If your parents didn't like your bf/gf...

Originally Posted by Leknaat

And this is what happened with your girlfriend's parents:

They've already lost one child. They don't want to lose another. The size thing is just an excuse. They weren't able to protect her bigger, older brother together, so they feel that one small person won't be able to protect the most precious thing in their lives.

Mm, I came to more or less the same conclusion. However, according to my ex, her brother was very rebellious, partially due to peer influence, partially due to the stifling nature of the family relationship, particularly from their mother. When he crashed his car, he was under the influence. Now I'm no expert on human behaviour, but usually rebellion and drinking/getting high go hand in hand. I'm not saying that they killed him, indirectly or otherwise, but one would think that they would at least make some connection, and lay off a little. But, I'm not a parent, so maybe I just can't understand.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm only 17 this year, haven't got a boyfriend yet. But this always happens to my sister. Coming from a strict family, my sister and I aren't allowed to go on a date too often in a month (yes, it's limited by my parents).
Well, what happened to my sister was, her boyfriend smokes and obviously, my strict parents didn't like it. They tried to discuss it over, and finally my parents approve of him as long as he doesn't smoke whenever he is near us.
Anyway, I think discussing over the reasons why your parents didn't like your bf/gf is important.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I couldn't care less what my parents thought and I just don't get why people break up over this.

If my parents loved me, they would be behind me 100%. They wouldn't judge and butt into my life telling me to leave him. It isn't their decision. If he makes me happy, they should be happy too.

The only way I can see this actually being positive is if the guy is a real @sshole. Other than that, they should be happy for me, not against me. I hate parents who tell you to break up because they don't like your partner. What is it to them? You are the one dating them, not your parents. If you're happy, screw what your parents say.

Luckily, I don't have a problem because my parents are cool with my boyfriend ^_^

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Belladonna

If my parents loved me, they would be behind me 100%. They wouldn't judge and butt into my life telling me to leave him. It isn't their decision. If he makes me happy, they should be happy too.

I suppose it never occurred to you that maybe your parents, having lived a lot longer and having had the opportunity to learn a little more about how to judge a person's character (and about life in general) might see something you missed.

Nevermind the fact that as long as someone is a minor child living in their parents' home it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their kid is OK. Once the kid is grown and out on his own, I agree. Parents need to say their peace and then butt out.

I don't mean to be hard on you. I went through that stage of life myself when I truly didn't think my parents were any wiser than I was. But ohhhhh how wrong I was.

Just because someone or something makes you happy doesn't mean that person or thing is right for you. And sometimes that's hard to see when you're young.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Your average person isn't dumb enough to be with someone who they know treats them like garbage. You spend your time with that person, not your parents. You know that person better than they do so how can they say anything really? Unless you come home crying and telling them about how you argue daily, I don't see how your parents could have any say in your relationship.

Not to say that there aren't people out there who don't leave the second they get treated like dirt but what can you do? Those people obviously either don't see the light or are too afraid to leave. A lot of them are stubborn and can be told 1000 times to leave but they love the person so much that they can't, no matter how bad they treat them. The thing is, now we are starting to get into abusive relationships. That is a whole other issue compared to what people here are talking about which seems to be your general "my parents hate my bf/gf just because..." sort of thing. In that respect, I think parents have no say. It's your life and the life you choose to live.

For me personally, I think there is a certain age where people just shouldn't have a GF/BF only because they are just too young. 13? Are you serious? Wow, for me that is young to be in a relationship. I was still being a kid skipping scholl, hanging out with my friends, going to parties, not thinking about a relationship. Meh, that's my opinion but I guess times are changing.

I might be a little old fashioned and my posts are more from personal experience but I was one of those people who didn't jump at the first guy that asked me out. I never had a boyfriend until I was 20 years old. I was more mature and found a person who is perfect for me. We get along great, we love the same things, we think the same way. He is older than I am and he has taught me alot. I am a hell of a lot smarter than I was before I met him and even smarter than I was a year ago. I've been with him for 4 years now and for a first relationship, not a lot of people can say that they have held on that long. In high school people seem to be getting a new love every year or two. I've seen a ton of my friends go through it time and time again.

Maybe my opinion is so different because I am thinking about relationships between people who are a little older than 13 where parents don't like the other person.

How ya doing, buddy?

I can see it both ways. One way is that her parents are right. They know what's best for her, and if they will hate her for being with you, then that's not going to be a happy relationship either, no?

But as for going for yourself, if you think about people coming out of the closet, it's not like you can help who you are, much less help who you end up falling in love with. In cases like these, the parents must accept that this is who their child is and live with it... she's independent (I'm assuming 18+ years). And their reasoning that you're not "big" enough isn't as serious as say, religion.

FELIPE NO

If my mom didn't like my gf, I can honestly say it wouldn't be a problem. She doersn't even know I'm not single, and if she did, I'd never let my gf meet any of my family out of respect for her own sanity. But in all seriousness, it wouldn't be a big deal to me at all...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Like some have said earlier, I'd find out what their problem was before making any sort of decision. Honestly though, unless it was something like "She cheats on you" and they had pictures or some other kind of undeniable proof, it wouldn't matter what they said. I'd still date her anyway. My mom just recently married a douchebag that everyone hates and she knew it, so she wouldn't have any room to say anything. I'd be more willing to listen to my dad, but he lives in Tampa, so he wouldn't really know anything.

If that girl was willing to give you up so easily just because her parents told her to, she's probably not worth it. Life goes on, buddy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

My parents are very close-minded when it comes to guys. My dad gets to see the worse in men every single day at work, so he basically hates every single guy I come into contact with automatically.

Spoiler:

If you're black, hispanic, have hair longer than the top of your ears, tattoo(s), piercing(s), gay, bi, unemployed, rich, hillbilly, mullet, baggy pants, wife-beater, wear primary/secondary gang colors (even if you don't mean to), Democrat, vegetarian/vegan, too short, too tall, too fat, like rap/hip-hop/R&B, peace & love, seem dumb, and the list goes on... .

My mom is less likely to say that she disagree's with my choice in men, but she doesn't approve of interracial relationships (even though she's 1/4 Cherokee) or my siblings/me dating anyone that is greater/less than a year within our age.

Since all the men interested in me decide to date my friends instead, I never really had to deal with the problem. However, the last few times I did find a guy to date (4 years ago), I decided that it was best not to tell my parents that I was taken unless I plan on spending the rest of my life with him. If they disapprove of it, then I would listen to their reasons of why they disapprove of it and take it into consideration. Unless I see something seriously wrong, I'd probably stay with him because it's up to me to decide what is right for me...and it's really hard to find a straight guy that thinks I'm remotely attractive without one of my friends luring him away.

Originally Posted by McCloud

Well, to to quote my ex, she said the reason her parents didn't like me was because they felt I "couldn't protect her". Now, I'm not a big guy, but I can fight when I need to. Her brother was big, played football. He ended up dying in a car wreck. The reason they felt I couldn't protect her was because I wasn't as big as her brother was. This is all according to her, again.

First of all, I know a lot of shrimpy guys who can kick any knuckle-headed body-builder's butt due to their knowledge of martial arts. I've seen a 200 lb officer take down someone who was about 2-3 times his muscle mass b/c he knew how to wrestle and redirect force. Besides, the really buff guys around this region are more likely to beat their significant others almost to death. I know it's not true in other regions, but here it is a sad fact.

I would love to see if there was any sort of way that you could prove to her parents that you could protect her. Then again, if the excuse of you "not being able to protect her" was fake, then they may see you take down 50 ninja's or so and make up the excuse that they're afraid that you would hurt her. Life is about risk. After all, they let her go to school by herself right? They're not holding her hand as she walks across the street right? If they can trust her to protect herself in the real world, then wouldn't it be better odds having you added to her protection rather than her being alone in the fight? I'm sorry, but this is suppose to be a world of equality, not a world where parents force a guy into becoming the girl's knight in shining armor. You should be her boyfriend, not her bodyguard. If you can help protect her from the baddies in society, then you are very noble, but to not accept someone b/c they think that you can't protect her is just wrong.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by McCloud

...what would you do? My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me for that exact reason. Her family is very close-knit, and her parents stated rather clearly that they would never accept me into the family. It was literally a choice of "them or me". There were a couple of other small issues, but we discussed those and mutually agreed they could have been resolved/were in the process of being resolved. We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

So my question is, if your parents forced you to choose between your blood or the person you were in love with, which would you choose?

EDIT: Mind you, I'm not going to knock anyone's opinions, or use this to say to her "Look, see?" It's just something I'm curious about. Gauging opinion.

Interesting, I had the EXACT same problem a couple of years ago... But in the end I would choose my lover over my parents. My family is really close to me and I take their advice 90% of the time. But thay aren't always right. Besides, taking a little risk is always fun.... well, in the end.

Luckily, I got over her, and everything has moved on.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.