Dealbreakers

Quote:

It's kind of sad when you get beauty tips or clothing tips from your BOYFRIEND or your HUSBAND.

Eventually it will be seen in the same vein as women giving beauty or grooming tips to men. Equality in the sexes will be earned, one plucked eyebrow at a time.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by a lurker

Eventually it will be seen in the same vein as women giving beauty or grooming tips to men. Equality in the sexes will be earned, one plucked eyebrow at a time.

Truth. My girlfriend plucks my eyebrows. :O

She's also hellbent on being the one to propose in teh future... I told her if she proposes, I'm taking her last name and she doesn't get mine.

She stopped that shit.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by kat

In the context of first dates, it is "fair" to go dutch on a date but I don't think relationships are necessarily about what's fair and what's not fair. It's always a give and take, and I want to make sure that the man is willing to GIVE as well as TAKE. The question isn't of his ability to provide for any potential circumstance but more his willingness to. I hate to say it this way but I want to make sure that he has his priorities straight. You can have money and the ability to give your family everything you can, but if you don't have the heart for it, then there's no point.

That's why this isn't about dating a rich guy and knowing if he's rich on the first date and having him treat me out on a lavish dinner, but if you're dating a good, decent guy who is there for you and wants to take care of you, even if it's giving you the bigger half of the cookie. Because that's what you do when you like a person, possibly even love. Most women want the comfort of knowing that they come first for a guy. A way to verify it is if he pays for the first date, he shows you that you're important and you're special and that he sees you differently from every other girl he knows.

That's my take on it. I've had guys not pay for me and it's not the end of the world. Although ironically, I never got into a relationship with any of them. So I figure, hypothetical you and I would never make it.

That’s fine and I can perfectly identify with your train of reasoning here. However, I think the fatal flaw in this reasoning is that, considering the context of the date is “we barely know each other,” do you really think a guy’s wiliness to pay for a date is the equivalent of his willingness to give, specifically to you? Do you not see the compromise of sincerity here, considering the guy barely knows you?

I think you should put yourself in a male’s point of view to understand this better. As a guy, you come across so many females who simply expect you two behave this way that eventually it simply becomes protocol. Thus, the genuineness is destroyed. After you go through this, so much, it doesn’t become a matter of “I care about this girl I want to do something for her.” It simply becomes a routine of the game. With your male vision in tact, keep in mind that this gets so bad for some men that they would rather just pay a hooker, hurry up and get their dick sucked, and not be bothered with all the other crap.

Point being, as a guy who has been through the whole dating game time after again, how much money I’m willing to spend on you – when I barely even know you – is completely separated from my care for you as a person. This is why I told myself I’m not doing that shit anymore. It’s only genuine when I want to pay. Not when I feel like I’m coerced into following proper protocol because the chic is going to dealbreak otherwise. And let’s face it; rarely do I click with someone so instantly on the first date that I earnestly want to start giving them stuff. Personally, I think only the inexperienced do.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Reznor, wow. I completely agree with you, and I'm not so old and far-removed from reality that I don't realize that what you're saying is true. It worries me, though. I personally think (and I know I'm going to get flamed for this), that when women decided they were equal in EVERY way and determined that men were unnecessary in a family, our boys started turning into either whiny emo pussies or thugs.

I think there are more traditionalists out there than you think, though. Sometimes in our youth we convince ourselves that we believe things that, once we get tired of proving that our parents are wrong about everything, we later decide we were wrong about. I'm not condescending to you; I'm just speaking from experience.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Actually, I find ol' Rez to be awfully cynical. I can't help but wonder if he is talking about his "generation" or his neighborhood/family.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by SMX

That’s fine and I can perfectly identify with your train of reasoning here. However, I think the fatal flaw in this reasoning is that, considering the context of the date is “we barely know each other,” do you really think a guy’s wiliness to pay for a date is the equivalent of his willingness to give, specifically to you? Do you not see the compromise of sincerity here, considering the guy barely knows you?

I think you should put yourself in a male’s point of view to understand this better. As a guy, you come across so many females who simply expect you two behave this way that eventually it simply becomes protocol. Thus, the genuineness is destroyed. After you go through this, so much, it doesn’t become a matter of “I care about this girl I want to do something for her.” It simply becomes a routine of the game. With your male vision in tact, keep in mind that this gets so bad for some men that they would rather just pay a hooker, hurry up and get their dick sucked, and not be bothered with all the other crap.

Point being, as a guy who has been through the whole dating game time after again, how much money I’m willing to spend on you – when I barely even know you – is completely separated from my care for you as a person. This is why I told myself I’m not doing that shit anymore. It’s only genuine when I want to pay. Not when I feel like I’m coerced into following proper protocol because the chic is going to dealbreak otherwise. And let’s face it; rarely do I click with someone so instantly on the first date that I earnestly want to start giving them stuff. Personally, I think only the inexperienced do.

I'll be the first to say I have more of a relationship mentality, I don't find dating strangers to be particularily enticing because it is most of the times, hit or miss and bad dates are bad dates. That's why most first dates I've been to are with friends that end up asking me out. That means that I know them fairly to very well on a friendship basis and they want to take it to the next level. By him paying for the date, it's an indicator that I am special, he's sincere about pursing me and that he sees me as more than a "friend". Sure we can split the bill but how is this any different than the other times we've been out to eat. Because we're in nicer clothes and it's only the two of us?

Even with the few I've been with non-friends (IE: guy I worked with, someone I met in a coffee shop, etc.), when a guy asks me out on a date and I barely know him, I hardly consider buying a person a meal is the same as "giving them stuff". It's thanking them for taking the time out of their busy day to spend time with you, it's saying thank you for a nice evening, thank you for saying yes for the date. It's not, I love you and want to give you babies, most of the time it's just the classy thing and courteous thing to do. It's a thank you, in it's simplest form.

And to add, I can understand how that is a flaw because paying for the girl has become such a social norm, some men do it simply because they feel they have to do it to be responsible. But to be honest, it's not a problem for me because that at least shows me he has some recognition of responsibility. Sincerity in a relationship can be shown in more ways than one, responsibility is a smaller scope.

Obviously you and I don't think along the same wavelength. Let's just simplify this and sum up what I think when a guy asks me out (regardless of how well we know each other) and he doesn't pay. Cheap or just wants to be friends. I don't think "Oh well this is a moral stance and he'll become more generous once we get serious." I'm sure some girls think that way, I'm just not one of them. You're not giving her a diamond ring. Paying for dinner is not commitment, it's not I love you, it's not a gift of any kind. As said, I really do consider it just as a simple "Thank You".

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've never really had to deal with any 'deal breakers' because I've never really dated anyone that I wasn't friends with first. I have always got to know someone a little before I would even think about dating them.

That isn't to say that some 'deal breakers' haven't come into play after dating for a month or two. So mine aren't really on a 'first' or 'second' date matter.

I hate it when people are not as open minded as they at first tried to believe that they were. It bothers me when people make comments about a group based on race or religion even in jest. It has come up a lot and it is something that I do not tolerate very well.

I am also not very found of men or women for that matter that lie to me when it is very obvious that they are lying. I've always been rather good at finding things out because I'm a snoop one of my own 'deal breakers' I am sure. However I believe that people are better served telling the truth. You think this other girl is hot, fine with me just don't lie about it. I tend to think people are hiding things from me when they lie about those types of things. Such as when I was having my husband quit smoking he bought a pack and left the receipt out. So I called him up and asked him about it, he tried to lie at first and then thought better of it. I just hate finding things out that way.

My third ‘deal breaker’ would probably have to be the way a person treats me, I have been around a lot of people and I like to have someone around that acts like they like me no matter who they are around. I hate people that treat you one way in private or around a certain group of people to only change how they act towards you in a different situation or around different people. It becomes very confusing to me and makes me feel like I’m just a game.

This is the ultimate deal breaker for me, they must love animals and hold them in as high regard as I do. Anyone that cannot be kind to an animal cannot be with me period. I relate to animals more than I do people so they will always be a part of my life.

Other than those things everything is game.

I was speaking idiomatically.