eHarmony.

Originally Posted by MetheGelfling

That eharmony guy wishes he was Don Knotts...

Jesuscrucifuckedchrist... Don't even get me started on him. That guy gives me the fucking creeps.



I mean, look at this old fuck, for fucking fuck's sake!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Encephalon

I may not be the wisest man on the planet, but I'm still under the belief that this things called "chemistry" between people is not something I want to chalk up to a matching system.

Matching systems were made for printing presses, not relationships. :\

I don't know...there's a lot to be said for compatibility. Some people place a higher importance on compatibility than they do chemistry. I guess it really depends on the type of person you are. Are you looking for someone you're going to get along well with, someone who's interested in the same things as you, whose personality type meshes well with yours?

OR

Is it more important to you to be with someone with whom you have that "spark" of chemistry, who you may or may not be all that compatible with?

Because you do realize that the chances of getting matched up with someone you "click" with physically are slim to none, right? I mean, what are the odds? That sort of thing rarely happens meeting people in person; I shudder to think how much more rare it is when two people are matched up by a computer.

So I say, it really depends on what you're looking for.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by MetheGelfling

Dopefish, has your match contacted you? Can you reset your profile or criteria or whatever to search closer to home? Let us know how the whole thing pans out since Minion isn't sharing.

Unless she opts for "FastTrack" (which allows you to skip eHarmony's step-by-step shit and get right down to e-mails, which I didn't choose) what's going to happen is she's going to answer and then ask me 5 of 40 multiple-choice questions, then we'll send each other our "Must Have's and Can't Stand's" (10 things that you'd most want and not want in a partner), then we'll pick another 5 questions for each other, then we'll get down to e-mails. I'm betting that she's nothing like me in that I could sit here and wait and wait for her to answer my questions and send her's. Not that I'm really anxious about what could happen, but I've got nothing better to do.

And yes, I could change the criteria but the only thing I changed was my religious preferences. I had Judaism and Islam as two religions I'd go for, but I don't know if her entire family would be content with her being in a relationship with an atheist. I've scaled back to Christianity, religious or spiritual but non-denominational, and neither religious or spiritual, and hope that the lack of emphasis I placed on religious beliefs when answering the super-survey questions will be sufficient for keeping the devoutly religious at bay.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

what's going to happen is she's going to answer and then ask me 5 of 40 multiple-choice questions, then we'll send each other our "Must Have's and Can't Stand's" (10 things that you'd most want and not want in a partner), then we'll pick another 5 questions for each other, then we'll get down to e-mails.

What's to stop you (or her) from seeing things they do on someone's "can't stand" list or things they don't do on someone's "must have" list and lying about it? I hope you haven't seen pictures of each other at this point in the process, because if someone was gorgeous, everyone would probably lie in order to get to meet that person.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Neither of us have any pictures available.

I don't understand the question you asked, probably because it wasn't worded properly. :?

Maybe this will clear it up: the must have's and can't stands are the top 10 qualities you choose from a list of about 50 must have's and 30 can't stands about your partner.

Believe me, if she was hot and had very little about her that appealed to me, I'd probably not pursue anything too aggressively. I'm getting the feeling, though, that she probably isn't all too smart, since:

• two of the three things she's thankful for are "music" (hooray for rhythmic melodies existing?) and "california" (hooray for manifest destiny?);
• the one thing she's most passionate about is "music and photography" (note: that's two things, and she's being slightly redundant);
• the most influential person in her life has been "her high school teacher" (I don't know about you, but I had more than one).

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

OK, say she sends you her "can't stand" list, and on it you see "doesn"t like spicy food". You HATE spicy food, but you're so anxious to meet her that you lie and say that you love spicy food. What's to stop you from doing that?

Was that worded better?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

OK, say she sends you her "can't stand" list, and on it you see "doesn"t like spicy food". You HATE spicy food, but you're so anxious to meet her that you lie and say that you love spicy food. What's to stop you from doing that?

Was that worded better?

The Must Have's and Can't Stand's are adjectives that describe your ideal partner, not peeves and likes.

How ya doing, buddy?

OK, whatever. Same principle. What's to stop you from lying once you see her lists?

Lordy. If I had know I was going to be pulling teeth like this I would have gotten my dental license.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Because you send your lists simultaneously.

Why the fuck would I want to lie? I'm not that desperate (lies; I'm using eHarmony FFS), especially not to meet someone on the other side of the continent.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by The Dopefish

Because you send your lists simultaneously.

Why the fuck would I want to lie? I'm not that desperate (lies; I'm using eHarmony FFS), especially not to meet someone on the other side of the continent.

Jesus Christ, you're thick.

I'm not saying YOU would lie. I'm asking how you know she's not lying. How does anyone who uses eharmony know that anyone else isn't lying?

I guess what I'm getting at is that even though you send your lists simultaneously, that doesn't guarantee that someone will be honest. You (and I mean "you" as in "anyone who uses eharmony") could get her (and I mean "her" as in "anyone who uses eharmony") list of must haves and can't stands and realize that you two are never going to hit it off, but decide to be dishonest and not admit that out of desperation or whatever.

It just doesn't seem all that fool-proof to me, but maybe I'm missing something.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well you probably know the answer to your question without me saying it: you can lie all you want, if you want to. I don't think most people would spend $100+ just to lie about who they are and not genuinely try to meet someone, but there's plenty of con artists out there too. Who knows; perhaps Sugar is one of them. Maybe I'm one. I don't suppose if we never meet we'll ever know for sure.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

From some curiousity I decided to try out the free profile test. Well, big waste of like, a half hour filling out that crap and getting no matches, ah well. Just further proves me point that I'm a weirdo =).

I was speaking idiomatically.

Apparently their test weeds out a huge percentage of the people who take it, so it's probably not that you're weird (though you can certainly claim that if you want ) but that they're trying to be picky. (If you're not lying, that is. )

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

See, I didn't know there were direct questions to each other involved. That screws up everything. I thought you just filled out this super-in-depth personality profile that covered pretty much every imaginable aspect of a person (their personality, appearance, likes and dislikes, ect.) and you were matched up with a suitable person based on that.

Knowing that there's a potential for others to lie and just say what they know the other person wants to hear, what's the advantage of meeting someone like this?

FELIPE NO

Alice, they give you your match based on the personality profile that's compiled from the super-survey they pose to you before you even get the chance to subscribe. It's from that that they match you up with a person they suppose you'll be compatible with, and then you go through the questions.

If you need an idea of the type of questions involved and the answers, here's what I asked:

1. Would you rather date someone who is
   1. very busy, with a sometimes chaotic schedule, who books time with you in advance
   2. busy, with a structured schedule, you know what days the person will be available for fun
   3. slightly busy, who works during the day and is available most nights
   4. not busy and has lots of free time
2. What is your opinion of committed long-distance relationships?
   1. they are manageable
   2. they can work for a predetermined period of time
   3. they are only feasible for a short period of time
   4. they are impossible for any length of time
3. How do you feel about relocating for a relationship?
   1. If I met the right person, I would do whatever I needed to do to move and be with them.
   2. I would not want to move...but if it were the only way to be together I would do it.
   3. I would not be able to move under any circumstances.
4. Do you enjoy debating the issues of the day with your partner?
   1. I hate to debate about anything.
   2. Occasionally I don't mind a friendly debate, but I don't really enjoy it.
   3. As long as we don't get too intense, I enjoy a good discussion about general issues.
   4. I find it stimulating to debate various "issues of the day" with my partner and love it.
5. What is your opinion on your mate having opposite sex friendships?
   1. I believe both partners should have and actively pursue opposite sex friendships.
   2. I'm comfortable with a few well-established opposite sex friendships.
   3. I don't mind opposite sex friends for my mate as long as I'm included in the socializing.
   4. I would probably be uncomfortable with my mate having opposite sex friendships.

See, the trouble with lying is that you could lie correctly or incorrectly. I already know what answers I would want to see, so if she gets all 5 right then more power to her.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Because you do realize that the chances of getting matched up with someone you "click" with physically are slim to none, right? I mean, what are the odds? That sort of thing rarely happens meeting people in person; I shudder to think how much more rare it is when two people are matched up by a computer.

THANK YOU! I don't know there have been times when I thought I "clicked" with someone only to be let down, so there is a certain amount of truth to that. eHarmony sells a dream, not a reality and it really is pretty disconcerting to see this happen.

By and large, I have found that the best relationship I can honestly say I regret having ended was the most imperfect one. I'm not saying it was the most fucked up one here, I'm saying that it was the one that was filled with all the quirks and imperfections that REALLY made every little thing worth remembering.

I already have a group of friends who I "click" with. I would DIE if I had to put up with the same kind of projected illusion of perfection in a relationship.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Encephalon

THANK YOU! I don't know there have been times when I thought I "clicked" with someone only to be let down, so there is a certain amount of truth to that. eHarmony sells a dream, not a reality and it really is pretty disconcerting to see this happen.

Uh, you're acting as if it can't work, which is a far cry from you don't think it would work for you.

It's not about inserting rod A into slot B. That's just a silly way to think about it. There's quite a bit more that goes into a personality profile than mere classification, because, (duh) everyone's different. The service they give you is attempting to give you an overview of what they think you should look for.

I remember mine saying that I should look for a relationship that was competition-free, and I think that's one of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever been given. After I heard it, it felt right. It would drive me up the wall to be around someone who was constantly giving me the business. That isn't to say that I'd never establish a relationship with a competitive person, but what are the chances of me staying in that relationship for a long time, without ending up storming out of the house? Slim to none. I think the same goes for a lot of the other questions they present to you.

How ya doing, buddy?

What are you people talking about?

What's the difference in meeting people in a club as opposed to meeting people on the internet? Explain the logic behind there being more people you would end up liking at a club or something than behind a computer. This isn't the 80s. Lots of people use computers.

It's actually beneficial to meet people online, I think, because you can guarantee some level of compatibility. Whereas meeting people randomly in public settings doesn't give you assurance of anything. And yeah, people could lie, but not about everything. People lie in person, anyway. The only thing a computer makes it any easier to lie about is your looks and meeting in person solves that problem.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Skexis

Uh, you're acting as if it can't work, which is a far cry from you don't think it would work for you.

Whoa there, Nelly. I didn't say that it couldn't work, nor was I discrediting the fact that in fact it may work for some people. But I did, like you said, say that I think it wouldn't work for me because I don't see the appeal in it. I just think it feels like this rather detached and almost auto-mechanical way to meet people.

But hey, you could be right; I mean, it does work for some people. eHarmony isn't the largest and most successful without reason, I just don't agree with its practices, is all.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It's not like you're legally married if you get matched with someone. You meet and find out what they're like, just like any other date. Why wouldn't you want to start things off knowing you have at least something in common with the person?

Most amazing jew boots

Hmm good point, I see eharmony as more of a..."step" towards a relationship. Rather than physically going out and meeting people, this may just be a substitute to just pass through it without the hassle of socially drifting through people.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Minion

It's not like you're legally married if you get matched with someone. You meet and find out what they're like, just like any other date. Why wouldn't you want to start things off knowing you have at least something in common with the person?

That really is true. I'd just be concerned about the "click," (which has little - if anything - to do with looks). But like I said, some people place a high importance on that, and some would rather be compatible and couldn't care less about chemistry. I think something like eharmony would work great for someone like that. For people like me and Enceph, the chances of finding someone through a computer are pretty much nil.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Encephalon

This dude is creepy, and this comment is brought to you by a self-proclaimed oldmanlover.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

What a waste of fucking time. I got done with it and it told me it couldn't calculate for whatever reason, so I have no matches. That's pretty fucking stupid.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

This happened to me, as well. Also, it doesn't like gay people. Apparently the founder is some sort of evangelist.

How ya doing, buddy?