Sex: Take It Or Leave It

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Regardless of the cause, how many of you could knowingly enter into a serious, long-term relationship with someone like that?

I'm one of those people actually. I'm currently in a relationship for almost two years with a woman who I love more than anything else, but during that entire time frame we've only had sex about 4 times and its been 9 months since me and my gf had an intimate moment.

She just tells me she has no sex drive whatsoever, and she tells me its the pill that kills her sex drive. I really don't know how accurate a statement like that can be. I still love her nonetheless, so I'm willing to sacrifice a sex/intimate life if it means making her happy. Before her, I was only in one other relationshsip and that lasted 11 months but there was no sex involved with that either. Every other guy she has ever been with, has been nothing but a constant dissappointment to her because they couldn't respect the person she is. It seems I've been the only person to give her the happiness she really wanted.

I would think of myself, as someone with an average sex drive, and it does get frustrating to know that I can never have that kind of moment with her. It just comes from my lack of self confidence, and always afraid to ask for anything because I put hers and everyone elses needs before my own. She feels bad because she can't give me that satisfaction, and I try to understand and respect that about her.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Sex is the greatest earthly gift possible for human beings.
There is NOTHING, that I'd rather be doing then having sex in regards to what we have here on earth.
People who don't like sex are messed up in my opinion. I mean..its ok if they are virgins and are waiting. But people who are married and don't like it are just messed up.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I prefer sleep and food to sex, but I agree that it's way up there on the list.

This question is to Angel of Light: If you had known then what you know now about your girlfriend, would you have gotten involved with her? Just curious.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I started on birth control a few months ago for hormone therapy purposes, and yes, there's been a considerable drop in my libido. However, I'm not sexually active so it's not a problem. If your girlfriend is having a serious lack in her sex drive because of the pill, she needs to switch to a different one. There are plenty to choose from.

FELIPE NO

For me it is more of just a moral thing. To me, i feel like sex should only be a form of love to be displayed only when you are with the right person.
Of course the whole, how do you know the right person comes into play, but i am just saying like Marriage, i mean, sure it may be loserish but to me i see no need to define a relationship by sex and some people can.
I just don't understand how some people (i had this discussion in my English class) can just see sex as a form of pleasure and nothing more. I mean, sure sex should be pleasurable but there should be more of a logical reason for it besides "i just want some pleasure" i mean, if you have sex, at least have some form of deep love for the person before, but i am just one of those kind of people.

As for something like marring someone who wants to have sex but you don't is hard, and interesting enough one of my friends has an issue like that, she doesn't want to have sex or children but her boyfriend does want kids (biological of course). This idea is the only difference between the two and it is just funny how something like that can maybe change their whole relationship! I mean, i shouldn't be too surprised but it sometimes is just...different to think about that.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

This question is to Angel of Light: If you had known then what you know now about your girlfriend, would you have gotten involved with her? Just curious.

I still would, without a doubt. I can agree with what a lot of people say on this forum, that sex does indeed play an important part in a dedicated relationship because its showing the person how much you love them in a pysical and spiritual way. To me the most important aspects of a relationship is respect and understanding.

Would I like sex and intimacy to occur more often in the relationship I am in now; of course I would. Sex is probably one of the best feelings in the world, and even though I have had sex with my gf before, I probably haven't even come close to enjoying the full extent of it and more than likely I never will with the woman I'm with now.

I'm with someone who I practically have everything in common with in terms of our hobbies and interests and morals/attitudes toward modern society. We even hate and despise the same things. I wouldn't give all of that up for the best sex in the world.

Its not like she is not giving me any sex for her to punish me, its just her dealing with her own personal demons and her own low sex drive. I think I owe it to her as a respectful, understanding, and above anything else loving bf to give her patience and respect her needs, and her thoughts toward the subject of sex.

Deep down, different people have different needs in a relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with living your life how you want to live it, and if having a great sex life is one of those things you need in a relationship then its no better or no worse then those people who don't want a sex life in their relationship.

I just made a choice, a long time ago, that I would always live my life for the good of everyone else(especially the people that are important to me) and never for myself. I know its a poor attitude to have, and my friends and my family constantly remind me of that all the time because they constantly are trying to pursuade me to break up with her all the time. I gurantee that if I ended this relationship, 9 chances out of 10 my next gf would have a higher sex drive then the woman I'm with now. In my eyes its not worth the sacrifice with the strong emotional connection I have with her.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Angel Of Light

I just made a choice, a long time ago, that I would always live my life for the good of everyone else(especially the people that are important to me) and never for myself. I know its a poor attitude to have, and my friends and my family constantly remind me of that all the time because they constantly are trying to persuade me to break up with her all the time. I guarantee that if I ended this relationship, 9 chances out of 10 my next gf would have a higher sex drive then the woman I'm with now. In my eyes its not worth the sacrifice with the strong emotional connection I have with her.

That is truly a rare and great answer...if only all of society thought this way (well, where i live anyway) most of the time it is either sex or no relationship at all (hence why i am single) -_-"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Angel Of Light

Its not like she is not giving me any sex for her to punish me, its just her dealing with her own personal demons and her own low sex drive. I think I owe it to her as a respectful, understanding, and above anything else loving bf to give her patience and respect her needs, and her thoughts toward the subject of sex.

But, if you're going to go that far out of your way to make her happy, doesn't she owe it back to you as a respectful, understanding, and loving girlfriend to try and figure out what is wrong with herself?

"Thanks for loving me and treating me well and refuting, essentially, one of the core aspects of your manhood just to make me happy. In return I will make no attempts whatsoever to change myself to make you happier."

Am I wrong here?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by BurningRanger

But, if you're going to go that far out of your way to make her happy, doesn't she owe it back to you as a respectful, understanding, and loving girlfriend to try and figure out what is wrong with herself?

"Thanks for loving me and treating me well and refuting, essentially, one of the core aspects of your manhood just to make me happy. In return I will make no attempts whatsoever to change myself to make you happier."

Am I wrong here?

Any man with a Shining Force II av, especially one that awesome, can never be wrong. Also, in this case, stunningly right. Relationships are give and take.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Angel Of Light

I still would, without a doubt. I can agree with what a lot of people say on this forum, that sex does indeed play an important part in a dedicated relationship because its showing the person how much you love them in a pysical and spiritual way. To me the most important aspects of a relationship is respect and understanding.

Would I like sex and intimacy to occur more often in the relationship I am in now; of course I would. Sex is probably one of the best feelings in the world, and even though I have had sex with my gf before, I probably haven't even come close to enjoying the full extent of it and more than likely I never will with the woman I'm with now.

I'm with someone who I practically have everything in common with in terms of our hobbies and interests and morals/attitudes toward modern society. We even hate and despise the same things. I wouldn't give all of that up for the best sex in the world.

Its not like she is not giving me any sex for her to punish me, its just her dealing with her own personal demons and her own low sex drive. I think I owe it to her as a respectful, understanding, and above anything else loving bf to give her patience and respect her needs, and her thoughts toward the subject of sex.

Deep down, different people have different needs in a relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with living your life how you want to live it, and if having a great sex life is one of those things you need in a relationship then its no better or no worse then those people who don't want a sex life in their relationship.

I just made a choice, a long time ago, that I would always live my life for the good of everyone else(especially the people that are important to me) and never for myself. I know its a poor attitude to have, and my friends and my family constantly remind me of that all the time because they constantly are trying to pursuade me to break up with her all the time. I gurantee that if I ended this relationship, 9 chances out of 10 my next gf would have a higher sex drive then the woman I'm with now. In my eyes its not worth the sacrifice with the strong emotional connection I have with her.

I mean, if dating an exact clone of you is exactly what you want forever, great, more power to you. Seriously, I hope you never change your mind. Don't delude yourself, if you're accomodating to her chastity she will have no drive to change it. And it is entirely unfair, you adorable little nice guy you, that she is locking you in a metaphorical tower because of her own personal demons.

Even still, with all the ernest that is possible over the internet, I hope you like chastity, and if some day you get sick of it, I hope your soulmate here would be willing to accept either change or cuckoldship. You do not deserve a sexless relationship, and she does not deserve the years of resentment that can build up in such a relationship.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Devo

I think it's pretty obvious she's getting some on the side.

I agree. That explanation sums up all the goings-on pretty nicely.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Devo

I think it's pretty obvious she's getting some on the side.

I am not actually, I just have a really low sex drive and I don't think sex is the top priority.

Most amazing jew boots

OH ALRIGHT IN THAT CASE.

How ya doing, buddy?

Hey don't worry, when she gets into her 30s she'll hit her sexual peak and stay pretty horny. You kids'll be alright.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by a lurker

Even still, with all the ernest that is possible over the internet, I hope you like chastity, and if some day you get sick of it, I hope your soulmate here would be willing to accept either change or cuckoldship. You do not deserve a sexless relationship, and she does not deserve the years of resentment that can build up in such a relationship.

I have to say, I think you're quite right about this. I'd be in her position, of course, but I don't delude myself that it's anything but unfair on the other person in the relationship, which is one reason I no longer seek relationships.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It's true that relationships are give and take, and just that: they are relationships, as in between two people. Sex is an awesome thing. It has so many sides to it -- it can be purely physical in some cases, and it can be the ultimate expression of love and compassion in others. It's all in how you view it.

I hold sex very highly in my monogamistic relationship. I don't see it as shallow or purely physical; it's an exchange of emotions. And it's really fucking fun, too.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

I am not actually, I just have a really low sex drive and I don't think sex is the top priority.

So when you guys go to the movies, do you ever see a movie that he wants to see instead of one that you want to?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Luminaire

And it's really fucking fun, too.

Dr. Freud would be damn proud.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by russ

Hey don't worry, when she gets into her 30s she'll hit her sexual peak and stay pretty horny. You kids'll be alright.

Right. Assuming they last that long.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by nadienne

Right. Assuming they last that long.

Come now, don't discourage him

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

I am not actually, I just have a really low sex drive and I don't think sex is the top priority.

If that's the case, would you object to your boyfriend seeking non-committal sex from a third party? Let us assume that at the time, it is a priority to him.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I have a feeling neither of those two will be doing any more posting in this thread.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by NaklsonofNakkl

Come now, don't discourage him

I see no reason to be anything but cynical when it comes to a couple that has a large difference in sex drives. At the very least, someone ends up being stilted, horny, and very unhappy--and at the extreme, he ends up cheating.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

You be cynical, I will feign optimism, and that guy will keep trying to say the things that he thinks the girl wants to hear, in hopes that his good attitude about not getting any will magically make her horny. Everybody wins.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

russ, sometimes I love you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?