Need Help Getting an English Muffin Out of My VCR

Today I lost breakfast food inside my VCR in what is probably the greatest visual gag ever.

Now when I try to put a VHS tape into the VCR it will hardly fit and I really have to force it to make it go. Pressing play results in LOUD GRINDING and FRIGHTENING CLICKING noises. I tried several different VHS tapes in case the problem might lie with the cassette itself, but it is always the same thing. The last one I pulled out was actually COVERED IN FIRE ANTS. Fire ants don't belong in VCRs.

So my question is this: could the English Muffin be causing all these problems or perhaps there is something else going on inside my VCR?? I could also use suggestions on an extraction strategy if having a muffin in my VCR actually is causing these issues. Your help desk is appreciated.


I wanted to spend my Saturday morning eating English Muffins and watching Babies Day Out but God just won't let that happen.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

How could you put an English muffin in a VCR that was made in China? Blasphemy.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Just let the fire ants do their job. They are your VCR's natural defense mechanism against scrumptious breakfast pastries.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

What you want to do is to put some butter on a fork and just jam it down in there.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Make sure it's plugged in when you do that.

You'll get more direct access to the electron matrix of the VCR if you just stick the fork right into the electrical socket that the VCR is plugged into.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Ok, don't panic. You will need the following supplies:

- Fishing line
- One video cassette
- Honey

The fishing line can be found at any sporting goods store. For the cassette, head to your local Blockbuster's and rent one out for fear of damaging your own. I'd suggest the 1997 rom-com Fools Rush In featuring Friends star Matthew Perry. Gathering the honey will be a bit more tricky.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Dr. Uzuki

For the cassette, head to your local Blockbuster's and rent one out for fear of damaging your own.

Where do you live? 1990?

Sorry I can't help with advice on this thread, I've never used a VCR as I'm not a fan of 8-tracks.

FELIPE NO

Randi, you are too stupid to live.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I still can't imagine you forcing a tape into a slot already stuffed with a muffin.

Start deattaching each part of the VCR until you can reobtain/dispose the obnoxious breakfast, then reattach it with any ways you can. Done.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Ozma

until you can reobtain/dispose the obnoxious breakfast

Breakfast is NEVER OBNOXIOUS!!!

There's nowhere I can't reach.