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Opinions on a shitty situation needed! Apply Here!
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FannKiba
Memories of Nobody


Member 2366

Level 4.68

Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 05:08 AM Local time: May 9, 2010, 03:08 AM #1 of 10
Opinions on a shitty situation needed! Apply Here!

Wall of Text Inc.
Ok, so I am going to tell you all a story about me and my currently ex-girlfriend. This is a girl who I have known since High School, she had a crush on me then and I was completely oblivious to it, and she was also dating someone at the time, and that relationship ended 2 years after we graduated.

At the time we started seeing each other she was still currently living with her ex-boyfriend and they were dating for 4 years. She broke up with him because she realized that he isn’t the one for her, and he was also a bit of a dick to her as well. So basically she had been broken up with him for a couple months but still living with him (rental contracts are fun!)

Speeding things up now, two years go by and our relationship is great, her whole family likes me and all of my family likes her, everything is just great. The last nine months or so we were living in our own place while she was/is finishing up college, and things are/were still going great, until last month.

Before I go on I will add a bit about her. She has had bad anxiety since she was little, she gets it from her dad’s side of the family and even he still to this day has bad anxiety attacks. I have seen a few of her really bad anxiety attacks and I will tell you right now I have no damn idea how to help her with them other than just trying to get her to breathe and calm down.

Now to continue, the last couple month things got worse, although I did not realize it because I had been playing on my computer far too much than I normally used to. Anyway, one day a few weeks ago she came home crying and said “we need a break” I was shocked, I thought things were going good, but they weren’t. She explained to me that she has been under a lot of stress lately (she is taking 18 credits and this is her final term, and all of her classes are in Spanish) and I haven’t really been there for her, as in I have been playing my games WAY too much. She also tells me that she can’t deal with having to take care of me (which at the time I thought was bullshit because we take care of each other) and deal with the stress of school and the fact that she is graduating soon and will be moving back near home to do her Master’s Program (basically a lot of life changes coming up) She basically asked me to give her space so that she can figure shit out. Now this is a pretty shitty deal, this is a girl I can honestly spend the rest of my days with, and she is asking me to be apart for a while.

Anyway a couple days after I am out she lets me know that basically she loves my family and she loves me and doesn’t see herself being apart from me in the future, that I just need to give her this time and space. Great news right? Yeah I thought so too but this is still a hard situation.

But now it is a couple of weeks since then and I have begun to realize that I kind of became a huge addict to computer gaming the last few months. So I start thinking that this is all my fault, I am not who I used to be, but she assures me that even though yes that was making things worse for her, she really needs space because of her high stress level, like she literally can’t fully commit to a relationship so she doesn’t want to feel like she is in one at the moment. Another thing she told me is that in her 4 yr relationship she needed to get away from him as well to figure things out but that didn’t happen and it just made her want to be away from him even more (although it wouldn’t have worked out with them even if it did happen, cause he was a huge douche cannon) So I am being the good guy here and giving her the space she requested.

It is very difficult for me though, because I am a “What if” person, and I tend to take a negative thing and exaggerate it a lot in my mind over time. I have told her I am going to make the changes that I need to make for myself so that WHEN we do get back together I will be myself again instead of a computer playing zombie. I am still talking with her and stuff and I am trying to make the right decisions here, but it is very hard being away from her. This “break” is one of the hardest experiences I have had to deal with. And I have had some pretty rough times in my past. (Such as taking care of my 4 younger brothers after graduating high school while my mother served a 1 yr sentence not a good thing for an 18 yr old)

So anyway I have realized that it isn’t only her who needs to work on personal things but it is me as well, and I have already began to do things that I used to enjoy and I have started to do things that will help with other things that we both like such as getting MY passport so we can travel together because wanting to visit other countries is something we have in common. I pretty much have another month ahead of me at least until she moves back her for her program. And I have also told her that I would be completely willing to start dating from square one again, instead of moving right back in with her so we can take things slow if she wants too.

I am just posting this because I want to get other people’s opinions on my situation who doesn’t know me or her. She has the counselor I have the coolest forums on the internet. I am not asking for a WHAT DO I DO!? I know that I have to give this time if I want it to work out, just looking for opinions and thoughts on my situation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
Funky Soy Sauce Pringles
Philia
Minecraft Chocobo


Member 212

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Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 06:53 AM #2 of 10
I knew of a starter marriage (less than 3 years) that failed due to this same situation. Complacency is evil in some relationships I know. But yeah, they BOTH got complacent of each other, and then one day its the wife that wakes up and realizes that her hubby needs to get off of the computer and do something with his ass. He was taken back by this but ya know, like usual, he thought she's just being "a woman" and will eventually get over it. :\ And he just swing that chair around and play some more pc gaming. Its very weird seeing him like that.

We were friends since the day her and I had met him. He danced with me first but I didn't take interest in him or anything, she did though. And it was interesting to note that not only he dropped out of a good school to continue this expensive relationship with her, he also stopped swing dancing (his thing for fun) some years later. He was reduced to this hallow husk of a shell in that chair. It was frightening.

My visit there was a temporary getaway from the hell of my own family, and just in 2 days I knew they were headed for trouble. :\ Especially the second day with her meeting up with a guy at Bennigans and we ate together with another friend. I didn't like how she basically resigned to that fact that her relationship with him isn't worth the talk or the reconcile or the wait on the separation. I mean christ, you spent what amount of time with this person? It wasn't very fair... to either of them, but I knew better not to get involved. My friend had had issues before him anyway... so I felt bad for him honestly.

So my advice to you? Prepare for the worst. If she really wants change, she just might get it from another guy. Afterall that's what she just did when she met you didn't she? :\

There's nowhere I can't reach.
Crash "Long-Winded Wrong Answer" Landon
Zeio Nut


Member 14

Level 54.72

Feb 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 07:36 AM 1 #3 of 10
I was recently embroiled in a love triangle with a girl who was feeling some of the same things as your ex-girlfriend. She had been in a long-distance relationship with this guy for several years, until he got his release from the Marines. She then moved out to Colorado and shared an apartment.

Things were fine for a while, but as Philia mentioned, complacency reared its ugly head. I am not going to say she was innocent, as I think both of them failed to communicate their needs well, but he too became obsessed with online gaming, particularly Second Life, for quite a while. She felt neglected because he'd come home from work, head right for the computer and stay there for hours. At one point, she discovered that he was having an online romance with another player; their characters were married and everything.

They tried to work through it; he gave up Second Life and she did what she could to let him know what she needed in the relationship so he couldn't claim ignorance. He thought things were fine. But her stress was also mounting. She was working two jobs, one in which her coworkers did not appreciate her and the other which dealt with many rude customers. She missed her friends and had nobody other than her boyfriend for companionship, as she was new to the area.

This past January, things came to a head. She told him she needed space, just like your girlfriend, and that the relationship was over for the time being. But she really had nowhere else to go, nor could she kick him out as she couldn't afford the lease and utilities on her own. So they remained roommates and were occasionally friends with benefits.

She decided that she'd give him several months to improve himself and make a concerted effort to be better to her, which he actually did. He took her out, did her housework without being asked, bought or made her small gifts, talked to her a lot more, the works. But he'd failed her before and she wasn't so quick to forget. She planned a trip to Pennsylvania to visit a longtime friend, vent a little, and just get away from being confined in Colorado. During this trip, she'd make her decision whether to stay with the guy or move out.

What he didn't know was that she was already being pursued by two other men: myself and another from Ohio, the latter whom she knew only from online conversations. She found herself getting the attention she craved from us and slowly came to a foregone conclusion that she'd definitely be leaving her ex-boyfriend for good. By February, she had fallen in love with the guy from Ohio and was engaged in some very heavy e-sex with him. She kept this a secret from everyone, including me. This relationship was kept on the sly for nearly four months.

Last week, the dam broke. She told me I had no chance with her, and told her ex-boyfriend that she loved another man. Despite all he'd done to prove himself, he'd failed. She is currently on her flight to Pennsylvania, as I speak, where the guy from Ohio is picking her up at the airport, then taking her back to his hotel so that they can "get to know each other" in person.

My point here is that having seen this kind of situation unfold before me over the past few months, I'm inclined to say that you should keep one eye looking elsewhere for alternative possibilities. Right now, she's saying it's not actually over, but she may also be afraid to shatter you with the news that it is. This is why I was kept in the dark for so long; she knew I'd be disappointed and, as a friend, didn't want to hurt me. It's a cop-out but that's her stance.

I'm also not saying that your ex-girlfriend is seeing someone else without your knowledge but it's an outside possibility. She could be interested in somebody and wants to be available enough to explore that possibility further. What you did with the video games is exactly what my friend's ex-boyfriend did, and she never quite forgave him for it.

So my best advice is to brace yourself for impact. She's asked for space and this required you physically departing. Emotionally, you could've just detached and been roomies until she felt better. Instead, she wanted your physical presence gone as well. Traditionally, that's not an encouraging sign.

It's noble of you to want to improve yourself for her sake, but I'd advise against going too far or spending too much money on it. If she wants you back, it won't be because you bought the passport or got nice new shoes, or whatever. She's the one with the real problem, not you. Your solution is easy: stop playing video games so damned much.

Technically, you're no longer attached to this girl. I know you've got feelings for her but you've also been forcibly pushed out of her life using a bunch of excuses that excuse her from any true blame. Fact is, if her knee-jerk reaction to being overloaded is getting rid of you, then she's probably just not that into the relationship anymore. Start browsing around. Maybe you can find better.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.
Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss
Motherfucking Chocobo


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Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 11:32 AM Local time: May 9, 2010, 04:32 PM #4 of 10
If you want to ensure she comes running back to you, don't let her know you're pining away, go out and get laid. It's only when she sees you having fun with someone else that she'll want you back. If she knows you're hanging on waiting for her, she'll have no reason to hurry back to you and eventually she'll meet someone else.

Seriously, the only way to get someone back after a "break" is to fuck someone else, and that's a pretty much guaranteed way to get them back, and fast.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
VitaminZinc
Bad and Evil


Member 57

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Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 12:46 PM #5 of 10
At least you didn't kill your ex ... in WoW--It was only in WoW! I fucking swear!

In all seriousness, though, I think Crash is right. If she's getting rid of you, then that might have just been her easy way out. Like, kinda hoping you'll get over her and go on with life so she can do whatever and not feel guilty in the least.

In that scenario, doing what Shin is suggesting would be kind of the only end. I mean, that's assuming she has no intent to get back together with you. Sad as it might be, you might need to move on or at least try.

That, or drown your sorrows in WoW, D2, SC, CS, or whatever your poison might be...

PS: No one plays Second Life... wtf...

I was speaking idiomatically.
FannKiba
Memories of Nobody


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Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 01:58 PM Local time: May 9, 2010, 11:58 AM #6 of 10
So my advice to you? Prepare for the worst. If she really wants change, she just might get it from another guy. Afterall that's what she just did when she met you didn't she? :\
I guess you can kind of say yes she got change with me when she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, but on the other hand she did already want to be with me since high school. I just was not available so she kept herself in that bad relationship. And in THAT relationship she had told me that she was trying to convince herself that it would work out, obviously it didn't.

But I mean, if this is genuine shit then isn't it good that she is trying to figure out her problems? And the reason I had to separate physically is because she would feel the need to be forced into a relationship, and with her stress it's something she says she can't commit too. She is also the kind of person who wouldn't string me along, if she found someone else she would tell me.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?
Funky Soy Sauce Pringles
Crash "Long-Winded Wrong Answer" Landon
Zeio Nut


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Feb 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 02:27 PM #7 of 10
then isn't it good that she is trying to figure out her problems?
By your depiction of events, she's already figured out her problem.

You.

Consider your eviction the warning shot. If you stick around, the next bullet will penetrate flesh.

FELIPE NO
FannKiba
Memories of Nobody


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Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 03:11 PM Local time: May 9, 2010, 01:11 PM #8 of 10
By your depiction of events, she's already figured out her problem.

You.

Consider your eviction the warning shot. If you stick around, the next bullet will penetrate flesh.
Yeah I guess that makes sense. But then again I am leaving out parts that are a bit hard for me to explain.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
Funky Soy Sauce Pringles
Sarag
Fuck yea dinosaurs


Member 748

Level 53.85

Mar 2006


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Old May 9, 2010, 08:52 PM 1 #9 of 10
What do you mean, what do you do? It sounds like you're leaving it up to her. Is there any reason why you would want to take control over the outcome yourself (ie, break up with her now)?

Additional Spam:
Also: get the fuck off the computer. There's a whole world of livin' out there, and if a woman is telling you straight up that you're on the computer too much you are on the computer too much.

How ya doing, buddy?

Last edited by Sarag; May 9, 2010 at 08:53 PM. Reason: This member got a little too post happy.
Night Phoenix
The Last Great Hope™


Member 668

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Mar 2006


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Old May 15, 2010, 09:50 PM Local time: May 15, 2010, 09:50 PM 9 #10 of 10
If you want to ensure she comes running back to you, don't let her know you're pining away, go out and get laid. It's only when she sees you having fun with someone else that she'll want you back. If she knows you're hanging on waiting for her, she'll have no reason to hurry back to you and eventually she'll meet someone else.

Seriously, the only way to get someone back after a "break" is to fuck someone else, and that's a pretty much guaranteed way to get them back, and fast.
Realest shit in this thread. What you need to do is, put your PC in hibernate, tone up a little if you done fell off, get some new clothes, new cologne, and then GO GET ON SOME BITCHES.

As many as possible. Fuck bitches you don't even like. Do all the dirty nasty shit you couldn't even imagine asking your ex to do to them. Hell, if you feel up to it - fuck your ex's friends, acquaintances, co-workers, cousins, sisters, aunts, hell, fuck her mother.

Why? Because bitches are evil. Yours included. Take control of the situation. So you lost her. That sucks. The best way to get over one female is turning into a man-whore and fucking everything that moves.

How ya doing, buddy?
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