Listen to me, dammit!

Originally Posted by FallDragon

Don't have it be trivial bitching though. Then people will just think you're whiney. Best way I find to make friends is to be able to make jokes of anything and everything. Which is probably why I don't have many friends who are strongly religious <.<

Yep, I agree with this. Making jokes out of situations, scenarios and people puts people at ease with you, i have found. Unfortunately being serious about things puts people off most of the time.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Hmm, I had this problem long ago. That was when I'm unconsciously in need of caring and to be listened by others. And I did the same like you. Resulting a very bad output, I'm underestimated by others, I felt like the lowest wherever I went and I'm too aggresive when trying to be friendly with others.

Well, in short, I tried to understand myself, understanding my uniquness, and knowing why I'm unique than others. I'm sure you have certain uniqueness too, use them to make people like you! Everyone in the world is unique, so is you. There are things you couldn't do, but there are also things only you can do!

Try to listen them first, I'm sure there are lot people want to be listened. Maybe you should to become a good listener? Some of my friends are liked by others because in fact, they are willingly listening to other people's trouble.

I'm sure you could make good friend that way. At least that works for me.

Oh, count me as your friend if you don't mind.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Quote:

Posted by eriol
Try to listen them first, I'm sure there are lot people want to be listened. Maybe you should to become a good listener? Some of my friends are liked by others because in fact, they are willingly listening to other people's trouble.

Oh, no worries there. I'm already a good listener. I'm kind of surprised how easily people will open up to me.

It is a wholly unfulfilling position. Nobody ever reciprocates - because obivously nobody cares about my issues. They brush me off like some tiresome whiner and switch the subject back to themselves or to some other topic they'd rather talk about.

I wonder if it's less a problem of me asserting myself, and more a problem of there being almost nobody in the world I'm compatible with. "Unique" is not always an asset, when you really are unlike anybody else you meet. You have to have at least a few common points to get along with someone beyond the level of casual acquaintence, and even among hardcore nerds I'm markedly different.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yeah, having something in common really helps in making new friends. Actually our position is a bit similar after all >_>.

I don't know anything about new movies that's coming around, I don't know about any of current hot music in MTV, my knowledge in sport is almost zero, I never could talk anything about sport between my male friends. But still, even though I'm lack of these, people still likes me, or at least they still would listen what I would talk about.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

"Unique" is not always an asset, when you really are unlike anybody else you meet. You have to have at least a few common points to get along with someone beyond the level of casual acquaintence, and even among hardcore nerds I'm markedly different.

I think you should start thinking to be unique is beautiful. If we keep labelling ourselves "different", we may unconsciously make a gap between ourselves and people, and I think you should avoid that.

Not to mention, I had been called 'sissy' in my entire life. That made me thinking I was the most abnormal person in the world... and felt inferior to anyone else :/ And it was really hard to me to put aside these "I'm different" doctrines when I confronted new friends.

But look, I actually could pass these tough times. I'm sure you could do it too.

I was speaking idiomatically.

First up, if they talking over the top of you? Clear the throat, look them in the eye, raise your voice and talk over them. If they don’t back down, shut up or continue to raise their voice and not let you say your piece, chances are they are genuinely rude shitheads who NEVER will. You don’t socialise with these people, you avoid them. If you’re not in a position to do so, you tolerate them as best you can. Remind yourself you are NOT one of these people, because you’ve been patiently waiting your turn to speak, and it is ok to release your frustration at inconsiderate individuals. Once they get the message, you probably won’t have to do it so often.

Listening is never an unfulfilling experience, especially when people divulge their secrets to you. If they’re not, and it’s just boring mundane crap that you couldn’t care about, change the subject, or better still, let them do the hard work for you and bring up something you’re more interested in. Then perhaps you can engage in a more meaningful two way conversation.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Quote:

Posted by Pez
First up, if they talking over the top of you? Clear the throat, look them in the eye, raise your voice and talk over them. If they don’t back down, shut up or continue to raise their voice and not let you say your piece, chances are they are genuinely rude shitheads who NEVER will. You don’t socialise with these people, you avoid them. If you’re not in a position to do so, you tolerate them as best you can. Remind yourself you are NOT one of these people, because you’ve been patiently waiting your turn to speak, and it is ok to release your frustration at inconsiderate individuals. Once they get the message, you probably won’t have to do it so often.

Listening is never an unfulfilling experience, especially when people divulge their secrets to you. If they’re not, and it’s just boring mundane crap that you couldn’t care about, change the subject, or better still, let them do the hard work for you and bring up something you’re more interested in. Then perhaps you can engage in a more meaningful two way conversation.

I'm frequently told that I overgeneralize too much, but this is why. You have described everybody I've ever tried to talk to. We're not even talking about me going out and unconsciously seeking the wrong kinds of people for friendship, this is just everyone I encounter. The people at work are friendly, but generally don't seem to care what I have to say. People at school? Too busy talking amongst themselves. People in chat rooms? Overlook my comments.

Every time I try to change the subject, they change it back. It feels like I operate under different rules from everyone else - like there's some sort of unspoken agreement that my interests and opinions carry less weight than everyone else. Unique is a liability here, because nobody is 'unique' like I am - and that translates into incompatible interests. It doesn't matter what I have to say if the other person just wants to keep rambling on about World of Warcraft or J-Pop.

I'm harping on this point a lot, but that's because I keep getting the same generic advice back. Hell, even you guys aren't taking what I'm saying at face value. I realize it's ludicrous to say so, but I really do feel at odds with practically every single person I've ever tried to converse with. I can count the exceptions on one hand. Regular people, nerds, academics, people at work, it doesn't matter, they all behave identically. It's not in my head, and it's supremely frustrating when everyone else seems to think so.

FELIPE NO

i've had a bit of the problem myself, and i've managed to make it better by talking more and talking louder. Timing's also important i.e: if someone is reading and they're into their book, don't bother talking to them b/c u'll only get that annoying "what'd u say?" and u'd have to repeat everything u say.
sometimes tho it really seems that everyone around me is deaf and i find myself repeating what i said hundreds of times ^^;;

and what exactly do you talk to people about? there has to be ONE person that's interested in what you have to say. if people don't know what ur talking about, perhaps explaining would be a good idea. and don't force the topic change, just let the topics flow from one to another. or start a conversation yourself when there's a lull in the convo.

i have a friend that's also constantly talking about WoW, and since i don't play it, i don't respond much. But i do talk about RO quite a bit with him, but he doens't play RO at all. he actually refuses to play. So basically our conversations are of him talking about WoW and myself talking about RO. Completely different games, but it doen'st bother me much.

if you wanna be in control of the situation, then just...be in control. be a bit more assertive, watch what other people are doing in the conversation. Are they just nodding along, or are they actually giving input? If you see someone constantly at the center of attention, try to mimic what they're doing. Are they being loud? what kind of things are they saying?

one of my ex best friends used to constantly interrupt me, and that used to piss me off big time, and i told her about it, and she learned to shut up eventually. But sometimes she kept talking and if i was in the middle of saying something, i would continue talking just a little bit louder.

then again, there are a lot of assholes out there who couldn't care less about those around them, and there may be a chance that u'r stuck with a whole lot of them.

How ya doing, buddy?

How funny would it have been if everybody played devil's advocate by purposely not posting in this thread? Missed opportunity people...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Casual_Otaku

How funny would it have been if everybody played devil's advocate by purposely not posting in this thread? Missed opportunity people...

LOL that'd be evil...^^;;

Most amazing jew boots

Hmm. I don’t think you’ll get any specific advice unless you post an example conversation. You say you’re getting a lot of generic advice. I’d like to know, what have you done with all this? Have you tried to put any of it into practice? What difference has it made? If it didn’t work, what else did you try?

Maybe the best thing to do would be to forget everything you’ve seen and heard about communication. Don’t set any goals or endpoints, don’t think about trying to relax: strike up a conversation, enjoy the moment because no matter how bad things get, they are only going to improve…

Afterwards, review it (and any past unsuccessful efforts at communication) as a learning experience. Ask yourself what went wrong, and what can I do to change? Make an honest appraisal of your mistakes. For example, how did I initiate conversation? Was the timing appropriate? Was my clothing outlandish and weird? What was the topic and how could I have led into it better? Was my fly undone? etc… If you can’t think of at least one thing you could’ve done differently, you are not trying hard enough and things won’t change. Learn from any successful encounters too: if you can do it once, you’ll know how to do it again because success breeds further success.

Remember, you can waste your natural creative energies on conjuring scary scenarios about what might happen if you try something new and unusual; or making excuses like there being an ‘unspoken agreement’ against you and how everyone else is simply incompatible. Alternatively, you can apply your creativity in more constructive endeavours, such as working out how best to accomplishing what you want to achieve.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.