Age Barriers in Romance

Originally Posted by Midna

And, Deni, women over 34 are "old broads"? You can fuck right off, sir.

Yeah. Sorry, but you're old. Alice is old. That old broad who used to come around here and forum mom people, Julia? Old. I'm 24. You people have a decade on me. I've no interest in dating middle aged women. I'm sorry that upsets people.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Midna

To answer the question, I have dated, and will be dating, someone significantly younger. That's as far as I'm willing to open that can-o-worms though.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

One thing I don't get it the whole sensitivity thing towards age in women over 30.

Why be sensitive about age?

I look forward to the day that I can have wrinkles, gray hair, and scars from my youth. It signifies a certain wisdom in life and experience, and it's something I think a lot of women overlook.

Trying to maintain a certain youthfulness beyond your years indicates - to me, anyways - that you're more interested in being attractive than going with the flow of life.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Being attractive can get you more of what you want regardless of of what it is. Beauty is not an entirely superficial thing. Being attractive certainly shows that you at least care about yourself, and not in a selfish way. Yes, people can sometimes be too selfish and display an overwrought amount of narcissism, but the majority of people who do try to make themselves look better are not the people who stop at every reflective surface and say, "damn, I'm hot."

Even if you're old and beautiful, age can still throw off a lot of people. Hell, I've had trouble dating men five years older than me. I can't imagine that a 20-year old and a 30-year old would have a lot in common. I think experience absolutely plays a huge role in determining compatibility. The larger the age difference, the less common experience you're going to have. How can a relationship like that work?

I was speaking idiomatically.

I've only really seriously dated two girls. One was 18 and I was 22.

The other relationship I was 24 and she was 22. For me I really haven't had much experience in terms of age barriers since I haven't really dated much. At a very young age I was ready to settle down and from my experieces from my first relationship I didn't really want to date anybody below the age of 20.

In essence age really doesn't matter that much to me, if I can find someone that I share great chemistry with that age is not going to mean a hell of a lot of difference unless there is like a large age gap such as anything over 7 years. I'm going on 28 now, and if I was single I would probably go out with someone between the ages of 21-35.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Encephalon

Age of consent varies from country to country, so yes, I do believe it. In Mexico it's as low as 15 in some regions. But this cat I quoted lives in the US (if his country of choosing is correct) so why would he think it's OK to ask out a 17 year old girl when he was 22?

To be honest though, 17 and 22's really only a 5 year age gap. That's really not that massive a difference, so I guess the taboo is much rather that people are 'afraid' because the girl is 'young', and possibly 'innocent' and dangerous situations might arise.

I think it really depends on the mental maturity of the girl in question though and maybe it's just me, but I'm not one into social-casual-dating thing. I'd much prefer wait then hit off with someone that I could potentially see being with me when we're old and wrinkled. Meh.

You'll be slightly eww'ed though .. a friend of mine dated a guy that was something like 25 when we were year 10 .. which I think is the equivalent of freshmen High School (?). That was creepy.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

To be honest though, 17 and 22's really only a 5 year age gap. That's really not that massive a difference, so I guess the taboo is much rather that people are 'afraid' because the girl is 'young', and possibly 'innocent' and dangerous situations might arise.

A five year gap between 31 and 36 or even, like, 24 and 29 aren't that noticeable.

But between 17 and 22? Two totally different points in life. It's not because a girl/guy is considered "young" or "innocent" - it's because a seventeen year old is at a completely different maturity level than a twenty-two year old. Unless, of course, you're dealing with a particularly stunted 22 year old, which I have certainly seen.

I don't believe in this "mature for 16" shit. It sounds like a huge excuse to me. I can't imagine too many sixteen year olds in high school being as mature as a twenty-two year old, and I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else says.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I don't believe in this "mature for 16" shit. It sounds like a huge excuse to me. I can't imagine too many sixteen year olds in high school being as mature as a twenty-two year old, and I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else says.

Having worked with the teenaged weekend staff in a few jobs, I can safely say that I agree. It's just a huge gap in most cases. I have no problem working with people in that age group, but I just couldn't have a serious conversation with 'em, even when I was 22 myself.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Three years down, five or so up. I don't mind dating women who are older, but going beyond three years younger is just awkward as hell with my sister being that age. Nothing gets you some weird looks like bringing one of your sister's friends home haha

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Heres how it works:

1.) Is She Of Legal Age To Fuck? If Answer Is Yes, Go To Number 2
2.) Do Her Tits Sag Yet? If Answer Is No, Go To Number 3
3.) Are You Sure You Can Stand Her Outside Of The Bedroom? If Answer Is Yes, Go To Number 4
4.) You Have Covered All Possibilities.

(The idea that people have an "age range" is nice... if you're trying to say you won't rape your friend's 11 year old sister. Otherwise, stop trying to be Dudley Doright by saying you have limitations and simply be Dudley Doherintheass by saying what you mean - "As long as its legal". This place is getting to be too moral intensive.)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

@LeHah: I practice monogamy. The kind where you don't sleep with a girl unless you want to marry her, and stay married until you're dead. Personal choice, not being moral intensive or politically correct.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

But between 17 and 22? Two totally different points in life. It's not because a girl/guy is considered "young" or "innocent" - it's because a seventeen year old is at a completely different maturity level than a twenty-two year old. Unless, of course, you're dealing with a particularly stunted 22 year old, which I have certainly seen.

I don't believe in this "mature for 16" shit. It sounds like a huge excuse to me. I can't imagine too many sixteen year olds in high school being as mature as a twenty-two year old, and I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else says.

Hmm .. fair enough. I'll have to /nod to this one on the vast majority of the populace. But, from what I understand to be truth is that maturity is something arises out of life experiences, and while 90% of teenagers at that age are bloody drama queens, there were and are still quite a massive number left that are more 'mature' (I put that loosely) simply because of what life has thrown at them. This can be either/or broken families, poverty, lower social settings, illnesses, racial prejudice, etc. The world isn't a happy place really; I know.

This is just food for thought, so I'm deviating massively from topic at hand just 'cause I can. Thoughts?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Quote:

This can be either/or broken families, poverty, lower social settings, illnesses, racial prejudice, etc.

I know someone that fits most all of these descriptions and they certainly weren't mature beyond their years. If anything they were less developed than many other people since their life had been so weird while growing up.

How ya doing, buddy?

No, I agree with Midna. It's not unreasonable to be 25 and feel that 35 is too old for you. But a dude in his thirties saying women in their thirties are too sensitive about their age, and then says they're too old? Hilarious, Crash.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I don't believe in this "mature for 16" shit. It sounds like a huge excuse to me. I can't imagine too many sixteen year olds in high school being as mature as a twenty-two year old, and I don't give a good goddamn what anyone else says.

That's fair, maybe mature was the wrong word for it... She's smarter and more sane than the average 16 year old. Does that work?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

Hmm .. fair enough. I'll have to /nod to this one on the vast majority of the populace. But, from what I understand to be truth is that maturity is something arises out of life experiences, and while 90% of teenagers at that age are bloody drama queens, there were and are still quite a massive number left that are more 'mature' (I put that loosely) simply because of what life has thrown at them. This can be either/or broken families, poverty, lower social settings, illnesses, racial prejudice, etc. The world isn't a happy place really; I know.

This is just food for thought, so I'm deviating massively from topic at hand just 'cause I can. Thoughts?

So how old are you, exactly?

"Bad life experiences" doesn't really ever mean to me that a person is mature. I had some of those very early on. Doesn't mean I was mature at 18. It can help in the speediness of maturing, but it doesn't mean that some nasty shit in the past can make you "mature" at 18.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

there were and are still quite a massive number left that are more 'mature' (I put that loosely) simply because of what life has thrown at them.

When I was 16, there were a couple of guys I considered getting into relationships with that were older than me. They all described me as "mature" for my age and you know what? They were all wrong. I still have some conversations saved from that time, and I was incredibly immature. But guess what? So were they.

When you're thinking of getting involved with someone that is still a teenager (or possibly even in her early twenties) I can see a large age gap being a problem. I'm 19 and definitely not mature enough to date someone in his mid-twenties.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

When I was 19 I was getting attention from a 35 year old guy from church and I was attracted to him. He was in the military and he had an R-1 motorcycle. When I was 20 I was attracted to a 33 year old, he was athletic and I liked that. When I was a freshman in high school, I dated a senior, guess I've always liked the older guys. Zephyrin, my husband, is the only guy I've dated younger than me and we are only three months apart. Guess this really doesn't help, but I wanted to put in my 2 cents.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I only date 65+



I'm all about retirement checks.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by christinajon

When I was 16, there were a couple of guys I considered getting into relationships with that were older than me. They all described me as "mature" for my age and you know what? They were all wrong. I still have some conversations saved from that time, and I was incredibly immature. But guess what? So were they.

When you're thinking of getting involved with someone that is still a teenager (or possibly even in her early twenties) I can see a large age gap being a problem. I'm 19 and definitely not mature enough to date someone in his mid-twenties.

QFFT. I've been on BOTH sides of this - the younger one being told he's more mature, and the older one telling the girl she's more mature. In both cases it was because the older party was comparatively IMMATURE. Seriously. I don't care how well-put-together a younger girl may seem. Age always makes a difference that has no substitute. On the flipside, sometimes it's not a big enough difference.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by sprouticus

That's fair, maybe mature was the wrong word for it... She's smarter and more sane than the average 16 year old. Does that work?

That's better; I think I was sort of looking in the wrong direction when I went with "mature", so that's probably a better way of looking at it then I was.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

So how old are you, exactly?

I won't answer that just yet, since I'm sort of curious as to what age you think I might be.

Of course, I won't deny that I'm young, and there is far more in life that I have yet to see and understand. And of course, I agree to what you say about the speediness of maturity, but from my own life I have numerous examples to counter that.

A friend suffered from cancer, which kind of gave her a spin on life that was far more 'mature' then others. She took it in stride, and achieved well in both her social as well as academic life. Did things that would be considered 'mature', and approached her relationship and actions with others with a fair level of tenderness.

Another was from a family that wasn't so well off. Even with donations and charity from church, they struggled. She opted to leave school and work hours that would've killed most of us to get her siblings through school. Did all the things that was required to get her family through life and never grunted a single complaint.

I know countless stories of people around me that have suffered, lost, and gone through periods of their lives where they had nothing to rely on, and survived and came out the other side a 'mature' person, if the phrase is apt. I'm not doubting the vast majority of teenagers are immature and crazy, but having worked with and heard stories of so many kids I can't help but say something when generalizations are thrown around.

Now I've just deviated off the topic so much it ain't funny ^^"

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

I won't answer that just yet, since I'm sort of curious as to what age you think I might be.

Your perspective sounds like a young one.

It sounds to me like some have called you "mature," despite your young age, and you're defending the idea that youthfulness doesn't go hand in hand with immaturity.

Quote:

Of course, I won't deny that I'm young, and there is far more in life that I have yet to see and understand. And of course, I agree to what you say about the speediness of maturity, but from my own life I have numerous examples to counter that.

A friend suffered from cancer, which kind of gave her a spin on life that was far more 'mature' then others. She took it in stride, and achieved well in both her social as well as academic life. Did things that would be considered 'mature', and approached her relationship and actions with others with a fair level of tenderness.

Another was from a family that wasn't so well off. Even with donations and charity from church, they struggled. She opted to leave school and work hours that would've killed most of us to get her siblings through school. Did all the things that was required to get her family through life and never grunted a single complaint.

I know countless stories of people around me that have suffered, lost, and gone through periods of their lives where they had nothing to rely on, and survived and came out the other side a 'mature' person, if the phrase is apt. I'm not doubting the vast majority of teenagers are immature and crazy, but having worked with and heard stories of so many kids I can't help but say something when generalizations are thrown around.

Who's to say I'm not one of these people?

Everyone can bring up shitty stuff that's happened to them in the past. It's a sane person who takes those bad experiences and heals after time. Not a mature one.

"Maturity" is not something you get through bad experiences at a young age. While you can cite good examples of people growing up more quickly through bad experience, I can cite examples of people who took their pain and never grew up because of their experiences. Bad things happen to a lot of people, fair or unfair, justified or not. That doesn't mean that every person who had a shitty childhood is mature.

Bad experience does not equate to automatic maturity. Bad experiences can develop character, instill a sense of morality, and teach a person.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Your perspective sounds like a young one.

It sounds to me like some have called you "mature," despite your young age, and you're defending the idea that youthfulness doesn't go hand in hand with immaturity.

It is. And funnily enough, I actually haven't any body call me mature. Philosophical, maybe, but never mature (you'd have to know me in RL to understand that one).

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Bad experience does not equate to automatic maturity. Bad experiences can develop character, instill a sense of morality, and teach a person.

Awesome conclusion.

But, with that said, I do also have to point out we may have different ideas of what maturity is. From what I can read out, you're from a western society, while mine is Asian. There are different culture influences working at a deeper level, so we may have perceptions based on separate ideologies concerned, especially when various religious and theological doctrines are ingrained within. Of course, there's also the fact that I'm Christian, which in itself might say something.


But anyway, don't mind me blathering my mouth away. It's half 4am, and I should really be asleep :P

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

But, with that said, I do also have to point out we may have different ideas of what maturity is. From what I can read out, you're from a western society, while mine is Asian. There are different culture influences working at a deeper level, so we may have perceptions based on separate ideologies concerned, especially when various religious and theological doctrines are ingrained within. Of course, there's also the fact that I'm Christian, which in itself might say something.

O, christ on a stick. Dragging in the religion to explain the definition of "maturity?" Sigh.

Where's Denicalis.

We're talking about modern society, civilized people, and dating within a certain age gap. Not about the philosophy of child-fucking 'cause the church needed more followers in the old days. Be real.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Stop being a cunt, sass.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by crimsonsabre

WORDS.

There's nowhere I can't reach.