Passive/Aggressive

Originally Posted by Visavi

I am passive when it comes to fighting, which is really messed up because half of the messages I received from fellow martial artists and my father was to fight when necessary. However, since my high school and college have this "zero tolerance policy" where even if you were trying to defend yourself you get expelled no questions asked, I have been confused for a long time in how to handle people and that frustration leaks out in strange ways.

Yeah, that happened, I got a nice 500 dollar ticket with a twenty day school suspension. Good thing my parents and I fought it. They weren't pissed at me for gettinga ticket for defending myself. They were pissed at the school cause why should a kid be afraid to defend themselves especially if they are well poor enough that a 500 dollar ticket would fuck up the budget and etc.

My parents told me to always defend myself no matter what in a physical situation, they would take care of any problem afterwards.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Zio

Yeah, that happened, I got a nice 500 dollar ticket with a twenty day school suspension. Good thing my parents and I fought it. They weren't pissed at me for gettinga ticket for defending myself. They were pissed at the school cause why should a kid be afraid to defend themselves especially if they are well poor enough that a 500 dollar ticket would fuck up the budget and etc.

My parents told me to always defend myself no matter what in a physical situation, they would take care of any problem afterwards.

My dad says the same thing. My mom doesn't think that fighting is the answer though, but I'm daddy's little girl/butt-kicker (the first thing he tells people about me is not about my good grades or my other achievements, it's all about the karate). I think it's wrong to charge someone for defending themselves. After all, if they don't learn to defend themselves in fights, then we are taught to be subservient to anyone and everyone that oppresses us. At least, that's how I feel about it and the mix messages frustrate me.

It's great to hear that your parents helped you fight it. I come from a similar background where even $300 would mess up my budget. No fines here, just expultion and being taken to court for criminal charges. I'm all for peace and love, but not everyone is into that, so what do they expect us to do about it?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

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Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

I'm rather complacent and passive, but when people somehow manage to get on my nerves, I can be the most aggressive person in the room. This, however, doesn't happen very often.

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Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

I tend to take criticism in a constructive manner, but I will not criticism from lazy losers who really shouldn't even be criticizing me in the first place.

Anyways, there's this guy in one of my classes who keeps criticizing me. "No, you're doing it wrong." Sadly, he's part of my group for our semester project. Normally, I would have taken all his comments in a constructive manner, had he been a better teammate. However, all he does is look for stupid jokes on the internet, and he won't even answer a single question I have regarding the project. After a week or two, I couldn't stand it anymore, and I just stood there and yelled at him.

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How do you deal with aggressive people?

I try to get away from them, as I don't really like picking fights.

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I usually get aggressive... but in a passive yet fiesty way. I'll come up with something ridiculous because revenge is awesome. Oh, they'll know I was upset, and may think I may do nothing about it for a while.... but when they least expect it...


*BOOM* HEADSHOT. figuratively most of the time

I was speaking idiomatically.

Depends on the mood I'm in.

It takes a lot to actually wind me up but I often act pissed off for a laugh. I enjoy mocking people and aggressive, angry people are easy to mock.

It's a miracle I don't get in more fights really, I can be quite objectionable at times, particularly after a few tequilas.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I tend to search internet forums endlessly looking for faux-introspective polls and discussion threads looking for an excuse to hear myself pronounce the words "I think" and "I feel" in life without being shot down within seconds.

It's just you and Quizzilla that let me use first person singular pronouns, thankyou Quiet Place <3

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I am one of those people that would like to be aggressive when necessary, but get repressed by the threat of being fired from work for the slightest outburst of anger or opposition to bosses or customers. I also have this odd tendency to be hesitant about stating my own viewpoint in defense of a course of action I had taken for fear I would be proven wrong. Since my job requires a good deal of technical knowledge (dealing with hardware and software issues in a corporate network), I am in constant fear I will be discredited for going gung-ho into an argument dead-sure I know what I’m talking about when I in fact have key facts wrong (and they replay with “I don’t think you know what you are talking about.”) I try to never release my frustration in those cases, but I’m sure as hell everyone can see it on my face (which always seems to turn beet red.) Usually though I know exactly what I am talking about, it’s just the fear of that response is so oppressive to me, I rarely get too bold in my arguments or assessments and the person I am working with on a problem ends up saying exactly what I had been thinking.

Outside of work, however I do defend myself quite vigorously if I feel the argument is worth pursuing. Usually though, I just ignore the situation as most people who bug me aren't worth the effort.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I've never actually been in an aggressive situation where I had to defend myself.

If someone is being critical of me I assume I'm being attacked and start acting defensive about it. What sucks is that I can't think on my feet when I'm angry like that so I usually just stay quiet and bitch about it later. Usually after that happens, I'll think about the perfect thing to say. But by then it's too late.

But yea, I'm passive.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm usually passive, but same as everybody I'm aggresive when I'm fed up.

But these days I prefer to be assertive. Tell them what ticked me off or what I liked.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Once when I worked at the hotel, I had a guy literally throw a phone at me.

russell crow? =o


as for me... I don't really think I lean to either side. I'm definitely not aggressive, but I'm assertive when need be so I don't let people walk all over me either. I'm passive in the sense that things just don't stress me out very much and I don't get angry easily, so I guess I just sort of pick my battles rather then allow things to get under my skin.

I've never really been one to get into many conflicts in the first place, mostly due to my age and the fact that I was generally more mature than a lot of my peers, so I'm not really the type to care if you've got some petty problem with me. there's no point in making a huge deal about it, especially if there are other people around. if you don't like someone, simply don't make it a point to hang around with them. it's amazing how many people just don't understand this concept.

there are certain situations that would warrent me giving someone a piece of my mind, but I really haven't encountered anyone that was directly that rude to me or was incredibly rude to someone else who didn't deserve it. I wouldn't hesitate to give them a backhanded remark or battle it out with them should they cross that line, but alas the situation hasn't risen yet.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm passive in practically all professional situations and believe in talking things through calmly where misunderstandings and such are concerned. In other circumstances, I can be confrontational where the person I'm corresponding with is clueless to subtlety or something serious is wrong. I'm a firm advocate of directness, and, while the oversensitive won't like that, I obviously adapt my behaviour for them and only potentially undermine them if it seems really necessary. Overall, though, directness just saves time and refreshingly cuts through bullshit. Despite my passive exterior, if you show no respect to me or offend me, I can be formidable.

Of course, there are situations where confrontation is unfavourable yet there needs to be some sort of 'relief' from a situation. If faced with an intellectually superior or physically threatening 'foe', which isn't too often, I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive in these situations. I can be vindictive, subtly offensive, resentful, stubborn, and awkward, though rarely to the point of not 'letting' go or being especially cruel. Grudge bearers piss me off and, if someone bears an unnecessary grudge against them, I may just humour them.

Also, if I'm seriously physically attacked, which is a rarity these days though has happened in scumville where I live at the moment, I have a tendency to physically defend myself and usually succeed. Given 'passive resistance' totally mucked me up once, tackling an attacker head-on without losing my temper represents both an important psychological reaction and stops anything more sinister consequences to me. Of course, there is always a chance that things go too far, so 'escape' or 'police' are my first priorities.

Eseentially, though, I've experienced far too many emotionally turbulent family situations and a significant amount of bullying in my early adolescence to tolerate being used as a doormat, human punchbag, or agony aunt of stupid ranters. I now mostly 'fight' back against major threats if it doesn't mean I'll be more undermined in the first place. Indeed, I've found sufficient confidence and maturity to stick up for myself and, while that may give me one or two enemies, it beats the alternative.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It depends on who it is! If it's my husband I will usually talk or argue with him about it! If it's a friend or some other family member, I am most likely going to back down and not say anything at all. But then I will stew over it, and hate them, and cry to my husband, until I see them next, and if they act as if it never happened, I let it go.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I'm fairly upfront about things, at least when it's something I care about. Depends if the argument is trivial or not. Even when I do argue something, I typically remain completely calm since a debate is best had when both people aren't exploding. If I see the other person is getting super worked up I usually drop the argument, saying "You're getting too worked up over this, so lets agree to disagree and leave it at that" and refuse to debate it again until they calm down. Angry debate is the least successful of all forms of debate.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm a pretty assertive person. I don't ever pick fights and I don't consider myself to be aggressive, but if something's bothering me, someone's going to know about it in no uncertain terms. I view physical aggression as some of the most unladylike, unclassy behavior a woman can display, so I would avoid a physical confrontation if at all possible, but I have no problem whatsoever speaking my mind about things.

I really can't stand passive-aggressive behavior, to be honest.

FELIPE NO

I'm an extremely adaptive person. I've always naturally kept my social life and general human interaction as spartan and uncluttered as possible. Reaction is mess.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

If I'm pushed I try to push back right away now. Otherwise, it just festers and that isn't healthy. Pushy rude people will be pushy and rude to get what they want until that tactic doesn't work for them anymore.

I try to put myself in situations where I can be prepared vs. having to just react. A lot of times I will have someone leave me a message so that I can hear the issue and have time to think about it first. If you want an instant answer go ask Jeeves; I'm a human being...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Well it usually depends on the person for me, if a stranger is being awfully agressive then i tend to just take it because I don't know how they are going to react if I argue back.

If I know the person well enough to know their reaction though then I will argue back. Kairyu knows this.

But the situation i like the most is when two people are trading ideas in an aggressive manner and I just end up listening, its really quite funny, oh and i can learn from their mistakes of how to handle my arguments.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I begin more or less the cowards way of Idle Banter about that person behind their back, or I will begin to comment to them cleverly in the hallways about whatever has suddenly driven my to the state of being pissed, or just having a beef with someone.

Fights are a no no. Aggression leads to anger, anger leads to the darkside. Bad.

How ya doing, buddy?

In my mind, I'm aggressive. I'm angry, I think of witty insults, I vow to not let them do it again...

But when it comes down to it, I tend to stuff my anger inside and just let it fester.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

It depends on setting. At work, I try to keep as much professionalism about me as I can. Shame, too, since there are a lot of people at my library job that I'd love to give what-for, both inside my department and elsewhere in the office. However, in the interest of advancing my career, I can't. My skills, experience, and education make me the best candidate for the position I'm waiting on (open up, damn you), but I could still say the wrong thing to the wrong upper-management suit and get screwed.

Outside of work, though, it really all depends on my mood. If I'm already pissed and/or having a shitty day, Wrath of God is imminent. Otherwise, I'm likely to let things slide and maybe get some revenge later on when I've had a chance to come up with a good plan.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

When someone upsets you, do you usually let them know? Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

How do you deal with aggressive people?

If they upset me, the best way to win the arguement is to listen to what they have to say, listen carefully and perfectly then I usually am able to turn the table around and back barking on them in the smartest and coolest way possible. Dealing with this type of people eat your nerves, so I really keep my calm - I don't want to do anything I'll regret later.

That's how I deal with NASTY aggressive people.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

This topic is alot in relation to LadyMiyomi's grunt attempt thread about different types of people. I.e. leader or follower. Of course, she had a greater variety of personality types, but to me, there's really only 2 categories.

As for dealing with people, I'm sometimes aggressive and sometimes passive. Mostly passive. I'm one who isn't willing to back down without a fight when I know I'm right. Of course, other individual's opinions may differ from what I call "right/correct" But when you know the facts, and you know you've got those facts right/straight, there's no doubting myself of an potential for error as someone else may indicate.

However, most of the time I'm in agreement with other opinions. Which has led me to be passive most of the time. There's nothing to argue about, they say it's right and I know myself that it's right.

FELIPE NO