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...My best friend.
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Miki4
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Old Nov 2, 2006, 12:31 PM Local time: Nov 2, 2006, 07:31 PM #1 of 11
...My best friend.

...For short, I feel I give much more to our friendship than she does. What to do? (I'm not sure I can call her 'my best friend', anymore.)

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Memnoch
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Old Nov 2, 2006, 12:50 PM Local time: Nov 2, 2006, 06:50 PM #2 of 11
People change, in time you will meet new people and she will 2..just move on.

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Mojougwe
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Old Nov 2, 2006, 02:31 PM #3 of 11
To me, a best friend is a person who you'll find yourself associating your life with most of the time. The person who you talk about the most random things to, person you ask to borrow money, person you get missed homework from, and of course the person who can return such acts of kindness/generosity/caring-ness. Your everyday utilitarian buddy. Just someone to rely on and spend more time with than other friends. Other friends may be just as reliable, but chances are that you don't see them often.

As for your friend, your complaint is tht she doesn't contribute much to the friendship. Are you telling us that she is just blatantly using you? Like, "Oh hey, I need to borrow some nice shoes for the day, can you lend me a pair? Got $20 I can borrow? Wanna study at your place?" That sort of dealings?

Or is there some sort of other problem going on that's more specific? For a friendship to fail and die out, it simply means one individual is being victimized. Meaning, one individual is often being used for the other's benefit. Scapegoat, resource, chores, etc....

You'll need to tell us more of your problem if we're to really help you out.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Miki4
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Old Nov 3, 2006, 01:12 AM Local time: Nov 3, 2006, 08:12 AM #4 of 11
Originally Posted by Mojougwe
You'll need to tell us more of your problem if we're to really help you out..
* She didn't come to my mom's funeral with the excuse that she had an appointment to a therapist with her BF.

* lately she said she had a bad period & because of that she quit all communication with me even by the phone. ...now, I didn't liked this at all.
- I have bad times too & I haven't broken off our friendship.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Last edited by Miki4; Nov 3, 2006 at 01:18 AM.
Mojougwe
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Old Nov 3, 2006, 11:15 AM #5 of 11
Sounds like your best friend is just plainly an idiot, or a highly emotional person. Break off all communication because of a bad period? What the hell does her bad period have to do with you? It's like saying, "Oh, I lost 200,000 dollars at the casino tonight. BAD WINNING STREAK! TIME TO ISOLATE MYSELF FROM THE WORLD!"

Absoulte bullshit. If she's making excuses to get around talking about these things, then she probably doesn't really think highly of you. So your mom dies, why doesn't it matter, even to the point of a single tear drop, to her? She obviously doesn't want to talk to you about it. Maybe she was afraid of activating any deep emotional pains you might of had and rather not mingle with the idea. Probably afraid of you getting mad.

Plus, she has every reason not to attend your mom's funeral. Unless your mom had some kind of deep bonding relationship with your friend. Such as, the mom who always gave your friend a ride to school when her mom was too busy. Etc, even if it is a minor event of caring, so long as it was done so often to form that bond/link.

Other than that, your mom's funeral is really something you should be worrying about. Dragging others with you because of a relationship they share with you is pretty darn selfish. "Hey, you're my friend (of some degree), you didn't support my fight vs emotional pains by not comming!" If I had a dentist appointment planned, or even wanted to plan one, I'd of definately skipped such an invitation too.

I'm not saying these things to an exactness. This is simply what it looks like to me. You expect too much of this best friend. Get a hint, they're not looking to do the same for you. You're basically a resource tree, want over need.

Also, there's the possibility that your friend may of been as busy or emotionally unstable as she claims. So, if these are the first set of events you're encountering of such action and behavior, you may want to do some more observing and studying. Keep track of what else she does.

I was speaking idiomatically.
Misogynyst Gynecologist
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Old Nov 3, 2006, 12:13 PM #6 of 11
Your best friend is fair weather. You simply need to put someone else in his/her stead as "Best Friend" and leave this one to more of an "Associate".

People are sorry self-involved sacks of shit. Don't worry - I'm sure they're a jerk is all.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
Djinova
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Old Nov 3, 2006, 01:31 PM #7 of 11
Originally Posted by Mojougwe
Plus, she has every reason not to attend your mom's funeral. Unless your mom had some kind of deep bonding relationship with your friend. Such as, the mom who always gave your friend a ride to school when her mom was too busy. Etc, even if it is a minor event of caring, so long as it was done so often to form that bond/link.

Other than that, your mom's funeral is really something you should be worrying about. Dragging others with you because of a relationship they share with you is pretty darn selfish. "Hey, you're my friend (of some degree), you didn't support my fight vs emotional pains by not comming!" If I had a dentist appointment planned, or even wanted to plan one, I'd of definately skipped such an invitation too.
It depends on the friendship. I guess it was something miki4 was expecting from her, based on experience and the past relationship and what she would have done normally...

If you feel your friend is somehow alienating herself from you, also move back a few steps. It might be neither your fault nor your friend's, but just the natural development of human beings. It will save you energy thinking too much about it.

FELIPE NO
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Old Nov 4, 2006, 03:04 AM Local time: Nov 4, 2006, 03:04 AM #8 of 11
I have had a very close friend for almost 4 years and at times, I had felt that I was giving a lot and she was returning very little. That still is the case for the most part today, but I don't bother with it anymore. At the very least she doesn't mind my endless chatter.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
zergkiller
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Old Nov 4, 2006, 06:46 AM #9 of 11
simply said, your best friend must feel that you are her best friend as well. It can not be only one way

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RABicle
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Old Nov 7, 2006, 02:10 PM Local time: Nov 8, 2006, 03:10 AM #10 of 11
Originally Posted by Mojougwe
Sounds like your best friend is just plainly an idiot, or a highly emotional person. Break off all communication because of a bad period? What the hell does her bad period have to do with you? It's like saying, "Oh, I lost 200,000 dollars at the casino tonight. BAD WINNING STREAK! TIME TO ISOLATE MYSELF FROM THE WORLD!"
I think Miki meant period of time, not menstral cycle.
Also Mojougwe, I totally rejecct this notion of yours that Miki's friend is justified in not attending her mother's funeral. We're talking "best friends" here. If a member of your best friends family dies, you fucking pay your respects. Fair enough if they couldn't physically attend but let's look at the excuse "therapist appointment with her boyfriend" I call bullshit.

Miki. I think you need to ask her what's wrong. I'm guessing she's going through some troubling times to be acting this way.

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Struttin'


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Old Nov 7, 2006, 03:27 PM #11 of 11
Originally Posted by RABicle
Miki. I think you need to ask her what's wrong. I'm guessing she's going through some troubling times to be acting this way.
Miki, I think RAB is spot on with this. You really need to ask her to a cup of coffee or something and ask her kindly what seems to be her recent issue.

Frankly state that it upset you that she did not attend your mother's funeral (I am really sorry =/ ) You found it important for her to be there to help you through it. I mean, maybe you best friend doesn't know how to deal well with people in grieving? I know I certainly suck at it. I would hate to see MY best friends crying at their parent's funerals!

It seems like she's just avoiding you for some reason. I really think it's best for you to sit down with her, if you can. Offer to buy - maybe she'll be more willing to chat! ^_^

Incidentally, regarding friends taking advantage of you or taking more than they give, I LIVE in this situation. I always feel like I have to give more and tolerate my friends taking it. I only mind so often, though. I like to see them happy. =/

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
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