[DnD] Secret Cow Level (GFF D&D Adventure 6)

6 Dice Rolls CAN I STANDS UP

The Hive Lord (or, potentially, Hive Lady) wiggles toward the party on its back painstakingly, still unable to right itself. Its unfortunate orientation does nothing to stop it vomiting bile over everyone in the vicinity. Delic, thinking quickly, takes cover behind the warforged and uses his wide-brimmed hat as an umbrella.

Acid Blast:
5 damage to Gordok; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)
10 damage to Gheth; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)
10 damage to Glock; 5 ongoing acid damage and weakened (single save ends both)

Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Attack

Delic brandishes the Bastard Sword, feeling the weight of the blade and its center of balance. Taking careful aim while looking down the blade's edge, he aims at what he he assumes is the softest spot on or near what passes for it's face and drives one hard hit as hard as his weight will allow.

Move to T35
Brash Strike against large insect creature

(Delic falls forward, faceplanting next to the creature)

I was speaking idiomatically.

5 Dice Rolls *GARBAGE DAY

Move to U35
Bear mode
Roar of Terror

Kruthik Adults A and B are hit with a disappointingly small Roar of Terror for 7 damage but despite that are still dazed.
The Kruthik Hive Lord brushes the tiny meep off receiving a mere 3 damage and is slightly dazed until this bear has a chance to strike again.

Small bear, you need to level up and play more serious.

"But wait!"



exclaims small bear

"Thanks to DRAGON POWERS my BEAR POWERS strike true!"

And indeed upon reflection of combat advantage against the Kruthik Hive Lord small bear did seven of damage and the lord was dazed good.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

3 Dice Rolls lance armstrong

Somewhat intimidated by being outshouted by a creature the size of an ale keg, Gheth steels his resolve and goes for something with a little more flash to aid his lubricated (and now bevenomed) friend.

"Yay! I'm helping!"

Ethereal and bright, his words seem to spill forth from his mouth, engulfing the warforged in sparkling light. It is beautiful to behold, if perhaps somewhat less eloquent than he would like.


Move to T34
Healing Word on Glock
Lance of Faith on Hive Lady for good measure

Most amazing jew boots

7 Dice Rolls adult B save vs daze

Shrugging his shoulders, Garrmondo picks up on Glock's cue and begins punting the kruthik back toward the stairwell.

End of Garrmondo's turn: 2 damage from Gnashing Horde Aura

Assuming the shape of a distressingly small bear, Gordok roars a mighty roar.

Well, a roar.

More of an aggressive-sounding cough, really. The kruthiks seemed to find it impressive, at least.

Beginning of Gordok's turn: 5 acid damage
Roar of Terror: 3 damage to Hive Lord, Adults A & B; all 3 dazed (save ends)
Because he was weakened, that's why

Gheth does what he can to repair the extensive damage to his mechanical friend, but with the acid sizzling away it's a stopgap measure at best.

Beginning of Gheth's turn: 5 acid damage
Healing Word: Glock's HP +12

The majority of the adult kruthiks can do little more than stagger toward the party, dazed by Gordok's wheeze of fury. Separated from the rest, Garrmondo's quarry decides to cut a window in him so as to get back to its brood.

Claw: 9 damage to Garrmondo

Start of Glock's turn: 5 acid damage, 5 poison damage

Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

3 Dice Rolls Warforged Resolve

Pissed off because he can't quite shake this shit, Glock stumbles forward.

Move to U31

"FUCK THIS" he mumbles. Which comes out more as a BLEEP BLOOP BLEEP, having reverted to his robot mannerisms in a moment of anger.

Shaking his robo-head back and forth a bit seemed to clear himself up a bit, though.

Warforged Resolve
Oh thank God that actually worked. Ditch the poison/slow compound condition. Regain 5 HP. (3 + 0.5(5))

"It's about time we find out exactly what these motherfuckers are made of", he mentioned, not quite to anyone in particular. "ACTIVATE SCANNING MATRIX BETA SEVEN. LOCK TARGET GAMMA. CHARGE DEFLECTOR DISH. PROCEED WHEN READY, ENSIGN."

Goggles of Aura Sight on Adult C.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll hivelord save vs daze

Finally shrugging off the poison from the spikes, Glock fiddles with the controls on his goggles, scanning the lizard he'd shoved Garrmondo off to deal with.



The Hive Individual Of Authority stands up! Exciting times.

Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls Damage

Delic lifts his head up off the floor, "Mmm prhprphphp hhphp hrph," he says through the mashed but not quite broken nose, "Mptphpthpptphp, pphp. Hphpphhhffft?"

He swings wide, attempting to cut the creature in any sort of way he can manage. No more of this fancy-ass "aiming" thing.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

5 Dice Rolls Save vs Compound Condition

Dammit Acer

5 acid damage at start of turn

The itty bitty bear blinks once or twice. It seems like it's been so long since he last did anything. Strange how everyone else was also sitting still. Almost like they were waiting for him.

Not knowing what to do in the next couple of seconds before someone else does something, he yells "Ipso, facto, meeny, moe... MAGICO" at the large bitch right in front of him.

Warlock's Curse on Hive Lord
Rod of Reaving bonus causes 1 damage to Hive Lord at this time

After yelling, in the resulting awkward silence, he did the only thing he could to make it worse.

He farted.

Tundra Wind

Aimed so that it hits T36 through V38.

16+6 = 22 > 21. Lord hit.
17+6 = 23 > 14. Adult A very hit.
Adult A takes (12+4=16) /2=8 damage, Lord takes (12+4+6=22) /2=11 damage.
Both knocked prone.
Use Primal Guardian bonus to push Adult A 3 spaces to V39.

Greatly disturbed by the force of that...blast, and just how cold it was, Gordy swears off banana ice cream for a while here after.

Failed saving throw vs compound condition.

He still felt kinda funkalicious though. Gonna have to stop eating rats too, probably.

Jesus Christ why can't I get rolls like this when it's my turn

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls *damage

Noticing that the fat beetle (Huge, in fact. Reminiscent of Ecks' legendary box) seems to be shrugging off his lightshow, Gheth switches gears and tries out his old college stabbin' arm.

Move to V35
Healing Strike on FAT ONE
14+8= 22 == 22 Hit! Hive Lord is marked and considered bloodied until save.
6+5= 11 dmg to Hive Lord
Glock can spend a healing surge
and a partridge in a pear tree.

Skill's note: Pythagoras says I'm in the clear. And spend it he does. Glocks's HP +11.

I was speaking idiomatically.

9 Dice Rolls can B stop being dazed

Flailing wildly, Delic swings his sword about like a man possessed.

Basic Attack, I guess: 8 damage to Hive Lord
End of Delic's turn: 2 damage from aura

Garrmondo swings his blade down into the leathery carapace of the kruthik before him, exulting in the pleasantly crunchy sound that results. Still, the satisfaction is short-lived; there's something about these things that makes a man feel sick just standing next to them.

Crushing Surge: 18 damage to Adult C; +1 temp HP
End of Garrmondo's turn: 2 damage from aura

Gordok does a fascinating thing which I refuse to recount.

Tundra Wind: basically as Skills described it, except the Hive Lord also gets pushed. It doesn't say "push the target if you feel like it", people. This effects Gheth's turn in a small way, as you'll see.

Even as the Hive Lord skids across the floor under the power of a mysterious wind, Gheth lunges after it spear in hand. The jagged spearhead rips open the kruthik's abdomen, and the creature's foul-smelling blood jets out in alarming quantities.

Approvingly, Glock reaches across the chamber with his seldom-used go-go-gadget arm, fist extended.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Healing Strike (w/ Flensing Spear power): 11 damage to Hive Lord; Hive Lord is marked by Gheth for a round; counts as bloodied, takes 5 ongoing damage (save ends both). Glock's HP +11.

End of Gheth's turn: 2 damage from aura (it's all Skills' fault)

Angered by the sight of the Hive Lord's grievous wound, the kruthiks enter into a slashing frenzy. Mere proximity to the patriarch seems to double their ferocity as they struggle to defend him.

Kruthik Adult A Claw: 18 damage to Gheth; bloodied
Kruthik Adult C Claw: 6 damage to Garrmondo

Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

Start of Glock's turn: 5 acid damage

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

5 Dice Rolls Save vs Compound please jesus

Feeling kinda bad that the rat he fed to the shapeshifter has somewhat, directly or indirectly, resulted in his dragon friend get SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, Robo-man decides to kick it into high gear.

Move to V33

"Hey, you scaley fuck. The only one allowed to smack you up around here is me. Get up so I can kick your ass!", he yelled at Gheth, in his most friendly preprogrammed voice.

Majestic Word on Gheth
Gheth recovers 18 HP. (14 + 4)

Addressing the rest of the party, he simply said "Guys, look at this thing. Even I wouldn't fuck it. And anything I wouldn't have sex with doesn't even deserve to live. Let's kick the shit out of it and scrape it's beastly remains off our fists and shoes. Let's flatten it like it was a naked dwarf tobogganing off a cliff."

Stirring Shout on Hive Lord
11+7 = 18 > 17. Hit
Hive Lord takes (12+5=17)/2 = 8 damage
Everytime anyone hits that thing, they regain 4 HP.

Burn AP

Turning around, looking back at the douchebag attacking the nice man who gave him the shiny shirt. "And you. Who the fuck are you? You better hope you die in the next few seconds or my steel foot is going to be so far up your ass you'll be shitting out your nose."

Vicious Mockery on Adult C
9+7 = 16 > 13. Hit
Adult C takes (4+5=9)/2 = 4 damage.
Until my next turn Adult C takes -2 penalty to attack rolls.

The robotic version of being flustered raised Glock's temperature to the point where the acid simply vapourized off him. An unforseen benefit of getting pissed off. He quickly (as in the speed of light) makes a mental note to remember to get pissed off more often.

Saving throw vs Compound 2 successful.

FELIPE NO

6 Dice Rolls stop leaking HP?

Thrown ass-over-teakettle again the moment he managed to get back up, the Hive Lord makes the best of it and just pukes all over everyone in range again. Delic displays a rapidly-evolving talent for expediently avoiding vomit.

Start of Hive Lord's turn: 5 damage
Acid Blast from S34 to W38
7 acid damage to Gordok and Gheth; Gheth is weakened and suffers 5 ongoing acid damage (single save ends both)

Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

2 Dice Rolls Damage

In a mad moment, Delic no longer fears the providence of cake and dashes headlong at the creature.

Move to T38
Brash Strike

(I've gotten some shit ass rolls this adventure)

Most amazing jew boots

3 Dice Rolls *DDDAAAMMMAGE

Tiny bear is running out of cool magics to use. So he uses his last one. Diabolic Grasp. That guy. Please?

Tiny bear grasps the Kruthik Hive Lord... diabolically. There is 14 damage and sliding of two spaces to the east.

How ya doing, buddy?

3 Dice Rolls save versus acid

Gheth was starting to get disoriented. Whether from the acid dripping into his eyes, the bugs' curious ability to hate him to death, or from lingering cropdusted fart fumes, he could not say. Somehow he'd gotten separated from the rest of the group, and that could spell their end if they weren't careful. Luckily the rousing speech from the warforged lit a fire under him. After all, if he died, he was pretty sure the bear would desecrate his remains. It went without saying that as a cleric, he was firmly opposed to his death on principle.

Regardless, he manages to stumble towards one of the insects and offer up a spear-flavored milkshake. As the creature turns to face him, he shouts:
"Quick! While his back is turned! I'm sure he's most delicious!"

Gheth takes 5 from acid, making him bloodied and activating Dragonborn Fury
Move to R37
Righteous Brand on Adult B with +3 bonus to Gordok
2+6= 8/2= 4 damage
Healing Word on self

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

10 Dice Rolls C claw vs Garrmondo

Delic makes another mad dash at the Hive Lord, only to have the halfling's sinister magic pick it up and yank it away. Whose side is he on, anyway?

Garrmondo keeps hacking away at the lone kruthik. It's getting a bit monotonous for him, but at the least it's probably safer than diving in the acid-drenched fracas going on behind him.

Aura 2 damage yada yada

Just as the tall man with the funny mustache tries to swing at the Hive Lord again, Gordok flings it away again. It is too funny forever! The halfling tries to stifle a chuckle as the fighter nearly sprawls to the floor again.

8 damage actually, Weakness being what it is.
Finally made the save against it, though.

More than a little tired of getting puked on, Gheth gets the hell out of Dodge. The smaller kruthiks aren't exactly lining up to die in a hurry either, but at least they weren't going to step on you.

Healing Word: 14 + 5 bonus + 4 WIS = Gheth's HP +23
Aura 2 damage you know the drill

Things weren't looking so great for Thunderspire's resident parasitic lizard-beetles, either. The intruders seemed to spend most of their time flipping the hive over just to watch them wriggle. It's a fucking indignity is what it is.

The Kruthik Garrmondo has separated from the rest makes a half-hearted swipe at him, then begins tunneling into the floor beneath the fighter's feet to get back to its mates.

Kruthik Adult A just stands up
Kruthik Adult B Claw: 10 damage to Gheth
Kruthik Adult C swings at Garrmondo, misses, and goes a-tunneling. It's 5 feet underground but I have no status icon for that so I'm just using Invisible. Please keep it in mind (??).

Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Swearing at Adult C

Noticing the bug miss the man again before running away like a pussy, Glock decides to use his force powers to move some folks about. Twiddling his fingers all funny, Garr moves over ever so slightly.

Virtue of Cunning
Move Garr to S29.

Focusing a little harder with his robobrain, the underground bug pops the fuck out of the ground with a confused look on it's face. It makes a small skittering noise to express this.

Advantage of Cunning
Move Adult C to S28, above ground

(21:20:50) colonelskillsaim: ok

(21:20:52) colonelskillsaim: so

(21:20:54) colonelskillsaim: uh

(21:21:18) colonelskillsaim: Assuming that tunneling 5 feet underground means that it moved one square downward on the 3D plane.

(21:21:35) colonelskillsaim: can I use virtue of cunning, since it missed Garr, to move it upwards on that same plane?

(21:25:03) pangomurphy: Virtue of Cunning only works on allies.

(21:26:26) colonelskillsaim: Yeah but I have a feat, see, move enemies into the space vacated.

(21:27:17) colonelskillsaim: move garr, move that enemy up? If we use the 2D rules regarding adjacency in 3D, he's still one grid....cube, in this case, away.

(21:27:34) pangomurphy: Holy crap, I guess that would work. 5 feet is 5 feet.

Trying to replicate that noise, Glock looked at the bug and belted out a click tick clack skreet sritch clack tick clack noise as he walked toward it.

Move to U31
Vicious Mockery on Adult C
Fail MISERABLY

Turns out what he said was actually "I like ham sandwiches". The bug didn't really find this threatening at all.

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls hivelord save vs ongoing

The Hive Lord scrambles to its feet once again, with an extremely limited sense of enthusiasm about the process.

Start of turn: 5 damage to Hive Lord
Hive Lord stands up yet again
Saved vs dazed, yea
Also I forgot to give Gordok his 4 HP from Stirring Shout until just now

Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

How ya doing, buddy?

2 Dice Rolls Damage

"Lets try this again! Have at you!"

Move to T40
Brash Strike

How ya doing, buddy?

3 Dice Rolls curse damage

With the Hive Lord bloodied and out a far enough distance Gordok puts his bear powers away and proceeds to curse and zap the big bug lizard thing closest to the small dragon.

Warlock's Curse
Eldritch Blast

9 damage to Adult B (that is if I'm understanding how warlock's curse works correctly)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll lance of faith

Gheth was keen on getting at least one of these things deadlike real quick, so he tried again to aid his fellows with a little trick he picked up doing the backstage work in drama class.

spotlight lance of faith on adult B
fails miserably

Jam it back in, in the dark.

12 Dice Rolls C Spikes vs Glock

Brash Strike: Critical Hit! 18 damage to Hive Lord. Delic's HP +4 from Stirring Shout.

Adult B's Claw: 18 damage to Delic

Garr's AoO vs Adult C: Critical Hit! 14 damage to Adult C (bloodied)

Adult C's Toxic Spikes: Critical Hit! 14 damage to Glock; 5 ongoing poison damage and slowed (single save ends both)

Start of Glock's turn: 5 damage (bloodied)

Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord, Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults

How ya doing, buddy?

6 Dice Rolls Save vs fuck you pang

Exchanging Move Action for another Minor.

Sticky green goop. Again. And one of his new friends is quite possibly clinically retarded.



"Alright, get yourself up. You can't quite stomp bugs if you're feeling all down in the dumps, are you? Get up. Chill out, max, relax all cool. Think of all the honeys you'll get outside the school. Even when a couple of these bugs are up to no good, we'll fuck them up in this neighbourhood. This is just one little fight, don't get scared, we won't need to move with anyone to Felgair." he muttered to himself, hoping that positive thinking just might do the trick.

It seemed to. He even felt his feet move a tad.

Majestic Word on self
Recover 11+4 = 15 HP
Slide self to V34

Noticing one of the bugs miss his stupid pal, he thought "Now to get this idiot out of harms way. Its going to take a portion of my cunning! No, NO! ...All of my cunning! Dun dun dun dun~~~"

Adult A missed, so
Virtue of Cunning
Delic to U39
62 + 22 < 72, so within range.

Using his extendable speakers again, Glock blasted some weird high frequency noise in the direction of the bugs. Outside of a human's normal hearing range, it seemed to really anger the bugs. The stuff the human COULD hear though was just an invigorating tune about GETTING YOUR ASS IN GEAR.

Tune of Ice and Wind at T40.
2 + 7 < 13. Miss Adult A
16 + 7 > 13. Hit Adult B
19 + 7 > 17. Hit Hive Lord
Delic is in Burst, currently at U39. Slide him to U36, because he is AN IMBECILE.
(6 + 5) /2 = 5 Damage to Adult A. Slowed until my next turn.
6+5 = 11 Damage to Adult B. Slowed until save.
6+5 = 11 Damage to Hive Lord. Slowed until save.

Realizing how effective this tune was making his squishy pals actually do something useful, he decided to stop using the directional audio system and just sing so everyone semi-close by could hear it. Maybe they too will also become less useless!

Glock could only hope.

So sing he did.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Song of Courage
All allies within a 5 square radius of me gets +1 to hit as long as you remain in this zone.

The warblin' about bitches and hotel rooms seemed to resonate with the goop, making it fly off him again. Glock likes it when goop fucks off. Everyone feels better about their day when that happens.

Save vs damn spikes thankfully this time.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

9 Dice Rolls can save vs slow?

The Hive Lord, sensing its impending death, staggers forward to unleash Super Vomit Armageddon. All creature will stink and all things will be puked on. That's the way of Samurai.

IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE

Start of turn: 5 untyped damage

Acid Blast from Q34 to U38: fuck!

Action Point holy shit almost forgot about it

Acid Blast from T34 to X38: Glock takes 7 acid damage; weakened and sizzled, you know the drill.

Delic, Garrmondo, Gordok, Gheth, Kruthik Adults, Glock, Kruthik Hive Lord

The shaded area represents Glock's radius of funky fresh jams

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?