[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Bob hurls ice onto the soldier, bypassing the hobgoblin's heavy armor and directly assaulting his delicate girlish skin.

7 damage, soldier slowed

Backed against the wall, the archer draws his sword and rushes Gabe.

6 damage to Gabe

The dragon continues sloshing toward the stairs in an unseen but thoroughly audible fury.

Gabriel, Argumentus, Hobgoblin Soldier, Motsognir, Brigid, Scary Bob, Hobgoblin Archer, Black Dragon

looks a bit crap, I know

Most amazing jew boots

Gabriel shook Thomas menacingly at the archer and then buried his axe in his shoulder. Also menacingly.

Bolstering Strike

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Argumentus continues his assault with more reaping strikes.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Tiring from the long battle, the warriors deliver only the lightest of strikes.

6 damage to archer

2 damage to soldier (miss)

The soldier takes another clumsy swing in Argumentus' general direction, completely exhausting my well of flail-based wordplay.

Motsognir, Brigid, Scary Bob, Hobgoblin Archer, Black Dragon, Gabriel, Argumentus, Hobgoblin Soldier

No change!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Motsognir layed his axe into the soldier again, then gingerly stepped away, fearful the dragon might finally rear it's ugly head.

Viper's Strike
Shift NE

How ya doing, buddy?

Motsognir puts a few more dents in the soldier's helmet, and then backs away real quiet like.

7 damage, soldier bloodied

carrying out lurker's advance instructions

Brigid hacks into the battered soldier, muttering a brief prayer of protection.

7 damage to soldier

Scary Bob, Hobgoblin Archer, Black Dragon, Gabriel, Argumentus, Hobgoblin Soldier, Motsognir, Brigid

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I desperately wanted to get up the stairs and away from the marauding dragon at the bottom of them but the swirling melee above was blocking my escape route. I blasted the hobgoblin with a frost ray, hoping to knock him out and clear a path to safety.

Ray of Frost on hobgoblin warrior, if it incapacitates him, move into the room as fast as possible to stand by the beds in the south of the room, otherwise stand transfixed and wait for the inevitable death by dragon

FELIPE NO

Hastily blasting away the tattered remnants of the hobgoblin soldier, Bob flees up the stairway and gets as far away as possible from the

WARNING. A HUGE BATTLESHIP 'BLACK DRAGON' IS APPROACHING FAST

10 damage, soldier killed

The archer takes another swing at Gabe, failing to do any damage.

The dragon heaves its bulk up the stairs at last, bellowing out a furious roar that leaves those nearby quaking in fear.

Argumentus and Brigid stunned until after dragon's next turn and take -2 to attack rolls thereafter (save ends)

Gabriel, Argumentus, Motsognir, Brigid, Scary Bob, Hobgoblin Archer, Black Dragon

How ya doing, buddy?

The dwarf took a moment to glower at the archer.

"You pricks keep a -dragon-. Do you have any idea how completely unsafe that is!?"

He growled low in his throat and sank the axe into him again while muttering about the lack of respect in goblins today.

bolstering strike

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Motsognir was not about to wedge himself into a stairwell with an enormous dragon. He placed himself strategically, waiting to draw the dragon into the open.

south three squares, east one square

There's nowhere I can't reach.

This is it, this is the big one.. I'm coming for you, Ezekiel...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I crouched behind one of the beds, more for comfort than from any belief that it would provide any form of protection from an angry dragon. I readied my Ray of Enfeeblement spell, thinking to cast it the second the big lizard poked it's snout round the corner.

Hide behind the easternmost bed, ready a Ray of Enfeeblement spell and cast it as soon as I see the dragon.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Gabriel berates a hobgoblin on its substandard animal stewardship.

10 damage, archer bloodied

Seeing himself in a duel he has no hope of winning, the archer runs to the opposite end of the ledge and leaps down.

Opportunity hit from gabe:11 damage

The dragon tries to continue to the top of the stairwell, but is impeded by two terrified humanoids frozen in place.

"Well now, this wasn't one of my better plans."

The dragon smacks Argumentus backwards with a strike from his heavy tail, steps forward, and does the same to Brigid.

7 damage to Argumentus, 9 damage to Brigid

Gabriel, Argumentus, Motsognir, Brigid, Scary Bob, Hobgoblin Archer, Black Dragon

I was speaking idiomatically.

Gabriel laughed as the goblin fled. He was on the ground, so if he decided to be a further problem, he'd be easily dealt with. He hopped off the little shelf himself and made for the area directly at the head of the middle bed at the south of the room. He stopped and reached down to his belt, pulling out the small onyx dog statue and setting it on the ground next to him.

Of course he'd heard the dog speaking to him all along, but now it was actually there.

"Yes, Goliath. I know. Mine is the sword of Michael. Now sick 'im."


Move above middle bed.
Summon Black Mastiff. Spend healing surge to increase his HP.
Dog chases after Goblin and tries to eat him. Yay for high movement.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Argumentus shifts north one space, and moves back a further two spaces with his back to the bed. Enough running.

FELIPE NO

Motsognir had been waiting for this moment all day. He took a step towards the Dragon and unleashed his most impressive looking strike, inspiring the human and the little lady to keep up their defenses, then dodged back, wanting to draw the dragon into the feminine one's magical wiles.

one square NW
Bastion of Defense
Speak Inspiring Words to self
ACTION POINT ---> shift away from dragon to original position

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Where does this dragon get off, pushing folks around like that! I'm so mad I throw a rock at him, and then haul ass while muttering oaths under my breath.

Sling at Dragon
Move SE of Soggy
ACTION POINT
Bless the party

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The angered dragon had reached the top of the steps and the Horde began what could best be described as a fighting retreat. I looked around the room for a switch or lever or anything that might release a previously unseen and incredibly heavy door from the ceiling, hoping to reenact the classic scene from War amongste ye Starres act 6, Ye Valiant Regrouping and Sallying Forth of ye Kinghts of Jedonia in which the hero Lucian Skyjogger, a lowly farmhand who discovers that he is in fact the illegitimate love child of a general in the evil imperial army, known rather unsubtley as Darkus Fatherus (A huge giveaway of one of the play's main plot points for anyone familiar with the language of the Teuton tribe of the Eastern Marches) is forced to battle against a mighty Ogre for the amusement of the crime lord Jaffar of AlHutt without his magic sword. He uses his mysterious powers (Actually, he uses a rather elementary cantrip, the playwright Georgio the Jew had obviously never travelled far beyond the village of his birth and was seemingly unaware that moving small objects with the power of your mind was is pretty much the first thing they teach you at any semi-decent academy of the arcane) to activate a door switch, crushing the ogre and killing it. The play was received rather well upon it's initial release although for some reason, the initial run started with act 4 and even at the time a lot of people felt that the introduction of a race of feral, furry halflings towards the end of act 6 rather lowered the tone. The decision to add the first three acts several years later was heralded as the dramatic moment the world had been waiting for but sadly, the magic could not be recaptured and whilst I did enjoy the additional acts, I could not countenance the addition of LeHah LeHah Banks, a floppy eared half-orc with the most ridiculous accent ever attempted by an actor and whose role, rather than bringing light relief instead turned much of the first act into a farce. They could also have probably found someone who could actually act to play the role of the young Darkus Fatherus, I imagine that a dead Golem could probably portray emotion better than that joker.

Anyhow, there was no obvious switch and now was perhaps not the best time to search for one. In their retreat, the Horde were inadvertently lining themselves up perfectly for death by breath attack, a fate I was not relishing. I circled the room to the north, hoping to get myself out of the inevitable blast radius.

Suddenly, inspiration hit me like a Mexicanian Barbarian swinging for a pinata (A traditon whereby a goblin is captured, trussed up and stuffed with sweetbreads then hung from a tree and roundly battered by all the warriors of the village who for some inexplicable reason are wearing blindfolds. I'm told this is to tenderise the goblin prior to his addition to the communal stew pot but personally, no amount of tenderising would persuade me that goblin was a sensible thing to eat, even if he had been stuffed with offal). I dropped my staff and reached for my belt, grabbing the bag of marbles I had found previously. Loosening the ties at the top, I hurled the sack across the room to the top of the stairs where the dragon's snout could just be seen as the beast continued it's lumbering advance. There could be no doubt that a fight against a dragon that had just slipped over on a load of marbles and fallen down a stair case would be one we were far more likely to win.

Move north to stand in the corner below Gabe, drop staff, grab sack of marbles, loosen the ties a bit, throw sack to land and scatter marbles just in front of dragon, lament not having had time to attach paintpots on ropes to swing at his head

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Tiring of his protracted battle with the hobgoblin, Gabriel releases the hound and frees himself to fight with a much more imposing foe.

Resolving, at last, to run no further... Argumentus runs away a little bit. Just a little.

Motsognir darts in and out of the dragon's range in a display of bravado, hacking away at the lizard and inspiring his friends.

16 damage; all allies gain 5 temp HP and +1 to defenses; Motsognir's HP +7

Brigid fires off her sling and books it, calling on Melora to aid them all against the fiendish creature.

7 damage; all allies gain +1 to attack for the encounter

Bob retreats to a corner and promptly loses his marbles , scattering them in front of the oncoming dragon.

"DAMN IT, STOP THROWING SHIT AT ME. IF YOU WOULD JUST STAND STILL AND GET EATEN THIS WOULD ALL BE OVER BY NOW. I HAVE OTHER APPOINTMENTS IN THE AFTERNOON. THIS IS ALL SO UNPROFESSIONAL."

The archer flees out through the door on the east side of the room, shutting behind him to prevent canine pursuit.

The dragon steps forward, smirking unpleasantly. "Alright, tiny people. Just put down your little knives and— WHOA! WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA AAAAGGGGH" THUMP "OOF OW ARGH. FUCK YOU."

Dragon slips on marbles, falls partway back down the stairs, takes 6 damage and falls prone

Gabriel (and Goliath), Argumentus, Motsognir, Brigid, Scary Bob, Black Dragon

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dwarf grinned as his dog tore after the goblin, doing the same towards the dragon, himself. Turning the corner he roared, leaping through the air, his skulls bouncing hap-hazardly, "PINATA!"

And with that he laid into the prone dragon with a mighty strike, pausing to whistle loudly, attracting the attention of Goliath, before he took a deep breath and then swung at the monstrosity again while whistling a happy woodcutters tune. Something about a logdriver's waltz. He didn't know how he knew it. Maybe Murray knew it.

Move to dragon
Paladin's Judgment on dragon.
Move Goliath halfway towards dragon, to defend in case goblin returns.
Action Point.
Bolstering strike on dragon.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The opportunity had finally presented itself, all of Argumentus's tactical retreats had been waiting for this time to shine. Argumentus rushes in on the prone dragon, dealing a reaping strike.

The red mist takes him.

Argumentus spends an action point
Argumentus performs Brute Strike on the dragon

How ya doing, buddy?

Motsognir was fiddly, ready to get at that dragon sunv'bitch, but there... there was no room. He couldn't even get the attention of the two brutes to make them take another swing. He tried everything, tugging on their coat-tails, kicking at their heels, but it was useless; they were bonded by blood to that wretched thing. About to give up, a ridiculous idea came to ol' Soggy. "That's it!" he thought. "This will get me in the good books!" The thought came to him that it might also fail miserably, but if that was the case, only the women would see, and he'd given up on women-folk a long time ago.

Two Squares south, one square west
Use Staggering Great Axe power that pushes thing around
Hit stone wall above dragon really hard, making rocks fall onto prone dragon
please don't fail miserably

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Charging at the beast, Gabriel hits it as hard as he knows how. It's... it's pretty hard.

34 damage, dragon bloodied. One ally within 5 spaces may use a healing surge.

Infuriated at having its blood spilled, the dragon immediately unleashes its acidic breath in reflexive self-defense. Most of the party is safely away, but the staircase wall channels the brunt of the acid directly onto the front line.

10 damage to Argumentus and Gabe (both bloodied); ongoing 5 acid damage and AC -4 (save ends both)

Undeterred, Gabe continues hacking away, calling back his faithful hound as he works.

10 damage. Save against ongoing acid succeeds.

Argumentus marches into the melee, the acid fairly dripping from his striding form. His first attack only does the most superficial damage.

2 damage

His eyes stinging, Argumentus hurtles his hammer down onto the prostrate dragon's offending snout. The rare and sonorous sound of a dragon's bones breaking echoes through the room.

Critical Hit! 43 damage to dragon. 5 ongoing acid damage to Argumentus (save failed)

Unable to engage the dragon in such tight quarters, Motsognir stumbles upon a novel solution. Planting himself firmly on the opposite side of the wall, he gambles on the shoddy masonry of the dungeon working in his favor. He hauls back his massive axe, then slams it into the crumbling wall. A shudder goes through the stones, and the very wall crumbles onto the battered wyrm. With the supporting wall largely destroyed, the ceiling begins to groan ominously. Little pebbles rain down on all assembled.

Dragon is hit by a wall. 11 damage, dazed

Brigid, Scary Bob, Dragon, Gabriel, Argumentus, Motsognir

FELIPE NO

I cackle madly. The gothic dwarf and the golem make a huge commotion behind the wall quickly demolished by the weakling dwarf. Guess he's not as soft as he looks! Wonder how he keeps nearly dying? I rally the troops.

"By my reckoning, that dragon's about to expire. Don't hold back, fancy city lady!"

Take final free spot before dragon
Avenging Flame
Healing Cackle Word to Argumentus, since he's in more danger than Bob is

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf smirked as his blow rang true. He clasped the large human on the back and shouted over the sound of a FALLING FUCKING WALL to Mots.

"KORD FAVOURS THE BOLD, SLOW HUMAN AND TINY DWARF HERCULES. CLEARLY WE ARE HIS CHOSEN FEW. THEY WILL SING SONGS AND DRINK WINE WHILE THEY TELL THIS STORY TO OUR GRANDCHILDREN'S GRANDCHILDREN. ESPECIALLY OF HOW THE MIGHTY WHATS-HIS-FACE BROUGHT DOWN THE WALLS ON THE DRAGON, JUST LIKE JERICHO IF THE BIBLE EXISTED WHICH IT DOESN'T BECAUSE GYGAX HAS BUT ONE GOD AND IT IS THE DM'S MANUAL." He stated, breaking the fourth wall as long as we're busy taking down masonry anyway.

Healing surge from paladin's judgment goes to Mots.

How ya doing, buddy?