The One Shot Joke Thread.

What happens to Aeris in FFVII???

How ya doing, buddy?

Oh dear god.....Why did you create an account just to say that?

Anyways.....Let's kick off some more riddles/problem solving.....

There are 3 jars on a table. All three jars contain nothing but pennies and are labeled albeit incorrectly. One jar holds pennies from 2005. The second jar holds pennies from 1975. The final jar contains pennies from both years. By only taking one penny out of one jar, determine which jar has which pennies.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Here's a joke I just got in my e-mail. I hope you at least some of you haven't gotten it before.

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is a scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Omnislash:

Spoiler:

Take a penny out the jar labelled both and see what date it is. Since all the jars are labelled incorrectly, we can deduce the following:

-----If the penny is 1975, then it's the jar for 1975 pennies. If the penny is 2005, then it's the jar of 2005 pennies.

-----Then, knock over the two remaining jars and see what sorts of pennies are in each.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Moon

Omnislash:

Spoiler:

Take a penny out the jar labelled both and see what date it is. Since all the jars are labelled incorrectly, we can deduce the following:

-----If the penny is 1975, then it's the jar for 1975 pennies. If the penny is 2005, then it's the jar of 2005 pennies.

-----Then, knock over the two remaining jars and see what sorts of pennies are in each.

Well, you got part of it right. Your first step is correct. You cannot knock over the two remaining jars. Using what you know from the first step, deduce the last step mentally. You don't see what's in the remaining two jars and do not need to.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The first step is to pull out a penny from the "Both" jar. For now, let's assume it's a 1975 penny. The "1975" jar really contains pennies from 2005. And the "2005" jar is really the jar of mixed pennies. If we assume the penny I pulled out was a 2005 penny, then the "1975" jar would hold mixed pennies and the "2005" jar contains the pennies from 1975.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Omnislash:

Spoiler:

Originally Posted by Moon

Take a penny out the jar labelled both and see what date it is. Since all the jars are labelled incorrectly, we can deduce the following:

-----If the penny is 1975, then it's the jar for 1975 pennies. If the penny is 2005, then it's the jar of 2005 pennies.

I'll continue from there.

If the jar that is labelled to contain both actually contained only, say, 1975 pennies, then the jar that is labelled to contain 1975 pennies contains the 2005 pennies. So, then the jar labelled to contain 2005 pennies has to contain both.


In easier fashion:

Jar Both contains 1975 pennies.
Jar 1975 contains 2005 pennies.
Jar 2005 contains both.


The reason for this is because the jar that is labelled to hold whatever year pennies the jar labelled to have both holds, cannot be opposites or else the remaining jar would be correct in labelling when that cannot be (lol run on sentence).

[Edit:] Aww, I was beat.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm going to hold off on the panda joke, appropriate though it may be give my name, since everyone probably knows it already. Here's one I haven't seen too many places:

A group of three blondes enter a police station looking for advice on how to join the force. The head detective pulls out out a folder.

"The most important thing you would need to be as a police officer is observant. Sometimes you have only seconds to identify a suspect before you lose the chance to act. I want each of you to look at the man in this picture for five seconds, and then tell me something about his appearance."

He flashes the picture, then turns to the first of the blondes.

"What did you notice?"

"This man has one eye," comes the reply.

The detective glances again at the photo. "You idiot, this is a profile shot. You're never going to cut it on the force, get out of here!" A moment later, he turns to the second.

"What did YOU notice?"

"This man has one ear."

The detective is furious, and stands straight up. "Did you not hear what I just told that other moron? Get the hell out! You're never going to be a cop either!" After the door shuts, the detective collapses back in his chair, and half-heartedly engages the third.

"Well, what about you? What'd YOU see?"

"This man is wearing contacts."

The detective sits upright, grabs the magnifying glass from his drawer and re-examines the photo.

"My god, you're right," he says, "how on Earth did you notice that?"

"Well DUH, he has one eye and one ear, he sure as hell can't wear GLASSES!"

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Here's one for you (can be quite offending to some ):

Q: What do you do when someone is having seizures?
A: Throw in the dirty laundry!

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Originally Posted by Acro-nym

The first step is to pull out a penny from the "Both" jar. For now, let's assume it's a 1975 penny. The "1975" jar really contains pennies from 2005. And the "2005" jar is really the jar of mixed pennies. If we assume the penny I pulled out was a 2005 penny, then the "1975" jar would hold mixed pennies and the "2005" jar contains the pennies from 1975.

Originally Posted by Ryuu

Omnislash:

Spoiler:

I'll continue from there.

If the jar that is labelled to contain both actually contained only, say, 1975 pennies, then the jar that is labelled to contain 1975 pennies contains the 2005 pennies. So, then the jar labelled to contain 2005 pennies has to contain both.


In easier fashion:

Jar Both contains 1975 pennies.
Jar 1975 contains 2005 pennies.
Jar 2005 contains both.


The reason for this is because the jar that is labelled to hold whatever year pennies the jar labelled to have both holds, cannot be opposites or else the remaining jar would be correct in labelling when that cannot be (lol run on sentence).

[Edit:] Aww, I was beat.

Both are correct. Though it was really confusing in your explanation. Here was my explanation....

Let's say all three jars are labeled by sticky notes that you can peel off and put on another. You pull one out of the "Both" jar and that jar will be whatever you just pulled (e.g. If You pulled a 1975, swap the Both and 1975 Labels around. If you pulled a 2005, swap the Both and the 2005 Labels around.)

So now we know for certain one of the jars.

Given that they are ALL labeled incorrectly, the one you haven't touched yet is still labeled incorrectly. So switch that with the Both because you know for certain the other jar.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Here's a riddle wich is not very hard, but fun to solve:

There's a room with a light in it that also gives of heat. Outside the room there are 3 switches. They are all turned off. One of the switches belongs to the light in the room.
Now you have to find out which of the switches that is. You may turn on as many switches as you like, but you may enter the room the room ONLY ONCE.
(And outside you can not see the light :-P)

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Haha, you know, it's funny that I've been asked this riddle earlier and they certainly didn't give me this much information. Actualy, they only give one less than what you gave. And that may be the biggest hint possible....regardless....

Spoiler:

You flip two switches. Enter a room. If the light is off, then obviously, you know it's the one you left off and the problem is solved already. If it's on, you know it's one of the two you switched on. Ok. Turn one switch off. Enter the second room. If the light is on, then obviously, that is the single one you left on and the rest becomes a joke again. If it's off, then we know that it's one of the two you have off. This is where the trick comes in. If the bulb is warm, you just turned it off, so it's the one that you just turned off. If it's cool, then it's the one that's never been turned on.

So, in practicality...

Switches A, B, and C. Rooms 1, 2, and 3.

Flip switches A and B.
Enter Room 1.
-If 1 is Off, it's C, and the remainder is easy enough to figure out.
-If 1 is On, Exit Room 1 and turn off either A or B.
Enter Room 2.
-If 2 is On, then it's the one you still have on, depending on whether you switched off A or B, and the remainder is easy enough to figure out.
-If 2 is Off....
------If the Bulb is Warm, It's the one you just turned off (either A or B), and the remainder is easy enough to figure out.
------If the Bulb is Cold, You never turned this switch on, thereby being switch C, and the remainder is easy enough to figure out.

BTW, if you wanted to know...

Spoiler:

The big hint is that the lights give off heat.

FELIPE NO

I don't remeber myself saying anything about a second room...
But the idea is right though :-P

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Thoompie

I don't remeber myself saying anything about a second room...
But the idea is right though :-P

Oh shit....damn, I just assumed it was the same riddle, but it's different.....

Well, all the same...

The Official Answer:

Spoiler:

Turn on two switches, wait for like 5 minutes, turn one off. And then go into the room. 1 of 3 will be true...

Bulb is On, It's the one you left on.
Bulb is Off and Cool, It's the one you never turned on.
Bulb is Off and Warm, It's the one you turned on, then off.

Sorry about that.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Thoompie

Here's a riddle wich is not very hard, but fun to solve:

There's a room with a light in it that also gives of heat. Outside the room there are 3 switches. They are all turned off. One of the switches belongs to the light in the room.
Now you have to find out which of the switches that is. You may turn on as many switches as you like, but you may enter the room the room ONLY ONCE.
(And outside you can not see the light :-P)

You know, theoretically, I could just open the door and look.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Acro-nym

You know, theoretically, I could just open the door and look.

Yeah, a lot of riddles are theoretically easy as long as you do something that you would do in real life, but we can just as easily change the scenario and say that the light switches is across the room from the door.

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Originally Posted by Omnislash124

Yeah, a lot of riddles are theoretically easy as long as you do something that you would do in real life, but we can just as easily change the scenario and say that the light switches is across the room from the door.

Then I'll just turn my head after opening the door. But yeah, a lot of riddles are riddled with reality gaps, just to make a person think.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Here's a cool joke:

This guy gets home from work and he goes into his bedroom to get changed. Upon entering the room, he sees his wife laying naked on the bed. He immedately assumes that she is having an affair and he storm out the only other door out of the bedroom: the door to the balcony. He sees some fingers hanging onto the ledge of the balcony and he's sure that this is the man having sex with his wife. Furious, he stamps on the fingers until the man plummets to the ground. Leaning over the railing, he sees that the man is still alive, so before he gets the chance to move, he tips the fridge (also on the balcony) onto the man, killing him instantly.

In heaven, the man walks up to St. Peter's Gate and Peter says, tell me truthfully why you're here and I'll let you in. The man says: I was just cleaning some windows and some crazy guy started stamping on my fingers and killed me with a fridge.

He gets through.

The next man in line gets the same offer. He says: Ok, so I'm buck naked, hiding in a fridge...

I was speaking idiomatically.

Though most people will prolly get this, here is a little riddle.

The poorest have it.
The richest want it.
But if either was to eat it,
then they would surely die.

It is easy, but what is the riddle talking about. And yes, there is only one answer.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Could it be

Spoiler:

nothing?

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Ya. You got it. How long did it take you?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Not a lot of activity on this thread anymore...
Anyway here's one:
A man and a woman have 5 children.
And half of them is a boy.

To clarify:
I'm not including the parents, they are all 5 healthy normal children.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

there were either 3, 4, or 5 boys. That way at least half would be boys.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

This one's old, but I love the answer to it, and I'm hoping someone will get it.


You are in a room with four walls, a ceiling, and a floor. There are no doors or windows, the room is completely closed off. The only objects in the room are a mirror and a table. How do you escape?


(Forget for a moment that there couldn't naturally be any illumination in such a room, and just assume you can see everything.)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Checking yourself out? I dunno if the answer is a pun or something.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?