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Welcome to the Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis. |
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Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Cameron stays in bed, Ferris goes into the city with his girlfriend. They're held at gunpoint, shes raped in front of his eyes and hes shot in the face. Neither survive. Rooney is eaten by the family dog. Predator Billy eats the Predator There's nowhere I can't reach. |
The Proposition
Charlie and Mike Burns are killed in the assault on their hideout before Captain Stanley can make any sort of deal. Arthur gets word of the death of his brothers and razes the town as revenge. Martha Stanley's rape goes uninterrupted. District B13 Leito miscalculates a jump during his daring escape from K2's goons and falls to his death. Taha's reign over District B13 goes uncontested and he launches the bomb back into France, killing thousands. Apocalypto Jaguar Paw is pulled off the cliff with his dead bretheren before even making it to the city. His wife and son drown in the cave in which he left them during the raid. This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. |
Inland Empire
Laura Dern's character doesn't take the role in the movie. OR Girl Watching TV makes up her mind about how she wants to live BEFORE we see the rabbits. How ya doing, buddy? It was lunchtime at Wagstaff.
Touching butts had been banned by the evil Headmaster Frond. Suddenly, Tina Belcher appeared in the doorway. She knew what she had to do. She touched Jimmy Jr's butt and changed the world. |
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Bill and Ted successfully transport history's greatest figures into 20th century San Dimas, and pass their history report with flying colors. All this activity causes Ted to forget he is also failing math. His father ships him off to military school and Wyld Stalyns never get to rock out with Death.
The Everlasting Gobstoppers are secretly laced with cyanide. All the children die but Charlie. Mister Wonka is arrested and chocolate factory is closed down by the state. Charlie is screwed out of his award and dies as penniless as the day he was born. Apocalypse Now The apocalypse is later. I was speaking idiomatically. |
New Friday the 13th
Jason's mom dodges the machete, and sticks it to the main protagonist in the first movie. No more sequels How ya doing, buddy? |
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