Pregnant teen needs help!

My advice leave her to it. If she can't se what harm shes doing to herself and her child then she is unbelievebly stupid. She'll realise the errors of her way when theres no one around to help her and she has to fend for her self, I think the sooner you stop offering the sooner she may realise.
When the baby comes and she doesn't realise the conditions she's living in are disgusting then please call social services and have that baby taken away from the two of them because neither of them are fit enough to be parents. Try and make it so your family can look after the child and they can have visitation rights or something like that.
However she was stupid enough not to use protection until the pill came into full effect.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I was home the other day and was talking to my aunt. She says that my cousin and chris has found a 2 bedroom apartment, my cousin checked it out by herself because on look at chris will tell you what he is like, he uses the current cubbyhole as a hangout!

I learned that his only firends are 16 year olds and they all come over to their current place to hang out, drink, smoke, and possibly drugs. My cousin says nothing, and if she does, chris will not listen. My aunt did warn her that now that she has a better apartment to not screw it up.

My aunt told me that once the baby is born, she will be checking up on them all the time unannounced, and if the conditions are still the way they are, she is going to call social services and take custody of the baby. I feel better knowing this so the baby will be saved at least.

Either way, if my aunt does not call, I would have.

How ya doing, buddy?

I wish I could contribute more than what has been already said, but most of the logic has been stated. I do want to say, I'm really sorry to hear about you and your cousin's situation. No matter what good or bad can come out of it, it's just heart breaking to know this happened, it happens, and will continue to happen.

My first reaction would be to talk to legal authorities about the matter. After reading on, I have come to realize something. If your aunt really does have her life together, I think the aunt should raise the child, and let the mother and father spend time with the child.

I really don't agree compeletly with the total separation of parents and children, even if the parents are unfit. If the child doesn't know who their parents are, they will usually spend a good amount of time trying to find out, and will do what they have to get to know them as much as possible. On the flip side, one of my ex-clients killed his ex-wife for keeping his children away from him. I don't agree with what he did, but the bond between a parent and child, no matter how neglegent and abusive they may be to each other, can be unbelieveably strong sometimes.

Good luck to you, and your family.

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I can understand what you mean Fatt, and what everyone else has said so far.

When it comes to my cousin, it is time that she learned life the hard way, but when a innocent baby is involved, it should not have to suffer at my cousin's expense.... after all, it did not ask to be brought into this world.

Which is why that if it comes to a point that my cousin is a unfit parent, the baby should be taken away, but not far away. I believe in the improtance of parent/child relationships too but you have to think about the child's safety, so visitation rights would be a must.

I was speaking idiomatically.

All the people who think she should ditch Chris are clowns. A child needs a father and she's only going to compound problems further by leaving him.

Things arn't going to improve at all unless Chris gets his shit togethor. Seriously he has to be the one to take responsibility. His family, his mates, they need to fucking get the message through to him. He has to be the one to grow up here. If he can pull himself togethor and just get a job and start organising life things will fall into place quicker than you think. He doesn't even have to give up drinking or smoking (though it would help.)

A father is someone who sorts out the shit for the family. If he fucks her and she leaves, no one wins. And it has to be Chris, because no other bloke is touching this girl now. It has to come from him first, only then will it rub off on your cousin.

Chris has the easy part, she's the one who has to raise this baby. All he needs to do is get a job, it can be minimun wage, and pay the bills. It's all they need to not live in squalor. And with him not around, making the house shit, maybe she might have a chance to clean it and take care of it.

I suggest you get in touch with his family somehow or his mates and get them to give him the message.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

You can say that, but on the other hand you cannot make people change. That's the biggest mistake of people who stay in crappy and/or abusive relationships - they think that their significant other will change his/her ways, or that they themselves are the one who will change that person. Often times it doesn't happen; it's just wishful thinking.

So it comes down to choosing the lesser of two "evils." Is it worth holding on to a shit partner in hopes that they will learn from their mistakes and create a wholesome family, or is it better to ditch them and work hard improve things yourself? The former is of course what would be preferable, but... it's not an easy decision either way.

Since they have gotten a new apartment, I do hope that they can turn their situation around for the better. Good luck to them.

FELIPE NO

Yeah Rab, it's easy enough to tell Chris to grow up, obviously he needs to, but he's not going to. Betcha anything he'll cut and run before the kid's one.

Why hasn't anyone considered adoption? Babies are always in high demand.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

You can get a great price for them on the black market.

And maybe they would be happy with Michael Jackson. ;_;

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Legit adoption is certainly an option! Honestly, it would be the best thing to happen to that child.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Yeah I didn't even read the thread, but if I found out that 23 years ago my parents were asking for advice about whether to keep me from 16 year old barely literate Quiet Place fags on Gamingforce I'd be glad to be in the adoption club.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

...reading FTW.

Adoption is an option. Sure, the kid may end up wondering his/her origins later on, but if it's for the best, then so be it. I know some people who were adopted and/or never knew one of their birth parents and really... they've done fine under those circumstances and are probably better off as they are.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by RABicle

A father is someone who sorts out the shit for the family. If he fucks her and she leaves, no one wins. And it has to be Chris, because no other bloke is touching this girl now.

Are you saying that because she has a child no man will want her? Because I can tell you from personal experience that won't be the case. And the old "even a bad father is better than no father" mindset is wrong. I agree that children need fathers, but if the father is nothing but a bad role-model to the child, the child would be better off just spending a lot of time with an uncle or a grandfather.

I was speaking idiomatically.

And yet I notice a complete lack of men in Chibi Neko's family.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by JammerLea

Since they have gotten a new apartment, I do hope that they can turn their situation around for the better. Good luck to them.

Well, there are only a few weeks left before the baby arrives, so I will be posting updates on the situation.

Originally Posted by RABicle

And yet I notice a complete lack of men in Chibi Neko's family.

What does that mean??

FELIPE NO

I think he means so far you've mostly mentioned from your family your aunt, yourself and your cousin, all of whom are females. You haven't mentioned any male influence at all, so he's more-or-less saying the issues are the result of the lack of a strong male figure within the family to hold things together.

I can't say I agree. It's more of a stereotype and a cultural assumption. There are always exceptions to such 'rules'. And I still stick to having no male present is better than having one that's a complete waste of human material.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by JammerLea

I think he means so far you've mostly mentioned from your family your aunt, yourself and your cousin, all of whom are females. You haven't mentioned any male influence at all, so he's more-or-less saying the issues are the result of the lack of a strong male figure within the family to hold things together.

Guess he did not read my 5th post on the first page of this thread.

There are many men in my family, fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins and two grandfathers. This issue is focused my cousin who is pregnant and her single mom who is trying to cope with it, not men in my family that have nothing to do with it. Chris is the one that got her pregnant, so he is the one that needs to be present.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

It doesn't take a lot of honor to knock someone up. From the way you've described Chris, it would probably be best for the child to spend as much time with the honorable men in your family as possible. Just being a sperm donor doesn't make anyone worthy of rearing a child. Until he grows up, he's probably going to be nothing but a negative influence on this kid.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

just ljust let her learn the hard way its onli way trust me and then shell never make that mistake again :biggrin:

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by tylermoore

just ljust let her learn the hard way its onli way trust me and then shell never make that mistake again :biggrin:

It isn't the mother or aunt that has the biggest problem. It's the child. The mother can have another child with a better plan, but the current child only has one life to live. You just can't write off a child.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

So far there are no signs of Chris growing up... there are openings for many jobs in his field (work labor, he has not been to college) and he is not making a effort to apply for them, it looks like he is plans to contiune to live off his grandparents money and most likely the government benifits that my cousin will be receiving.

Much of our family is showing dissaproval.... it is up to her now to do what she thinks is right.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

Much of our family is showing dissaproval.... it is up to her now to do what she thinks is right.

Have you guys tried mentioning to her that if the conditions stay the way that they are presently, someone in your family will be calling social services on them?

I understand your cousin's thoughts - but they're irrational and illogical. She needs to know this isn't right. While your family is trying to let her make her own decision, you REALLY need to let her know the consequences of her actions.

Do tell her that the family plans to do something if the conditions keep up with a child involved.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Have you guys tried mentioning to her that if the conditions stay the way that they are presently, someone in your family will be calling social services on them?

I have already mentioned that on previous posts. If the situation does not improve when the baby is born, my aunt says she will call social services herself and take custody of the child, if she does not do it, I will.

FELIPE NO

I think what Sass is saying is that someone needs to tell your idiot cousin that they're going to report her ass if she endangers her child. It's great that all of you have decided this amongst yourselves, but make sure she knows what's coming, too. It might give her the slap in the face she desperately needs.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Chibi Neko

I have already mentioned that on previous posts. If the situation does not improve when the baby is born, my aunt says she will call social services herself and take custody of the child, if she does not do it, I will.

No need to get your panties in a bunch, Chibi! Maybe I misunderstood what you originally said!

You never clearly mentioned that your aunt, mother, yourself, whatever has actually told your cousin that they will call the social services on her ass.

Sure, you guys may have talked about it amongst yourselves, but that never amounts to anything, you know? Idle threats since its not laid on the table in front of your cousin.

Maybe you folks HAVE told her, though. Like I said, I've read the entire thread and it's not that clear to me if you have or haven't told your cousin your plans.

I would CERTAINLY threaten MY cousin, sister, whomever with something like this. ESPECIALLY with this kind of calibre of potential child abuse.

Tell her "If you do this, we're reporting you."

Now, it's been a while since I read the entire thread, admittedly, but how old is your cousin, again? Isn't she under 18?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

No need to get your panties in a bunch, Chibi!

I didn't

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

but how old is your cousin, again? Isn't she under 18?

She is 19, but we all know that age does not make you smart, Chris is 24 and he acts like he is 9.

There's nowhere I can't reach.