[Classic] Manhogan Fantasy V: Because CHz really, really hates himself

I take it when you get to change jobs you change everyone to the new job, right? Last night I got as far as finishing the ship graveyard and being about to go and bag me a dragon with no discernible issues from having all knights.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Heads up to folks who are running this on their own with dice or ChocoDecide: the fire crystal jobs are unlocked in two groups, so if you roll when they're first available, you'll be limited to 3/5 of the possible jobs. When you roll, this is the full list you should use: Beastmaster, Geomancer, Ninja, Ranger, Bard. If the job you roll isn't immediately available, just wait and it will be.

I really recommend using the full list, because the Ranger has one of the most broken abilities in the entire game.

Originally Posted by Fluffykitten McGrundlepuss

I take it when you get to change jobs you change everyone to the new job, right? Last night I got as far as finishing the ship graveyard and being about to go and bag me a dragon with no discernible issues from having all knights.

Your party has to include at least one of every job you've unlocked, in addition to only being made up of jobs you've unlocked. So when you unlock the second job, your choices are 3 of one and 1 of the other or 2 of both.

You're also allowed to switch your mens's jobs, if you want to mix abilities. Characters don't have to be in the same job permanently as long as you meet the job constraints on the party at all times. (Skills and I are pretty much going to have to do this with our runs. D:)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Oh shit, a little late start due to some shit this week but IT'S MANHOGAN TIME.


ALRIGHT LETS DO THIS


Hmmm....too boring. Too...default. Can't go with that.


B...u...no, wait. CHz already took that.


Nah, it won't even fit right.


Hmm...

WAIT.

I GOT IT



YES





ALREADY PAYING DIVIDENDS



Shit is gonna get real SUPER QUICK so I gotta make sure I grab this straight off the hop.



Yup. Still awesome.



Time to leave my beloved friend here for approximately a year and a half, and not give a flying fuck about his feathered ass for quite a while. Shits given: 0. Fartz is such an asshole.



Pssssh. Behold the only chance I'll get for hours to hold a damn sword!



Horray a....stick. I'm sure this'll be...use...ful...

...

...

Dammit.



Welp, away we go! Bandana hobo force 5, forward unto the breach!



Crash, you asshole.



By the way Stella, I was mega fucking drunk when I named this kid. Why did you let me do that?



Air pollution, at this rate.



"Awwww, nothin'. NOTHIN AT ALL"



You never know how many secret liquid concoctions you'll have to swig down when all you've got for defense is a sweat stained bandana and two knuckle sandwiches.

I wonder what the local gossip is saying? In a town of....like twentyish people, they might be weirded out by the fact that a bunch of burly sailors showed up and sta...



Nope, I guess it's METEORITE SEASON. Good to know. Imma keep my eyes on the skies going forward, this shit comes around every year. Boulders the size of apartment buildings just rain down around here. No biggy. Whatever. I've got insurance, it'll cover it.



...



...

I WONDER WHY THAT IS



Oh.



WELP FUCK I IMMEDIATELY REGRET THAT DECISION



Every little bit helps, I guess?



...well, this isn't going to take 15 minutes or anything.



GO, ONE PERSON WITH EFFECTIVE WEAPON



HORRAY



I will make living quarters out of your carapace.



Or I can take a nap in a sinking boat, that works too.



Hey, this guy drops something of value. TOO BAD YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT.



Flee will be pretty useful when random encounters start shitting themselves, which isn't far out.



This money's just a little soggy. It's still good. It's still good.



Mindflusher rare spawn. Drops nothing of value and I think you steal a potion from it. Unfortunate!



I am, however, extremely fortunate from a later battle. This'll come in handy down the road somewhat.



Ok, time for CHZ pant shitting.



Oh no, we're doomed. SO FUC....



...KE...



...oh. That's right. I've played video games before and know how they work. Nevermind!



That was easy. (Last minute ultra crit in the testicles to drop Fartz though)



HORRAY. SO USEFUL...



So I ate through 15 or 16 potions in that battle. Shits given: 0.



Oh thank GOD. Finally something other than PUNCHING.



The one bonus out of all of this is that thief equipment is CHEAP AS FUCK. Probably because it's SHITTY AS FUCK but hey, what can you do. Small blessings.



Not sure why I'm doing this because I'll never get to use it but HEY WHATEVER



I...erm. Hmm. Good to...know. I think.



At least I get to live up to my job class and jack this dude's register float.



Of which precisely zero shits are given. Hey man, she's a bitch. I get it.



Hey, this isn't convenient knowledge or anything. Thanks kid. Grade 5 science class is useful for something. Now only if I could use shit like that!



Oh. Right.



Welp. FORWARD ONCE MORE.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I beat Shiva fairly convincingly at level 14 but used quite a few potions in the process. Didn't realise it was an optional boss.

I should mention also that I killed Magisa before she had a chance to summon Forza

I should also mention that I called my hero Fartz too.

Additional Spam:
Escaped the castle with 12 seconds to spare, having got pretty much all the treasure. Was touch and go for a bit, one of my berzerkers missed Iron Claw with his last attack and I thought I was going to run out of time at that point.

Chocodecide says Ninja!

I was speaking idiomatically.

With four Mythril Knives, this fight was pretty uneventful. His sap counter got pretty annoying, but attack + potions + an Elven Mantle got the job done.





Gonna try 2 Berserkers and 2 Thieves and see how that goes. I may switch it up situationally, but it sounds good for now.

Thief's final job ability, Artful Dodger (agility up), is pretty much the only ability I have available that's useful for other classes. Unfortunately, it requires a million ability points, so there may be hella grinding in the future.

I want to slap it on my final Berserker at the very least, because Berserkers are dreadfully slow. Butz is probably going to be my Berserker because he has the highest strength stat, so I'm leaving him in Thief until he gets that skill.

We now return you to your usually-scheduled programming of me losing to bosses.





FUCK





Karnak is the first town in the game with useful equipment. Gotta get those axes for my Be—





Oh god damn it. What do we look like, a bunch of thieves?

Waaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit





HAHAHA EAT A DICK

It took a level 13 party and gear from Karnak but I finally completed this almost completely pointless exercise. I get a summon, which I can't use, and a Frost Rod, which I can't use. However, I can sell the Frost Rod for 9 3/8 potions, so in a technical sense it's not worthless.







So this boss you would normally spam ice magic, ice rods, or Shiva on. You know, if you were playing sanely. Two characters using potions wasn't enough to keep up with the amount of magic damage this guy deals, especially since he counters all attacks, so I wiped pretty hard.

It turns out that hi-potions are stealable from the Poltergeist enemies in the dungeon, and they spawn with 100% certainty in the room before the save point. So I grabbed about 25 of those, leveling up once in the process, and tried again. It was still challenging even being able to recover 500 HP, and Lenna died once, but I hung in there until it tried to counter and this happened:



HAHAHA EAT A DICK

Victory came pretty quickly after that.





I tried the castle escape sequence twice, because I wanted to prove you could get every single chest with a Thief + Berserker party. 2 Berserkers couldn't deal damage quickly enough to make it through all the encounters, so I died with two treasure chests and the final battle left. 3 Berserkers worked brilliantly though, and the Thief with the Thief Gloves let me loot elixirs off the Gigases and Mage Mashers off the Sorcerers. I have 18 elixirs now, this is pretty incredible.





FUCKING GEOMANCER GO AWAY

I DON'T WANT YOU

NO ONE WANTS YOU

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

With Fartz and Faris as berzerkers with two-handed, Lenna as a ninja with guard and Galuf as a knight with cover, I'm having no problems doing damage but healing is a real issue. Until I can tap into a good source of hi-potions, normal potions are woefully under-powered and each boss fight is a case of hammering away and hoping the bad guy dies before the party does. The berzerkers are doing about 700 damage per hit to most monsters and with a main gauche and moonring blade, my ninja is doing about 600 but any status ailments do my team no favours at all.



Yay.



Balls. This fight also represents the first time in my playthrough that any of my team have dropped below full mp, when he used magic hammer on us...

How ya doing, buddy?

Killed him on the second try, mainly by throwing fire scrolls at him that I bagged in the ship graveyard which hit for well over a thousand damage each.

A bit of talking later and we set sail for fun, and apparently dancing.



Rather than take the obvious route to the crescent island, we do some sight seeing and meet this chap.



He clearly needs to drop his track or leave forever.

Then a subtle clue.





Challenge accepted.



Nice robe, granddad.



VICTOLY!

Actually he was easier than I anticipated, especially after getting my arse handed to me by a bunch of mini-dragons while I was looking for him. Leaving the two 'Zerkers to plug away while the ninja and knight spam potions seems to be a pretty winning tactic, although god damn do we get through some potions.

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Hi-potions aren't available in shops until [GAMECHANGING PLOT EVENT] which is still quite a few bosses away, so you're pretty much hosed on the healing front. There's a single enemy that drops hi-potions, so if you need them I'd start getting really chummy with the bestiary, or checking FAQs if you're that kind of person. I don't think you've reached the place where it spawns yet.

Thief continues to pay off in unexpected ways!

(... while doing the opposite of paying off in completely expected ways. )

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Gonna start my data tonight. My body is not ready. My mind is not ready. Updates to follow...

Level 14 and just got the dragon. Thank god I can speed up the game and do some power leveling. Holy shit having a team of thieves bites...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS GAME.



OH WELL LET'S GO.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

You don't know anything about god damn sprite filters more like.

what the actual fuck

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Ifrit's Blaze attack is pretty nasty, but luckily my Berserkers were capable of dealing enough damage that I wasted him before HP because a serious issue.





22:23 <@CHz> Okay this Protect counter is getting pretty old
22:24 <@CHz> Geomancer is SURPRISINGLY USEFUL in this fight because Gaia has a magic fire attack
22:26 <@CHz> No don't cast Dischord on my Berserkers ;_;
22:27 <@CHz> lawl magic hammer mp halved
22:27 <@CHz> JOKE'S ON YOU
22:28 <@CHz> OH GOD HE'S COUNTERING EVERY ATTACK WITH DRAIN
22:29 <@CHz> Wow I think I really lucked out on getting that done on my first try.

So that could've gone a lot worse.





Ramuh was actually totally easy with all these hi-potions I've got. Beating up old men in forests is my party's specialty.



When you beat Shiva and Ifrit, you get them as summons immediately. However, Ramuh drops an item, which you then use to get the summon. Since I can't use summons:



DISREGARD RAMUH, ACQUIRE POTIONS

(if only this worked )





THIS IS GONNA SUCK WITH TWO BERSERKERS



I WAS RI—NO WAIT WHAT

So the reason this fight is awful is that Sandworm switches between the holes randomly, and if you attack a hole, he counters with the nasty attack Gravity. I went into this fight with two Berserkers, who pick targets randomly and therefore have a 2/3 chance of missing and triggering Gravity. This is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

I went in with the two Berserker party mostly for hilarity purposes; I fully expected to wipe immediately, get a game over picture to post, and then come back with a real strategy. The strategy was probably going to involve moving to 2 Thieves + 1 Geomancer + 1 Berserker, KILLING the Berserker before the battle so its random attacks didn't fuck me over, and having one of the Thieves attack from the back row with the Moonring Blade while everyone else kept the party HP up.

Buuuuuuuuut, it turns out I had enough hi-potions and phoenix downs on hand to beat this fight with two Berserkers. Between this and that Byblos fight, I've clearly drained all the luck from the world and used it for this FFV session. Wish I didn't have to stop here, 'cuz I'm pretty sure I could take down Exdeath right fucking now.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Hate these things.



Hate pretty much everything about this dungeon.



Hate switch puzzle.



This guy's basically cake, though, after a couple of hairy rounds where he just keeps spitefully murdering Faris in particular over and over. Also, pulling my mages out of the back row, which is just petty.



What's that, fire crystal? You want ninjas? Well, okay. You're a good friend, fire crystal.



Pointless...



Yet oddly satisfying.



FULL TILT ALL DRAIN ERRYDAY OFF THE RAILS

Additional Spam:


oh right I have this flame scroll and two throwin' shit specialists problem solved

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Damn, you fools are plowing through the game. Gotta catch up. Great to see people's screen caps and commentary. I'm too lazy but I'll try to grab some shots when I play next.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Hyde, I'm still parked outside the wind shrine. Basically I'm torn between doing this and exploiting the fuck out of Animal Crossing right now. Gonna have to find a balance. Perhaps do Animal Crossing until like 9-10ish and then stream more FFV after that. Also, I should think about using a better microphone. Can't guarantee I won't be coughing my brains out still at times. I really wish it would go away.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

IT'S TIME FOR MORE MANHOGAN

Let's Play some viderogams 'n' stuff

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Maaaan, but I'm doing FF9 right nowwwwwwww....

I'll just visit this thread regularly for the funny commentary and spoilers (yes I have not beaten this game yet).

How ya doing, buddy?

Yup so it took me four hours but I got to the water crystal - which then shattered and sank Texas.



Okay ChocoDecide what's it gonna be?

pressing that beautiful button~:

Time to be incredibly sexist then...



Magical bitches! Aw yeah!

Here's last night's 4 hour stream. Feel free to watch it all if you hate yourself and/or you're CHz. Also fuck you Skills like I beat Garula literally a minute after you left. Do you think I enjoy over-leveling and grinding because I can't figure out a boss repeatedly. I mad that you mad, bro.

YouTube Video

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Originally Posted by FUCK MOUNTAIN

I'm gonna need to buy a shitload of Ethers.

You can buy mine off me, I have no use for them and chocodecide will probably find it hilarious to give me another melee character as and when I get to that point.

I was speaking idiomatically.

22:38 <+Dullenplain> so apparently people can trade items in the new FFV?
22:39 <@CHz> Nope.
22:39 <+Garr> That was just Shin bein a weiner
22:39 <+Garr> being*
22:39 <+Garr> I NEED ETHERS
22:39 <+Garr> or I guess just a shitload of tents and/or cottages
22:40 <@CHz> That would be some hilarious social shit.
22:40 <@CHz> FFV on Facebook
22:40 <@CHz> "Garr has sent you five ethers!"
22:41 <@CHz> You can only get in 25 random battles a day, unless you buy tokens.
22:41 <+Garr> fffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
22:41 <+Tritoch> And every job costs $10
22:41 <+Tritoch> Berserker is free
22:41 <+Garr> AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
22:42 <@CHz> $10 to give someone an additional ability slot.
22:42 <+Garr> That would be amazing if four berserkers was a viable party.
22:42 <+Tritoch> Starting inventory space of 15 items
22:42 <+Tritoch> $5 per additional 2 items
22:43 <+Garr> Well, they made a game where you pay to rub your tablet so I could actually legit see this happening
22:43 <@CHz> All the legendary weapon dungeons are DLC.
22:44 <+Tritoch> For $12 you can get FFTA costume versions of the jobs
22:44 <+Tritoch> Because fuck it, FFTA sprites must be in all Square games now

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OH MAN IT'S MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD I TOTALLY FORGOT I GOT ANOTHER CHANCE TO COME BACK HERE





BRING IT ON ASSHOLES





EATING HI-POTIONS LIKE CANDY THIS GUY AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME





GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY, DOES HE HAVE 99 HI-POTIONS I DON'T THINK SO

Even on a normal FFV run, Cray Claw and Adamantoise are clownshoes after Byblos and Sandworm. I didn't even need to grind all those hi-potions; I had 4 after the Sandworm fight, and I used 4 across BOTH of them.

I'll tell you what I needed those hi-potions for, though.







This motherfucker right here. I've been dreading the Soul Cannon fight since I started this run, since without white magic or lightning magic this guy is a tremendous maelstrom of fuck.

The main problem with this heap of crap is that the two Launcher enemies inflict the Old status, which slowly lowers the inflicted character's level to 1 and reduces their damage output accordingly. The only ways to cure Old are to use the spell Esuna, or to kill and revive them. However, curing Old only prevents further level reduction; the accrued level drop remains until the end of the battle.

As an example of how Old works in this fight, my Berserkers were only doing 174 COMBINED damage by the end of this wipe. Soul Cannon has somewhere around 12,500 HP. So when all your damage dealers get Olded, the battle turns into a mathematical equation: do you have enough healing items to survive the 70 rounds of whittling? 82 hi-potions and 40 elixirs weren't enough.

I could've tried the dumb luck method of restarting if I didn't manage to kill the Launchers before both of my Berserkers got Olded, but I don't have time for that. PLAN B





STEP 1: SELL EVERYTHING. (Sorry Garr, I'd give them to you if I could!)



STEP 2: BE THE FIRST PERSON ON EARTH EVER TO BUY AN ANGEL RING FROM ISTORY.



STEP 3: BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOUL CANNON WITH AN OLD-PROOF BERSERKER.

Fucking Soul Cannon, I hate that fucking guy. Almost as much as I hate Geomancers. Their only Gaia attack completely bounces off both Soul Cannon and the Launchers.

Useless pieces of shit.

FELIPE NO

FinalFantasyBalls 2, The Search for Hi-Potions begins!

Quick bestiary check reveals these little fellas:



Who can currently kill one of my characters in a couple of hits more or less, yay. Luckily they hang out with these fellas:



Who drop a lightning scroll, ideal for killing the Corbetts.

45 minutes of double speed farming later, I have amassed a sum total of one hi-potion...

I have got 45 lightning scrolls though, have gone up a level and got enough cash together for that ring CHz found so handy, actual yay!

Bored of farming, we head out for the crescent isle, I think everyone knows what comes next



Goodbye boat, you were like a boat to me

New town though, let's go shopping!



Why do I even go into these shops?



Nope



FUCK YOU SHOPPING EXPERIENCE



Oh hai.

Let's go exploring! Found Fartz' hood, it's boring



Bored now



FUCK YOU EXPOSITION TOWN



Doubt it...



Fluked it first time. Buying a water scroll at Exposition Town certainly helped, as did the Berserkers actually aiming right a lot of the time. I reckon I missed some treasure in the desert because I managed to take the path to the exit first time and couldn't be arsed to go back in.



Convenient beds are convenient.

Glad I ran around solving that puzzle to earn the Mini spell!

i'm currently getting on the airship...

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Ugh, it's been a pain with thieves. Let's hope I roll something better for the water crystal.



Oh my fucking god. DAMMIT. Jesus. FUCK!

Ok, that's cool. Let's go with it.



Cool story. Let's hope I don't run into one.



Of course if you tell me not to go to the basement, I'm going to go there. Ugh....reset.

----
Hours later
----

Ok, finally got through that stupid fire ship with my thieves and beserkers. Finally, I can get a new job.

Let's see what I get.



NICE! I scored a Ranger. Still wish I had a magic user. Let me go and switch someone's job...



Dude, wtf. Where is ranger? This is weird. Let me check online.





fffFFFFffffffFFFfffffff



/ragequit

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Suddenly, all that time failing to get hi-potions doesn't seem such a waste as two ninjas hurling lightning scrolls takes care of the next few fights in quick succession. Also, Faris looks way cooler as a ninja than Lenna, why did nobody tell me this?



Let's do this.



Throwing lightning scrolls and a coral sword make this a very easy fight.

There's nowhere I can't reach.