I found a girl - there is a god! Or not?

Originally Posted by LeHah

People that are players do not make posts on GFF asking how to get a girl.

I guess I posted cause this is the first girl I think I might have feeling for ever since I broke up with my 2 year relationship ex. nearly 1.5 years ago. So it's all new feeling.

In that 1.5 years I probably went through 5 other girls, all wanting a relationship, so it really gave me the upper hand.

But this is the first "challenege" in a long while, and I might actually be looking for something out of this one.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by rocketdog

I guess I posted cause this is the first girl I think I might have feeling for ever since I broke up with my 2 year relationship ex. nearly 1.5 years ago. So it's all new feeling.

If you tell me I wouldn't know her because she lives in another state, I'm going to slap you upside your head.

I don't know. Something about this is doesn't sit right. First you say you're a player, then you say you had a two year relationship that almost ended two years ago. If all this is true - why are you asking for advice?

How ya doing, buddy?

It's a story that travels along the lines of:

1. nice kid gets heart broken by 2 year relationship
2. becomes real sad and builds up emotional barriers
3. i've always been a decent looking kid, so i start to abuse my charm to reel in other girls thus hurting several of them cause once i realize i have "power" i just let them go. all this occurs while i still have my ex in mind.

4. i finally get over my ex girlfriend, and now this girl comes into the pictre
5. i can't seem to win her over easy since she has about the same relationship experience as I do. She knows she is good looking, and abuses her cuteness, and that stirs confusion in me since I think I might really like this girl, but I wonder if it's worth it or i'm just being played.

5a. I've personally never been played before.

6. thus I come to the board to see if anyone has dealt with simliar situations or has the same ideas as I do.

that's about it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I... can actually relate a little bit more after reading that, rocketdog. And you're in a slightly tough situation - you've used your charm to "win her over" like you did with the other girls, except you've invested more of yourself in this particular relationship because it's the first time you've felt truly free to, since your ex.

In my mind, there would be a couple good ways to approach this. One is to simply show her, without trying to prove to her, that you are in control and you know you're worth her time. Don't fall into the trap of seeking approval from her, or giving her approval when she seems to be seeking it.
The other option, which is easily combined with the first, is to tell her, "Look, we know neither of us needs the other. That's a really, really good thing. We're two complete people, we don't complete each other. We enhance the experience for each other, but we won't be crippled if one of us leaves. This is worth spending time on. Reputations aside, we got something different here, so let's enjoy it while we can."

I was speaking idiomatically.

Woah, that just changed the whole situation completely!

With this new info, I'm guessing you're attracted to her because she's a challenge. She gives as good as she gets, and so on.

I don't think you really need any advice though. Seeing as you already know how to build up a relationship, you shouldn't have any trouble with this girl, no matter how much experience she has or whatever. Don't change your game plan--don't tell her she's "special", don't tell her you want to get married, and for God's sake don't write a song and name it after her. Just do the same thing you always do that you know works with girls.

Of course, that's assuming you're not just lying... No offense, but it wouldn't be the first time a person's bullshitting about his conquests on the internet. If you ask me why you (or anyone) would do that, I don't know, so that's why I assumed you're not lying. But I can't really ignore the possiblity either--like LeHah said, something doesn't sit right.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well, things were going nice... Lot of lust between us for a few days - we almost had sex...

Then I asked her to date me (cause she was still kind of hooking up with her ex I wanted her to myself, you know)

And she inverted. Went cold, passion went dry.

Fuckin' bitch! Knew that was coming. God damnit.

FELIPE NO

Ooh. Yeah. I know you know exactly what went wrong... girls like that aren't that easily tamed my friend.

Well, all I can say is, do what you were doing. Make her want you to be with her. I won't reiterate how, since everyone has already said it in this thread. Heck, go out and have some fun with some other girls, too - yes, I'm saying you should just go find another girl or three. It's fun, trust me.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by rocketdog

Well, things were going nice... Lot of lust between us for a few days - we almost had sex...

Then I asked her to date me (cause she was still kind of hooking up with her ex I wanted her to myself, you know)

And she inverted. Went cold, passion went dry.

Fuckin' bitch! Knew that was coming. God damnit.

You got played, son.

Do you really think you're going to be able to maintain a relationship with this girl. Why don't you pay heed to what everyone is telling you?

Seriously. This girl neither IS relationship material nor WANTS to be relationship material. Unless you want a silly little fling (which is fine too), you're not getting much out of her. Don't say you weren't warned. =/

And no offense, but it doesn't sound like she's got all her marbles, either.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Best I can come up with: Make your move, expect her to move on quickly. It sounds like this is someone you've thought of becoming attached to, but my advice is don't. Just keep it on a dating level.

Young women, much like young men, aren't typically into long-term relationships. So, this seems like a typical experience to me. Not saying devalue their humanity, but fuck it, get the ass while you can and don't be surprised when she moves on.

If you go into a situation where you're dating people expecting to find some like incredible love-of-your-life relationship, you're going to be disappointed continually. I say, have fun, play the field, get some ass, but try not to get attached. If you find one that keeps coming back, that's when you should start thinking about a relationship.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Duo Maxwell

If you go into a situation where you're dating people expecting to find some like incredible love-of-your-life relationship, you're going to be disappointed continually.

I think this is the key in my situation. I'm always thinking long term.
Damnit.

How ya doing, buddy?

I'd agree. I was reading an interview about dating, I forget with whom, but the man being interviewed said that "guys tend to rush into things, they have their sights set on some goal way out here, and so they kind of stumble over the things that should come first, which potentially ruins it for them. The biggest thing is to take it one step at a time - from establishing contact with a woman, to meeting her, to getting her phone number, to going on a date, to cuddling, to the first kiss, to making out..." and goes on to name a few more things that have to do with physicality that I won't mention specifically.

The way he describes it is as bridges. Suppose you're on an island, each island connected by a bridge to the other, forming a long chain. Suppose each island has on it an item of some sort that will allow you to cross the bridge connected to it. To get to the last island, which is where you want to be, you have to concentrate on getting to the one just in front of you, and then the one after that once you've succeeded in crossing that particular bridge.

Sure you can sometimes go from "establish contact with a woman" to "kissing" if she's just that ready for it... but more often than not, you have to take at least a couple other steps first.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?