Your Best and Worst Concoctions

So, what were some things you've cooked/mixed up in your kitchen this year that turned out to be either the worst shit you've ever drank/eaten your entire life, or the best thing you've had since sliced bread?

the Worst:
My friend had some cheap ol' Tequila in her cabinet and decided she was going to Mickey-Mouse some margarita's by mixing it with Grapefruit Soda. Needless to say, cheap tequila should not be consumed, period. Especially not anything with corn syrup as a sweetener.

the Best:
Cheesecake. Never did I know that using a professional KitchenAid mixer-stand would make all the difference in making the same old cheesecake mixture to something AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS. It's the same cheesecake recipe I've used for YEARS, and never did it come out as fluffy and moist and delicious as it did when I used my roommate's mixing stand with the paddle extension.

the Unexpected:
Equal parts Black Coffee and Green Tea. Someone at church offered it to me to try and it was surprisingly refreshing. It gave me a caffeine kick that brightened me up, and it was not too bitter (I can never drink coffee straight) that I didn't need to put sugar in it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The Worst:
I had some left over nacho cheese dip that I bought at the dollar store and had the clever idea of cooking up some rotoni noodles and mixing the cheese sauce in. Shit was nasty.

The Best:
Sausage, egg and cheese WAFFLE sandwhich. Add a dab of maple syrup and you have yourself something delicious...it's quite messy though

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Best: #1: Three-cheese macaroni. It's like any normal macaroni & cheese, except that in addition to the Velveeta (must use Velveeta because it mixes well), you stir in melted monterey jack and Philly cream cheese as well. The cream cheese makes all the difference in the world and is the key ingredient. I also like to fry up some bacon and dice some pepperoni, then stir them both into the pot. It's very fattening but it's worth the cardiac shock.

#2: Pizzadillas - I once bought a do-it-yourself pizza kit and was searching through the refrigerator for extra ingredients. I came upon some extra taco fixings from a couple nights before, including some tortilla shells. They matched the pizza dough perfectly, so I fried up some hamburger, reduced some mild salsa to use as the sauce, threw on a couple cheeses, pepperoni and green peppers. A handful of black olives finished the toppings. I then placed a tortilla shell over the pizza and let it bake. It came out fantastic and stayed firm when sliced. It dips well in sour cream too. I'm thinking of doing it again sometime with guacamole added in.

#3: Buffalo-style Spaghetti-O's - I'm probably not the only person who does this. I love Frank's Red Hot sauce and any good Buffalonian knows that it's one of the key ingredients in Buffalo wings. I dropped a good four tablespoons into the pot of Spaghetti-O's as it cooked, then stirred in two tablespoons of butter and one tablespoon of brown sugar. A little chopped cilantro finished the batch. It was perfect. I've been doing it this way for five years now and I have yet to tire of eating Spaghetti-O's for lunch.

#4: Pretzel brittle - Around Christmas time, I usually make a few batches of peanut brittle. It takes no more than ten minutes per batch if you know the science behind "cracking" sugar. Last year, I overestimated how much corn syrup and sugar I'd need, but didn't have any more peanuts. I did, however, have a bag of pretzel sticks, and I figured why not? I crushed them into tiny bits in a mortar and pestle, then added them to the liquid sugar before adding the baking soda. Worked like a charm. It tastes just like peanut brittle except that it's got more of a salty-sweet flavor and is a little crunchier. I wound up dipping half the batch in melted white chocolate and giving it out to coworkers. They loved it.


Worst: #1 - Chocolate mint brittle: As above, but involving an attempt to add chocolate chips and mint extract to the liquid sugar. This does not work because the melting point of chocolate is far too low and the chips melt completely before the sugar becomes firm. This caused a shift in the chemical balance somehow, possibly due to more sugar being present (ratios are vital) and resulted in a batch that was way too hard and difficult to break apart once cooled. It also did not spread well and I believe I used a bit too much mint extract. In retrospect, I should've gone with sweetened cocoa powder and increased the amount of baking soda by a half-teaspoon. Or not. Maybe this one wasn't meant to be.

#2: Mozzarella T-bone steak - I know the idea for this was sound; my implementation was not. I should've set the pan in the broiler more carefully and checked it after five minutes. But I'm always reluctant to open the broiler once I've begun cooking because it rapidly releases heat and can affect the evenness of temperature. Anyhow, I'd placed a mozzarella ball on each steak (3) with the intent that it would melt over the steak and become golden brown by the time my steak reached the desired wellness (medium rare). No such luck. The cheese slid off before melting completely, then melted all over the broiler pan, away from the aluminum foil, and into the oven itself. I had to spend two hours cleaning it up. I'm sure I was on the right track, I just need to watch it closer the next time I attempt this.

The Unexpected: Grape Kool-Aid Milkshake - Sometimes I like to try things just to see what happens. I had french vanilla ice cream, milk and a blender, and figured I could make myself a shake. But vanilla is so dull. I searched about for flavoring and all I could come up with was a jug of grape Kool-Aid mix. I shrugged and poured a heavy spoonful in. That shit was fucking awesome. I was so scared it'd be weird but it blended quite nicely. I bet it would work for any flavor of Kool-Aid, particularly orange. That'd taste like a Creamsicle, I'm sure.

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See I'm not sure I can use the catagories for what I had in mind first because it's one of those things that is amazing when you're drunk but just doesn't work any other time. Whiskey with a beer mixer. I had this cheap as shit whiskey and I'd ran out of mixers. I wasn't about to drink that paint stripper straight and all the shops were closed what with it being about 5am so I searched the house and the garage for something suitable when I came across a case of beer belonging to my brother and just thought "sod it". I was raving about it the next day and all my friends thought I was nuts. Trying it sober I was a bit meh about it, but I'd do it under the influence.

Best
I destroy my food with condiments and one that always gets my mother is having some of her onion gravy with balsamic vinegar and salad cream. Goes surprisingly well~

Worst
I have really strange ideas about food so I'm not sure what I thought would be good about this one. I took Cupa Soup granuals, put them in a ramekin and smothered them with balsamic vinegar and mayo. Really was quite a shite idea.

Unexpected
That was this weekend when we bought chili tuna sandwiches. I really didn't expect it to work as well as it did, and was quite dubious about it but my best mate was well too excited by the idea so we got them. Fuck tuna and sweetcorn or whatever it is people do to their tuna these days, that chili tuna was the best sandwich I've ever had.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

Best: #1: Three-cheese macaroni. It's like any normal macaroni & cheese, except that in addition to the Velveeta (must use Velveeta because it mixes well), you stir in melted monterey jack and Philly cream cheese as well. The cream cheese makes all the difference in the world and is the key ingredient. I also like to fry up some bacon and dice some pepperoni, then stir them both into the pot. It's very fattening but it's worth the cardiac shock.

This seems enticing. I'm almost curious to see how it would taste if it was fried.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Best : pretty much everything I make. If I have clear recipe, I can make masterpieces. Because I make them so often, I would say muffins

Worst : i've never been able to make decent bread (totally hand-made). The yeast must be cheap

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Crash Landon

Three-cheese macaroni. It's like any normal macaroni & cheese, except that in addition to the Velveeta (must use Velveeta because it mixes well), you stir in melted monterey jack and Philly cream cheese as well. The cream cheese makes all the difference in the world and is the key ingredient. I also like to fry up some bacon and dice some pepperoni, then stir them both into the pot. It's very fattening but it's worth the cardiac shock.

I go in for a similar version of this quite often. I use the monterey jack, but rather than Velveeta as a base, I prefer fiesta nacho cheese soup (Campbell's makes some), as its about as smooth as Velveeta but has a nice spicy kick. There's also a southwest cheese that's interesting in combination, as it gives it all a smokey flavor. Tend to mix and match between hot dogs, sausages, and pepperoni depending on what's in the kitchen at the time.

FELIPE NO

That nacho cheese soup sounds perfect for this veggie casserole I was debating on how to make a base for. Making a white sauce and adding cheese felt like too much work, and I didn't want to buy a huge block of Velveeta. Thanks for the idea!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I rarely have time to make any real food around my own home, but when I do, the results induce varying amounts of surprise. At least I always have infinite fun when preparing it.

This year I haven't made anything good (I have made something, though!). Except for an omelet out of meatwurst, meat balls, garlic and basil - that was good. I also tried to make a tuna sauce for pasta. Roll in a can of tuna, some half a can of chili sauce straight from store, and garlic. It could've worked in theory, but it didn't.

Last fall I tried a pasta sauce made mainly of paprika and tomato mixed into a slur of spices (and garlic and chili), cream, cream cheese and olive oil. It was a bit watery, but one of the best things I've ever tasted, made by myself that is.

Yeah, I like garlic.

The next thing I'm going to try is carefully cook slices of orange in extra virgin olive oil on a pan. Maybe put on some garlic for taste.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

With all the talk of not cooking complicated stuff, seems like we almost need a quick and easy concoctions.

Anyhow, something I've made recently which fell under best was a variation of hashbrowns, which are partially based on those spiced potatoes you're supposed to bake in your oven. Basically, I start with onions, green peppers, a chicken breast, and three potatoes. Sometimes mushrooms as well. Saute the onions, mushrooms, peppers and chicken, add in a bit of paprika, garlic, red pepper, and maybe lemon / basil. Shred all the potatoes. Then mix thyme, more garlic, pepper, and paprika in with the potatoes and add them to the sauted mix. Swirl it all up and flatten into a pancake shape and then allow to cook till nice and brown. Flip like a pancake if you have the skills, and then do the other side the same way. Super tasty and easy.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Ceres

The Best:
Sausage, egg and cheese WAFFLE sandwhich. Add a dab of maple syrup and you have yourself something delicious...it's quite messy though

Oh
My
Googly
God.

This NEEDS to be tried by me ASAP.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

chicken + mint extract sauce + oven = baked mint chicken = WTF was I thinking

can't remember what else i'd put on it but needless to say...worst thing ever.


best thing ever?

brown rice cooked in chicken broth. then add about 4 slices of american cheese and a tbsp of butter. melt that. add salt and pepper to taste.

that's good stuff.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

One night, during my a-levels, I actually decided to sit down and study. I made a pot of shitty instant coffee. I won't lie; I was slightly drunk at this stage (as was the case for most of my last year at school), so, naturally, I needed something that'd sober me up AND let me pull an all-nighter. I brewed a pot of shitty tea alongside my shitty coffee, with the really fucking foul intent of mixing them half-and-half. Still, the mixture (shitty as it already was) didn't satisfy me. I needed something more potent.

In the end, my scuffed cafeteria-purloined three-litre plastic jug contained the following bad idea:

Shitty tea (English Breakfast)
Shitty instant coffee
Two cans of shitty Red Bull knockoff energy drink
A handful of coca leaves
A shit-ton of icing sugar (it was the only sugar I had on hand)

Never. Again. I was awake for about two days following this, but good fucking lord it was hardly worth it. I only actually wound up drinking two cups of the stuff before pawing it off on my dipshit friends.

As for decent, sane, non-aberrative concoctions, I tooled around with what goes well with honey a few years ago. Turns out a slice of toast thickly spread with honey and marmite is actually more tasty than it has any right to be!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Best: My roommate bought some Polish fruit juice. I forget how to spell it and what exactly is in it, but it's pronounced "char-nee por-chech-ka" and it tastes great. One night we decided to add a little bit of rum we had laying around. The concoction tasted great, and we gave it a name: The Roman Polanski.

Worst: I made my girlfriend some dinner and we didn't have much, so I decided to try and cook up some stir fry from what few things I had left in the apartment - Pasta, chicken, pepper, olive oil, and seasoned salt. Needless to say, I somehow managed to make chicken taste like beef. It was just nasty. Seasoned Salt is one of my favorite ingredients to tinker with when it comes with chicken, but man, it just did NOT work this time around.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by sprouticus

Best: My roommate bought some Polish fruit juice. I forget how to spell it and what exactly is in it, but it's pronounced "char-nee por-chech-ka" and it tastes great.

Czarna porzeczka. Just fyi. And it means black currant.

FELIPE NO

Best:
Scotch egg. Take a hard-boiled egg and wrap it with sausage and dip it in corn dog batter. Deep-fry the whole thing and eat it smothered in maple syrup. Each one probably shaves two weeks off my life, but oh wow, are they worth it.

Worst:
I'm not sure if this counts, but there was one time I decided to make some nachos. This called for rehydrating some habenero peppers because we were out of jalapenos. I had never rehydrated habaenros before, so I stuck them in the microwave for a minute in a shallow cup of water. Of course, I didn't watch them, so when I opened the microwave, this lovely white smoke of death filled the entire house. It was so bad my dad had to run outside in his underwear and it took a good fifteen minutes of fans blazing to make the air somewhat breathable again.

I'm quite glad I didn't choke to death, but being killed by nachos would've been a pretty metal death in retrospect.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

In all honesty while I can make great things from scratch... I can't make anything good from boxed food following the directions listed.


My best is my Chicken Alfredo. I boil honey with the water to blend in sweet taste for the noodles. I prepare the chicken breast with lemon seasoning. After the noodles are ready I drain the water and mix the chicken in then lay the alfredo sauce on top.


My worst is stuff like instant potatoes. It never turns out well.

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