How do you make friends out of strangers?

I'm trying to break out of my shell and have challenged myself to speak to someone new every day (which is very hard when you're not that outgoing), but so far I have been able to strike up minor chats at the gym, at school, and at the grocery store with people that I see on a daily basis and rarely with just random people that I'll probably never see again.

Anyway, I'd like to open my mouth more and meet more people with the goal of making more friends. I've had the same friends since high school and I'd like to broaden my social circle or whatever. For those of you who are really good at meeting people and making friends in new situations like let's say a party or an outing, what kinds of things do you do to start or make long-lasting friendships with new acquiantances or strangers?

I try to strike up some small talk like the weather or something going on in the news with people, or if it's people I see regularly like at school or the gym, I'll try to talk about things related to the school or working out, etc. I try to smile and be pleasant, and people reciprocate by chatting with me for a little bit, but I guess they're just not interested in making a new acquiantance or friend.

Sometimes when I try to get people to talk, it feels like I'm doing an interview and they just don't open up. Are there any surefire questions, conversations, things I could do, etc. to help my chances of making acquaintances or friends with new people? For the people I see daily, I sometimes try to invite them to hang out or whatnot, but they never seem interested. Maybe I'm just too boring?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have the same problem and it's easy to spot why anyway... you aren't going to make a new friend with one conversation -- it's going to have to be someone you have an excuse to see more than once or twice so the gym might be good but talking to random strangers really isn't going to work.

I'm in the same situation though, except all my high school friends have pretty much moved away and I'm pretty desperate to make at least a few new friends so I can attempt to get out a little more. <_<;

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Alcohol. Since I turned 21 I am meeting all kinds of new people out at the bars and clubs and whatnot. It's awesome.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Common interests, or through other people usually.

Kinda easy if you talk to folks if you're in school/college and such where there's clubs or groups that do whatever. I meet a lot of people through simply hanging out with people I know that play M:tG (Despite the fact that I know nothing about it) or while playing random games at the arcade nearby. There's also random people I'll see playing some game, or watching some anime on a laptop or something and I'll strike a small convo.

- Tone

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It takes me a while too to really make a friend. I am more of the 'few friends, but once you're a good friend, it's a strong, long-term friendship' thing'. That doesn't mean I have more causal friends, but similar to you, it's hard for me to strike up a conversation with someone out of the blue. Age, interests, among other things can make things difficult.

Keep in mind that 'forced' conversations make it hard to make friends, especially if you (let alone all involved in the conversation) aren't very outgoing.

Generally, I found a few ways to make things better:
1.) Going to a group discussion thing with another friend helps. That allows you to have someone you already know, but also allows you to get to meet new people. Keep in mind that while it is a good idea to bring someone a bit more outgoing than you, be careful that you don't have that person talk FOR you.

2.) Playing games like Phase 10, Skip-Bo, etc really is a nice ice breaker. It takes the awkward feeling away as you focus on the game.

3.) Same with video games. NOT ONLINE GAMES, but video games you can get together with people to play. And just in general, same with common interest meetings....

I was speaking idiomatically.

Im currently having this same problem at my college. Like for example in the break room everyday there comes this girl, she comes a few minutes in when were getting ready to leave for class, she goes to the vending machines first and sit down alone everyday. I had the urge to just go and strike up a normal convo. She looks to be of asian descent though and alot of asians at my college don't know english, so im worried that when i go up and talk to her or say: hi, she won' be able to understand me.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

It's really hard to make a friend out of someone you meet randomly in a store etc. But it did happen to me once and I had a 5 year friendship with the person. We were both looking at video games and we talked and just clicked. But I consider myself very lucky. But if all you do is talk to random people on the street I think it will be more discouraging than helpful.

I'm not very outgoing but I want to improve. I also need to make more local friends. I'm planning to see if I have any luck at an anime conventions. Because at least everyone there is of similar interest and I know other people who have made new friends at conventions.

Some kind of class (not necessary college, but local community classes or sports clubs) is a good place to try make friends. If your taking the same class of interest like an art class or language, something kind of fun. If you're making small talk and talking about that common interest before class everyday with classmates given some time they might be comfortable enough to do something outside of class.

But even still it's hard, if you were used to a certain set of friends for years and people change, and you lose them. It's just the matter of finding and connecting with the right people that you really click with. Don't give up hope, nobody was born unworthy of making friends.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by QuentinT

Im currently having this same problem at my college. Like for example in the break room everyday there comes this girl, she comes a few minutes in when were getting ready to leave for class, she goes to the vending machines first and sit down alone everyday. I had the urge to just go and strike up a normal convo. She looks to be of asian descent though and alot of asians at my college don't know english, so im worried that when i go up and talk to her or say: hi, she won' be able to understand me.

Do it! She probably speaks perfect English and IF that isn't the case, then I am sure that smiles and body language can be used in lieu of words to establish a common disposition. Don't be a turkey dude! It might work out well for you.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by bahamuty

Don't give up hope, nobody was born unworthy of making friends.

I seriously think I was, to the point where I don't even believe in friendship anymore. After high school, everyone just disappeared. Once I entered college, I made a few acquaintances. Acquaintances are all I can make. I think I made two or three friends, but like my other past friendships, they all either disappeared or I fucked it up.

I'm lonelier than ever before, so I'm pretty much stumped on how such passive strangers can connect. I see all these people with friends everywhere, yet I feel like an isolated alien.

Of course, if you're in a much more confined area where you can see the same people more than once, then your chances are better. That is, if you share similarities. However, initiating a conversation makes me feel depressed, because I often feel like 'what's the point? It's probably not long-term and it's probably not going to last after the semester.' It just feels like all the effort goes nowhere and I feel emptier than I did before. I feel like a CD on rotation; to the top and now back to the bottom.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Quote:

It's probably not long-term and it's probably not going to last after the semester.'

That's why it's your responsibility to call them up to hang out or to grab food even after the semester's over.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

^ Sure it is. But, when they're busy with other obligations, it goes nowhere. It has always been that way.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I walk up and start quoting the bible..
Ha ha!

Actually i'm a hi and whats up kinda person. I see somebody I want to know and just walk up to them and make up something to chat about. I met my wife and friends this way. I know what I want and go for it even if there are hurdles to jump over.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I would say I'm a pretty sociable guy, but being a business major, a lot of the people in my classes don't seem to share common interests me whatsoever. The common hangout for b-school students is the local bar, which i don't frequent because I don't drink. As a result, I feel like a lot of students have pre-existing relationships, due in part to the bar scene, but also because of frat relationships.

Also, people are huge on football here, which i could give two hoots about. I'm grateful for the few friends i do have - but i want to broaden my social circle. I would like to meet others who share my interest in videogames/anime to some extent but I'm afraid of the kinds of people I might find (stereotyping is wrong I know but still y'all know what i mean)..

I was speaking idiomatically.

Delivery has a lot to do with it, but it isn't everything. Can we see a picture? Maybe there's something you're not working with. It's true. It's true.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Striking up conversations with random strangers isn't too bad, but doing it in places like a gym is tricky at best. Even though there are gym rats who are there for the atmosphere, the majority of people are already extra self-conscious at a gym, so you're not going to go far opening up to people. For the record, talk in the locker room should be limited to already established friends. (heh)

Don't focus so much on the stranger part and get in the right atmosphere. Although bars and clubs are good choices, I really like coffee shops and music houses. People there are generally more laid-back and low-key, and no one just sits at a coffee house reading a book without being at least partially open to conversation, lest they hit the library.

Of course, make a lot more "acquaintances" in your classes. It's your best option.

FELIPE NO