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New Hunter's Quarry - Guard A. Rapid Volley vs. Guards A and Elven Accuracy to reroll attack vs. A One kobold takes the bullet right through the snout, and the other yelps as the shot flies into its shoulder. To add insult to injury (as well as more injury), Rufus pulls at one of the kobold miners as the shots find their mark, and the resulting corpse hurtles toward the backs of the unfortunate duo's heads. 15 damage to guard C, 16 damage to guard A. Lodestone Lure vs. miner E. hit. pulls corpse into guards, if we're already throwing things at other things. Rufus just does it backwards. Rufus spins his pistol a couple of times and blows away the gunsmoke before realizing the camera can't see him. Ah well. I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? ![]()
Last edited by Scent of a Grundle; May 6, 2013 at 01:04 AM.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 9 damage to Murderson, knocked out (and, perhaps irrelevantly, -2 to attack, save ends?) 6 damage to Crushdick, same deal 11 damage to Callahan from pickaxe'd Guards B&C back off for lack of targets 13 damage to Engi C from rancor 8 damage to Callahan from getting rocked, bloodied ![]() I was speaking idiomatically.
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; May 12, 2013 at 02:31 PM.
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Murderson found himself in an unfamiliar place again, although this time the nerd-farm was nowhere in sight. Instead he found himself knee-deep in snow, outside a vast, wooden hall, from which he could hear the sound of drunken singing. A warm, inviting glow came from the enormous doors which stood wide open. The newly deceased demon stalked forward towards the doorway and as he approached, he saw two guardians at the doorway, clad all in furs with horned helmets covering a shock of ginger hair. "HO STRANGER, ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE DIED A GLORIOUS DEATH IN BATTLE MAY ENTER VALHALLA" The second joined in. "THE RECORDS STATE THIS ONE IS WORTHY, ENTER FRIEND AND GRAB A PINT" Valhalla? Certainly he had died in battle but despite his rather messed up memory since the Event, he was pretty certain he had never been a Norse deity. The penny dropped. Fucking Odin, I bet this is his idea of a joke. I'm going to find that scrawny, ginger dick and make him wish Ragnarok was here With a yell, he drew his sword and charged headlong into the hall, disembowling one warden as he rushed past and ripping the head from the other with three of his tentacles. He was into the hall before the bodies hit the ground, swinging and slicing, tearing through the ranks of dead Vikings in mid-carouse. At the far end of the hall he saw a mighty throne, on which was sat an incredibly smug-looking being with the face of a raven who burst into gales of laughter when he caught sight of Murderson. It took a few moments for the drunken horde to react but he had only made it twenty metres into the room before the hapless Vikings around him had armed themselves and the slaughter turned into a running battle. Freed from the constraints of the mortal world however, a measure of Murderson's godlike powers had returned to him and he hacked and murdered his way towards the throne. Once he made it halfway across the chamber, the expression on the beaked deity's face changed and he started to look a little concerned. Three quarters across and Odin was starting to look decidedly nervous. As the Tiefling reached the foot of the Dais, the god was on his feet and behind the throne. Murderson stalked up the steps, shaking his sword to remove the strings of guts hanging from the blade. Now I have you, you beak-faced son of a Babylonian He raised his sword, ready to strike the Corvid features off of the terrified Norseman but felt an all too familiar sucking sensation and realised he wasn't quite dead yet and his lust for vengeance would go unsated. He howled his frustration to the void as his soul streaked across the universe in the blink of an eye. In a fetid chamber, deep underneath the post-apocalyptic mid-west town, the Tiefling's eye flicked open. Seriously, in the name of the Prophet, I am going to fucking kill someone Most amazing jew boots ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss; May 12, 2013 at 04:32 PM.
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She stares down the Rancor, hoping to invigorate her fellow warriors. Vitality transfer on Rancor 11+4+1=16 VS. 17 Miss... As the Rancor doesn't seem affected by her charms, Mamara decides to play nurse once again, her simple presence calling back her friends from the brink. She starts cuddling the dinobot and speaking softly to his ear: "RARGH... RABRARGABRU... GRAGARGAR... RAUGH... RAUGH... GARGLEGRAUGH..." Shift to W5 to give Skills my +5 bonus vs. death Steamy words indeed! FELIPE NO ![]() Juggle dammit
Last edited by i am good at jokes; May 12, 2013 at 08:51 PM.
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Sven retrieves the megaphone slung from his shoulder, his hand wrapping around the leathered grip stamped with Bergson and points it at the infuriating rat next to him. He continues screaming, "I HATE YOU SO MUCH THAT I WILL MAKE YOU DIE FROM IT" as the kobold's flesh peels away from its bones in long, jagged strips. He continues his tirade until naught is left before him but a lifeless skeleton crumpled in a pile of meat. I mean. Assuming it dies. If not then he continues until naught is left before him but an unconscious (save ends) badly wounded kobold. Either one is okay I guess. Standard: Attack Guard A with Bergson's Malefic Devitalizer. Hit: 6 + 6 + 1 = 13 vs. Will (13). Damage: 21 (-3? lmao) + 2 = 20. He turns his gaze to the rock-throwers and gestures with his megaphone, "WHO WISHES TO BE NEXT, CAVE MICE? PUNY CREATURES SHOULD RUN WHILE THEY CAN FOR ONCE MY LEGS ARE FREE THERE WILL BE FEWER PUNY CREATURES AROUND IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING (I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU)." He screams another time for emphasis, bracing for impact in case the stupid creatures dared not heed his warning.
Minor: Stone's Endurance Filled with indignant rage, Sven manages to flex so hard that the hardened quick-dry glue encasing his feet and legs is stretched beyond its tensile limits and cracks into useless chunks that fall to the floor in a pile around him. "GAZE UPON MY UNBOUND FEET AND TREMBLE, PUNY CREATURES. AT LAST I AM FREE." How ya doing, buddy? ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Little Brenty Brent Brent; May 13, 2013 at 03:03 AM.
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Move to W5 Pick Ayatollah up off the floor As he helps his allies up off the floor, Rufus finds time to pull another miner apart. Usually, when he'd use his power against living creatures in the past, they came toward him in one piece, living or otherwise. Everything down here, however, seems to have metallic central nervous systems. It's very curious. Rufus resolves to get to the bottom of this mystery once and for all after the current threats have been neutralized. 16 vs. 12 is a hit. Minion dies, corpse hits rancor, if that does any damage. Jam it back in, in the dark. ![]()
Last edited by Scent of a Grundle; May 14, 2013 at 02:15 AM.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 7 damage to Mamara; 2 ongoing fire damage (save ends) 9 damage to Rufus (bloodied); 2 ongoing fire damage (save ends) Engi C's part of the Cunning Rancor Subdual Plan puts him out of line-of-sight ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Engineer B chewed to death ![]() There's nowhere I can't reach.
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; May 18, 2013 at 02:20 AM.
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Move to X5 Dark Beckoning on Guard B 8+4+2+1+4 = 19 HIT! Damage: 5+4+1 = 10 Kobold Guard B is pulled to X2 Mamara takes a step forward to be sure the camera sees her a bit better before firing one off at the kobold guard that has just backed off halfway across the room. The shirt hits the kobold square in the face, but as soon as it comes back to its senses, it starts to walk towards the group, enticed by the incredible tagline on the shirt that just caused it to almost lose consciousness. "When a woman wants to know if that smell is normal..." is what can be read on the front of the shirt, and: "She asks Jolly Polly, because she knows that she knows!" completes the tagline on the back. Though the advertising clearly isn't the most well thought out (although the stink lines where masterfully realized), the kobold seems to want to know more, and starts coming closer to the vampire seductress. You wouldn't believe it, but I've been having this very discussion with my wife a lot lately. You think this rotten meat smells bad? You don't know what a stench is until you met Yorlanda. That's why I've been camping out here, the dungeons are refreshing next to that." This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. ![]() Juggle dammit
Last edited by i am good at jokes; May 16, 2013 at 02:21 PM.
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He swung his sword a couple of times to limber up, noting as he did the tuft of ginger hair caught in the crossguard. With vengeance on his mind, he set off after the guard who he had originally earmarked for a swift death. This was not a foe worthy of his blade however and instead he grasped the guard and his terrified companion with his tentacles, wringing the life from them in his fierce grip. Move to Z6, Long Arms of the Sea on guard and miner The weird crap the kobolds had sprayed all over him made his grip slippery and both his targets avoided death by tentacle, but their time would come... I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss; May 17, 2013 at 04:03 PM.
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Standard: Fire shotgun at Miner C. Hit: 15 + 8 = 23 vs. AC (15). Damage: More than 0. "Hahahaha! I have warned you, stupid rats! Stupid rats should pray to stupid rat god that enormous beast devours stupid rats because my plans for stupid rats are far worse than any beastly devouring could possibly be!" Free: Scream threats of graphic murder. I was speaking idiomatically. ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Little Brenty Brent Brent; May 20, 2013 at 05:35 PM.
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Rather than worry about it further, he takes his frustration out on the perplexed and fumbling kobold in front of him. Hunter's Quarry vs. Guard B. Fading Strike vs. Guard B. Hit for 22 damage. IF (kobold.dead=true) reload weapon ELSE Lodestone Lure vs. kobold. (miss) Rufus' shot punches a hole straight through the shirt, leaving a hole with actual smoke coming from it right where the stink lines were supposed to be coming off of... whatever that was supposed to be. The kobold behind the shirt, meanwhile, does not seem to appreciate his newly aerated snout one bit. What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? ![]()
Last edited by Scent of a Grundle; May 21, 2013 at 12:03 AM.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Guard stepping on X0 (because Mamara lured him) triggers another boulder trap. Miner killed. 16 damage to Guard. Rancor and Stirge both dodge. Gonna rule that being hit by a boulder terminates the Guard's forward momentum. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 11 (crit) damage to Murderson 7 damage to Mamara (and she's still on fire BTW) ![]() FELIPE NO
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; May 23, 2013 at 09:43 PM.
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Crushdick is annoyed at getting cut down so much. Next time he must headbutt faster, stronger, harder than ever before. He will get the drop on his enemies like his skull gets the drop on concrete. AGLJKAGasdg....GAGJAG....HFAHAGH Standard: Twin Strike at minion F 13 + who cares it's hella murdered. *Urp* Uh oh. *BLARRRRRRRRRRRRGH* ![]() A momentary bout of indigestion caused Crushdick to ralph all over the concrete slab. It wasn't until the smoke cleared that he noticed that several of last night's hourly giant mosquito snacks seem to have survived. Covered in 65 million year old stomach acid, they seemed particularly non-plussed. Interrupt: Stirges, round 2. Overcharge. 7. FAILURE. 5 stirges emerge from vomit, looking mostly unpleased. Strangely enough, this isn't the first time this happened. It's actually not the first time it's happened today, either. Crushdick sort of just shrugs it off. His lips still stinging a bit, he winked seductively at the Soldier who witnessed the whole sordid ordeal. It's not often you see vomit zombies. Minor: Quarry on Soldier C. Winking seductively before MURDERTOWN. Standard, continued: Remainder of Twin Strike on Soldier C. 8+10 = Hit just barely. 2+6+1 = 9 damage, unfortunately not murdering it. Murdertown is strangely still a ghost town. Population nobody. Crushdick is displeased. Luckily, throughout all that, some of the stirge vomit hit the floor with such force it bounced up and hit Murderson square in the chin. It had some minor healing properties, it seems. It should be bottled and sold at trade shows. Move for minor: Inspiring Barf on Murderson. lmao 1 HP. Suck a dick shin. What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
Infernal wrath on engineer A. I might as well do some damage before I die again 5 damage, FML. Jam it back in, in the dark. ![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() Boulder! Minion killed straight up. 23 damage to Rancor and Murderson, who, I reckon, is quite dead. Rancor finishes off Engineer. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() There's nowhere I can't reach.
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; May 30, 2013 at 05:54 AM.
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Expecting some more "Hilarious" japes from one of his fellow deities, he drew his sword and scowled meaningfully. All of a sudden however, he felt the all too familiar sucking sensation and again, returned to the mortal realm. He was in a tiny chamber, full of a sticky liquid. A dull thumping sounded all around him and a muted light pulsed through walls that looked... veiny? A tube connected his stomach to the wall and as he tried to wriggle free, he saw tiny, flipper like appendages where his arms and legs should have been. Fuck. Fucking Buddha. What a bastard... Additional Spam: Seeing the fate of the Tiefling, Mamara reconsidered hurling herself across the room to assault the remaining kobolds. Anyway, she wasn't sure whose side all the stirges were on and she was having a bad enough hair day as it was without getting pecked into the bargain. Far better to get the Kobold to come to her... She pursed her lips and blew a kiss at the beleaguered Engineer. Dark Beckoning on Engineer, pulling him to Y4 if hit This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss; May 31, 2013 at 04:18 PM.
Reason: This member got a little too post happy.
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![]() ![]() ![]() Beckoned Engineer triggers boulder trap at AC4, is splattered hilariously. 18 damage to Rufus (dying). NOWHERE IS SAFE. PS why can't any of you count to 3? ![]() ![]() ![]() 6 damage to Mamara, dyin' and grappled. Minimum of 6 damage to last guard, dead. 7 damage to Rancor, grappled. ![]() I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; Jun 2, 2013 at 11:58 AM.
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Sven directs the robosaur to move, bitch, get out the way.
![]() Delay turn until after Crushdick acts. I was speaking idiomatically. ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Little Brenty Brent Brent; Jun 2, 2013 at 02:38 PM.
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Those snacks seem awfully angry, for one reason or another. Dinoscowls didn't seem to get them to go away. Maybe Dino bullets would. Twin Strike in Stirges D and E. 9 + 8 = 17 > 15 = both popped DINOSAUR TACTICAL RELOAD ![]() Delayed Move until after remainder of Callahan's turn. Stand on top of Mamara's bleeding corpse. Free Action: Make sure the last thing she sees on this earth before she dies is massive dinosaur grundle. Most amazing jew boots |
Attempt to overcharge alpha to change damage type and fail miserably, causing minor internal bleeding in the process. Well, no matter! Sven still has smashing to do, and can plants really suffer from internal bleeding anyway? Who knows! He was a debt collector, not a doctor! Move: Head to Y5 via X6. "You! Puny flappers! Let go of small women and try picking on someone huge and mighty! It is probably not so good an idea, hahaha!" Sven brutalizes everything within reach. ![]() Standard: Lashing Creepers on all enemies within box from W3 to AA7. So Stirges A-C. Hit C: 12 + 3 + 1 = 16 vs. Reflex (15). Hit B: 12 + 3 + 1 = 16 Hit A: 16 + 3 + 1 = 20 Damage: More than 0. Maybe plants could bleed internally after all. Save vs. bleeding: NOPE FELIPE NO ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Little Brenty Brent Brent; Jun 2, 2013 at 03:23 PM.
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What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? ![]() |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() 5 damage to Rancor from gettin' suckled Rancor attempts to escape bloodsuckery: 12 is the target, so success. Second move action to get over to Crushdick. Minor action, claw time: failure. Burn that Elite-issue action point! Burn it! BITE HIM! Failure. FFFFFFF Mamara's death save. Hey, how about that. You're welcome. Crushdick's IN HER SPOT SIR so let's just roll her over a lil' bit NO ONE MAY ESCAPE JERVIS THE STIRGE. 7 more damage to Rancor, (immobilized) ![]() Jam it back in, in the dark.
Last edited by The unmovable stubborn; Jun 3, 2013 at 08:21 AM.
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GAJKGAGAGH
Move for Minor: Draw Swords Minor: Quarry on Rancor. Standard: Twin Strike on Rancor. 11 + 8 = 19 > 15 AC. 18 + 8 = 26 > 15 AC. Two Hits. Damage: 6+6+6+6+5 = 29. ![]() There's nowhere I can't reach. |
Sven crosses his arms and looks straight into the camera like he ain't give a fuck while Crushdick eviscerates the rancor beside him, its lifeless body collapsing to the ground.
Then they peace out like bros. ![]() This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. ![]() ![]()
Last edited by Little Brenty Brent Brent; Jun 3, 2013 at 08:58 PM.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
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