Your Relationship with your Parents

Blanka, those are some deep sentiments. I wish I can say the same for my parents, but I forgive them. I think having not so great parents prepares you to become a good parent in the future. You know what hurts and stuff.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by SemperFidelis

Blanka, those are some deep sentiments. I wish I can say the same for my parents, but I forgive them. I think having not so great parents prepares you to become a good parent in the future. You know what hurts and stuff.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a parent...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Well, my dad died this Christmas at the age of 50 over a fluke heart attack (he was honestly even healthier than me, and I run track and basketball), so that really came out of nowhere. Before that happened, we weren't best friends, but I'd say that I was closer with my dad than most people are.

And I chill out with my mom any chance I get. She's like my big sister so I love her a lot. Between mom and dad, I'd only argue with dad. Not out of conflict of interests, but because we are all *afraid* of Mrs. Rocca. Terribly.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My relationship with my parents tends to be peaceful since I don't live at home during the semester. We see each other about twice a month, so there isn't anything to argue about. We understand each other fairly well also.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I'm really close with my mom but we're so alike that we also butt heads and have these constant emotionally draining conflicts everytime we're together. I love her to death but we can't spend more than 24 hours together without blowing up at each other.

My dad is kind of just there. He's a financial and emotional asshole and I can't really talk to him (our phone conversations are so awkward, they are actually hilarious) but he's got his own issues so I just let him deal with that.

I live away from home now but all the phone conversations tend to skew towards whether or not I'm killing myself eating junk or leaving my windows open in night so a murderer can crawl in, slit my throat and take my electric piano and laptop. It's nice seeing my parents after months away, no matter what I still miss them all the time.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I've always had a really good relationship with my parents: my mom is great on the whole, although she has her moments. Sometimes we have explosive yelling fights because she doesn't listen to what I'm saying, and therefore gets confused, and then won't listen to anything else I say. But she has a very short fuse. Normally we get along famously, though. My roommate can't believe how long I'm on the phone with her on an almost daily basis.

My dad is even-tempered and an overall great guy, and our personalities are quite similar, so I get along with my dad almost all the time. There are very few instances that I can remember when he has gotten upset at me, and when he does it's only for something really important that I've screwed up.
Besides, he endures me and my continuous stream of wierd foreign music in bizarre languages .

Both my parents have always been supportive of me and my hobbies, and I really push myself more than they ever have. They never told me to get good grades, or do my homework, or practice (well, up until about a year ago...). Maybe I was just an easy kid, or something.

FELIPE NO

I am very close to my parents, and I have a lot of respect for my father. He has worked very hard in his life and has tons of experience in many different fields. I am quite proud to be his son, although I may never be as great as he is.

But you never know. Just got to learn as much as possible.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

My relationship with my parents is, ...I don't know. They divorced last year.

We're just there. I don't really talk to my father, except when my mother calls him some days. Then I email him to say hi. Not much conversation.

I don't talk to my mother much either. She has two jobs so she's almost never home and when she comes home she usually just goes to sleep.
and on her days off, she goes and does her own things.

I keep hearing, "I love you" from them but it sounds empty sometimes.

Maybe it's me. Selfish Ungrateful jerk.

I look forward to the future.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Parents. Brrr... This poem comes to mind:

Philip Larkin - This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.


Yeah, I dunno. My Dad's just uncannily like I am, plus some little things that add up, but we get along fine. My mom's very different, and I'd say that if we weren't related, we'd see things too differently to ever be close friends. And like the cliche goes, we've had out issues. Neither of them were perfect, but they tried their best, and that's what counts for me. Now I'm an adult, I guess we're now all adults, and have our weaknesses, insecurities, flaws and thus humanity.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm close with them, but I feel like there are just some stuff that I'll never be comfortable talking to them about. My mother has a tendency to overreact. She takes everything so seriously, even the most trivial matters. She's also extremely over-protective. I must have gotten like 6 missed calls on my cell phone when I went to watch a movie a year ago. -__- She has eased up but I still feel smothered on some occasions. My dad is more flexible, but sometimes I feel like he's just......there. He comes home from work, reads the paper, eats, watches tv, and then it's off to bed. I guess what we're missing is interaction. However, whenever we do interact, it just leads to conflict sometimes.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I have a very good relationship with my parents...there were some things we disagreed on, but now I look back and realize why they suggested what they did. I have received excellent advice and always go to them for help...and they come to me for help (with the computer). I don't think I'd be as successful as I have been in some of my affairs if it hadn't been for them...I always can't wait to go home.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Relationship?

..oh brother

I'd just like to say - however sad this sounds - we use one another.
I'm the full time babysitter, housemaid, secretary, resume/essay etc. etc. writer. And in return they yell at me and tell me I'm incompetent (that aside) they give me food, shelter and clothes..... you know the necessities?

That's all I have to say about my lovely relationship *cough* lies *cough* with my parents.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I have a peaceful relationship with my parents. we respect eachother and get along nicely because of it. I don't generally have much to fight about with them, and I've never been the type to go on something like livejournal and say how much I hate them because they wouldn't let me go out with friends, or some dumb shit like that.

I can talk to them about a lot of things, but neither of them are my soul confidants. I do tell them things, but I don't tell them everything. it's also more so my mother that I would talk to about things with rather than my father.

sometimes I get a little disappointed in them and think they don't support what I want to do with my life, just because they don't seem to show much interest in going to gallery shows I'm involved in, or coming with me to university interviews instead of just dropping me off and picking me up later. I think maybe it has more to do with denial in that I'm their youngest child/only daugher and I'll be going out on my own next year instead of staying a little girl forever. I've heard from other people that they're proud of me, but sometimes you just want to know for sure and hear it from them.

I think they did a good job bringing me up, because even if I didn't agree with everything when I was younger, I'm happy with who I am now and I have them to thank for helping to shape who that is.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I have a good relationship with my parents, but I guess it's more of a superficial kind. I would never confide my personal thoughts or feelings or goals to them. Sometimes we'd talk about political or social issues, or about a movie, but nothing really personal. My dad has a way of shooting down anything that he doesn't like or agree with, and he seems to live vicariously through me. My dad is very controlling, and there are some personality flaws that annoy the hell out of me. I think I would have been happier if he doesn't try to direct my life, and we'd have a better deeper relationship.

I'm closer to my mom, but I love both my parents. But we've never been big on displays of affection. I've never told my brother or parents that I love them, and they've never said the same to me, although we all know we love each other. Just the thought of saying that to them makes me cringe. I cannot do it, and I'd be embarassed as hell if they say it to me.

An interesting question is - if your parents weren't your parents, would you still love them? For themselves, as people.

FELIPE NO

My dad and I have a pretty good relationship. We have similar interests and are both creative people. My mom and I, however... It's not that we don't have a good relationship. We get along just fine. We can hold a conversation with each other. The problem is just that she complains about things quite often, usually items that really shouldn't be of concern.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I dont think I can say that I can get a long with my parents...

It's taken a while for me to even talk to them.

I am 17 now, gonna be 18, and I still refuse to get along with them.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Here's important question for you all: if your parent is passed away, let's just say the one you hate most... will you cry for him/her?

honestly, I wouldn cry for my father's death, because I never admit him as father. I have cried when my beloved granny passed away, and I swear to myself that I wont cry for anyone anymore. And also... how could you cry to someone you never able to love anyway?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Ive grown apart from my parents lately, and although I feel bad and wish I could express more affection, it in turn has changed me into a much more independent person which is a good trait to have at 19.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hmm. I love my mom and dad a lot. I can`t even remember them ever being together(they separated when I was about 1,5-2 years old) and we`ve had our ups and downs, but they`ve always been there for me and supported me in any way that they could. They`ve never questioned the paths I`ve taken and are always telling me that they`ll support my decisions no matter what. I was almost never told what to do as a kid, maybe because I was such an obedient one ^^. But they never spoiled me. Well, at least my dad never did. He had this policy of never spoiling me and my brother because of some issues he had growing up. Dunno the details though. In my mom`s case, hadn`t she been so poor she would have definately spoiled me. She`s always been the kind that tries really hard to please people, a trait I value highly. From mom, I`ve learned how to cook. Although I`ve always thought that her food was a bit rich, the food I make nowadays are all inspired by my mom`s cooking. Now, my dad`s a terrible cook, but he`s pretty good with his hands when it comes to repairing stuff. From him, I`ve learned not to rely to heavily on other people to do stuff for me and that I should try to to fix things myself if I can.

All in all, I`ve had great parents. I just wish their economy was a bit better so that we could have done more stuff together when I was a kid. But then again I know that I can always rely on them to support me if I need them. I try to talk to them as often as I can, but I just can`t seem to get the time nowadays. Maybe I should call them tonight?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Not very well. My mom works all the time and I only see her at night. She tries to be slick and is very annoying. She asks the same questions and makes the same statements over and over until you have to yell at her for being annoying. For example, she comes in my room with a plate of oranges and asks if I want any. I say, "no" and then she asks, "you don't want any? it's sweet." I say, "no" again and she stands there looking around my room then looks at me again, "you don't want any?" and then I get annoyed and tell her that she just asked me the same question 3 times and I keep saying, "no" and how many times is she going to bother me with the same questions.

My dad is ignorant and stuborn. He always puts me and my sister down when we try to talk to him and never considers what we have to say; that's why we don't like talking to him anymore. We only talk to him when we need help. For example, his health insurance covers us so we need to ask him which doctors are accepting his insurance. He always digresses too. I was learning stick shift and asked him if it's always nessesary to down shift when braking, then he gives a freaking lecture about what happens when you step on the clutch. He didn't even answer my question, I usually ignore what he says once he starts his useless lectures. He also always thinks he's right and yells at me and my sister when we oppose him. One time we were arguing about how a device worked and said to me, "you don't listen to me!!" then I stepped in and said, "No, YOU don't listen to me!!" then showed him right there how the device worked and he was speechless. It felt so good to prove him wrong and to step on his cockiness but the next time we talked he was his same old self again.

Me, my sister, and dad don't have a love warming expressing relationship but we live together and have small compromises. Unfortunately, this is as far as I see that it'll go.
My mom.. it's already like she's not here. She has practically no influence on my life.

So I don't really have a relationship with my parents. It's like they take care of me because it's their job as parents and not that they want to. But I'm trying to learn to be grateful to them because right now they're one of the very few things in life that matters most to me; even with that kind of relationship.

I was speaking idiomatically.

i don't really have a relationship at all with my parents, it just consists of phonecalls a few times a week now that i've moved away to university and when i'm at home, it's just to tell them i'm going out or them asking if i need money.

Originally Posted by eriol

They never come to student concerts which I participated on, the reason is simply because they dont treat me as child, rather because of economic investment. That's what I thought from hourless lectures of my mother keep telling to become rich rich rich so that she will have happy living in her old day (it's common philosophy in chinese family).

i have the same problem, been told so many times that i'm just a waste of money (despite the fact that my education so far has cost about £70000 GBP was purely their fault, they wanted the fame of having a daughter at a well known private school). in my entire life, only my mum has once attended a concert i was in and that was when my dad and sister had gone back to hong kong for my grandad's funeral. they base my worth solely on academic achievements and so no 'love' was lavished on me in the sense a child would understand; i was made to have private tutuition and take exams since i was 2, made to learn the violin because it's common chinese belief that knowing a musical instrument makes your child instantly smarter, expect to be able to take care of myself while they worked downstairs etc. being a girl also meant that as i grew up at home, i was unable to socialise with people after school hours even when i turned legally an adult.

but the relationship has improved recently between my mother and i since i've moved out, we talk a bit more, but i still don't divulge anything about me other than what i've been eating and how my piano lessons are going. i barely talk to my dad because he just annoys the hell out of me and just keeps offering more pocket money thinking that'll solve the problem.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

My Mum loves me a heck of a lot, but we've been through so much together it kind of strained us. My Dad was killed when I was four, and Mum remarried a few times .. most of which were mistakes in my opinion, but then again I've never been married so I can't say. My current stepfather, though, is awesome. I'd pretty much decided that all men were abusive jerks who didn't deserve to live when my Mum married him, I was about ten. He totally changed my mind. He is as calm and considerate and logical as my Mum is explosive and emotional. While I have no idea how they ended up together, I'm really glad they did. Since I moved away to Uni we havn't seen each other, because I go to school on the West coast and they live on the East coast, and I'm too poor to travel, but I do call them every week.

As far as a relationship goes, it wasn't much beyond mutual assistance with my Mum. She helped me out, because I'm her daughter, and I helped her out every way I could, because she's my Mum. I don't think there was anything wrong with that, if we'd had enough time outside of work and school maybe things would have been different.

FELIPE NO

Xuemin... reading what you've been through, it's must be kinda hard. coz that's exactly what I feel too. But I try to forgive my parents too, because they must be suffered something that make them unable to become "perfect" parent" for us.

But somehow we could learn something from our problems. Let's become better parents, at least not repeating the same mistakes...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

My parents have been good to me, and I have no complaints. I get on just about fine with my mom, even though we have nothing whatsoever in common. My dad on the other hand is a bit more difficult. It's not really his fault. He's stubborn, and has pretty much no attention span, which means that conversations between us often devolve into "but that's not what I said! It's not even close!!!" because to be blunt, he wasn't listening.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have a great relationship with my mom. She's amazing and I'm very close with her. My dad however, is a different story. I hate him and I would never speak to him if I had the choice. We are completely different people and have completely different viewpoints on everything. He's extremely rude to my mom and takes her for granted. I also grew up away from him, I only saw him for about two weeks each year, not that I would've wanted it any other way.

There's nowhere I can't reach.