Sexual naivete, ignorance and openess

Everyone is different when it comes to their sexual experience.
Some have never had sex, and so can only hope and dream about what it would be like, with an almost naive sense of pleasure - that it will be perfect, or an enlightening experience, and that it will change their lives forever.
For some, it may have.

Others who have done it either like to keep the details to themselves and their partners, maybe sharing the odd story now and then, while others are so blatantly open about sex that it's just so normal for them, while it makes the majority of us blush.

How open are you when it comes to talking about sex with people - your friends, family, people you've just met - and public displays of affection that can be borderline sexual acts - the 'GET A ROOM!' sorta thing.
Do you think EVERYONE should be open to it?
Is there a time and place?
Should it NOT be discussed at all?

I ask because at my friend's bday on sunday, he showed off his new girlfriend.
She is totally different to his last gf. Both are asian (he has a thing for asian chicks, but thats a different subject), but his ex was conservative, though curious, while this one was outrageously and blatantly open about everything.

They would make out at random times, she would talk about her fuck buddies, where to poke her to turn her on, and she even straddled me and started doing humping motions and making the sounds while I was trying to sing.
It made our group fairly uncomfortable, I have to say.

I would say I'm conservative. I'm ok with sexual openess, as long as everyone is mature about it, and not in the mindset of 'OH LOOSEN UP STEVE! HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU FUCK HER! I PLOWED HER ALL NIGHT HAHAH!' sorta thing.
I don't talk about that stuff with my parents or my family, its just too weird.
That's just how I go about it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm pretty open when it comes to talking about sex. I assume that most people understand that it's a natural thing and that at some point almost everyone does it and we're all here because our parents had sex. I don't really understand people who consider sex to be some huge taboo topic.

Having said that, there's a big difference between being open and realistic about sex and acting like a total slut. Kissing and holding hands in public isn't something I'm comfortable with personally, but I do understand that not everyone feels this way and although I don't do it, I don't look down on people who do. However, behavior like you described is just plain offensive, not to mention tacky as hell. She sounds like the exact kind of girl I would like to punch in the mouth...needy, attention-starved, immature and vulgar.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

So is there something wrong with an occasional peck on the cheek while in public? I can understand this to an extent, as you sometimes see people clamped together like limpets, making loud slurping sounds, and so oblivious to the outside world that they'll walk into others. Hand-holding though I can't see much wrong with; what I find a bit more irritating is that thing some people do when the guy has his hand in the ass-pocket of the girl's jeans, as it just looks pretty low-brow and sleazy.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm very open about my attitudes to sex. They are very simple, and nothing that I should be afraid of being open about, because I would never run the risk of embarrassing anyone with my own views. Expressed simply, you could say that I tried it a few times, and didn't like it. Probably won't bother to try it again. That's the beginning and end of my sex life.

I'm also very difficult to embarrass. You'd have to be screwing in the bed next to me before I'd really object, or be bothered by it. Even then, I'd have to actually be trying to sleep before it would actually have any impact on me. I don't see what the fuss is about. I've been around a lot of couples who seem to be almost permanently... ah... coupled, and its something you can get desensitised to.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Soluzar

Expressed simply, you could say that I tried it a few times, and didn't like it. Probably won't bother to try it again. That's the beginning and end of my sex life.

Not to derail this thread or anything, but do you mean to say that you tried sex a few times and didn't like it, or that you tried expressing your views on sex a few times and didn't like it?

Ulysses, I see nothing wrong with a little kissing and hand-holding in public. I just meant that I'm not personally comfortable doing those things. It doesn't bother me when other people do it, though.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Not to derail this thread or anything, but do you mean to say that you tried sex a few times and didn't like it, or that you tried expressing your views on sex a few times and didn't like it?

The former. I really don't see why anyone bothers to do it. That's entirely their choice, of course. I wouldn't wish to stop them.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I don't discuss my feelings about sex with my friends for a few reasons - I'm the only one who hasn't done it (ugly, nebbish), I don't trust any of them not to ridicule me about what I say when I'm not around, and because I've got a somewhat peculiar view of sex.

Basically, I've never done it and I don't really want to. People make such a big deal about it that I don't even want to make an effort to do it. One more thing for me to worry about failing at. I've come to regard it as something that's beyond me, and figure I'll focus on things I can control, which I have enough trouble dealing with already.

So to me it's just another part of life, and I don't mind when other people discuss it. Since I have no experience with it personally, it's interesting for me to hear about other people's experiences with sex, just as it's interesting for me to hear about cultures outside of my own, music that's different than what I'm used to hearing, life in the 19th century, etc.

As far as public displays of affection go, holding hands, a quick kiss, hug, that's fine. But making out is kind of annoying. I've never had even a meaningful relationship with a girl, so I think I look at having one in the same way as some virgins look at sex; like it's some magical, sacred thing. It seems like the sort of thing I'd want to keep between myself and my partner to a certain extent.

Maybe if I ever do find myself in a relationship like that, I'll change my mind. The same could very well be possible about sex, but I'm not counting on either.

How ya doing, buddy?

It should be more open to teenagers to a extent. Most of the time, they get their sexual education from porn and similar mediums, which is just too fake to be compared to the real thing. If people were exposed to how it really is earlier on life, they wouldn't want so eagerly to have a go at it. That translates into less unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'm open with it. I do by no means brag about it, what I have to say is mostly self-depreciating anyway. But I'm also argumentative about it. Sometimes, there is nothing more satisfying than bursting somebody's bubble: specifically, I like to debunk these "technical virgins", holding onto their precious idea of virginity for whatever religious or self-conceptual reasons.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm really open about it with people outside of my family.

Inside my family, I have a hard time telling anyone anything about my sex life. They don't even know that I like chicks, though I am pretty sure they must know by now. I remember Crysta slipping up once or twice about it in front of my sister, and I know my father has been informed that I've been in bed with a chick before. He seemed pretty accepting about it, though I denied it when I was confronted.)

I hide this fact from my family mostly because they think its a form of mental illness, and I'd rather not give them more ammunition to shoot at me with. But I often remark about how "she's very attractive" and so forth, so I can't imagine they WOULDN'T know.

Anyways. With my friends, I talk about it openly. A little TOO openly sometimes, I guess. And most other people, I feel completely secure with discussing my sex life with.

Its just my FAMILY, man. Ugh.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Yes, around family the topic of sex is awkward. I was watching TV with my family once and there was some commercial about some "fantasy" product. I offhandedly commented, "My fantasies are rated X." My mom completely flipped out and basically said to never make comments like that around her again. Ouch.

With my friends, though, we are extremely open about sex. Between ourselves we have talked about some of the most extreme examples of sex imaginable. I also know which of my friends are sexually active and how.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by starslight

So to me it's just another part of life, and I don't mind when other people discuss it. Since I have no experience with it personally, it's interesting for me to hear about other people's experiences with sex, just as it's interesting for me to hear about cultures outside of my own, music that's different than what I'm used to hearing, life in the 19th century, etc.

I have similar views as well. I'm a virgin as well and I don't even discuss anything personal with my family b/c it is embarrassing. I used to open up to friends about past relationships, but now they sort of just want me to be seen and not heard. Anyway, there's this statement that says "If you can't do, teach," so I guess I'm into learning all I can about sex just in case one of my friends needs some advice on the subject (you'd be surprised about how often advice is asked from me about this topic). Oh, and starslight, I wouldn't give up on it if I were you, but I do know that many of my friends have told me that I wasn't missing a lot.

I don't like to talk about it openly (unless it's interesting, important, or I can remain anonymous), but I'm ok with others talking about it as long as it doesn't get too graphic (especially during meals). However, I do get very envious with people who show affection in public, but I don't exactly say anything. I was rasied in a way that made me believe that showing any emotional connection--other than talking--in public was rude, but if others want to do it then I won't stop them.

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One of the most hilarious things happened a month or so back.

My friends came over, and because it was hot, we all went into my room for the air con.
There was a couple of girls in the group, and we were all tired, so I was just on the computer while the two of them were on my bed. The others just bummed around with the DS and the Gamecube.

It was after they left that i realised how conservative my mum is.
She sat me down in my room, and gave me a long ass lecture about how I shouldn't invite girls into my room, and that allowing them to sleep in my bed was wrong. I told her they were just my friends, but mum insisted on what I did was wrong and not allowed to happen again.
Mentioning that they had boyfriends made it worse, cause mum immediately thought we were doing things behind their boyfriend's backs.

Seriously, if my parents flipped out at seeing i had friends who were girls, they would blow up or something if i told them I've had sex before.
I dont get them sometimes.

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I'd never discuss my sexuality with any of my family members for several reasons, one of them being that I'm gay. But there's some part of me that doesn't want my family members imagining me in bed with another guy. I almost want to appear asexual to them. I guess in regards to my family members, I look at my sexuality as some sort of weakness.

Although to friends I have very little trouble with it because it seems like they don't often judge me over it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My friend has that problem.
He's gay too, and everyone except his parents and other family members know. They would immediately disown him if they knew - that was what happened to a cousin of his who came out, apparently.

One of other problems I have with my family too is that because I don't openly discuss my liasons with girls, they think I'm gay. Which, quite frankly, is insulting, even if they are joking around. However, if i DO discuss it in any way, they'll give me lectures and scream at me at how immoral I am.

FELIPE NO

For me, I'd usualy hold hands, kisses and me just leaning on his shoulder and snuggling up to him at the neck but other than that, when he makes a bit of a sexual joke I just feel embarassed (well he appologizes for it when it just slips ) but I honestly agree that some people are just WAY to open about it. As of talking about sex and such with family and friends, it's just... werid; I rather keep all the details between me and my lover.

How ya doing, buddy?

I dunno ... when I'm drunk I could end up kissing whoever. Boys, girls, but maybe not transexuals/ crossdressers. But I'm open to discussion about it in general as long as its not tied back to me. Guess there's some sort of insecurity in there. I

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I'm pretty much completely candid about sex but then I'm like that about everything really.

I don't understand why some people get embaressed talking about that stuff and being the annoying fuck I am, if I see someone looking uncomfortable about any conversation I try my hardest to get them involved as much as possible.

As far as public displays of affection go, it's ok unless two people are practically eating each other. Bad kissing technique should be kept in private...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Honestly I dont enjoy talking about sex, it's too private for me. Because I'm asian I also percept that we shouldnt do sex before marriage. That's just how chinese culture does. Talking about sex is almost taboo.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.