You know, the only thing more pathetic than Indians on TV...

is Indians watchin' Indians on TV; nevertheless, Victor's mom makes the best fry bread in the whole world. It's so good, they use it for Communion back home. Arlene Joseph makes some Jesus fry bread. Fry bread that can walk across water. Fry bread risin' from the dead.

Way back when, we were havin' a feast on our reservation. A good old feast. We didn't have a whole lot of food... just a little bit of deer meat, a huge vat of mashed potatoes, some Coke and fry bread. But the fry bread made all the difference in the world. You see, a good piece of fry bread turned any meal into a feast.

Everybody sat at the tables waitin' for the cooks to come with the fry bread. They waited, and waited, but you see, there was a hundred Indians at that feast and only fifty pieces of fry bread. Arlene kept tryin' to figure out what to do. I mean, it was her magical fry bread that everybody wanted. But Arlene knew what to do. You see, Arlene's fry bread was magic. Arlene was magic. She knew how to feed a hundred Indians with only fifty pieces of fry bread.

She went out to talk to the people. "Listen!" she said. "There are one hundred Indians here and only fifty pieces of fry bread!" Everybody was mad. There was gonna be a fry bread riot for sure. But then Arlene said, "But I have a way to feed you all!" She took a piece of fry bread, she held it over her head, and she ripped it in half!

---

That's a good story. Is that true? No, it's not true: Thomas is so full of shit. But it has been pathetic how TV and other new forms of "entertainment" have reduced our minds to rubble. I was driving by one of the Indian reservations out here today and remembered my days at the university when I took some Indian history class to fulfill one of those cultural classes they make you take. It was boring as fuck, and I didn't like how our smaller classes were taught by graduate students, even though we had a real Indian student whose name was Leo Killsback (might only be one 'L' in his last name, I'm not sure).

But what I did like was when we had a guest speaker in one of the auditorium classes. The professor invited a real old-timer medicine-man-like Indian who talked to us about the oral tradition. He was no Johnny Depp, nor did he have the exuberant charisma of Tony Robbins, and I'm not sure how well he could hold a conversation against a practiced conversationalist or debater, but what I do remember was how he told us a grand old story and how I was captivated by it. It's been many years now since that day, and though I don't remember the specifics of his story, I still remember the trance I fell under as he told whatever story it was locked away in his mind. I guess that is the mark of a good storyteller, how engrossed you are by their magical weaving. I've been trying to figure out what makes a storyteller great and how they are able captivate us, but I haven't come up with any answers yet: maybe some of you are great storytellers and know the secrets behind them?

That's one talent I wish I had, storytelling. Back then, there was no TV, no Internet, and people weren't stuck in the routine humdrum most of us call life now. Every time they stepped outside their door, there would be adventure and excitement, the whole world waiting for them. One day I hope to get out there and just travel the world and hopefully acquire great experiences and memories to be able to tell to others. Great stories like those told to us by that one Uncle or Grandpa we have who always has a story to tell to break the silence, no matter what we're going through in life. Like the time he wrestled a bear over some fish he just caught, just to keep us from being bored and to put a smile on our face. And though it may have been his dog and not a bear, it doesn't matter, because that's the great thing about storytelling, it can be true, but it can also be intertwined with fiction.

I think that's why we like certain books or movies. Not because of the pictures or the special effects, but because of the imaginative story it tells (when it compares to the monotany of everyday life), and I can still see myself falling in love with all the classics I read in my youth like The Three Musketeers, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Great Gatsby, the list goes on and on. And even though the authors of these great classics have long since died, one thing remains, their stories. What stories will you leave behind?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Is this supposed to be a journal entry?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Not that I didn't enjoy what you wrote or anything but uh...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I did not intend for it to be a journal entry, but I guess it can be open for interpretation. I was expecting discussion on any topics that revolve around storytelling, such as some of you may be great storytellers, and you could share with us how to spin a masterful tale, or even share one of your favorite stories to tell. Another could be if you know any good storytellers, and what was it about them that made them good at it, or what great story they told you. And then there's our life story, and how will you be remembered in the stories that people tell about you. Be creative!

I thought this might be a good topic to get some ideas and thoughts flowing instead of making it seem like another questionnaire or mini-survey, but maybe this is the wrong forum or approach. Some more ideas: maybe you had a favorite story you read when you were a little child? Tell us about it and why you liked it. Maybe you can tell us what makes a bad storyteller and the utter snoozefests you have had to endure. Who knows. There is unlimited potential here, we're not all robots, we think, we feel, we dream, this is not the Matrix, so let the games begain (hopefully)!

Most amazing jew boots

No, no - I get what he's asking.

Originally Posted by Maico

That's one talent I wish I had, storytelling. Back then, there was no TV, no Internet, and people weren't stuck in the routine humdrum most of us call life now. Every time they stepped outside their door, there would be adventure and excitement, the whole world waiting for them. One day I hope to get out there and just travel the world and hopefully acquire great experiences and memories to be able to tell to others. Great stories like those told to us by that one Uncle or Grandpa we have who always has a story to tell to break the silence, no matter what we're going through in life. Like the time he wrestled a bear over some fish he just caught, just to keep us from being bored and to put a smile on our face. And though it may have been his dog and not a bear, it doesn't matter, because that's the great thing about storytelling, it can be true, but it can also be intertwined with fiction.

I've always liked good story-tellers, too, and Native Americans seem to have a real knack for it. Orators have a definite place in their society. Could you imagine having the job of "town story-teller", the guy or gal who's sole purpose is to remember and dictate the history of your region, with the listeners having nothing to go by but your word? It's really something I don't think you can relate to anything in modern society; everyone's all about fact-checking and cross-referencing nowadays, but the old fables and myths seem to have a kind of timeless quality that remains true if you don't take them too literally.

But as Eddie Izzard says: it's 20% of what you say, 80% of how you say it. I can remember a school trip where we went to see a one-man recital of Beowulf, and the neat thing about it was it was performed entirely in Old English (or an approximation, close enough for us anyway). The guy had nothing but a lute and a spotlight and just belted out the whole thing from start to finish in this language you couldn't even understand. You had the transcript in a pamphlet in front of you, but after a while you didn't really need it, since it became almost like an opera at that point. There's a sort of sing-songy quality to old epics and ballads that just makes them nice to listen to, especially if the person performing it really knows where to enunciate the highs and lows. It was really something, but I think the point is that dictation is even more important than what you're even saying, especially if it's a performance.

How ya doing, buddy?

It's not that I don't get what he's saying. It's not that nobody else gets what he's saying.

It's just that nobody feels like reading or writing a goddamned essay right now.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?