful of conversation with friends like I want to, and it leaves me feeling like I should have expressed and said more. I feel more introverted so I don't come right out and say what I want, even though I think I should say it. Also, I totally understand about the lack of interest in things like games and anime. I stopped with anime a few years ago when I met someone and wanted to become more mature. As for games, I've found myself caught between thinking that I should be doing something more constructive when I play them, but at the same time, I feel the need to sit down and play to relieve stress. In the end, I play for about 10 minutes before I shut the game off. I guess my interest for games really hasn't gone away, I've kinda realized that there are better things to do.

One thing I can add to brighten things, is that I've found what I want to do with myself. Even though I'm failing college, I want to be a web designer. Some friends and I have seriously begun the formation of our own web hosting and design business. The only thing that's holding me back right now is the immediate need for money from my current job. Things are really taking off though, and it's given me a lot of hope and confidence. I hope you can find the same.

In short: It's just growing pains and if you do a lot of things, you will find out what suits you the best. Finding that activity or hobby you like best will balance out the rest of your life.

FELIPE NO

Thinking about it, I am going through this sort of "boredom" as well...oddly I am in highschool. XD

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Lee-Chan, i'm seriously going through exactly the same thing. In some respects though i know sorta where i wanna go, as i know what makes me feel happy. It feels fake, but it's not and i only put that down to the fact that it is not something i have actively forced myself into before.
My main qualm is that to achieve sorta what i want (or what i think i want i should say) i would have to in many ways disassociate myself from people who i (used to i think in some ways) am close to. This is all up in the air really. It's also pretty normal. Best thing to do is really to keep experimenting, find what you like and if possible try not to burn any bridges or anything, that's the advice i can give. As humans our lives constantly evolve and change, you might wake up one morning and think "i want to do X" or "i'm doing this degree for the wrong reasons" or anything like that you know? it's all relative of course, but don't worry about it. Go with what makes you feel good inside, it'll at least steer you in the right direction

Jam it back in, in the dark.