Resume is an art, right? (Aw, fuck it, no content in here anyway).

Bear in mind I've never been required to write a resume. Breathe in. And out.

Something about the formatting could use some work. I don't know that I have the technical vocabulary (or expertise) to help you there. To this untrained eye, though, the subsections under the headings being formatted with a hanging indent looks off. And the way the dates of employments aren't aligned with the right side looks sloppy. Maybe this is how you're supposed to format I resume, though. Who knows? Not me. My strategy of lucking into decent jobs has gotten me this far.

What I am significantly more qualified to offer advice on is your grammar. I've performed hiring duties for a retail store (of which standards are obviously lower) and if someone couldn't be bothered to spell properly or at least make an effort toward proper grammar his or her resume was summarily dismissed. But, yes, to the point:

• Unless I'm mistaken, it is properly formatted "Associate of Science", without the 's' on the end of associate. With a quick Google search, I found usage of both on college websites. One school even made it possessive. Likely doesn't matter!
• Under 'Eurest Dining', that sentence gets clumsy. Consider: "[. . .] cold-, hot-, and fry-station short order [. . .]" or something to that effect.
• Under '1789', there's either an extra comma or an extra 'and' between preparation and execution. I don't think 'safety' ought to be capitalized, either.
• Be consistent about your use of the Oxford comma. You use it exclusively on the first page, but let it slide under 'Meals on Wheels'.
• Be consistent with your tense. I don't know standard resume protocol, but for past jobs/extracurriculars duties either 'include' or 'included', not both.
• Under 'Food Scavengers', it should be 'led' instead of 'lead'.
• Under 'Wine and Cheese', it should be 'palate' instead of 'pallet'.

So, yeah, little things here and there. Nothing major. Best of luck, man.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I would request someone else take a look at my revisions. There are a couple areas where it comes down to a stylistic choice. Other revisions were attempts to vary your syntax. I may have not correctly identified a that vs. which issue as part of a non-restrictive clause. A comma may be misplaced somewhere (though I don't think so). This will likely soon be proven wrong. The proper formatting of an essay of questions and answers is not something I've yet encountered, so I do not know the rule pertaining to indentation of answers. It looks wrong, as is, but this is little more than a feeling. The answer to the final question feels as though it doesn't illustrate an effective use of managerial power. That may just be another feeling. Also note: I tried to do all of this while still retaining your voice. This is why some things are all over the place. I've given it several readings, though, and it would seem to read decently well. I don't know. Anyway:

Emu Dianetics

Note: This should open to a page containing your original with additions and subtractions noted in a particularly egregious shade of yellow. Let me know if it does not.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Necessary twice in paragraph one. Didactic program. In contrast.

Glad it helped.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.