Line between confidence and over confidence?

Basically, I feel as if I was a victim of being stereo-typed as your typical campus guy who just wants sex, because of my display of confidence.

I've only had one relationship in the past when I was 17, and that lasted for 2 years, now I'm in my early 20's, so I guess it wasn't TOO long ago that I was in a relationship, but that's really my only experience.

Things have been going rather well lately so I've been a mildly happy guy and I'm guessing that contributed to my increased confidence, because I'm normally pretty shy around new people and such.

So I met this girl I ended up liking overtime and went out of my way sometimes to talk to her. I've taken advice from my friends and tried not to beat around the bush too much, while not being overly direct.

To be honest, I'm not used to being that outgoing, it's sort of a new thing to me, so maybe I came off awkward, but it was hard to build a convo since she was pretty shy.

Ultimately, in the end I was shunned. Since we didn't get to see her much I asked her out on 3 separate occasions for a casual outings, but she was always busy. I took the advice from my friend and just told her to drop me a message if she's not busy but she told me not to hold my breath.

So I feel as if my confidence to strike up convos and to ask her out to places came off as me just wanting sex in the end or something. Maybe it was the way I dressed? I like to dress nicely, I'm generally in casual dress shirts, but I'm no collar popper. Perhaps, I just picked the wrong girl, which also seems to be a likely case.

I just wanted to get this out of the way for future reference basically, since in my previous 2 year relationship I was lucky and became her close friend after a year, and got into a relationship somehow. However, now it seems to become increasingly unlikely to become someone's good friend before dating.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Or maybe she just didn't really dig you very much? You're putting too much thought into this. You went for a girl, she didn't like you that much, you move on.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Thanks for generic reply #__

My question was actually concerning how to approach girls in the future without seeming shallow just in case this the a reason.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Greykin

Thanks for generic reply #__

My question was actually concerning how to approach girls in the future without seeming shallow just in case this the a reason.

And the point I made was that it's not overconfidence unless you wandered in and said: "Hey, I have a 10" cock, drive a nice car and have a lot of money. Get on your knees."

Shallow? You approached her and let her know you were interested. Which you were. You asked her out for coffee, she said no. Though you should have taken the hint after time number 2, not 3. And the fourth attempt probably makes you come off as needy. You didn't ask her to come over to your house and watch porn. That would be shallow. You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't the reason, unless she's incredibly stupid.

But thanks for generic question #__.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Denicalis

And the point I made was that it's not overconfidence unless you wandered in and said: "Hey, I have a 10" cock, drive a nice car and have a lot of money. Get on your knees."

Shallow? You approached her and let her know you were interested. Which you were. You asked her out for coffee, she said no. Though you should have taken the hint after time number 2, not 3. And the fourth attempt probably makes you come off as needy. You didn't ask her to come over to your house and watch porn. That would be shallow. You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't the reason, unless she's incredibly stupid.

But thanks for generic question #__.

Haha, you're welcome.

The first time I asked her to go somewhere she actually considered it, but she had to check her schedule, which I was with her when she opened, and she was swamped with midterms those few days, so she said if I couldn't find anyone else to go to the concert, then to talk to her again. I couldn't bring myself to ask her with the amount that was on her schedule however.

2nd time she said she was busy with a project at school when I asked her out for lunch.

So for the 3rd time, I considered the best case scenario that in the first two cases she was actually busy, since she didn't seem to come off cold when I asked. I got the point this time though, since being "fully booked" for the entire holiday didn't seem too likely to me if she doesn't have a job or isn't going on vacation.


Heh, I get what you mean though, thanks. Just making sure, or looking for improvements.

Most amazing jew boots

I honestly don't think you did anything wrong, except, like I said, for maybe trying once too many times. But you weren't like, clawing at her window at 2 am, sobbing, asking why she doesn't love you. I think you handled it very well.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I see nothing wrong here. I mean, it's not like you were today's steve urkel and asked her out a thousand times. Three times is not unreasonable, especially if 1) her reasons were actually valid and 2) you detected sincerity in them. The 'don't hold your breathe' comment though would basically be the 'end all' for any future attempts.

I have found that being forward, while awkward, is fairly important. Confusing things make it hard to ever pan out the way you hope. Very rarely does being friends turn into a relationship. Usually, IF it does happen, AND it isn't something awkward, then both of those friends are fairly mature and it is after a huge amount of time.

Anyway, you did fine.

FELIPE NO

I wouldn't think you came off as some sex craved college student. You acted normally, and so did she. Just be glad by now you understood her responses as a no, but I would keep talking to her as a friend to build a relationship.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Greykin

So I met this girl I ended up liking overtime and went out of my way sometimes to talk to her.

That's where you went wrong. You're thinking to yourself that you did it wrong because you were too confident. What actually happened is she probably found you desperate. This is a turn off to pretty much all women and counts you out immediately.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Spike

That's where you went wrong. You're thinking to yourself that you did it wrong because you were too confident. What actually happened is she probably found you desperate. This is a turn off to pretty much all women and counts you out immediately.

Ah sorry, that was a bad choice of words on my part.

By that I mean I would attend a campus club we're both apart of on days where I'm not interested in going at all for the material, but I go just to talk to her.

How ya doing, buddy?