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[General Discussion] Online First-Person Shooter players
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You're getting slower!

Member 512

Level 20.69

Mar 2006

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Old Sep 15, 2007, 08:27 PM #1 of 2
Online First-Person Shooter players

The advent of the internet has allowed people to play shootan gaems over vast distances. These people are many and varied, but they usually fall within the following groups:

Lone and Lost: This fellow simply stares about. He shoots only if shot at or if he sees armoured vehicles. He is the primary food of stat padders (see below) and People Who Have No Life (also see below).

Angry German Kid: Desperation and a potty mouth are hallmarks of this player. He can shame you seven ways to Sunday with his "1337 sp34k" whilst breaking off seven keys from his keyboard. He feeds on nothing but his rage and is usually at the bottom of the score ladder.

Stat Padder: This clever gentleman has discovered that all software has flaws. He has used his "1337 hax0rz skillz" to search google for "<game> exploits." We must show utmost respect toward this fine gentleman because his intellect and wit far surpasses ours. His "0wn4g3 k1llz yo" are to be respected because us mere mortals can never match his hax0r skillz. His trademarks are watching you through walls (don't h8 now m8, I can hear you runnin') and instantaneous headshots (i'm just that good homie, don't h8 u bitch).

People Who Have No Life: These gentlemen are usually found at the top of the score ladder, always best at everything. They only feed on attention from other players (most notably the Angry German Kids) -- the game has long lost its appeal to these fine gents: they live only to be the best, to be the first, to be The Awesomest(tm) at everything.

Haha dude didja see that?: These fair fellows are the most elusive and least common type of player. They almost always have a microphone and they always sound like they have just taken a gram of speed and cocaine. They are always happy and everything is "awesome" or "cool" or "funny" to them. These free spirits exist for a moment, flip, and are gone forever in the night. Do not bother adding them as a buddy because they will never come back.

Serious Business (tm): "We are doing this, and we are doing it now, and we are doing it my way, and we are doing it FASTER, HARDER, MORE ACCURATE AND WITH MORE GUSTO NOW NOW, NOW!." -- that is what you are most likely to hear from these gentlemen. They are young padawans of the "People Who Have No Life." At some point, they will decide to forfeit their life in favour of the game, or they will grow up and abandon it completely.

Fucking Hackers: "Man, I ain't playing on this server anymore. Ain't no way a fella can take three shotgun shots to the chest and still live. Fucking hackers everywhere man, I'm through with this shit." Complaining and whining are all you are bound to hear from these gentlemen. They usually invite you as a buddy if you agree with them. They will diss anything and everything that walks and shoots, if and only if they have died from it.

Feel free to add your own.

Jam it back in, in the dark.
The unmovable stubborn
(Feeling Inspired)

Member 1512

Level 62.24

Mar 2006

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Old Sep 15, 2007, 08:39 PM #2 of 2
The Whimsy: Has no interest whatsoever in his own success or that of his team; is playing specifically to engineer ridiculous situations to the frustration of others. This is the butterfly to the caterpillar of the Haha Dude, wherein the chrysalis stage is represented in the process of being headshot at spawn 15 times in succession. The presence of The Whimsy is assured if your flag has been spirited to a location that neither team can locate and you were just teamkilled due to falling aircraft.

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Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis > Garrmondo Entertainment > Video Gaming > [General Discussion] Online First-Person Shooter players

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