D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

9 Dice Rolls *Damage with Combat Advantage

Really, Cyrus? You think that's what this is about? Please. It was bad enough you sold me as artwork. But no. You stole my life. My love. My dignity. My savings. You took everything I had, and now you're going to pay for that, you greedy son of a bitch.

You may be somewhat resistant to lightning, but no matter. Let's see you shrug this off!

Spoiler:

As a former comrade, Von Brandt has full knowledge of Reynolds' abilities. And vice versa.

6 lightning damage to Von Brandt. 5 ongoing poison and slowed (save ends both)

Well folks, looks like an interesting magic contest between sorcerer and wizard! And using the same base element to boot! Who will win this fight?

Oh, and Cyrus? My comrades-at-arms are not hirelings. Everyone here has been wronged by you at some point. It's all about revenge.

Three hundred pieces. Three hundred! Aaaaaaaaarghhhh!

Wow, they're distraught. I wonder what Von Brandt did to them. Another dagger at Beegraks, they're charging him... and...

Everything's totally missing Beegraks today. What a lucky guy!

Don't think the guild of assassins have forgotten your treachery in Baldur's Gate, Von Brandt!

Hey look, is that a naked half elf in the audience?!

Whoo, he almost slips on the glass, but he's way too agile! He skates right through it! He's reached Von Brandt now! Ow!

Assassin A takes double-move through rubble.
Shapeshifter's Feint: 10 vs Reflex. Hit. Von Brandt grants combat advantage to Assassin B until the end of its next turn.
Assassin's Longblade: 12 vs AC. Hit. 14 damage to Von Brandt.

Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x5), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassins

The ones engaging Beegraks are thugs. The assassins are adjacent to Von Brandt

How ya doing, buddy?

4 Dice Rolls ah! saving throw!

"Ah, yes. That was always your thing, wasn't it? Von Brandt has mastered the lightning strike? Well, I'd better master a lightning strike that is also a snake! What is it with you and the snakes, anyway? It's kind of, you know, weird. And not weird in an awesome way, like buying a brace of pigeons just to let them shit on your old buddy the statue."

Cyrus smiles to himself. Good times. As though it were his spell all along, the lightning serpent smoothly coils into Von Brandt's open palm and springs back across the arena, tearing into its creator before dissipating.

"As for YOU guys: Assassins, complaining about treachery? Are you even listening to yourselves? Look, we had an agreement: I take all the money, and in exchange we never have to see each other again. Okay, technically that was an agreement I came to by myself, but you were unconscious at the time. I maintain that I had your best interests in mind, however."

As he speaks, Cyrus slides away on the shifting sands as though he were sledding down a snowy hill. The hot arena sands spray up from his heels, choking his foes and concealing his position. This was delicious: so much history to be settled, while the real Cyrus was safely ensconced in some bizarre Waterdhavian cloning lab. He could afford to be cocky.

Immediate reaction: Shared Suffering ability on the ongoing Lighting Serpent damage; apply it to Reynolds in kind.
Searing Sands vs both Assassins; 16 damage each. Cyrus is concealed.
Shift to J17



I was speaking idiomatically.

5 Dice Rolls *Goddamn it

Well, well, looks like these lowly thugs have got it out for the dragonborn. Too bad for them they won't be there to see their own heads explode, because they look like the types who could appreciate such a fine artistic gesture.


*Trade up 3 +1 tokens for a +2 token
Arcing Smite (boosted by +2 token), first on Thug A, and then on Thug B
11 damage to Thug A
Shift to F13
Action Point!
Majestic Halo on Thug B
15 damage to Thug B

Well, they might have to wait a bit for the fireworks, but Beegraks wishes to assure everyone that they will take place as promised.



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

9 Dice Rolls Wizard am have no ongoing

Gggh, I see you picked up a new trick. Won't nearly be enough to save you.

5 poison damage to Von Brandt.

What... was that?! Truly a magnificent feat of magical redirection, folks! And now he's gone and kick more sand in their faces!

Oh yes, "Searing Sands". Pathetic. Let's see how well you can withstand my MAGIC MISSILE!

...

5 untyped to Wizard. Magic Missile misses.

That spell goes wild, deflected by Von Brandt's miniature sandstorm! That's not deterring the assassins though!

He's over there.... I think! Come on! Flank and kill! You go outside the ring, I----whoops!

Oh, one of them just slipped on Von Brandt's glass! How awkward! Still, Von Brandt's distracted with bouts of laughter! The other assassin's circling him... Folks, stop throwing that fruit! There's a force field there, can't penetrate it! Not deterring them from stabbing Von Brandt to death!

Assassin B falls prone, helpless. Assassin A takes 5 force damage.
Longsword hits: 12 - 2 [concealment] - 2 [prone] + 2 [combat advantage] + 14 = 24 > 20
Assassin's Quarry misses: 10 + 7 +2 [flanking] - 2 [concealment] = 17 < 18
Reflex.
20 damage to Von Brandt; bloodied.

The human thugs are content enough to swing around that mace at Beegraks. I hope his face is insured.

Morningstar: +14 vs AC. 9 damage to Beegraks; marked by Thug A until end of thug's next turn.

Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x3), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassins

FELIPE NO

7 Dice Rolls whirly whirly

"Did you seriously just bust out Magic Missile? You know, Reynolds, they're running a Juniors Arena event next week; padded sticks, pillow armor, that sort of thing. Might be more to your speed, give it some thought. Meanwhile, buddy here can't even walk unless you tell him what order to lift his feet in. Keep it up, I could still die laughing."

Cyrus ducks under the assassins' blades, darting over to the rubble to continue his game of cat and mouse with Reynolds. He's gone before they can even react, leaving a humming little sphere of energy on the ground as he departs. He doesn't even glance backward as the spellsphere erupts. Cool guys don't look at explosions.

He skids to a stop only to find a couple of thugs shaking down his reptilian pal.

"Are you guys pummeling that lizard? You can't pummel the lizard in public. That's just disgusting."

The mighty winds of Decency and Self-Restraint buffet the offenders. Smiling the smile of the just, Cyrus zestfully bites into his complementary cookie.



Lightning Shift to J11
Thunder Bomb at J17. 19 damage to Assassin A; he's slowed.
♫Action Point♫
Whirlwind at F13; exempt the Beeg.
Attempt Good Timing, fail, take 5 damage.
15 damage to Thug B; he's prone.
Eat dat cookie



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Ah! Beegraks can smell the helplessness of one of the assassins, and he figures he might as well go and end him before he gets back up. In fact he quite ardently strikes him down.

Shift to G14
Charging Ardent strike vs. helpless assassin
17 damage to assassin
You have just been sanctionned, Matherfacker





How ya doing, buddy?

12 Dice Rolls Assassin's Quarry vs BR

Let's just assume Beegraks uses a +2 token.
Assassin A bloodied by Thunder Bomb.
Assassin B takes massive damage from Ardent Strike exactly equal to his bloodied value (31). Dies instantly.

What... was that?! Did you see that? The sheer brutality. And everybody's loving it!

Crowd is chanting Beegraks' name, giving him a +5 arena bonus to damage rolls until end of his next turn.

Y-you assassinated him! You... You... I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!

Focus on the matter at hand! Mourn your friend later, when we've all had our revenge!

Cyrus! Here's your own spell right back at you! The very one you taught me! LIGHTNING BOLT!

...

Sigh. Figures the bastard would teach me the weak form.

5 ongoing damage to wizard.
3 lightning damage to Von Brandt. 4 lightning damage to Beegraks.

I am so going to enjoy cutting you down to shreds, you monster. CUT YOU... TO FIVE HUNDRED PIECES!

Thug B's Charge vs Von Brandt, ending with Morningstar. Miss.
Thug A's Rattling Smash vs Von Brandt, +12 vs Will. Miss.

Hey look, up there in the sky! Did that ice dragon just come back? Ahahaha, made you -- dammit, how could I miss?

Shapeshifter's Feint vs Beegraks. Hit. Grants CA for 2 rounds.
Assassin's Quarry vs Beegraks. Miss.
Fuck.

Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots.

All right, folks! Apparently our challengers have just temporarily suffered from a... bout of incompetence! Please forget the past six seconds!

Von Brandt (+1 x7), Beegraks (+1 x1), Mercenary Wizard, Street Thugs, Death Squad Assassin

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls PFFFLLTLTL

Things were looking bad for Clone von Brandt. He was backed into a corner, between a rock and a hard mace. Desperate and short on ideas, he attempts to prevail on Reynolds' extremely limited sense of honor.

"Enough of this spellslinging, Reynolds. Let's settle this between the two of us, man-to-man. Raise your quarterstaff and fight me. STAY BACK, Beegraks! This is between me and him! Just keep those other goons away from us and our manly man duel."

And with that, von Brandt lunged at his old accomplice, dagger in hand.

Shift to K12
Phew, running out of options here...
Stab the fuck out of Reynolds, I guess. 9 damage to that guy. Woooo.




This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"What's that, magic man? Feel your thighs? I don't see why you want me to do that, but whatever drapes you grapes."

That dragonborn ear gold must be getting pretty thick in Smothas ears, because I'm pretty sure he didn't hear that right. Well, there he goes, swaggering like the drunken sleazeball that he is. All the way over to C to the Von B. Something about the way he moved distracted one of the thugs and Reynolds from Cyrus. I can't imagine what.

Shift to I14
Move to J13
Lecherous hands all over the Magic man
Thug B and Reynold be Sanctionned at the beginning of their turns courtesy of Beegraks' Wonderful, Majestic Halo




I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

8 Dice Rolls *Damage with Combat Advantage

That's disgusting, Smothas. Don't you know children are watching? This sort of thing is not permissible in polite society! Much less in a public arena!

Engaging in fisticuffs, Cyrus? I suppose it fits your thuggish ways. And enough with your lies. If you were serious about single combat, your dragon stooge will not be right here beside me.

Still, I must confess I've always wanted to hit you on the head with this staff. En garde!

...

Agh. You. Lizard. I don't know what it was you did, but you're not getting away with it!

5 ongoing damage to wizard
Quarterstaff vs Von Brandt: +12 vs AC, miss.
6 necrotic damage thanks to divine sanction. Bloodied
Eat morningstar, Von Brat! Yeah, that's right! How you like them apples, huh?!

14 damage; marked until end of Thug A's next turn.

Stop looking at my legs like that, you MONSTER!

Critical hit! Beegraks takes 28 damage, is bloodied, and takes -2 penalty to attack rolls for 1 round.

Save some for me! I want a piece of him too!

Longblade hits. Beegraks takes 18 damage.

Looks like our challengers are making up for lost time! They've got Beegraks on the ropes now!

Item powers. Don't forget 'em, Ry.

Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thugs, Mercenary Wizard, Death Squad Assassin

I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll stabbin' time!

"Hey now, I just asked him to stay out of it. If he doesn't comply, what can I do? He's not my slave, Reynolds. I just met the guy today!"

Things were far too cramped; Cyrus could never get a spell off without some bastard pummeling him halfway through the motions. It was down to him and his trusty knife. With a grimace, he brings the blade scything down toward Reynolds; the wizard deflects it with his staff. Things were looking grim.

Shift to K13
STAB REYNOLDS. Fail.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Seeing no better alternatives at the present movement, Beegraks decides to camp inside his trusty cloak for a little while.

But not before reaching into Von Brandt's back and sneaking out the bottle of wine he had hidden between all his Magic Man like things. I mean really, who carries a rabbit around in their man-purse anyway. Even this idiot of a waste of lizardskin has seen that trick before.

"Thanks Magic Man! I owe you a drink!"

grab wine bottle from Von Brandt's bag
Expend two healing surges using Cloak
Woot! regain 44 HP thanks to belt
Take a drink of that sweet juice



FELIPE NO

4 Dice Rolls Wizard saves vs ongoing?

Beegraks' Second Wind regains 42 HP. Unless there's an official ruling to the contrary, you are not "your ally", so Belt of Sacrifice will not trigger. Von Brandt will not get a +1 boost to surge value either, if he's using Beegraks' surge value.

Beegraks is now drunk. Until he sobers up, he gets a +1 power bonus to all rolls and grants combat advantage. He sobers up when he (a) spends a healing surge, (b) takes an extended rest, (c) becomes bloodied, or (d) voluntarily makes and succeeds on a saving throw.

Oh? The great Cyrus Von Brandt? Actually admitting that someone is not his stooge? Who are you, and what have you done with the real Cyrus Von Brandt?

You know what? You've grown soft, Cyrus. I'm not even going to bother stick-fighting with you - if that's even really you.

Time to end him, boys. Grab him!
Cyrus is grabbed. Immobilized.

Wowzers, the street thugs have Von Brandt in a vise! He's not going to wriggle away anytime soon! What is Reynolds doing? He's putting his left foot -- oh! Okay!

Pay no attention to that massive 100x5-foot spiked boulder that just appeared over the arena, folks. You're all completely safe!

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Reynolds takes 5 ongoing damage and is granting combat advantage to everyone for one round.
Doesn't save from ongoing.

If you think cowering under that cloak is going to protect you from my wrath...

Crud.

Longblade misses.

Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thugs, Mercenary Wizard, Death Squad Assassin

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

5 Dice Rolls FURY OF THE STORM

"Get your hands off me, you mouth-breathing simpleton. If I wanted to manhandled by sweaty men I'd dress up like your whore of a mother."

With a grunt, Cyrus breaks free of the thug's meaty paws and skids onto the glass; the lightning was already crackling in his palms.

"Send her my love, would you?"

I Want To Break Free!
That was a close shave.
Shift to L14
Try to Not Fall. Assuming I stay upright, proceed as follows.
Lightning Strike vs Reynolds, risk a staff in the face
Miss. GOOD TIMING GO!
17 damage to Reynolds. 3 to the surviving Assassin

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls Damage!

Imbecile! You just let him go? What, those muscles just for show? We could have squashed him flat!

Lightning Strike, eh Cyrus? I see what you're doing there. Seen it a hundred times. Take this!

Yessss! Finally got you!

Opportunity attack: 6 damage to Von Brandt. Bloodied.
Lightning Strike reduces Reynolds' HP to single digits.

Carry on, Rychord.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

4 Dice Rolls still crunk?

Beegraks was feeling quite good about himself there. This day was getting pretty long and he'd barely had any tail or drink. When he spotted that bottle in Von Brandt's bag, the battle didn't seem to matter so much anymore. If no females besides that fat-assed dragon were gonna present themselves in the arena, he might as well indulge in what small pleasure was available. Slaughtering was good fun, sure, but after a while even that lost some of its appeal from the lack of variety.

Then, a sword comes through his cloak and into his little sanctuary, nearly running him through. And look at that hole. Where's he gonna find someone to mend it in a place like this? Back to slaughtering I guess.

Not even taking the time to finish his last drink, Beegraks emerges from his seclusion and focuses down the assassin that just damaged his favorite accessory.

"PPffff!"

Now that's what I call sour grapes! Flailed to perfection!

Wine vomit assassin
Ardent strike on Assassin
11 damage to Assassin (if this doesn't kill him, make use of Giantkind gloves encounter power to add an extra 2 damage
shift to K14

That went exactly as Beegraks had planned it. While dodging the wine, the assassin missed the fact that a massive spiked ball had also departed for his face from the other side.

And just like that, the dragonborn sobered up.

"Magic man, I think you got gipped on the grape juice. Or you like lady's wine. Either way, I need another drink!"



This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

11 Dice Rolls Assassin's Longblade vs BR

YOU... DON'T... GET. TO. TALK. ABOUT. MY. DEAR DEPARTED. MA. IN THAT MANNER! MOE! GO AROUND AND HELP ME MAKE HIM A CYRUS SANDWICH!

Thug A shifts to K13. Critical roll! Cyrus grabbed, immobilized.
Damn, out of actions. I didn't think this through.
Thug B moves to M14. Morningstar connects: 7 damage to Von Brandt. Marked until end of thug's next turn.
Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage to Thug B.

Lizard, I'd have preferred to focus my fire on Cyrus, but I feel a magical compulsion to strike you down. Get out of my way. MAGIC MISSILE!

...

WAIT YOU FOOL! DON'T STAND THERE! THERE'S NO TI--

5 ongoing damage to Reynolds.
Ignore the OA rolls - he shifts to K12. Magic Missile misses.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
SPLUT. Thug A is squashed flat. Dies instantly.
Everyone adjacent to K13 knocked 1 square backwards.
K13 is now impassable and blocks line of sight and line of effect.

Reynolds, you and your team were fully briefed on the exact nature of the enchantment we're giving you. As per the standard waiver you have signed, the Waterdeep Arena Corporation bears no liability for the improper use of any tool or implement we provide!

Well, I suppose that's one less thug roaming the streets of our fair city. But our intrepid duo is not out of the woods yet!

Hey lizard. Look at my rack. I shape-shifted it just for you! Ahahaha, got-- oh crap, missed again!

Beegraks granting combat advantage to assassin till end of its next turn. Longblade misses.

Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thug, Mercenary Wizard <- is about to die of ongoing damage, Death Squad Assassin

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

3 Dice Rolls oops, I mean

"You were better off as a decoration, Reynolds. At least then I couldn't skin you for a new pair of gloves. Now, however — "

Cyrus turns away coldly as his old acquaintance withers away under the ruinous power of his own spell. Were all of these fools going to self-destruct?

Stay put, smirk a bit
Lightning Strike to Assassin
20 damage to Assassin, 3 damage to Thug

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls *How many crushed organs?

"Heh. Looks like all your friends left you to die!"

Says Beegraks to the last remaining thug as he proceeds to bring his flail into the thug's abdomen.

Move to M14 through L15
Use Belt of Sacrifice to give Cyrus one final Surge by giving up my last two somehow thought I had two surges left
Resurgent Strike on Thug
20 damage to Thug



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll Morningstar to the head

Ggggggg... Cy....rus... I'll.... haunt... y--y--!
Assassin A dies from Lightning Strike. Wizard takes 5 ongoing and dies.

And just like that, the tables are turned, ladies and gentlemen! Only one thug left - his revenge is going to have to go unfulfilled!

Thug bloodied by Resurgent Strike.

If I'm going down, then I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME VON BRANDT!

Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage.

And he misses! Dead man walking right there! Has there ever been such an anticlimactic outcome to a final battle? Mop it up, you two!

Von Brandt (+1 x8), Beegraks (+1 x2), Street Thug

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls like, a lot

Cyrus flicks a spray of acid in the thug's face, and a wan smile settles over his features.

"I've no doubt that I'll accompany you at your destination one day. Already bought the ticket. But I won't travel with you today; haven't finished packing."

Shift to N16
Acid Orb vs Thug
11 damage


What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Aaaaand that's a wrap folks! Let's hear it for Beegraks and Von Brandt! Did you expect them to end the day standing? I didn't. Must be all the cookies. Our delicious, yummy cookies! You lucky lucky gladiators get to keep his entrance fee - a very handsome flag with his symbol on it!

You can help yourselves to the... 50... 60... 88. 88 gold pieces that your opponents were careless enough to bring with them as well! Ah, the spoils of battle!

1,514 GP banked for both of you.

Beegraks, you're new, so let me give you some quick information. Our sponsors maintain a full value barter system - certainly terms that are more generous than anything else you can find in the outside world. We have the best artificers that gold pieces can buy, so we get the best fights this side of the Sword Coast.

Guards, escort our gladiators back to their quarters for some rest and relaxation. They've earned it.

On that point, the odds for both finishing together was 1 in 69. Do we have any winners, Larry?

1. Level up! Choose a feat, your 2 ability-up bonuses, and retrain if desired.
2. Enforced extended rest! Choose your purchases and barter trades.
3. Coercive Gauntlets have strangely disappeared from Character Builder. Please trade it in.
4. Brainzzzz. Barhah!
   

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Cyrus snapped into attention with a start, his mind still a bit fogged up. The half-elf dimly remembered the events of the past day. He's had days of arena combat now, remaining alive despite the loss of his partners. His newest partner was a lascivious dragonborn they called Beegraks. The evil paladin inexplicably survived the encounters, despite terrifying odds. Who did they face again? Some bugbears, was it? The Beeg's old girlfriend. Worms of some kind. "Holy worms", yes. Cyrus snickered at the very idea. And a loose end from Cyrus' past who he easily dispatched.

The sorcerer rises unsteadily to his feet. Well, he muses, wherever he is, it's certainly not the arena. It's completely enclosed in rock, for one, illuminated only by the odd everburning torch tightly affixed to the occasional rock wall. Second, he's not in chains and there's no guard in sight. Nor did he feel an anti-magic field anywhere in the area. The professionally-run arena would never allow its prized gladiators to wander freely without the adequate supervision. It's bad for business, after all.

Cyrus cautiously takes a step back - his back touches a wall. There's no getting out this way. Looking down, he espies a magic circle inscribed on the ground. The sorcerer is quick to recognize it as a linked portal, but it is inactive, as if out of power. So that's how we got here, he muses. At his feet lie his partner from the previous day, a Zehirite Paladin. Cyrus is a Tiamat worshipper himself, but to each his own deity.

They were in a passageway of sorts. The path extends for a good fifty yards before it terminates in a solid wall. There were multiple branches in the passage that go to the right or left, but it is impossible to determine how far they go from Cyrus' present location. All is quiet.



There's nowhere I can't reach.

Cyrus delivers a solid kick into the paladin's ribs.

"On your feet, you great oversized kobold. Mysteries are afoot. Why, I've not been in such a dark and smelly tunnel since that lich queen ensnared me with her illusions. Quite fetching illusions, mind you."

Cyrus sidles over to the edge of the nearest west-oriented tunnel, waving his arm around in front of it vigorously. You can always get a new arm, but a handsome face like his was really quite irreplaceable.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Rolling for something

Cyrus hugs the wall to the right, cautiously inching his way forward. The "tunnel" terminates prematurely ten feet from the passage.

"Boo!"

A rusted lever set into the alcove wall is taken by surprise. It dies of fright.



How ya doing, buddy?