[DnD] URBX 8 August, 2536: Gary Indiana

1 Die Roll FLIPPY FLOPPY

Sven charges into the break room just in time to see the screaming demon octopus thing disappear in radiant light and thunder. For fractions of a second, the mighty giant stared in wonder as the shockwave neared him. Closer. Closer.

Then he vanished.

In his place appeared a mess of fluid and meaty chunks which were, in turn, roasted by the expanding blaze. Sven reappeared behind the blast wave in the center of the room, hammer held high and ready for smashing.

Reflexive teleport on Shin's righteous explosion.

"SVEN IS NOT CRUSHED SO EASILY! HAHAHA!"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

2 Dice Rolls Crack!

The sudden downpour of the avenger's guts and brains doesn't faze Esperansita so much as the fact that she realistically will not get the chance to tease him until he cracks. Still, it may have been better that she didn't seeing how volatile he turned out to be.

She snaps her whip effortlessly at the bloodied rat next to her.

Vampire slam at bloodied rat
12+4+3+8+do+I+really+need+to+do+this+hello+overkil l=Hit!
10+4+1=15 Damage
If the rat survives he's pushed back one

Shift to G7


As the whip retracts gracefully to her hand while adding parts of the rat's jugular to the mess in the room, Mamara retreats into the Hallway. She starts scrapping away at her shape-enhancingly tight catsuit, working at a particular chunk that just doesn't seem to want to come off.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Save vs Death

...Ruaghuagh?

Good thing I have that roll or 10 vs death thing.

Small gurgling noises emanate from the dinosaur. He makes a mental note to solve this problem in a very dinosaur like fashion in short order.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

2 Dice Rolls Save vs dying

Murderson attempted to pull himself together.

Edit: And stop dying.

Edit 2: Just rolling out the 1's for you guys.

I was speaking idiomatically.

3 Dice Rolls *HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS

"Hahaha! Did not hurt!"

Though Sven avoided harm, the attempt still made him angry. Who dared cause Sven's companion to almost blow Sven up? Rats and badger and sloth dared. Rats and badger and sloth would pay. With smashing. He deftly stepped to his left and swung with all his might at the badger's face.

"I will show you why this hammer has Strength of Bull™!"

Move: Shift to L11; if I can't slightly push the puny folding card table with my leg or whatever at the same time, then shift to K11 instead.

Minor: Stone's endurance.

Standard: Savage juggernaut rage on the badger.
Hit: 6 + 5 + 1 + 2 + 8 = 22 vs. AC (17)
Damage: (5 + 6) + (9 + 6) + 5 + 1 = 32


How ya doing, buddy?

11 Dice Rolls Rat I bite Rufus

"We're getting some interference... correction! Callahan is fine, despite being in the center of the explosion!"

"That makes no sense!"

"Shhhh."

"But he was on the other end of the room! Even if... nobody could have survived, let alone—"

"Shhhhhhhh. Viewers, URBX wants to assure you that everything you'll see tonight has a rational explanation. Retrocausality is a myth circulated by enemies of the state. Time is a linear progression of events that cannot be tampered with."

"It just ain't right, though."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ooh! Thorolfsson's just magnetically pulled a rat's skeleton out of its body. He doesn't look happy with the way things are going for his team."

"Yes! Embrace your bloodlust!"

Rat H dead as hell

"Looks like big 'n scaly ain't gettin' up."

"Murderson isn't recovering either."

"He was reduced to cat food!"

"When you put it that way, Lydia, recovery seems a lot further away for this competitor. But he has a real fighting spirit."

"Had. And Mamara's brandishing a whip against an animal the size of a housecat. She's really dedicated to this gimmick."

"I had my doubts about the practicality of a whip as a serious weapon, but Mamara's shown that it's perfectly effective against small, relatively harmless vermin."

"Ain't nothin' wrong with a whip. If it's a problem you can't solve with a whippin', t'ain't a real problem. That's what daddy said."

15 damage to applied to Rat I instead since Rat H was already thoroughly deboned.

"And now that poker game is ruined."

"That dead rat was sittin' on a pair of kings, too. Hate to see a good hand go to waste, even when you take into account rats don't know how to bluff."

"Also, the dealer's brains are all over the wall now. You focus on the strangest things, Lydia."

"Well, you see one badger brain, you've seen 'em all."

"You've seen a badger brain?"

"Whole nest of 'em up in the attic back in spring, the nasty ones with the fire breath and the spikes. Had to buy a new weed whacker after that."

Tsar Mameluk quite thoroughly dead. Sven's Rage Murderometer ticks up to 1.

"The rats are furious! They don't give a damn about Callahan's defensive posture, they're just tearing him to ribbons!"

"One of them's followed Mamara off-camera. Ooh, sounds like the biting is on the other foot today!"

"The biting is on the other foot? Really?"

"Oh, like you're a poet. Elven agility is saving Thorolfsson from the swarm, but they've practically got him penned in."

15 total damage to Sven (bloodied), 15 crit damage to Esperansita (bloodied), no damage to Rufus (his AC is absurd)

Rufus 14, Murderson 10 (save vs exploded, dyin'), Kickpunch 9 (save vs dyin'), Esperansita 6, Sven 5, Sloth 27, Rats 20

FELIPE NO

3 Dice Rolls extra initiative!

Rufus weaves among the rats, wondering at modern technology. Rats with metallic skeletons. What would they think of next? He yanks at another rat, wondering if alloy bone replacement was common among rats living in these dungeons. If so, Rufus' life would get a lot easier.


Lodestone Lure vs. rat G.
8 damage to rat.

Use Hyperactive. No overcharge.
New initiative is 18 Rufus is too fast for his own good.

If rat is dead, shift to G11, take cover behind log from the jerk with the gravity powers.


What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

2 Dice Rolls Save vs dying

Murderson basked in the adulation of his fellow martyrs.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK

Kickpunch is reminded of a song he heard once. In his youth. Somewhere far away. Somewhere filled with happiness and clever girls.

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How ya doing, buddy?

11 Dice Rolls *DOMAMAGE

As the blood starts flowing from her body, The Suck Queen's eyes light up with a sort of desire that could only be appropriately described in one of those women's novels with big, most probably well-endowed men on the cover holding a helpless but willing lass in their arms.

Regenerate 4 health from vampirism
Vampire Slam vs. Rat F
CRIT BABY
15 damage to Rat F
Blood Drinker activated
REVERSE CRIT BABY 1 extra damage to Rat F
recover 2 extra HP
This isn't working out at all fuck

Move to J11 By way of I8 and J row so as to avoid extra OAs

ACTION POINT BABY!
Dark Swarm
Confused blast with burst nevermind the attacks on the top rats, sloth and bottom rats still take damage though
Damage is 19 to those affected (Rat B and Sloth, not sure if the crit to Rat B makes the damage higher or not)
I'M INVISIBLE BABY!


As she swirls around the battlefield like a woman possessed, the Suck Queen comes to a stop next to the last known location of the insane Tiefling. Hiding behind the shadows she's created, she looks down at the ground to see an appendage left behind by the Avenger. What at first looks like a finger soon reveals itself to be something much more to her liking, and she pours her No Scabs! liquid bandage kit over this piece of the avenger's body, stroking it vigorously and emphatically in hopes of keeping it alive a little bit longer. Such a cute, tiny little thing. She then nestles it on her well-endowed chest and whispers to it softly:

"C'mon honey, I know you can handle a little thing like being blown up and all across the room. I know you want to come back to me baby, don't leave me here all alone with these bad, bad monsters!"

Who could resist that kind of sweet talk? And does Mamara feel no shame at taunting the avenger even when he is in no (single) position to defend himself?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The dinosaur vomits all over his little corner of the room.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll GET UP, SOLDIER

Sven takes a step back and catches sight of what was left of the angriest teammate in the neighbourhood in a small pile on the floor, chastising him for his laziness.

"What is wrong, small horned man? If you cannot stand heat, stay out of explosion! You are not puny and weak, like small elf man, are you? Hahaha!"


Minor: Second wind.

Move: Shift to K11.

Standard: Heal on the pile of ground beef that was Murderson, making him use his second wind.
7 + 10 = 17 vs. DC 10


I was speaking idiomatically.

5 Dice Rolls om nom

"The elf's getting all... blurry. What's wrong with him?"

"Ugh, the HoverCam's trying to track him, now everything's blurry. This team is a production nightmare, Korgar."

"Well, there goes another rat skeleton, hopefully it'll switch focus... yes!"

"Murderson still dead?"

"Well, for lack of a body we can't be totally certain, but I would say... 95% certainty, ROB."

"I'll have some interns get started on the paperwork. How's the lizard?"

"Ehhh."

"Guys, I hate to break up your shop talk, but rats are exploding into gruesome clouds of blood."

"What the hell, where did all those bats come from?!"

"I don't know! She was just snacking on a rat or two, then she starts unzipping the front of her jumpsuit, and—"

"Ugh."

"Ugh."

"Ugh."

"Ain't right."

Rats B and F quite dead.

"Well, Crushdick's alive enough to vomit, looks like."

"Heh, guess Malboro didn't give him an iron stomach."

"Ha ha! Callahan is taunting the dead tiefling! I knew I liked him."

Murderson now at 5 HP, but still quite exploded. Keep on savin' for that.

"Tha's right, go on and laugh. Sloth don't care. Sloth bites you all the same."

"The giant sloth has bitten Callahan. That's quite graphic. Look at all those bone shards."

"And adding insult to injury, one of the rats has taken out his Achilles tendon. He's going down!"

"It can't be easy to keep your footing in that pile of slippery guts."

17 damage from gravity bite, 13 damage from rat bite. Sven KOed.

Rufus 18, Rufus 14, Murderson 10 (save vs exploded), Kickpunch 9 (save vs dyin'), Esperansita 6, Sven 5 (save vs dyin'), Sloth 27, Rats 20

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

7 Dice Rolls lure vs. I

Rufus turns away from the rat, moving to the other side of Kickpunch's prone form. The rat gets a piece of his leg, but Rufus just ignores the pain. As he reaches the far side of the prone reptile, Rufus spots the problem almost immediately - the blast has blown part of the metal casing on Kickpunch's back off, and knocked a fuse loose. Rufus pushes the fuse back into its proper place, and the dinosaur's mechanical parts hum back to life.


Turn 1

Minor: Hunter's quarry rat A
Move to G13 (Opportunity Attack (ouch))
Heal check on Kickpunch... succeeds (i think)


Amazed at how much time he still seems to have, Rufus spins the chamber of the .357, stopping it to select a fire round, and fires off a shot into the rat which bit him. Ready to fire again should the rat approach, Rufus feels for the skeletons of the other two remaining rats, and attempts to pull them away from his other allies. Sadly, neither one seems to notice.


Turn 2

Warning Shot (fire elemental) vs. rat A
10 damage. Cover G11.
Two minors - Lodestone lure on rats C and I. Both miss.


FELIPE NO

1 Die Roll Save vs exploded

Murderson had finished his complimentary martyrs drink and was floating gracefully towards the very inviting gates, behind which he could plainly see a huge cluster of what he supposed, technically was certainly an unending vista of virgins.

It was hard to make out details with all the cables lying around and the cacophonus din caused by an unending field of games consoles but he could see a lot of glasses, a lot of pimples and a lot of ginger hair.

The bastards, he thought. Trust a higher power to fuck you over with technicalities. This was exactly the kind of crap that wouldn't have happened on his watch, when he found that duplicitous, elephant headed fuck Ganesha he was going to have some serious words.

Just as he was pondering his next move and imagining all the extremely violent ways he was going to get some shit done round here, he felt a not entirely pleasant sucking sensation and dropped suddenly, travelling what could only be the entire length of the universe in an instant. He saw a white light below him and tried desperately to avoid it but his path was as inevitable as it was sudden.

With a lurch, he re-entered his body and returned to the world of the living.

His ire was terrible and he needed to kill someone, something, anything. He reached for his sword and saw what looked suspiciously like his arm grasping about, a clear 6 feet away in front of him. The realisation that he was scattered all over a fairly large room was surprisingly familiar.

With an internal sigh, he set about reconstituting his body. At least he wasn't buried under a couple of iconic skyscrapers this time, he'd got out of worse scrapes than this...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

2 Dice Rolls *RIP* *CRUNCH* *CRUSH*

Ubagbluag!

Move: get up from prone

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Minor: Inspiring Word on self.
7+6 = 13 HP

Standard: Lift up Log with MIGHTY JAWS and hurl it further into the room.

YouTube Video

Log headed towards K13 to K15. Misses Esperansita, see attached diagram for vector
Since it didn't take a check to lift it earlier, I hope the 9 plus whatever modifier you feel like using is enough to throw it that far. I'll let you figure out whatever the hit and damage on this is

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll GIMME SOME OF THAT

Esperansita Barely notices the log flying by her head, occupied as she is with a little matter of her own. As she is cradling the small (yet significant to his repressed identity) part of the avenger's remains, she feels it starting to pulse, and she swears she can see it grow ever so slightly.

"Well now, it seems you'll be alright after all. Come back and see me once you've gotten the rest of your act together, and maybe I'll show you why they call me the Suck Queen."

With just a little peck on his head, she puts down her (very) little friend and turns her attention to the other recently incapacitated member of her team.

"Where would this team be without me? You, Sloth, gimme a hand here!"

Move to H12, I'm invisible so no OA

Vitality Transfer on Sloth 19+4+1 = 24 Hit!
Sloth Weakened until the end of my next turn


As she takes a step back, the Succubus purses her lips and starts hauling in air in a quite vectorial fashion, aimed at a hairy part of the sloth that would make for funnily captionned pictures aplenty. The sloth actually seems to enjoy this, and it takes out a cigarette from who knows where once the juice stops flowing, puffing away and seeming content.

As the stream of juice comes to Mamara's mouth, she gurgles it a moment before spitting it into the half open mouth of the hairy beast lying on the floor. It looks like she's had some practice with this kind of fluid transfer before. almost looks like a strawberry cheesecake, what with the wistfully hypnotic swirl of crimson and pearly white. Or maybe one of those peppermint candies. Mmmm. Esperansita LOOOOOOVES peppermint.

Sven Gains 4 HP from *ahem* vitality *ahem* transfered

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5 Dice Rolls *YOU

Sven wakes with a start, "Hahahaughkhahckclughhhhh," his booming laugh cut short by coughing and sputtering as he unsteadily climbs to his feet. Why did he taste mint?

Move: Stand up.

Feeling a little groggy after his nap, he extends his arms to his sides and gets in a nice, good, morning stretch.

Standard: Lashing creepers on Rat I/Sloth.
7 + 3 + 1 (+1 from rage?) = 11 or 12 vs. Reflex (11/16)
Damage: 8 + 3 + 1 = 12 to Rat I

Still feeling like his muscles were a little tight, Sven engages in a couple of quick jumping jacks, hammer in hand, to warm things up and really get himself feeling limber.

Action point.
Standard: Batter down on Sloth.
17 + 5 + 2 + 1 = 25 vs AC (18)
Damage: (4 + 6) + (9 + 6) + 5 + 1 = 31
Sloth knocked prone.

...and then yawned, "Urrrrnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

Free: War cry, sloth pushed right one square.

All right. Now he was ready to get back into action!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Overwatch is just furious at those rats."

"Thanks to HoverCam HD, we can see every bulging forehead vein as Thorolfsson futilely wills those rats to explode. Remember, if you're not watching URBX in Huge Definition, you're only seeing half the adventure."

"Look! Murderson's left arm is twitching! Is it time for this explosive combatant to make a — ah. Rigor mortis. False alarm, people. And Crushdick's up and throwing logs! He's not a competitor with a lot of finesse."

"What the fuck is Mamara doing?! Can we show that?"

"It's definitely in violation of several territorial ethics codes. Looks like the Texicans are getting another rerun!"

"What? That damned harlot has ruined my debut! I'll be right back, I have to... check on something."

"Ha ha, tonight's DJ is furious! I wouldn't be surprised if things started going downhill for this team very soon, Lydia — for totally unrelated reasons, of course."

"Considering the nature of Callahan's revival, he might end up being happy to die."

"He seems happy to be alive right now! He just flattened that sloth without even noticing."

"And the rats are running scared! Melancholy of Perfection have survived their first real fight on the Copper level. I have my doubts about how long a team this badly prepared can survive, but while they do they're definitely never going to be boring."

"See, Murderson's getting up! He's fine!"

"What in the thrice-cursed name of the basest denizens of—"

"Time for a word from our wonderful sponsors. We'll be back in 3 with more of the irresponsible violence you crave."

"FUCK YOU, INDIANAPOLIS! IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO BUY A NEW CAR THIS WEEKEND—"

Victory! Health restored, new alpha mutations applied.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Murderson focussed his will and used his fingers to drag what was left of his arm towards his body. Once that was vaguely attached, he set to work drawing together all the important squishy bits. Mortal physiology was so unneccesarily complicated, the effort made his teeth itch, especially the one embedded in the door frame.

It took a couple of minutes for him to start resembling a body again and another couple before he was able to sit up, by which time the rest of team had finished off the last of the rats. The Tiefling actually felt pretty good, if strangely violated and he jumped to his feet.

The infidels had been justly smited and the woman appeared to be suitably distanced from the men of the group so for the time being, all was ok with the world. He knew it wouldn't last though and he gathered his gear, noting with some disappointment that his Abdul special would be unlikely to be of any further use.

I was speaking idiomatically.

As the tiefling makes himself whole again, Mamara snickers to herself, purposefully keeping her distance from him so as to not arouse any suspicion from him just yet.

She heads over to the remains of the badger to see if the whip it almost wielded against them is anything good.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Looking straight at the HoverCam, Kickpunch drew and lit an entire pack of smokes. Making extra sure to rock it brand label out, for all to see.

He then inhaled gracefully...and sucked all 12 cigs straight down his trachea.

He approaches the bodacious beer keg in the corner, and head butts it lightly, testing to see if there is any quality adult beverage remaining.

FELIPE NO

"—OR YOU'RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER! GO TO HELL!"

"Tired of wasting time trying to commit suicide with tools that never work? There's nothing more frustrating than trying to kill yourself with a dull knife. Hi, Gilly Grey here—"

The badger's cat-o'-nine-tails looks more or less just as dangerous as the whip Esperansita already has. There's an odd little empty socket in the handle, though, and, of course, the Mameluk monogram on the wrist strap.

The keg stands empty, toppling over with a hollow thud as Kickpunch prods it with his thick skull. A quick glance at the sloth's bloated gut reveals the culprit. Sloths. Typical.

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Feeling altogether more himself again, Murderson checked the south west corner of the room to see if it was an exit, an alcove or just a weirdly drawn bit of the map.

On his way across the room, he stooped and picked up the small, metal plate that was the only visible bit of his bomb vest left and knowing that cash almost certainly ruled everything around him, used a sizeable blob of rat viscera to fix the plate onto the side of his rifle. It wasn't exactly product placement in the traditional sense but it wouldn't do his chances of picking up a new vest any harm.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Growling at the empty keg, kickpunch moved on to the next most obvious place to search.

He rips the door of the fridge off with his mighty jaws and scopes what's inside.

There's nowhere I can't reach.