Your Relationship with your Parents

Yeah, it is closely the same in my house. I'm not Vietnamese or anything just American, but I was adopted as a child. And my foster parents are driven that I must be perfect. I've literaly made 93-96's in all my classes one year of school and yet they still seem to think "I'm a dumb motherfucker that will amount to nothing in my life." Lately, i've grown not to care what they see about me. I don't worry about my grades anymore, beacuse nothing is ever good enough.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I had a very close relationship with my mom. My parents were divorced for most of my life and I rarely ever saw my dad who of which had my two brothers of which I have nothing in common with. I lived with my mom till I was 16 and then she died of cancer. Then I lived with my dad and we don't really get along all that well. To summarize he's no stranger to money and has a fair amount of it and basically my two brothers leech off of him while I try and make my own way and usually get penalized (sp?) for it. I think my dad just tries to hard to get me to like him. He sent me to the same college that he sent my brothers to and went bolistic on me for wanting to go somewhere else. Lately he's been getting better but I still have no idea what my mom saw in him. Anyway, I associate with him as little as possible.

I was speaking idiomatically.

My relationship with my parents is rather distant... Never really hung out with my dad (he was always overseas, but spoke to us often on the phone) so it's a little awkward with him. My mom... strained. She's kind of this traditional freak, though she's been trying to be alittle less uptight. However, speaking to either of them about anything like clubbing, drinking, and boyfriends is essentially impossible without getting into major trouble of sorts for even bringing it up.

This is coming from a chick who was not allowed to sleep over friends house, not allowed to go out past 10 pm or have a boyfriend that my parents knew about until i was 21 (at first) or out of college (once they realised i hit 18 yrs). I was repressed by their expectations for the most part when I was still living with them...

Most amazing jew boots

The situation between me and my mom has got worse about a week ago. Our biggest argument ended in her crying. She keeps comparing the present "me" with the past "me". That didn't feel all that great as much to say with her crying though. Providing the full story, she thinks I've become consumed by satan because I go up against her so much. It's only cause each passing day that she doesn't do something with herself, it pisses me off more and more. I should calm down though..she's thinking about putting me out. She once said "I'm sorry I am your mama". No..I am not sorry you are my mama.

FELIPE NO

It's been kinda odd, my relationship with my parents, is...well...somthing but not much of anything, mostly due to the fact my parents are fairly in the office all hours (Not helped that my old man is in the Teritoral Army (sp) ) so we normaly don't see eachother.

It's not "Strangers in the same home" but the only real time we get to talk is ether watching somthing on TV that intrets us all (Corination Street has been somthing as of late with it's stroyline) or Sunday Dinner.

Then again, I was sorta withdrawn in HS so that might have somthin' to do with it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by horseman85

Sigh . . . I know how it is. I'm Vietnamese so the parents are always after me about marks and stuff . . . This is prob why my relationship with the parents have suffered over the years. Trying to please the parents is so damned hard sometimes . . . Whenever I get bad marks, my parents gets into an argument with me . . . I never really get anything in the way of positive encouragement from them. It's mostly the "you're so damn stupid" and "why don't you use your fucking head?"

That being said, they do provide food and a roof over my head. So I'm grateful for that . . . but there's not really any closeness between us. It's really more of a stalemate than anything else.

Wow, how do you deal with all that negativity, especially from your parents?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

How to describe this...

My father walked out on me when I was 6, and I've seen him for a total of 6 weeks in the last 21 or so years.

As for my mother...some may say I'm TOO close to her as I still live at home. Right now, though, that's a good thing. Since if I didn't, she'd have no-one to help her out of bed and onto the commode (See cj for explanation).

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I love my parents, but we argue more than we should. We argue quite a bit, bit it's mostly trivial, resulting from frustration or their annoying habit of jumping to conclusions and refusing to admit it. They're also always pretty strict on grades. "It's an A? Why isn't it an A+?!"

It's quite a rollercoaster ride, really, but I've never sworn at my parents. I'm also appalled by the fact that people can tell their parents to shut up when they're just doing their jobs as, well, parents. And then when they need money, it's all lovey-dovey. I don't really understand that.

Actually, I was just at the mall today when I overheard some girl yelling at her mom in the fitting rooms.
Mom: Here, try this one on! It looks really nice!
Girl: Shut up, mom! I'm choosing my clothes, so f off.
Sad.

Over the years, we've distanced, but I still call my mom either "mommy" or "mumsy," and my dad "daddy." I get picked on for that by my friends, but it feels really strange when I'm directly addressing them as "mom" or "dad."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My parents are the reason why I'm still here, in uni, happy and life-loving.

Sure, they may be Chinese (strict, expecting good academic results etc.) but I guess that an advantage I have as being Chinese. Although they couldn't control the Aussie side of me (rebellion, speaking English to my bro etc, trying to become a "try-hard gangsta") their tough stances on their values, morals and ways to raise both me and my brother were excellent and effective. Why am I still not a try-hard gangster? I grew up a passive and quite boy, which are characteristics unsuited for a "gangster" (as I found out the hard way).

Not only that, my thoughts, ideas, philosophies, morals and values are strong and my will to always help others are because of my parents. My brother and I don't have everything we want and that's a good thing. My brother and I don't do stuff like drugs and alcohol and stuff. My brother and I hang out with people we know we can trust rather than people who could turn their backs on you at any moment.

Basically, my parents have taught me more than just to lead a successful life and perform well (academically). My parents have instilled me with the necessary things vital for surviving and enjoying life to the fullest. They have also helped us be able to make our own decisions and figure out our own dilemmas and complications and have always told us to help others. All of which I'm grateful of.

It sounds like a love letter about my parents, but in reality they've put so much work into my bro and I that they go out of their way and bend their lives just to see us successful and happy. They even go out of their way to be able to buy my bro and I computers, laptops and stuff I need as an Architecure student at Uni. No matter how big the thing is, they move their life out of the way to help make our lives easier. If they aren't great parents I don't know what is.

I plan to thank them in the future and repay to them the amount of love and care they've put in for me.

~Fin~ ^_^

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Hm, well, my parents live in NJ, and I live in FL. Honestly since I moved out of my mother's apartment 7 years ago, we have gotten along MUCH better. We used to fight all the time. Sometimes physically. I've been threatened by pots and pans, and I remember a few good beatings in my childhood. Now, we talk once or twice a month on the phone, and we are pretty good friends. Yes, more like friends than mother/daughter.

My father. We get along ok. I've had some issues with him, too, but when you don't see people constantly, I believe you tend to get along better with them.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I have a strange relationship with my parents sometimes kinda stressful... Well my father I don't really speak to him, and haven't seen him in years...he left right after I was born, and then I didn't see him again til I was about 8 then again at 10, almost every year til I was 14 and I haven't seen him since, and I'll be 20 next month. I went down to FL where he lives with his side of the family, and I stayed with my grandmother where he supossedly lives, and he knew that I was coming down, but "convienently" had to leave, and couldn't be there that day...then he called after I got back home, and made some bogus ass excuse...so I haven't spoken to him since and that was last summer...So as you can see I don't really care one way or another for him...if I never saw him again I doubt that I would care...

My mother on the other hand that's kinda complex...for awhile it was really superficial...I never heard her tell me she loved me more than 5 times my whole life (a generous approximation) until I left for college...she's said it more now, but I still feel weird saying it to her now, it feels akward... but besides that I never really shared any secrets, or any of my feelings with her at all... she doesn't know most of the big things that have happened to me and probably never will. I grew up in a house that you never really shared your feelings, and things were kept secret...I hate secrets now... but besides that we talk about school, tv, you know superficial topics nothing really deep...

That's about it... no real tight relationship... oh well...I'll do better by my own kids...

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I don't talk to either of my perents much at all. Maybe 2-5 sentences a day. Even If I'm alone with one of them I try to avoid talking to them becuase I honestly hate to hear them talk. It annoys me.

FELIPE NO

I've never met my biological dad, and today my mother told me she thought I was gay. God, I love my parents!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

i have a pretty good relationship with my parents and i love them very much.
although there has been conflicts they all seemed to solve themselves out.
my parents are actually quite open than most asian parents such that they don't use the 'reverse psychology' (i've done so much for you and this is how you thank me) crap all that much.

i just think they've been more tolerant than they should.

it's not that i am unapprecitive but on rare occasion i do wish for parents that do not care for me just to see what i'll become. (and whether i'll still show the same love as i have now).


---
on that note.... i do have a small situation i' was gonna ask:
how does one deal/talk with unreasonable parents who think they've provided their children with everything (they are rich) but cannot see that their children wants to be independent because the parents want to save their face/reputation (ie forbids their kids to get a job because it'll look bad, have special cars to take them to elementary school, have guards following them around).

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have a great deal of respect for my mum and we get along just peachy. There are the occasional fights concerning tuition costs and grades, but that's about it.

Father has a difficult time managing his anger. It was always the little things that piss him off. I've always been passive whenever he gets moody. In a typical scenerio, he'd either throw/damage furniture around the house or try killing himself. The latter is just him going for the drama, fucking up the household in the process. As long as we are a couple-of-states apart, we're cool.

How ya doing, buddy?

I would like to think that I have a good relationship with my parents, but over the last few years my mom has made my life incredibly difficult.

I love both of my parents very much and they have helped me through a lot of my tough times in my life. Whatever they have done for me I still respect them for it.

My Dad is the best person in the world, and the only parent that has truly been there for me all throughout my life. He has respected all my hobbies, and has been supportive of every decision I have ever made. he has helped me find summer jobs, and we have really good discussions. He is just a great dad, because what makes him a great dad is that he would wake you up 5 o'clock or 6 o'clock on a sunday morning when I was 10 years old and we'd watch b action movies like delta force, no retreat no surrender and many others that came on basic cable. He didn't care if there was swearing, blood or nudity, we just had a good time with it.

My mom on the otherhand is very controlling woman and puts these incredibly high expectations on me, that if you don't meet her expectations she looks down to me. Makes me feel less of a person because of it.

I'll give you an example; If you come home, and she asks what grade did you get on an exam, you told her you got a 99%, instead of congratulating you she'll ask why couldn't you have gotten a 100% and argue with me about it.

Throughout my entire life, I felt like whatever I did was never good enough for her. What really boggles my mind is the fact that she use to say that your not doing these things for me, you should be doing them for yourself. If thats the case then why is she criticising me for things that I feel are an accomplishment for me. She evens opens my mail if it says personal and confidential.

She just never liked how I turned out as a person, having all these interests that she thinks is strange or a complete waste of time such as:

1.) Anime
2.) Video Games
3.) Dance Dance Revolution

Whats really hurting my relationship with my mother is that she is on a neverending crusade to get me to break up with my gf because she can't stand her, because she is a pagan, she is into all the same things I'm into, and that she has a lot of animals. She thinks a lot of the things I'm into are childish and she eventually thought that when it came time for me to settle down, she thought I would give up all this childishness. She doesn't even consider my gf a real woman because she is into the same things I'm into.

Despite all the friction there is between my mom and I, I still do care about her and I try my best to look at it from her point of view, but she has to realize that she has to let me live my own life and learn from my own decisions.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I guess my relationship with my parents is okay. My dad moved to Tampa when I was very young, so I don't get to see him that much, but when I do there's never any problems.

I lived with my mom until a couple years ago. She's made some damn stupid mistakes, mainly marrying a guy who beat me for 10 years, even after she found out about it. Which is most of the reason I moved out of her house. I told her if he didn't leave, then I would, and she wouldn't make him leave, so I packed my things and moved in with my grandparents. This was some time before they were married though. I'm still a bit mad at her for being so stupid, but for the most part, we're still cool, I suppose.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My relationship with my parents is close. Well, maybe not that close, eg. parents who call their children 'darling' or 'love'.

Both my mom and dad are understanding. We can sit down and discuss problems together. I guess in my case, it is a typical, strict (boring, or old fashioned, if you prefer to call it) Chinese family in Malaysia where in the daytime, everyone's off to work and at night, we'll enjoy tv programmes in the living hall.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I wish I had had parents that pushed me to pursue a better education.

My relationship with my Mother, who is in the States, has improved a ton over the last few years. I used to lose my temper with her easily and often, and it really bothered her and I can't blame her. I've finally learned to let go of the past and just accept her for the fact that she's my mother and I'll never have another. Now we talk, and although I impatiently snap at her every once in a while I've gotten and am getting much better. She loves me (a little too protective though) and I love her.

My father, on the other hand, I can say I've seen a good three weeks worth of time in my life (only because I lived with him the majority of those three weeks of accumulated days) in the last year and probably the rest of my life, for that matter. I have never met a man I was so much alike yet so different to. Extremely intelligent, extremely Catholic, extremely traditional and extremely closeminded. I'd beat the living shit out of him if he weren't my father and if he weren't 67. That sums him up.

Additional Spam:
Sorry about this ancient bump. I checked someone's profile recently and saw they had posted in here. So, naturally assuming it wasn't ELEVEN MONTHS DEAD I took the time to post. Maybe we can get some fresh posts in here?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Omi-Cron Kenobi

Additional Spam:
Sorry about this ancient bump. I checked someone's profile recently and saw they had posted in here. So, naturally assuming it wasn't ELEVEN MONTHS DEAD I took the time to post. Maybe we can get some fresh posts in here?

Can do..

My parents are incredibly different, and if they didn't live by the same last name and send each other cards for their anniversary you wouldn't believe they were married. Not that they argue; they're kind of like yin and yang. I can get along with them, but as they are so different so are the ways I deal with them.

My mother I would describe as a constant tempest. She's a stubborn, persistant and driven woman. She moves with an ethereal scary force that never seems to burn out. She also treats most people like they aren't listening to her, because mostly that's what she has to put up with. It frustrates me and mostly that's why we argue. That and I'm pretty damn stubborn myself and neither of us will back down in an argument.

My father... he's very enigmatic. He's quiet, generous and slow to anger, but when he does it's a fearful sight. If I could describe my mother as impulsive he would be the opposite of that. He's also very distant. I'd say that's why I have quite an equal relationship with both of them; I may argue more with my mother but that doesn't mean I get on better with my father.

They're both good people and I would defend them to the hilt but I wouldn't say we're close.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Winter Storm

The situation between me and my mom has got worse about a week ago. Our biggest argument ended in her crying. She keeps comparing the present "me" with the past "me". That didn't feel all that great as much to say with her crying though. Providing the full story, she thinks I've become consumed by satan because I go up against her so much. It's only cause each passing day that she doesn't do something with herself, it pisses me off more and more. I should calm down though..she's thinking about putting me out. She once said "I'm sorry I am your mama". No..I am not sorry you are my mama.

^This situation has upgraded since the last year. To a far worser scale.

For starters I've completly shut my dad out of my life. Fake bastard.

My mom loves to assume stuff about me. That is all she ever does is assume. Hell most people assume shit about me - would it kill you to ask questions to get a better understanding? My actions cannot explain what goes on in my mind, only I can tell you what I'm feeling. It's irritating when you spew your guts out to someone and they continue to think all kinds of false shit or do what my mom does - tell ME how I'm feeling(lol). Just like last night, I walked out of my room and left my door open(thought she was sleep so I didn't close it behind me) so comes out to place a sheet over her door and I happen to notice her looking in my room.

Feeling embarrassed, I went to shut my door. I don't like her seeing how messy it is. Man why did I do that...

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO SHUT YOUR DOOR CAUSE I LOOKED IN THERE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN YOUR ROOM BOY"

"WESLEY YOU NEED TO FORM A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FATHER BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF YOUR STINK ATTITUDE".

. . .So I had to spend 10 minutes explaining my actions and telling her to please stop being so overly assuming of me. She'll never believe it but it makes me feel bad when she gets mad. All considering my "plans" for her were to keep her happy - though these past 12 years I've done the opposite which I'm sure is why she assumes the worse of me now. I feel like I should not say anything to her.

I've gone near broke for her. Coughed up 350$ to pay for a college bill she refused to pay for 10 years(it reached 1100$), when I didn't even have to. When my back went out in 2004 and Kroger didn't pay for it, Me, Myself, my checks and I paid for that bill for 2 years. No one helped me. She has a lot of problems brough on from bad decisions made early up the road that she tries to get me to fix.

But I'm this full of evil bad guy who hates people and shuts doors to be nasty. Nevermind his punkass dad who loves to tell him he'll do something and never do it, no calls or anything. I'll never forgot thanksgiving "daddy". Go fuck yourself.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Winter Storm

Just like last night, I walked out of my room and left my door open(thought she was sleep so I didn't close it behind me) so comes out to place a sheet over her door and I happen to notice her looking in my room.

A sheet over her door?

Anyhow, you're a good person Winter and you deserve a better relationship than this with your mother. NO ONE probably knows her better than you, and with that I really really think you should try and figure out how to avoid doing the things she doesn't like and how to improve your communications. She seems every bit as irrational as mine but she's still your mother and she still loves you and probably would love to start a better relationship with you. Just try something out, you don't want to have to regret this in the future.

Dads suck ass.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I probably never posted in this thread because it's kind of awkward to admit that my relationship with my parents is actually really good. My mom is a super nice person, and my dad is really smart and they both help me out loads, and didn't even complain when I went for music college instead of doing IT (or whatever I was planning to do before I went insane).

The only minor complaint I can have about my dad (and it's very minor, I count my blessings when it comes to my parents) is that he's somewhat manipulative. He'll never outright say "you can't do this", but he'll maneuver in such a way that the only way you could do something he doesn't want to happen is to be blatantly oblivious and rude. The saying "give him an inch and he'll take a mile" also applies to him a lot. He's also a little judgmental, especially when it comes to my friends (and more importantly, girlfriends).

These are just the worst parts of his personality and make him out to be some kind of mean person--and he's really not. He has a great ability to adapt to new situations and make friends, a great musical taste (anybody have a dad who likes Autechre?), and is just a really interesting person to talk to. He's about as cool as a father can possibly be. He even plays video games. But not as much as my mom, who is really into Zelda right now, after having played Okami, Pikmin 2 and Katamari Damacy. Yeah...

So yeah, I guess it's not rock 'n' roll and it's not cool, but my parents are great. =D

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Sure. I never noticed this thread. O.o'

But um... its kinda awkward to mention that I don't have parents at all.

Specifics are my mother was in college fucking around (literally) and one young guy (probably a freshman) and her geography professor were two of the maybes that may be my father. :\ She didn't bother to find out who of course til it became apparent to her that I was deaf when I was 2 years old. She remembered that the professor had a deaf teenage daughter and wrote a letter to him for a paternity test. Of course naturally being in his late 50s or so and married with a family and a career that could all ruined if he accepted to do it, so he declined just as harshly too. So yeah, and my mother was dumb enough to believe that if she brought me over THERE and showcased me to him, perhaps he'd change his mind. :\ He didn't and I don't even care, I'm sure he's just as a bastard.

Fast forward 11 years later, she died. From all the fuck ups she did in her life. Collective efforts of stds, car accident injuries, wrong meds, and fucking illegal drugs.

In that short span of years I had had with her, I never were close to her. She managed to raise me til I was five, she got sent to drug rehab and had to submit me and my brother to Grandma, her mother, to live for 4 years or so. I vaguely can recall the time when she came back from rehab, I was fucking terrified of her. I can recall the abuse even then. I hated her. Even when she was home for maybe a few years within that time, she was still abusive. Then that car accident happened. I remember she was in the hospital during my 8th birthday. She was blind as a bat and finally after like 3 car wrecks within that damn period of time (3 years! Minus the rehab period) she got her driver's license suspended for good.

And still as a wild child as she was, she managed to find a loser for a boyfriend and took us from grandma when I was finishing my 5th grade at school suddenly... even bought us toys to keep us entertained. I certainly remember that shit. Only lasted 3 weeks. And a year after that was sheer hell.

She blew so much money on drugs and probably methadone that me and my brother were starving. I imagine it was pretty much the back of her fucking mind about our welfare when she's just out there doing God knows what and to come home to what... to validate the fact she's a mom? I bet she got the apt and the food stamps because she was phishing the fact THEN.

So no, I hated her. I hated her fucking guts and it pains me that my family knows about her fuck ups and yet don't give a fuck about what happened to me and my brother during this time. I imagine they didn't know what happened... or it was out of grandma's hands but DAMN it.

Anyway, after she died finally, we moved back to grandma and I was 11 at the time. She was a terrific grandma for her age. I believe she was in her late 70s but she was pretty active and such for her age. She done a lot for us and I appreciated her a lot. I love my grandma a lot and it took a while for her to gain trust in me (I imagine she'd figure I'd turn out like my mom or my aunt or something). But I guess after she saw that I'm just a homebody, she switched tactics and try to push me out of the house to go out or something. This is like when I was turning 17 or 18 lol. I had no interest in guys in general... o.o' Just video games. LMAO.

Grandma and I still keep in touch today. Bless her heart, she's like a saint compared to the rest of the family members.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Wow, how do you deal with all that negativity, especially from your parents?

I'm just slightly more than a year late replying to Lady Miyomi. Just a year. And a month.

Anyway, dealing with the negativity was quite hard. I became scared to present my marks to my parents. I would either fake them or just not mention the tests since they would conveniently forget. As I grew more scared, my stress levels would increase. My marks steadily decreased from Grade 7 onwards, which was the first year when I wasn't the best in the class.

I considered myself a failure for not being able to meet their expectations. The constant feeling of failure seeped into my thinking. Whenever I got a good mark, it was because of chance. Not because I knew the material well. This was my way of thinking throughout all of high school and most of university. My girlfriend broke me out of it. It took her most of university's second year but she made me compete against my own expectations rather than my parents.

My relationship with parents right now is neutral. It's not worth the physical or emotional effort to argue with them. The only time I'll argue is to defend my younger sister against their way of thinking. After a marks related argument between her and the parents where they went after her head for an hour, she went off muttering "I want to kill myself." I was the only one to take it seriously and try to comfort her.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?