A Decision which Could Affect the Rest of My Life...

I guess "Do what it takes" is a little (ok a lot) too strong, but luckily, I haven't told her that straight out. I think she is really a bit nervous about the whole issue. She hasn't felt pressured from me yet though. Which is good. Having her thinking about me more often is helpful as well.

Will keep you posted. Thanks for the perspectives so far.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

I guess "Do what it takes" is a little (ok a lot) too strong, but luckily, I haven't told her that straight out. I think she is really a bit nervous about the whole issue. She hasn't felt pressured from me yet though. Which is good. Having her thinking about me more often is helpful as well.

OK Vivi - here we go round 2! Let's pretend that she finally took you in and you're in the romantic relationship you want. I would never say something like "I wanted you to break up with him really badly" or like you put it "I wanted to do whatever it took to get our lives together" or something similar.

DON'T EVER REVEAL HOW DESPERATE YOU ARE FOR HER! Don't say that sort of thing. Its insecurity, and some women could be as evil as they come and use it to their advantage.
I'd rather say something like "I love this moment we're sharing together" - if I was out /w her, looking on the night horizon of a city lit up in the distance (like in E.T.). When you two are hooked up - look to the future, NOT past events. Her thoughts about her ex-boyfriend will disspate quicker if you leave him out of the picture.

And don't even think about pressuring her - if you do, she may feel like she made a mistake in which she may blame you for it. Or else, blame herself and feel bad. (I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE COULD FEEL BAD THOUGH ABOUT DROPPING A SUPPOSIVE LOSER FOR A NEW, GREAT FLAME CALLED VIVI)

And she's nervous about the whole issue? She shouldn't be - just let her figure out what she wants and if it takes another month, so be it. "Don't be nervous, ok? Relax!" -could tell that to her if she says she's nervous

And here's a good bit of advice:
Is she constantly on your mind? Hrmm yes? Since you are so driven to her, use it to your advantage by WORKING OUT! Don't tell her, just drive yourself to BUILD YOUR MUSCLES! Get to that gym at least for an hour and do chest exercises, along with arms and STOMACH! You know how badly a six-pack on your stomach drives women crazy? I'd say it does.

-The key to success together is your chemistry which it sounds like you have. But I swear, having a great physical body too will definitely swing things faster I'd say. It's a great bonus!
If you are a gamer in any sort Vivi - sacrifice that shit for the gym. When your body perks up you'll get more confidence in yourself, and she'll notice it too. But don't get too much pride for it - alot of guys who got great physique turn out to be jerks (to women) because they get just too cocky then.

Anyway, I'll check up with you tomorrow, and Monday n shit. I'm hoping that I got your hopes up!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Nah, I am not much of a gamer, and for the last four months I had been going to the gym three times a week for at least an hour. Had been busy recently though. Once I get paid, I will get another gym pass and start it up again.

She finds me very handsome and good looking already.... Lucky me. I have done a good job so far in being confident and not insecure.... but I probably screwed up when I said the only thing I was scared of was putting all my work into her and failing by disappointing her. I think that was a big no-no.... guess I will have to work double hard to change that perspective around.

Right, positive, patience and confidence.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

She finds me very handsome and good looking already.... Lucky me. I have done a good job so far in being confident and not insecure.... but I probably screwed up when I said the only thing I was scared of was putting all my work into her and failing by disappointing her. I think that was a big no-no.... guess I will have to work double hard to change that perspective around.

"I was scared of putting all my work into her and failing by dissapointing her."
-Vivi, it sounds like you're striving too hard to help her (I think I mentioned this before?). You really need to keep your primary concentration on bettering YOURSELF. You've got your own goals to accomplish, so work on them. I'd say you should put 75% of your time into yourself, and 25% into her. She can make it by as long as she strives for herself. So keep the supportive role for her, but support yourself more for now.
-If you hook up with her, then make it 50/50. You improve yourself, and you aid your partner to improve themselves as well. That's my standard philosophy in any given realtionship. No 60/40, 70/30 bullcrap - its imbalanced and therefore, the relationship will fall apart.

And for God's sake, what the hell is this "failing by dissapointing her" crap? You make her smile, you have shared some good dates and such. And it sounds like she's happy with you. Yet, you're afraid that she'll get dissapointed in you? How? You smoke cigarettes and she doesn't like smokers? Ok then time to quit smoking ASAP. She hates smelly feet? Scrub your feet twice a day minimum then. But seriously, if she ever comes to the belief of being dissapointed in you, then she thinks she deserves better. Which is unabsurb BULLSHIT if it ever comes to that because evidently, she's too picky then. I hate picky women - its not like they can get together with any guy and expect their men to offer the world to them.

In any case, she was dissapointed with her last BF because he was a lazy lozer who didn't pay the bills etc. Just don't get into those bad habits - keep looking forward and stay ahead in life.

Vivi - don't tell her you're afraid of losing her in any way (another sign of DESPERATION in my view) - just act like you're close friends. Technically you are close friends for now (am I right?), not lovers yet. Just keep having fun when you go out with her, and go to different places each time. Keep her happy. And when you feel the time is right for both of you (perhaps she'll give you another HINT that she wants to be with you within a few dates or so), you could try making a move.

Spoiler:

I'm talking like this: a beach away from the crowd, in a boat out in the bay some distance away from the shore, a park, or if you really need the privacy and short on cash - your dorm or her place. Just look into her eyes, hold her hand, and tell her your "lively" feelings you get in every moment you share with her. If you can sense that she feels the same way about you, by all means then - ask her to share a relationship with you - seal the deal! I'm not sure how far off I am but be patient and it will gradually come.

Another piece of advice:
You have to be in love with yourself before you can love anyone else. There's really no hope to find love when you don't feel it inside you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well, thanks for the help. I guess Ultima is having a hard time with me asking for some advice in the Advice Column, thinking I am some sort of creepo. I mean, can't someone just have a little bit of a broad forum discussion?

Sorry I ever asked anyone anything. I am not some pedophile or anything. I was just wondering what some peoples opinions are.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's perspective.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

Well, thanks for the help. I guess Ultima is having a hard time with me asking for some advice in the Advice Column.

who is ultima and where did this pedophile thing come from?wtf?

Most amazing jew boots

I've been at work most of the day, so I missed Ultima's post. I bet it was a bad post against Vivi, so I hope he got banned.

Ill manners and hatred should not be tolerated on GFF. Vivi, I don't mind handing you out lessons on relationships - I've only been in one relationship and I've dated a couple other girls. But I'm 26 yrs old, and I've read through all kinds of shit in my time through internet research to come to an understanding of how relationships function well, or how they go sour to break-ups. I've also heard girls at my workplace talk about men like almost everyday.

I enjoy your updates and your thoughts, so by helping you out and whoever else needs it, I feel good about it. Keep it coming.

Any unfavorable replies should be deleted immediately - for GFF to function as a great site for others to join, we should all be supportive of each other.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Well, it was in Ultima's journal... which lets him off the hook. I guess I overreacted. I just didn't expect someone to be that way when it was uncalled for... I am sorry for jumping over the gun...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Ultima said you were an Asianophile, not a pedophile. Asiaphile is really the proper term, and certainly does have some negative connotations:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...term=Asiaphile

I'm not saying you fit any of those descriptions, but it is pretty weird to only be into Asian women.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Well, I am not ONLY into Asian women. I mean, come on, I live in Canada, there are many different women out there. I mean, I have had a few white girlfriends. Its just I get much closer and connect much better with Asian people, whether guy or girl. Its just something I enjoy being around. I have friends from all places. Is that so bad?

Oh, and don't worry, I am extremely attracted to white females, but I find many Asian women to be more down to Earth. I don't know how to put it, I am just trying to be broad based.

As for some of those meanings, my attraction to Asian women have nothing to do with power or control... I mean, look at the complexities of my current issue in this thread.

Oh, and the pedophile thing was in an AIM convo we had just after I found out about the journal entry.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

star (and ultima) you're retarded. it's not that you're just into asian women.. its just preference. I'm sure vivi would date anyone but in terms of personality and culture asian women just tend to fit better. Same here. Although I'm asian, i'd like to date white chicks, but asian girls tend to better fit the personality and culture type i am looking for.

plus fromw hat i hear there are a lot of asian chicks in canada.

god damn kids.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by rocketdog

Here's my problem. I meet girls, and some of them are so damn hot, good looking, cute, but I date them and then I realize... they will never hear sound the way I hear it. And call me an elitest, but when I realize that they will never hear music as beautifully as I hear it, I look find myself looking down on them, believing that my perspectives on life are of deeper and greater meaning than theirs.

You'll pardon me for not spiralling into a deep depression because you think I'm retarded. There's nothing strange about an Asian guy gravitating towards relationships with Asian women. That's your culture. Have a good time.

But for someone to supposedly be able to relate to a foreign culture better than his own is weird.

http://www.gamingforce.com/forums/jo...&entryid=20477

You can only connect with Asian women? Sounds to me like you're only into Asian women, then. You even said it yourself there, you don't get it. You know it's weird. I'm not saying it makes you creepy, but is it really healthy to idealize an entire race of people and their culture?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by starslight

But for someone to supposedly be able to relate to a foreign culture better than his own is weird.

i expect that you are some sort of white punk then. people are afraid of what they don't understand, and if you're close minded to the point where you believe that you should stick to your own culture, then shame on the viv for even considering your thoughts have any value.

btw thats a low blow to try to drag my own ideals into this. stick to the topic.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by rocketdog

i expect that you are some sort of white punk then. people are afraid of what they don't understand, and if you're close minded to the point where you believe that you should stick to your own culture, then shame on the viv for even considering your thoughts have any value.

btw thats a low blow to try to drag my own ideals into this. stick to the topic.

And calling someone retarded is a lazy insult.

I didn't tell anyone to date only within their own culture. I'm saying that focusing so intensely on only one culture is probably unhealthy. Exploring other people's culture is great, but when it gets to the point that you can't relate to your own, that's when it gets weird. Or as others say, kind of creepy.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by starslight

And calling someone retarded is a lazy insult.

I didn't tell anyone to date only within their own culture. I'm saying that focusing so intensely on only one culture is probably unhealthy. Exploring other people's culture is great, but when it gets to the point that you can't relate to your own, that's when it gets weird. Or as others say, kind of creepy.

Yes. I agree then. If you get to the point where you can't even relate to your own culture at all then it is a bit strange. However, I still don't think Vivi meant it on such a degree despite the fact it might have been phrased that way.

But I'm not Viv's voice or personal defender so now I think i will step back!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by starslight

And calling someone retarded is a lazy insult.

I didn't tell anyone to date only within their own culture. I'm saying that focusing so intensely on only one culture is probably unhealthy. Exploring other people's culture is great, but when it gets to the point that you can't relate to your own, that's when it gets weird. Or as others say, kind of creepy.

Its not that I cannot relate to my culture per se, I mean, I have been deeply into European culture pretty much my entire life with the exception for the past 3 or so years. I don't think Asian culture is better or superior, its just different and intriguing. I mean, for crying out loud, I study World history, and that includes Asian history. I am just fascinated by it.

I focus on Asian culture when I am at University mainly because there isn't ANY of it in my home town. The reason why I have been concerned about my being attracted to Asian women had nothing to with asianophile or anything, it was in comparison to how many people from my area grew up and see the world more close minded and discriminatory in contrast to what I ended up seeing.

Maybe I didn't do a good job explaining things in that journal entry, but its more of a romantic level that I cannot connect to in Western Culture, not general overall culture. I hope that clears things up.

I have no preference on white or black, or asian. Its just currently in my life, I am connecting very well with Asian women. And I like that.

Maybe I came on too strong, and I apologize, so I hope this post cleans any misinterpretations from before.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Asianophile? Why does everything have to have a label? The color of skin is just the outside, it is what's inside that counts.

Me, I'm multi-cultural. My plan is to have a child in every major country and elevate them to positions of power....

...crap, back to the drawing board.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Well, here is an update. I have decided to be close friends with her at this point. Actually, she had a sigh of relief. She said now she can concentrate on getting to know me more and not worry about all the relationship future stuff. Actually, I found out she is planning to break up with her boyfriend when he goes back to China in August. That is, if he does not renew his Visa. She hopes he will leave and then she won't have to do anything about it.... I think its not so good... but its just the way she is. She doesn't like hurting people, especially when its someone she has been with for three years.

Besides, the last thing I need is to be consistently hitting on her and he finds out... He would kill me. And to add to my decision, my last serious relationship ended the same way. She cheated on me for a month before we broke up and I later found out it was because she was flirting and seeing someone else. I am not going to be the same way as that. I was on the receiving end last time and I don't think its fair that I do it to someone else.

Anyway, its a long battle. In the meantime, I am going to get know new girls and get rid of this intimidation factor I have with white women these days.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.