How do u tell a guy that you don't want a relationship with him without hurting him?

Originally Posted by Harry Mason

Hell you mean I wish? I've seen the likes of Niku, nadienne, Ava Lilly and Mina, all I'm after now is satisfying my curiosity as to what this guy sees in you.

Stop deviating from the issue. I am asking from advice and will certainly not post a picture, so keep being curious... after all, it kills the cat.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by gripo1983

Stop deviating from the issue. I am asking from advice and will certainly not post a picture, so keep being curious... after all, it kills the cat.

You do realize he's only playing around, right?

Don't take your thread so seriously, woman. He meant no harm, and I think it's evident to everyone.

And since I've been watching this thread for a while, I figure now that I'm here, I may as well tell you the obvious.

Don't lead him on. Tell him straight out that you'd like to be friends, but there's no chance of anything else developing from your friendship. You enjoy the time you spend together and you would like to continue that as friends - but strictly as that.

If he can't maintain an emotional distance, don't give in and cause him trouble. Spend some time away from him to let him cool off.

You'll probably hurt him (minorly) in a small way. But life is full of rejection. If he can't take it very well, all the better that you don't get involved in a relationship with the guy.

Also, I am assuming you're about 22-23 years old? Interesting.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Did the 1983 in the username tip you off, Sass?

Also, how is it that you've gotten to be that age and not learned how to either abate or avoid men? 22-year-old women are usually well versed in this activity.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Duo Maxwell

Did the 1983 in the username tip you off, Sass?

Also, how is it that you've gotten to be that age and not learned how to either abate or avoid men? 22-year-old women are usually well versed in this activity.

not when u come from a rather conservative country

but thanks to all for your advices, i'm sure i'd be able to benefit from them.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by PiccoloNamek

Ouch, don't do that. You might as well just kick him in the crotch.

I say just be straightforward, but calm and not mean.

Yeah, saying that is like a kick in the balls at times. The way that I see it, tell him nicely, if he doesn't like it and starts bawling, tap in the ball and tell "Grow up Peter Pan"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by How Unfortunate

Talk to him about your boyfriend. (Whether he's real or not is up to you).

This is definetly the correct route to go.
Better yet, make it an ex-boyfriend. Not even kidding.

Nobody in their right mind wants to deal with a girl who hasn't gotten over her fuckin' ex. TRUST ME

FELIPE NO

Rocket has the right idea that works.. Usually that gives me the signal to stop going after someone unless I feel like giving myself a challenge then you just fucked yourself more.

Or he can try to "White Knight" it...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Tell him that you were attracted to him initially, but because he waited so long to make a pass at you, you came to see him more as a friend, and lost sexual attraction for him. This is true of 90% of cases of women receiving unwanted romantic interest from male "friends".

He can't accuse you of leading him on. It was his fault he waited too long to express his romantic interest (showing that he wasn't confident about what he had to offer from a romantic point of view). At least he will learn what he did wrong and his ego will receive a small boost from the fact that you were attracted initially.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by rocketdog

This is definetly the correct route to go.
Better yet, make it an ex-boyfriend. Not even kidding.

Nobody in their right mind wants to deal with a girl who hasn't gotten over her fuckin' ex. TRUST ME

Anybody who wants to date their friends probably would want to date somebody who hasn't gotten over their fuckin' ex. That's not to say that those people are in their right mind, of course...

How ya doing, buddy?

I think Shape here has some pretty good shit. You'll have to fight hard to keep a straight face saying it to the guy, but an ego boost has wonderful healing properties.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by rocketdog

This is definetly the correct route to go.
Better yet, make it an ex-boyfriend. Not even kidding.

Nobody in their right mind wants to deal with a girl who hasn't gotten over her fuckin' ex. TRUST ME

I also have to agree with rocket. Guys love to spout that "just tell us the truth" business, but in reality, that rarely goes over well. At all. I've tried it at least twice, and I did it in as nice a way as humanly possible, and both times it ended in total disaster. It takes a very mature person to not get defensive when a person tells them that they just aren't attracted to them in that way. Just start occasionally mentioning a boyfriend.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by gripo1983

not when u come from a rather conservative country

Okay, this could be a mistake, here, but your time zone says you're on the east coast of the USA.

You want to explain to me how the east coast of the US is a conservative country?

And yea, at 22, you really should know how to turn a guy down at this point - even if you're from a "conservative country." I mean, you're implying you're conservative. Doesn't that involve saying a lot of the word "no?"

I was speaking idiomatically.

Apparently the conservative Christian constituency in this country has trouble with not saying "yes." Which leads me to believe there's a huge sexual counter-culture that is kept from the public eye by the church.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Give her a break, guys. You are really in no position telling her what she should and should not be able to do by now. Everyone has their own reasons for everything and she IS trying to do something about it, you know?

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Okay, this could be a mistake, here, but your time zone says you're on the east coast of the USA.

You want to explain to me how the east coast of the US is a conservative country?

And yea, at 22, you really should know how to turn a guy down at this point - even if you're from a "conservative country." I mean, you're implying you're conservative. Doesn't that involve saying a lot of the word "no?"

If you must know, I am asian, and am not living in the US. Why my time zone says I'm on US's east coast, I don't know.

Woman, if only I know half as much as you do - on how to turn a guy down nicely and properly, I would not need to seek for advice in this forum now, would I?

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Foot in mouth disease can be a contagious thing. Hell, I'm all for people seeking advice, it's better than making a mistake or feeling like you were wrong in your attempts. It always helps when someone agrees with your mindset in a tough decision.

Have you told him yet?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Why don't you like him? I'm gonna go ahead and take the stance of the wounded love seeker here.

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It's probably a lack of physical attraction. That's what it usually is, I think. That's my guess, anyway.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

The last girl I asked out for a date hesitated and then responded with, "I'm sorta kinda seeing someone". Now who am I to say she's lying? But if you asked me, I would say she's lying. I still say honesty is the best policy. That way, it leaves very little room for confusion or misinterpretation. Honesty doesn't have to be callous. And while there are some guys who can't handle rejection and get offensively-defensive, that doesn't mean you should "cover it up" every time some dude asks for a date. There are some mature guys out there who don't take rejection as a personal insult.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Some being the word. jk. I agree for the sake of the lie being brought to the surface. Honesty never is pretty but it is effective and solid. And sincerely, how he responds may actually alter your opinion of him...strange isn't it? If he pouts and acts like a huge baby, you're thinking thank god got rid of that one, but if he actually takes it maturely and with good face, it might make a female look twice. We are strange people.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Alice

It's probably a lack of physical attraction. That's what it usually is, I think. That's my guess, anyway.

Not everyone can look like you, Alice.

To the topic at hand - the best way to go about telling him "no" is being as blunt and forward as possible. Leaving gray areas or false hope will only make things harder and its best to stamp him out while it's early before it ends up being a forrest fire.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

What, crows feet and arthritic knuckles? Anyway, physical attraction is rarely about looks. At least that's been my experience.

FELIPE NO

As already previously mentioned many times, perhaps the best way to go about this is to be straightforward. There's really no point in not telling him exactly how you feel about the situation because truthfully, this guy must want your honest opinion. What point would it serve for you to beat around the bush? The whole feeling of having gotten it off your chest won't happen if you're not honest with him.

Of course, there's no need to be harsh about it per se...there's certainly humane ways of going about these types of things :P

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

yes that is impossible he is going to be hurt at some extent. So that isn't really what you should be worried about. He should be mature enough to understand that, hey you just don't feel that way and there are other fish in the sea. He should understand that if your were to get into a relationship with him out of pitty, it would be a big lie and you will both be hurt even more...hehe damn i gotta remember that myself :S

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by gripo1983

If you must know, I am asian, and am not living in the US. Why my time zone says I'm on US's east coast, I don't know.

Woman, if only I know half as much as you do - on how to turn a guy down nicely and properly, I would not need to seek for advice in this forum now, would I?

There is no "nice way" to do it. As everyone said before, he's going to end up hurt no matter how you word it. The only thing nice to do is not drag it on forever and a day (Again, already stated). Just tell him you're not interested. He'll only get more psycho nuts the longer you take to tell him. Of course, this would have been nipped in the bud if when you started spending time together if you had made mention of not wanting a relationship.

There's nowhere I can't reach.