Losing a Loved One

Recently one of my best friends, Caz, who i'd known and hung out with since I was 7 or 8 died at the age of 16 last Monday. It was a complete shock to me, and to the rest of my friends as I have a close group of friends that Caz was included in. Having to cope with the reality of it all has been quite difficult for me, as i've never had to suffer the pain of losing someone very close to me. At first I couldn't believe it, the reality kept hitting me and when i'd get upset it would seem to escape again. Now i'm slightly more in control of my emotions, i'm not crying randomly in the day anymore.

During the first few days I felt like I had just stopped completely and I was watching everyone else around me carry on without me. It was a very surreal thing, when I tried to get back into the "routine" of going to college I couldn't do it. I just ended up getting upset and I wasn't even concentrating on any of the work I was supposed to be doing. I think the most heartbreaking thing i've ever experienced is seeing a hearse come round a corner carrying a coffin with my best friend in. I don't think the feeling I had when I saw that will ever leave me.

Now, a week later, i'm back at college trying to catch up on the work I missed out on. I'm appreciating life and my friends a little bit more, because if i've learned anything from this it's that life really is short. Losing Caz was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, and I can't really say i've dealt with it completely. She really did have the potential to do anything she wanted, she was the best junior cyclist in England, she was the most intelligent person I knew and also the sweetest and funniest girl i've ever met. I think this is something that i'll never learn to cope with, but I always remember the good times we had together when I think of her.

So on to the point of this thread, I was wondering has anyone had to deal with something similar. How did you deal with it? Did you find it better to talk about it with people or just deal with it by yourself? Have you come out of the experience with a positive outlook on life or a negative? Did it change you in any way?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

People look down on me for this, but they really need to look at me from my point of view to really get it.

When I was very young, I was diagnosed with a mild form of autism. There wasn’t a lot of treatment or information on autism at the time, so a lot of research was done on me and other kids at the hospital, personally I do not think or did think that anything was wrong with me, I was aware of what was going on, but it really hurt being in a place for the sick when I wasn’t feeling sick, and my mother never told me the reason until I was in my late teens. I was a sad kid in other words.

During that time when I was 5, I got 2 cats Snowball and Cuddles. Both where the best friends I ever had. Kids always picked on me, and I was always judged because I would rather read or draw, then interact with them. I always looked forward to coming home to my cats, I talked to them and we played together. When I was 17, Snowball died, Cuddles and I where almost over the edge, we barely ate or slept that week. Cuddles is still alive to this day, he just turned 18… I don’t know what I will do when he goes.

It has always been a reality with me that I care more about my cats then the people around me. My cats didn’t care about my grades, how I dressed, what music I listened to, or any other nonsense. Sure I get sad when a person close to me died, but Snowball was definitely the death that affected me the most.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I've been pretty lucky with not having to deal with many deaths in the family. 3 of my 4 grandparents are still alive (my mom's dad died WAY before I was born.) I've only been to one funeral and that was my mom's uncle. We were pretty close, so it was sad, but he was sick and in the hospital so it was bound to happen.

How ya doing, buddy?

I remember being told about my Grandad's death, in the May of 1999. I remember feeling something that I had never felt before. Something that I couldn't express into words. It didn't really hit me until the funeral that he was actually gone, and I can't remember much about it, except for the fact that everyone around me was crying, including me.

I suppose it is similar, as it's dealing with the death of someone that I loved and admired. I can't remember specifically how I got over it, but I seem to remember a lot of talking going on in the house in the days and weeks following his death.

My family seemed to enjoy talking about his life, and the acheivements he had accomplished, as well as funny stories about him getting drunk and losing money because he forgot where he put it and all.....

The thing is, I found that talking about all the happy and funny times we had shared with my Grandad helped me to get over his death, without completely forgetting about him. At times, I shed a tear when talking about him, but I know he's watching somewhere, and that's a very comforting thought for me. That's how I got over his death, and the stories about him are still told to this day.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

During my sophomore year in high school, my dad's cousin died. It's kind of a of horrible story, he was pretty crazy and he lived in a shack in ghetto Taipei and liked to collect massive amounts of trash (old newspaper, empty bottles, glass, etc) in his house. One day, the piles he made all around his house collapsed on him and he was pinned under it for 2 weeks before anyone found out. Well he ended up dying later on because of some horse foot disease he got from lying in his own fecal matter for 14 days. My aunt came back to America with his ashes,we buried him in the family plot, and that was my first funeral.

I didn't even know him that well, we met the couple times I went to Taiwan but that day, I broke down. I was bawling so much, I was the one person who cried the most at that funeral. I think it was a realization that people do die and I was so scared that someone close to me was going to go next. I still worry about that, to this day. If anyone close to me leaves, I'd fall apart.

And Chibi Neko no one looks down on you for feeling that way about your cat. I have a dog and he's seriously one of my best friends and I don't know what i'm going to do with myself when he dies.

Man too much thinking about death. I'm fucking depressed now.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by kat

And Chibi Neko no one looks down on you for feeling that way about your cat. I have a dog and he's seriously one of my best friends and I don't know what i'm going to do with myself when he dies.

Thanks, a lot of people where I am from have looked down on me becasue of how close I was to my cat, but it is always the people how are not pet owners who feel that way.

My other cat Cuddles is with my mom back at home, he is not a cat that can deal with location changes, so I had to leave him home when I moved out. My mom is now living with the same thing I did with the cats, they become your best buddies. I will be greatly effected when Cuddles' time comes, but now mom will be devistaed also.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The first death I remember in my family is my cousins death. She was 17? I think. I was 8. Now I'm 17...wow... I remember coming home from school and one of my older sisters tells me that she died. She was in a car chrash. I didn't know her well, but we were starting to get to know each other. I don't know. I guess I just didn't have the thing that makes you cry for people at that age. I do cry about my tia(aunt) though.

I don't remember her, but I see pictures of her and I and it looks like we had a good time. I'm probably 2 in those pictures. My dad says the doctors killed her...I feel sad for him lots of times.

Then when I was 12 my sister had a premature baby which died the next day. I never saw her. I was really sad. Even though I didn't know the baby. I feel that I would've loved that baby so much. But I feel like crap right now because I don't remember her name. Some uncle I am. Tio Jorge.

When I turned 14, she got pregnant and this time the baby(premature) died in about an hour. I was so sad once more. And the thing that I wonder about when I think of her is, how would she be now?

More than my first niece because my other sister was pregnant at the same time and her baby lived. I think, "How would they be together?" playing together and everything. How would they have had an effect on each other. Just little questions like that...I even remember her name. Lisette. I even saw a picture of her. My sister showed me. She looked so small that she could fit in the palm of my hand... I'm going to cry soon.

Then, later that year, my uncle died. My dad's brother. He was in the war, a mine blew up and some things flew into his eye and he came to visit us. He came to one of my other sisters graduation(I have four sisters) and then one month later, he's in a hospital fighting some cancer that has spread all through his body and none of us knew.. I miss him. My Tio Rodo.

Can't believe it's been 3 years already. Wow. Time goes by quickly.

A month ago my grandma died, but I think she is someone that I won't cry for. My relationship with her was bad. She would make fun of me. Call me fat, call me other names, and get mad at me for being sick. She was a bad lady. So greedy. She thought everyone was trying to steal money from her. She told my dad he wasn't her son anymore because she thought he was taking money from her when he wasn't.

She had 300,000 dollars(which is even more Bolivianos) from when my uncle died, and...she never used any of it for any of the family. Just for herself. I'm kind of glad she is gone though. I guess my mom wanted me to cry when she told me she died. I remember my mom's words, "Jorge, Irma died." I just nodded my head. "Jorge, estás escuchando?" I say, "Yes. I heard. She died."

Even though I didn't really care for her, I find myself smiling at some "good" times I guess you could say. My grandma didn't speak english at all except for hello and goodbye. It was all spanish. But when she tried to say something in english it would sound funny. Like the word wallet, She would say, "WAh Wet? Que es eso?(what is that)" or, watch "WAHHCH? Que es eso?"

Talking about the deaths helps me get over them and also remembering though it hurts. I also like to write poetry and songs. Both with just music and with music and lyrics. That helps me.

Time does not help because if it did, I wouldn't cry each time I see a lady pregnant with a baby. When my sister couldn't have hers. But she did have one child. A boy.

I definately appreciate my life a lot more. And I do things that I didn't think that I would do. Like dying my hair, trying different things at school.(plays, singing solos in choir)

And Sian, I'm sorry for your loss.

FELIPE NO

I find it now days we are suppose to get over a lose after a month and deal with it. I hate that, the person who died had a big or small impact on several lives. It's not right we should just act like everything is just dandy a month later.

My great aunt Bertha passed away March 5th and ten months before that my other great aunt Sue passed away. They were my favorite aunts and I really miss them both. I always remember the things they taught me and all my memories of them. It seems silly, but a lot of times I really don't think they are gone.

Life is short, so make the most of it, live it to the fullest.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

three days before the senior disney trip during my senior year of high school, i came to school in the morning, and the minute i entered the hallway, i felt that something was wrong. Groups of people were standing in different spots, and there were many more adults standing around than usual. The school was unusually quiet. Not until first period did i find out that it was becuase someone in our school had died in a car crash the previous night. And it was someone i knew, not very well, but knew nonetheless. She was in some classes with me, and I had even worked on a group project with her, not one month before. During study hall i bawled on my friend's shoulder, and then again at the wake.
The wake had to have been the worst though...some people say that when a person dies, they look like they're sleeping. She just...didn't look that way at all. It was so hard to believe that that was the very last time i would see her again. I remember her as always smiling and laughing, and it just seemed so, so unfair that someone so full of life should be deprived of it at so young an age. I think i will always regret not getting to know her better. And so, even while I mourned for her, i learned something important, something that was probably shoved in my face hundreds of times, but i didn't get until tragedy struck. That I have to really treasure all those around me, and fully appreciate them, and not take for granted that they'll always be there, because they could be snatched away in an instant. That i have to talk to people more, not just my friends, that i need to get to know everyone just a little bit better.

Jam it back in, in the dark.