Your loved one falls into a coma. Do you start dating again?

Originally Posted by Tawnee Stoner

There's a very good movie about this very same subject, it was directed by spaniard Pedro Almodovar and it's named Talk to her. You won't regret it.

As for myself, well if somehow I had this feeling that the girl really is the one I'll love then I'll stay faithful as long as it takes.

I would agree that was a pretty good film, pertinent to the subject. But what the FUCK was with the tiny man jumping into the vagina scene. I saw that movie alone and I still felt uncomfortable watching that part.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Sorry but to say it like that, but if you seriously think about dating someone else while your wife's lying in coma, you're a fucking idiot. You married her because you promised that you'll always be there for her, in good and in hard times. So here's a hard time and you fucking have to deal with it.

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Originally Posted by a_dictator

Sorry but to say it like that, but if you seriously think about dating someone else while your wife's lying in coma, you're a fucking idiot. You married her because you promised that you'll always be there for her, in good and in hard times. So here's a hard time and you fucking have to deal with it.

And if you promise to your lover/wife/husband that you'll always be there for them, but then they leave you, what then? Your promise was made. Sure the circumstances that lead to your seperation differs, but by that logic you should remain commited, forever, no matter what. It does indeed sound like the logic that has never lost a loved one. You can only wait for so long before you should just move on.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by a_dictator

You married her because you promised that you'll always be there for her, in good and in hard times. So here's a hard time and you fucking have to deal with it.

Awfully presumptuous isn't it? Who's to say why others entered into marriage in this fickle day and age? How many people take vows as anything more than ceremony? No, lets not get into how many millions of ways marital promises can be broken nowadays; and instead discuss this like a bunch of different people with different ideas who aren't all following with a ruler Jesus' Guide to Love.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It's simple really. You two made a vow that you would be there for each other. Well, now she's not holding up her end of the bargain. She can't comfort you when you're down or cook your favourite dinner whe you're sick when she's in a damn coma, can she? And those fuckers are expensive, and it's not like she's bringing any money in the relationship anymore. She broke her end of the deal first, is all I'm saying.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by a_lurker

It's simple really. You two made a vow that you would be there for each other. Well, now she's not holding up her end of the bargain. She can't comfort you when you're down or cook your favourite dinner whe you're sick when she's in a damn coma, can she? And those fuckers are expensive, and it's not like she's bringing any money in the relationship anymore. She broke her end of the deal first, is all I'm saying.

You're just plain stupid, sir.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by PUG1911

And if you promise to your lover/wife/husband that you'll always be there for them, but then they leave you, what then? Your promise was made. Sure the circumstances that lead to your seperation differs, but by that logic you should remain commited, forever, no matter what. It does indeed sound like the logic that has never lost a loved one. You can only wait for so long before you should just move on.

Well dude you already said it, that's an umm kinda different situation. I don't think that you can compare a divorce with a coma (sometimes, it's almost the same but oh well...). If couples get divorced the accept the fact that the other might not care about him or her anymore. How do you know that your spouse lying in coma doesn't want you to care about her?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

in that situation the most correct is make what you hearth indicates, maybe you dont love anymore to your husband and even if he/she wake up all has gone it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by a_lurker

It's simple really. You two made a vow that you would be there for each other. Well, now she's not holding up her end of the bargain.

Not because she doesn't want to!

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This reminds me of a story I heard once, about a couple that was in this situation. I think it occured somewhere in Europe, although I don't remember with certainty.

Anyway, a man's wife fell into a coma, and he waited a very long time for her, driving a very long way to see her every single day. Eventually, the pain of this was too much to bear, and he commited suicide. That same day (I think) his wife regained full consciousness. Damn.

If such a thing happened to me, I truly think I would wait as long as it takes, and if not that, at least a good 5-10 years. And I certainly wouldn't kill myself.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by a_lurker

It's simple really. You two made a vow that you would be there for each other. Well, now she's not holding up her end of the bargain. She can't comfort you when you're down or cook your favourite dinner whe you're sick when she's in a damn coma, can she? And those fuckers are expensive, and it's not like she's bringing any money in the relationship anymore. She broke her end of the deal first, is all I'm saying.

...What?

Yeah, maybe if she woke up one day and said, "I think I'm going to disregard my marriage obligations by falling into a coma."

EDIT:
You make it sound like the fact that she's "not holding up her end of the bargain" is her fault. Technically she's not, but chances are it wasn't her choice to do that, now was it?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by a_dictator

Well dude you already said it, that's an umm kinda different situation. I don't think that you can compare a divorce with a coma (sometimes, it's almost the same but oh well...). If couples get divorced the accept the fact that the other might not care about him or her anymore. How do you know that your spouse lying in coma doesn't want you to care about her?

I never said that you would stop caring about her, my point was just the opposite. In a situation where you still care about your spouse, what difference does it make whether it's a divorce or a coma? You *still* care, but somehow you can't/shouldn't accept the facts of the coma, but you can accept the facts of a seperation?

Accepting that you are not able to be with the person that you love does *not* mean that you no longer love that person.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by PiccoloNamek

If such a thing happened to me, I truly think I would wait as long as it takes, and if not that, at least a good 5-10 years. And I certainly wouldn't kill myself.

You do not know that. It's impossible for us to imagine how we'd react to such circumstances. It's very romantic and all to tell ourselves that we'd wait 5 *years* or more, and wouldn't get depressed to the point of suicide, but it's just fooling ourselves into thinking we'd be the 'best' example. It's easy to think one's self as a hero before you are faced with the situation, and a prolonged situation is even more difficult to guess.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by PUG1911

You do not know that. It's impossible for us to imagine how we'd react to such circumstances. It's very romantic and all to tell ourselves that we'd wait 5 *years* or more, and wouldn't get depressed to the point of suicide, but it's just fooling ourselves into thinking we'd be the 'best' example. It's easy to think one's self as a hero before you are faced with the situation, and a prolonged situation is even more difficult to guess.

Well you do not know PiccoloNamek personally, do you? I don't either, but I wager he knows himself better than I know him and thus I am comparatively inadequate to come up with a valid answer as to what he would do, given this situation. I could make a guess based on his answers thus far, but again, he could probably give a better answer for himself than I could for him.

I think what we've all said now would have some factor in such a decision later on, were it to happen. But if it has no influence, if it's just all so ambiguous, so "impossible for us to imagine how we'd react" in the end, then I guess this discussion is pointless, and this thread is over.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Of course I don't know PiccoloNamek. But that doesn't change the fact that he/she doesn't know that aspect of themselves.

What is silly is people claiming that they know how they'll react under difficult circumstances. Especially at this relatively young stage of their lives. That's not to say that discussing one's current views on what they may do, and what they hope they would do is pointless. Just that making any kind of concrete prediction is just a guess.

Unless of course you want to argue that one's self perception is ever so accurate.

Also, what bearing does the coma victim having made a choice in the matter have on the situation? How does *your* vow have anything to do with their vow? Do *you* love only because your lover loves you back? Or is your love independant of their feelings?

FELIPE NO

No. I'm pretty sure I do know that aspect of myself. Introspection is something I have done a lot of in my life, especially concerning issues such as marriage, love, fidelity, and even death. And knowing what I know about myself, I know that I would wait for her.

I know what I would do. I can't say for sure exactly how long I would wait, but I know that I would not simply abandon the person I care for the most after only a few years.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Look up at the sky!
It's a bird!
It's a plane!
It's super emo dude!
Wait a second... super emo dude can't fly........
well, i wouldn't jump... just be super emo and probably wouldn't serious engage with someone, i would think.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Josiah

.You make it sound like the fact that she's "not holding up her end of the bargain" is her fault. Technically she's not,

And that's all that matters. Who cares what her motivations are? As Miss Manners says, actions speak louder than words. She just isn't trying hard enough to get better, that's all.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by x86

You're just plain stupid, sir.

it is you who is stupid, if you continue being faithful to a woman who hates you so much that she put herself in a fucking coma. Christ, dude. You know she's thinking about another man when the nurse spongebathes her.

Double Post:

Originally Posted by PiccoloNamek

No. I'm pretty sure I do know that aspect of myself. Introspection is something I have done a lot of in my life, especially concerning issues such as marriage, love, fidelity, and even death.

Avoiding doing anything productive because you're feeling the ennui strongly does not mean you know yourself particularly well, sir. You're basically assuming your needs regarding other people will never change from now, nor will you ever grow or change. If you really believe all that, you are 16 years old, sir.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

But I do plenty of productive things. This week was holy week, and I was up at the crack of dawn every day to run the mixing console at church. Then I went home and post-produced the sermons that were given, so that they were suitable for radio broadcast.

Soon, I will be setting up their computer systems. (We just recieved a shipment of literally dozens of computers.)

But I still set aside time for thought, usually when I'm out taking photographs. (That's productive, too!)

Although I still contend that I know myself well. As for your second point, I suppose I can't really argue with that. Point taken.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Watch the anime series, Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
http://anidb.info/perl-bin/animedb.p...=anime&aid=896

its a very good story and answers your question

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

What? I'm not going to watch some 14 episodes of a show to find out it's creator's interpretation of the subject. If you want to take their views as your own, you could share them with the rest of the group.

Edit: That came out harsh. Didn't mean it as such.

How ya doing, buddy?

Blah..you can't even connect to GFF for a few days and look what happens. :doh:

Originally Posted by a_lurker

And that's all that matters. Who cares what her motivations are? As Miss Manners says, actions speak louder than words.

I would care what her motivations were, if she were my spouse. Whether or not this coma was a direct result of her actions certainly would have an influence on my decision on this matter. I think it's ridiculous to end a marriage due to circumstances that resulted from factors beyond my control and/or hers.

Quote:

She just isn't trying hard enough to get better, that's all.

...What?

If recovery was that simple, there would be no need for doctors or nurses, or medicine as a whole for that matter. By that logic, my grandfather must've not tried hard enough to get rid of that stomach cancer, or any of my ancestors to finally get over old age, or Scarlet Fever or Smallpox.

And where did this idea that the woman put herself in the coma come from? I even went through the thread looking for that and all I've seen is that DragoonKain said "for whatever reason", not "she hates your guts and tried to kill herself but ended up in a coma instead." What if she still loved you? What if she was so sorry that things were like this, even if it was through no fault of her own? What if she so wishes she could wake up but her body is incapable of doing so alone?

Originally Posted by PUG1911

What is silly is people claiming that they know how they'll react under difficult circumstances. Especially at this relatively young stage of their lives. That's not to say that discussing one's current views on what they may do, and what they hope they would do is pointless. Just that making any kind of concrete prediction is just a guess.

Well I already said that I honestly don't know what I'd do. My first answer was based on the notion that this coma resulted from circumstances she had little or no control over. But there are many different possibilities as to how this situation could have come about, and thus I don't see only one answer to the whole thing. "For whatever reason", in my mind, makes this a rather ambiguous question. I don't think "she deliberately put herself in a coma somehow" would generate the same answer as, say, "a drunk driver suddenly swerved into her lane, causing a head-on collision and injuries to her that resulted in a coma". Not from me, anyway.

Quote:

Unless of course you want to argue that one's self perception is ever so accurate.

No, I'm just saying that any decent person honest with themselves would probably have a better perception of themselves and how they would react than anybody else. Except their parents or very close friends, maybe.

Quote:

Also, what bearing does the coma victim having made a choice in the matter have on the situation?

I think I already answered that above, for myself at least.

Quote:

How does *your* vow have anything to do with their vow? Do *you* love only because your lover loves you back? Or is your love independant of their feelings?

Both. I'd love her for the kind of person she is, but if she didn't love me back to begin with, I probably never would have made such a vow, and she probably would not have either if the same wasn't true for her regarding me. But I think it's ludicrous to say that she's not honoring her vow just because she's incapacitated, when she would be honoring her vow if the circumstances were otherwise. The only way she wouldn't be honoring her vow in my mind is if she wasn't even before she fell into a coma.

Even if that was the case, I tell you again that I'm unsure of what I would do. I base that on my perception of myself now, as well as the fact that there are numerous, perhaps endless, ways in which this situation could have come about. All I can really say for certain is that the decision would not be made without much consideration, and that uncertainty would not warrant the notion of dropping her like a bad habit.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by a_lurker

it is you who is stupid, if you continue being faithful to a woman who hates you so much that she put herself in a fucking coma. Christ, dude. You know she's thinking about another man when the nurse spongebathes her.

If her husband is someone who cares about her as much as you would, of course she will thinking about another man when the nurse spongebathes her.

FELIPE NO

Someone mentioned the anime "Kimi ga Nozomu Eien" earlier in the thread; it's the first thing I thought about after reading this topic's title.

The story plays out a bit like this:

Spoiler:

A guy starts dating a girl in high school. One day, when said girl is waiting for the guy, she gets hit by a car. Several years pass; the girl is in a coma. The guy is now dating her best friend, the girl who helped him out of his depression after the accident with his girlfriend. However, the first girl eventually wakes up, realizes what's going on, and drama ensues. The guy ends up choosing his new girlfriend over the old one, although it's not necessarily because he stopped caring about her. The old girlfriend accepts the fact that things have changed, and everyone moves on with their lives.

I honestly don't know what I'd do in such a situation. I'd like to think that I'd be dedicated enough to stick by the person I care about regardless of the circumstances, but ten years is a long time to deny yourself...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Quote:

Posted by a_dictator
Sorry but to say it like that, but if you seriously think about dating someone else while your wife's lying in coma, you're a fucking idiot. You married her because you promised that you'll always be there for her, in good and in hard times. So here's a hard time and you fucking have to deal with it.

Of course, by this same reasoning divorce is absolutely, unequivocally out of the question. You're not allowed to arbitrarily break your vows simply because the two of you don't like each other anymore. Even though humans are fallible and make poor choices in relationships, even though shit happens to one another, your wedding vows trump all other considerations.

This is the kind of hardcore shit that brought down Jim Bakker. You can't do that. The unfortunate truth of the matter is, expecting mere words said in a church to be eternally binding forever and ever is holding human beings to an impossible standard.

Also, loving everyone's responses to Lurker here.

Jam it back in, in the dark.