Do you have a criminal record?

No criminal record here. Almost got in trouble in school once or twice but nothing serious. My friends and I don't have a class at the end of the day so we were hanging out in places they don't want us. Nothing serious.

I'm black though, I'll eventually be blamed for something I didn't do. I bet I have a kid or two somewhere out there, and I'm a virgin.

How ya doing, buddy?

With the amount of criminals in my family, I'm surprised I don't have any record. But I'm happy about that, for sure.

Some cops did come to our house at the end of last month looking for a teenage girl with my name. Apparently this girl had some altercation on a bus somewhere, and her own mother placed a temporary restraining order on her. The cops must've had pulled the wrong info, they had my name and address, but my mom's name didn't match, I'm not a teenager, and I have an alibi for that entire day.

The cops and I thought it was amusing, though. I really thought I had done something wrong somehow when the cops first came. One took a look at me after we cleared everything up and said "Yeah you don't look like a girl who would push someone out of a moving bus." O.o

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I don't have any criminal record.

I stole some things with friends in my teens, never been caught, after that i tried not to do these kinds of things again...

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Never been caught. So far.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I don't even think this would go on your record here in Canada, but I have gotten 3 parking tickets, all in which I could have fought, but did not see the point in the effort.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

No criminal record. I'm incredibly risk averse, after all.

FELIPE NO

When I was in high school I got into a little scuffle that involved 15 people and I slammed one guy's face into a concrete garden liner. All of us were taken to jail but I, in particular, was charged with aggravated assault and battery and everyone else had similar assault charges pinned on them. However, the charges were dropped because the parents of the kids who attacked us (and mind you, it was they who started the whole shit) didn't really want to have their kids on the front page of the local newspaper with the headline reading: LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM ASSAULTS ONE YOUTH. FOOTBALL SEASON CANCELLED.

I think that's about it, I've done a bunch of stupid shit over the past, but other than this one blatantly stupid stunt I haven't really been caught for anything.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?