[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Waking up, after having been knocked tha fuck out, I had little idea what was going on. The room was spinning. Or perhaps the people in it were spinning and the room was stationary. On the contrary, it was probably me who was twisting around foolishly. I stumbled back, as there were too many unfriendly faces in my proximity, and leaned against a wall, and tried to recoup myself as well as I could.

Stand from Prone
Move in front of Bob
Healing surge

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

As the battered rogue flees to the relative safety of the hall, weapons swing at his retreating back. With uncanny luck, Fescue dodges them all and leans on the wall alongside the wizard, trying to catch his breath.

-4 HP + Lay On Hands (6 HP) + Second Wind (6 HP) = Fescue's HP: 8

The halfling circles around to flank the paladin, but her daggers are useless against his defensive posture.



I was speaking idiomatically.

Motsognir was still irked by his kinsman's decision to save the human, but now that the rogue was back on his feet, there was no sense in him staying weak. "Stop... being such a dick!" Motsognir shouted to him, hoping the words would lend some inspiration. With that, the dwarf leaped forward, striking at the elf with his axe.

Inspiring Words to Fescue
One Square East
Bastion of Defence on Elf

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Heartened by someone openly acknowledging his dickery, Fescue begins to perk up. And when an elf gets badly injured, heck; that's entertaining for everybody.

18 damage. All party members gain 5 temporary HP and a temporary bonus to all defenses

Understandably upset by having his liver perforated, the elf turns his attention to Motsognir. Drawing a short sword with his free hand, he slashes at the dwarf with both blades in a fast scissoring motion. The result (while somewhat injurious) is not especially impressive.

8 damage.

Fescue's HP: 20 (including temp HP)
Motsognir's HP: 22 (including temp HP)



FELIPE NO

Argumentus could no longer stand the smug disposition of his fellow human, issuing forth a terrible challenge:

"Hey you preetee boy you dummer than me I think?"

Argumentus begins a Passing Attack by striking wolf

Argumentus shifts one square southeast

Argumentus finishes Passing Attack on Human

Argumentus marks human

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Argumentus manages to graze the wolf, but his follow-through to the human enemy is dodged. Still, he gets the man's attention.

5 damage to wolf, human is marked

The dwarf sidles toward the far door, hoping to save his neck.



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What had at first seemed like a battle we were doomed to lose seemed to now be swinging in our favour. The two dwarves and the big human had formed an effective defensive line and were methodically battering away at the enemies. It reminded me of the little get togethers one of my old school friends had invited me to which they called Combat Club, wherein young elves could relieve the tedium of their daily live by engaging each other in friendly fights. Were it not for the strict rules governing the discussion of Combat Club, I'd have been tempted to invite the horde along next time I went.

Not wishing to sacrifice my commanding, tactical position, I targetted the enemy I could see most clearly. A small human, almost child-like in stature who had lost some teeth and was now flailing ineffectually at the camp dwarf. I was tempted to hurl a ball of acid at it, if only to watch the expression on it's face as it dissolved but I did not wish to risk any needless injury to my companions so I instead fell back on old faithful, my frost ray, sending a stream of utter cold streaking towards the diminutive foe. As the beam hit home, I added insult to injury by performing a couple of squat thrusts in the creature's direction accompanied by a vigourous shaking of my fist.

Ray of Frost at halfling, followed by taunt

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The Ray of Frost flies well over the halfling's head, resulting in a burst of derisive laughter that ends abruptly with another bicuspid tumbling onto the floor.

The other thing doesn't even happen because it's a standard action and also because you broke the first rule of Combat Club

New round: Argumentus, Dwarf, Gabriel, Fescue, Human, Wolf, Elf, Halfling, Bob, Motsognir

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Argumentus strikes Human cleaving into Elf

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Taking a wide swing, Argumentus' improvised club knocks the wind out of the enemy human and grazes the wolf as well.

12 damage to human, 4 damage to wolf

The dwarf tries the door, but cannot budge it. Preparing for the worst, he crouches behind his hammer pathetically.

Dwarf engages in Total Defense

I was speaking idiomatically.

The dwarf tightened his grip on the hammer, quickly deflecting the halfling's paltry attack. Looking around he found himself surrounded by enemies on four sides. He grinned broadly and spat a rather uncouth phrase in elvish, the only phrase he knew, towards the dual wielding warrior. Something about how his mother had mated with a dandelion. He then quickly lashed out at the elf with his hammer, aiming at his legs before shuffling backwards to press his back to the wall, clutching the holy symbol to his chest and feeling the rush of Kord's favour pulse through his body.

Valiant Strike
Shuffle backwards against wall
Lay Hands: Self

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Taken aback by the foul things you said about his parentage, the elf is completely unprepared for the agonizing things suddenly being done to his knees.

7 damage, elf is bloodied

As you commune with your god, the will of Kord fills you with strength.

Gabriels' HP: 29 (8 surges left)



FELIPE NO

Feeling much better, but not quite ready to directly reengage the enemy, I selfishly took aim with my arrows at the human who had knocked me upside my head.

Sheath sword and draw crossbow.
Load crossbow.
Easy Target at Human.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The bolt thumps solidly into the maceman's leather-clad shoulder, and while it doesn't seem to slow him down much the fletching makes him easy to spot in the fray.

5 damage, Fescue gains combat advantage against the maceman

The mace-wielding human thumps Argumentus heavily about the head, but Argumentus is utterly unharmed by the assault on this unimportant part of his body. The crown, however, gets somewhat dinged up.

The wolf strikes Argumentus behind the knees, knocking him off balance and sending him sprawling painfully into the floor.

8 damage, Argumentus is bloodied and knocked prone

The elven swordsman's face twists into a hateful grimace, and he stalks after the paladin. Blinded by fury, his murderous blade meets nothing but the cold iron of Gabriel's left pauldron.

Kyra slashes at Motsognir again, shuffling back after the collision with his shield nearly jars the dagger from her hand.

Argumentus' HP: 12



Jam it back in, in the dark.

Having not quite had time for it a minute ago, I now performed a series of squat thrusts and shook my fist in anger at the halfling.

Taunt halfling

There's nowhere I can't reach.

"Hey, bigg'un, uh... chipper up!" The majestic words soared like angels to the ears of the human.

Inspiring Words to Argumentus
Viper's Strike on Elf

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Though Scary Bob writhes and gesticulates like mad, the halfling spares him no more attention than a glance.

Bluff check fails vs. Kyra's Insight check

Once again reassuring the prone fighter, Motsognir hacks savagely into the elf.

10 damage to elf. Argumentus' HP to 26 (13 surges left)

New round: Elf, Dwarf, Halfling, Motsognir, Human, Wolf, Bob, Gabriel, Argumentus, Fescue

Bleeding heavily and with enemies on three sides, the elf sees little hope of escape. With a defiant shout, he cuts into Motsognir.

12 damage, Motsognir is bloodied (5 HP)

Seeing that he's being ignored, Hieronymus steals back across the room to flank Argumentus. He heaves his warhammer into the air and drives it down into the floor next to the fighter's head, throwing up chips of stone.

Frustrated with the uselessness of her daggers, Kyra runs forward to pick up Heironymus' discarded crossbow.



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Heartened by the massive damage he had inflicted on the elf, Motsognir pulls himself back from his enemy's attack and swings what he hopes is a killing blow.

Second Wind
Viper's Strike on Elf

I was speaking idiomatically.

The axe breezes through the weakened elf's defenses, chopping deeply into the neck. The elf's eyes roll up, and he collapses to the floor.

10 damage, elf killed. Motsognir's HP: 11 (7 surges left)

The human maceman continues to harmlessly batter at Argumentus' armor.

The wolf turns its attention to Gabriel, biting into a mail-clad arm and driving the links into the Paladin's flesh.

7 damage



What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The fight apeared to be going well, the horde were proving to be quite an efficient combat force. Fearing I would only get in the way were I to jump in now, I instead worked my way back down the corridor, checking the walls for secret doors. Who knows, we might have missed a really obvious way out of this dungeon?

Move back to the West, looking for secret doors.

FELIPE NO

Argumentus stands up from prone

Argumentus strikes human cleaving into Hieronymus

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The dwarf looked down at his arm where the wolf had sunk its teeth in and he scowled. He didn't like things that bit him. It reminded him of his harpy of an ex-wife. With her constant nagging at him to stop drinking so much ale, and to engage in battle less in order to have more time for cuddles.

BUT GABRIEL SLEDGEHAMMER IS NOT A CUDDLER.

"I AM NOT A CUDDLER!" he roared, and promptly attempted to pin the wolf between his hammer and the wall. The strike finished he turned around and slapped Motsongir on the shoulder, shaking him as he grinned.

"My god, but I do love a good bit of the ol' ultra violence, don't you?"

Bolstering Strike on Wolf
Lay hands on Mots (no homo)

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Bob doesn't find anything interesting in the six seconds of searching he manages to do.

Gabriel's hammer smacks the wolf square in the ribs, but the animal manages to scramble out from between the weapon and the wall.

6 damage, gain 2 temp. HP. Motsognir's HP 22

Argumentus' club smashes through the maceman's left arm, , brushing the now-useless appendage aside and finishing its trajectory atop the already-bruised skull of Hieronymus.

10 damage to human (bloodied), 4 damage to dwarf

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Knowing I was capable, and not able to resist the chance to finish off a foe, I reloaded my bow and aimed it straight at the mouth of that wildly swinging maceman. I thought he would look fancy if he died in such a fashion.

Reload crossbow.
Sky Flourish at maceman.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Whoosh

New round: Bob 24, Human 23, Argumentus 22, Fescue 20, Wolf 18, Halfling 17, Dwarf 6, Gabriel 5, Motsognir 3

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?