Confusing girl issue

EDIT: This is a long shitstorm. The last couple of paragraphs are what matter most I guess.

I was debating with myself if I should post this or not, but decided to go along with it. This might be long, but please bear with me.

I was looking at GFF threads and threads at another forum I go two revolving around various girl issues. I enjoy reading these sentimental threads. Well on one of them, involving how to ask a girl out, one of the guys said something along the lines of

Originally Posted by Divest

Just ask her on a date. Just make sure you make it clear it's a date so none of you waste time trying to figure out what it is when you're together. . .

or something like that. What I got from this, and I'm not sure if he said this, was "Want to go out on a date?" or something along those lines.

I was surprized when I heard that because I was thinking "Does that work? That doesn't work. But this guy usually seems to be so accurate. Yet, he might be being sarcastic." This guy was a very reputable member, and after reading more posts I realized he was serious. Still in disbelief, I decide to try it out.

At work (I work at Target and I'm a Cashier), I was luckily placed next to a girl whom I occasionally talk to. Not much, but occasionally, and I was also one of her Facebook friends. Thing is, this girl is attractive. From what I noticed, not just to me, but just generally attractive. Trying not to be a pessimist, but I think I'm a nerd. I've played MMORPGs in the past, play videogames, spend lots of time on the computer. You know, not your average jock. Anyway whenever I talk to her, she usually pays attention, contributes, smiles, laughs, et cetera. Basically the talks aren't bad. You know, bash how crappy the job can be and yadda.

Anyway after a while when I found an opening, she was telling me how she's going back to CT (different state) to return to college. I asked her something along the lines of "You're leaving on Sunday, right?" She says yeah, and I say "Want to go out on a date before you leave?" And she casually says "Sure. Do you have my number?" I tell her I don't, and she gives it to me. We talk a bit more after, not about the date, but just of other random crap, and we leave.

At first I'm happy. I'm like "Wow, did that just happen?" If you hadn't noticed, I'm not used to asking out girls. I've tried maybe a few times in the past couple of years, and dated one or two as well, though that was only because I knew them in pretty forced situations. This girl, although a co-worker, wasn't as forced since we both work at random times and random places, so it's never definate we'd see eachother. Anyway, I'm happy at first. Then I begin to think "Wait, I'm just some random guy. She's an attractive girl. People like me aren't supposed to get such attractive girls when we know so little about eachother" and related. I know one date doesn't mean boyfriend-girlfriend or anything close to it, just surprized I got that far. Was expecting to fail.

Anyway I get home, and I call her around the time I told her I would. She doesn't pick up. I leave her a message. Few minutes later, I send her a Facebook message asking her if I got the phone number right, since she verbally gave it to me over noise. She messaged me back saying it was right, but her phone was downstairs charging. I tell her to call me back when she's ready or something. About 10-20 minutes later, I realize I have her AIM too and I've talked to her on AIM before. After debating with my friends if I should IM her or not, I did.

I IM her, short small talk, ask her what she wanted to do. She's like "i dont care whatever lol", I ask if there's any movies she wants to see, she said she wasn't sure and she'd check. I told her what some of the current top movies were, and told her to tell me if anything catches her eye, and she agrees. Now here's the fun part. About 20 minutes later, I decided that was enough time, and I IM her. The second I IM her, I see that she is typing. If you don't know what that means, it means either she X'd out of my box and I interuppted her typing to someone else, or she just happened to start typing when I did. I'm going with the prior. The IM was "I was thinking Gran Torino", and she says "lol yea thats fine". I ask her if she think she'll be free on the days I told her (Thursday Friday) and she said she was going to a party on one day and may babysit on the other so she wasn't sure. At that moment I confirm she's playing with me and probably won't even show up. My friends pressure me to not give up. I then realize I do have some time after Saturday, so I tell her I'm free after 6pm Saturday and wait for her to make an excuse. Except she doesn't. She says that's fine. Eventually the convo ends with me saying I'll talk to her Friday night.

What do you think, is this girl just going to make me arrive and not show up, or is she just not putting emphisis on it yet being truthful to her words?

Also to note, I recently received a Friend Invite from one of her friends on Facebook whom I have NEVER met before. I have no idea why I'm getting this request as this girl doesn't know me and I don't write on Ashley's wall. (Ashley = girl I asked out) The only way she could have gotton my name is if Ashley told her about me. What do you think this means? I left a comment on her wall asking who she was, though no responce yet.

Anyway I know I typed up a shitstorm, so the last 2 or 3 paragraphs are the only ones that matter I guess.

Thanks to anyone who bothered reading a thing and responds with their interpretation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

She said Friday, so go pick her up. If she's not there or bails with some excuse, she's a toying bitch. Not your fault.

I'll state, however, that she's probably not putting a lot of stock in this date. She knows she's moving back to CT and won't see you in person for a while. Don't expect fireworks. Just get some dating practice.

As for the friend on Facebook, she's probably looking for a second opinion from someone she trusts. It's sort of like the "convenient phone call" that happens during a date and allows the girl an "emergency exit" if she's not enjoying herself, except this time she can spare herself any future embarrassment with her friends if they disapprove. Ignore the friend request; make her do this on her own.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Alright, I was wondering if I should bother arriving, though I guess I should. Although one thing I didn't mention is she said she wanted to meet me there and didn't want me to pick her up. Not sure if she drives or is gonna have parents drive, but whatever.

I could also tell she wasn't going to put much on it. I'm not either, I just want the experience. She's a nice girl anyway, and I won't see her again until May or June at the soonest.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sacred X

This guy was a very reputable member, and after reading more posts I realized he was serious.

Oh, oh God. Oh God!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Just a tip that I think some women would agree on:

Have something planned for a date, and then run it by her. (I'm not one of the women who enjoy men planning things for me, but) in my experience, a lot of women enjoy it when a man is considerate enough to plan neutral, fun activities together in advance. It shows he's interested, he's willing to put some thought into it, and cares to think ahead.

Meanwhile, what Crash said.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Frank's Bank

Oh, oh God. Oh God!

My words exactly. You're quoting Divest. Just... just... no.

Anyways, Crash is right. Take her out, but dont take it all too seriously, and it'll be a good time.

Maybe I interpreted it wrong (I skimmed a little bit), but you seemed really anxious about contacting her. Calling, messaging, IMing, all within a short time, it might have put her off a little bit. She was likely talking to this friend that added you on facebook, which is why she took time in responding and then said friend added you. It was probably for that friend's opinion, as already said. Dont worry too much about it, just go and have fun.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

What? Divest was a reputable member. That reputation was heavily ill-natured but it was still a reputation, wasn't it?

No, seriously kid? Don't take advice from the guy who got chicks with Down Syndrome to strip for him on webcam so he could post the results in the Sewers. Even The Sewers have depths they won't sink to.

FELIPE NO

I had a date pretty well like this. Talked, got it set up, showed up, nothing, get a message saying "OH I AM SICK". Basically yeah crash has the right idea.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

When you want to set a date with a girl, be certain on the timing. You may think it's better to say "Is Thursday or Friday Okay?" But that shows you're not confident.

Once you think you've hit the point in the conversation to ask her out, try "Hey lets talk over coffee this Saturday. I know great place"

If she is busy on that day, but is interested in getting to know you better, she would suggest another day.
If she says I'll let you know on Friday, then forget it. Because its not being fair to you. She is holding you by a string.

I noticed you asked her what she wants to do. Although it is polite, in a way, it takes away the mystery. I'm sure most people would expect first dates to be something casual, so just roughly give them some idea, but keep up the mystery. If you ask her what you want to do, you will seem not confident, which could be unattractive.

Quote:

Anyway I get home, and I call her around the time I told her I would. She doesn't pick up. I leave her a message. Few minutes later, I send her a Facebook message asking her if I got the phone number right, since she verbally gave it to me over noise. She messaged me back saying it was right, but her phone was downstairs charging. I tell her to call me back when she's ready or something. About 10-20 minutes later, I realize I have her AIM too and I've talked to her on AIM before. After debating with my friends if I should IM her or not, I did.

Try not to do this. You look unsure of yourself. Also once the first date is set, try not to communicate over IM/email/text. It will ruin the experience.

Also, her friend adding you, it could be that her friend is interested in you. Which may not be a bad thing. Just keep it cool, don't sound desperate, not pushy, yet confident. You seem like a great guy, and there are really, many beautiful women out there!

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by bluesy violin

When you want to set a date with a girl, be certain on the timing. You may think it's better to say "Is Thursday or Friday Okay?" But that shows you're not confident.

I don't mean to be rude but...seriously?

I don't think asking a girl out is going to be ruined if you ask which day is best for her...that's etiquette. And if a girl says she can't tell you until a certain date...that's life. Sometimes you wont know your plans until someone gets back to you. Or you don't know what happening with work scheduling, it does not mean she hates your guts.

There's a difference between confidence and...you know, common sense.

I mean, I hate to say it but that's over analyzing things to a ridiculous degree. You don't need to have a plan of action to ask a girl out. Every girl is different, just be nice, if you want to ask her out, figure out what works best for her personality, there's no right or wrong way to do these things.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No actually, he has a point. Being decisive merits you cool points.

Just say "Is Friday okay?" or something similar. If she says no, then you can negotiate the date. It isn't rude.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Rude? Certainly not. But I'm not really saying it's bad to be decisive.

I guess I just haven't met the girl who hears "How about something over the weekend?"...or some range of dates, and sees this as a lack of confidence. Though that's not really the point I'm making either.

I agree with people who said having a plan is good, sometimes you can read bad signals, but I guess the point I'm making is there is a point where thinking into how one is saying something or how to ask a girl out down to the minute details of how to ask what time works best, it's just too a bit too much. I used to think into that stuff in high school and I was a nervous wreck because of it. I'd have to think of what to say before I called someone and it drove me nuts. Then I came to the revelation that if you're asking out a girl, have a plan, but don't say something just right so that she rejects you, it probably wasn't worth your time. Saying "if she says this it means this"...I don't know, guess I don't see it that way.

So, in conclusion decisiveness is a plus, but over thinking things is always a step to the dark side.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Of course don't be rude. Tone of your voice when you ask her out is key.

Yes I agree with you timber, one shouldn't focus everything to the detail, although you might want a rough plan. And don't playing the guessing game too much. Chances are your intuition is usually correct on picking up her body language/voice/pitch, whether she is getting more warmer or not to you.

A good way to overcome nervousness is this:
DON'T let your date be the first girl you talk to that day.
Keep prepping yourself. It could even be that shopkeeper, salesgirl, cleaner, just talk to them over whatever mindless banter(keep it clean)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Clean? I go out of my way to load my small talk with as many vulgar words racist undertones, and blatant sexism as possible. That way, when I finally do see a girl who may actually be good enough to spend some quality time with I'm fucking set.

I like to rattle off four or five dirty and/or racist jokes in a row. Then, before she knows what's happening I drug her and throw her into the van.

Most amazing jew boots

Then I see we're after different sorts of girls.

FELIPE NO

Anime girls don't count

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Dirty jokes may help psyche you up but during your warm ups with the cashier or supermarket free finger food sampler girl, I believe most people wouldn't put too much attraction factor, i.e dirty jokes etc, into them, unless you're after that cashier or waitress. wtf you're just psyching yourself up, not trying to nail every supermarket attendant you see.

What I meant was you must warm up and get into the talking mode(if you have trouble starting the day), before hitting on the girl you want.

When you talk to the girl you are attracted to, you must use humor, sarcasm and witty talk BUT I'd steer off dirty jokes on a first date and racism/stereotype jokes until you fully establish her perspective on things like that... Some girls don't like it and may get angry. Well if she doesn't, its your pick if you want to dump her for being so shallow or love her 10000% because you find her attractive and have the niceness sweet wife factor.

I had this attractive girl once, she was from a broken home. Parents divorced, she has a fucked up mind cuz of that. Apparently her mom blames her all day and vents her anger on her. Thats one insanely angry girl. She totally missed all my sarcasm and humor(which works on most girls) and flared up easily. Needless to say I stopped contacting her.

Example?
Me :I won't talk to you anymore if you don't like the xmas present i bought you.
Girl :But you can't resist me (still looking good)
Me :Oh yes I can. Unless you smile. But you never smile. So I think I'm quite safe from you
Girl : wtf it happens.
Me : (just kidding ... little miss grumpy...)

Gechmir : Ah yes I've never dated an anime girl before. Would be nice if I could find one

Jam it back in, in the dark.