Let's be friends

Originally Posted by parKbench

I feel if you have found true love, more than likely, there will be no reason to break up. Unless the other person doesn't truly love you. If you BOTH truly love each other, you will stay together no matter what. So, you would never have to worry about how to treat them after you break up.

I'm not really sure about that, but then again I can't really claim to have found true love. I do like to believe that if both parties truly love each other, though, yeah. Then again people (and love) can change.

I'm guessing the rest of your post was meant for some other topic because it's not relevant to this discussion in any way.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

One more thing: If your ex is not really over you or you are not really over him (or her), it's going to be next to impossible to be friends. If someone is trying to get you back with every word and action, that's really not a friendship. That's more like stalking. Maybe not stalking exactly, but something very much like it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm guessing the rest of your post was meant for some other topic because it's not relevant to this discussion in any way.[/QUOTE]

The rest of my rant was directed to your comment that true love isn't selfish.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The only one of my ex-girlfriends I'm friends with today is one that I haven't been together with for 4 years. This friendship only started after 3 years of somewhat intense hatred for each other, though. It's a cliche, but it really is a very fine line between love and hate. I don't think it's impossible to be great friends immediately following a relationship, but due to the many feelings involved in one I think it's unlikely. It's when those "special feelings" die down and you realize that you shared a lot that a true friendship can begin, I think.

That's the same reason to why break-ups often involve a lot of hate; relationships are shockfull of emotions.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by parKbench

The rest of my rant was directed to your comment that true love isn't selfish.

Ah, in that case, you're wrong. Every human is both selfish and selfless in varying degrees.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by surasshu

Ah, in that case, you're wrong. Every human is both selfish and selfless in varying degrees.

...not in the US. haha, I've yet to meet a selfless person.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by parKbench

...not in the US. haha, I've yet to meet a selfless person.

And strangely enough, not all of us are from the US...

What a stupid comment to make.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by parKbench

...not in the US. haha, I've yet to meet a selfless person.

So you would say that you are 100% selfish all the time? Do you pay taxes?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Jamma

And strangely enough, not all of us are from the US...

What a stupid comment to make.

I am speaking from my experience. I don't know everyone in the whole world, therefore I could not possibly know if people from England are selfless. So, I do not think that is a stupid comment.

Although, I did date a girl from England once...

And to surrashu:

Of course people aren't selfish 100% of the time, I have a son, so I can vouch for that. And yes, I DO pay taxes, but there is no choice in that. I don't pay taxes out of the kindness of my heart, I HAVE to pay or go to jail.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I know absolutely NOTHING about any of my exes. Ah well, better off that way.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

bump?

Anywho, I've recently been broken up with my former girlfriend and it's been about two months now. At first, things were extremely awkward, although not said, just a weird feeling of being around her, and having to act a completely different way than I normally would. And since she was the one who initiated the inital break up, I of course was still in "love" with her. But I've since come at peace overall with what we have now. And I really don't want to lose her as a friend. It would seem like such a waste of time to get to really know a person and then never speak to them again. :/

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I was with my last girlfriend for about 3 years when she suddenly broke it off. She gave me the "let's be friends" line too, but after 3 years of being something more than friends, I couldn't do it. The way I look at it, there are not many reasons for wanting to be friends in a situation like ours, and I don't like any of them.

I figure the reason she tried it is because she wanted to avoid confrontation and have the break up be amicable, but she didn't really intend to stay friends. It's also possible that she really did want to be friends, but as I said, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't put it past her to complain about my replacement to me, which would bring out the fury. I can definitely hear myself saying "you only have yourself to blame--I never did that". And even if she had the sense not to do that, the constant reminder of what I had and lost would eat away at me.

Anyway, certain circumstances (beyond just breaking up with me) caused me to be particularly pissed off about the whole thing, and I told her I never wanted to see her face again. It's been about a year and a half now and I haven't heard a word from her since then. I'm probably not really over it either... I don't really want to go into the details, but I feel justified in being bitter in this case.

I really respect those of you who have been able to maintain friendships with your exes. Chalk it up to a lack of maturity or just a character flaw, but I'm pretty damn sure I couldn't do that. I normally have a pretty cool head about things like this (and in general), but I just don't think I could ever distance myself from the situation enough to get rid of the awkwardness (or malice, in my case). Even if I initiated a breakup, I think I would still have difficulty being friendly (but not too friendly) with an ex.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I don't talk to my ex-es. Nothing good ever spawns from it, somehow.

I've actually had one boyfriend whom I was able to pull off the "being friends" part, but he lives in Japan, has an entire life to himself that I'm not even a smidgen a part of, where I exist only in memories of us "being in love with each other." I believe it only works because I only call him on his birthday to wish him happy birthday--international calls are expensive; and he only has to put up with that one phone call once in a blue moon.

I doubt I can talk to any of my prior ex'es at all. Especially if I've had ANY feelings for them or deep relations with them. I don't know why, but the thought of trying to get back close with something I lost and cut ties (especially if it was ME that broke it off), I feel really reserved about that almost to the point where I'm scared to do so.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Personally, I have become great friends with a girl that I once dated for two years. We were pratically inseparable. Just like everyone says, it's really rough after you break up. I believe that this is not just because you love them, or because you have special feelings for them. I believe it's because when you experience true love with someone, you can't imagine anything else. Whenever you think of that person you immediately think of love because you know nothing else. Only time can give you the knowledge that there may be something after love. It's a hard realization to come to, because if you really want to make a successful friendship work, you have to move on. You must realize that there is a future without that love and that relationship, and you must never turn back.

FELIPE NO