How to cope with the loneliness after a party?

This has been a problem for me for a very long time. Near the end of parties with friends, I'd be very reluctant to say goodbye. When a person tries to say, "Let's call it a day," I'd distract that person with another chatting topic before she actually says it. And sometimes I would dread the end so much that my stomach aches about an hour before the party ends. I would feel very lonely and deserted on the way home, and the feelings would last for a night or two.


If my friends and I decide to meet on Friday night for a party, I'd be excited about the time we're about to spend together from Monday to Wednesday, and on Thursday I'd become a little depressed because I became aware that the party will end very soon and I'd be left alone again right after the party. On Friday morning my depression would become so great that I would feel like not attending the party because I know that in the end it's just going to ... end. During the party I would not be able to fully enjoy my time with friends because I was so occupied with the worry that all the fun will end soon.


I really need some advice on this. Please share your opinions with me. Thank you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

It's universal, when people are having fun time flies by and no one wants it to end. But to focus on the ending so much that you don't even want to go to the party in the first place or have stomach pain towards the end of it is just terrible to go thru all the time. Maybe you can start thinking some positive reinforcement when you find yourself starting to worry try to change your focus to "I'm going to a party tonight and I'm going to have a great time. Yeah, it'll end but that's OK. Because we can always have another party again." I don't know if that will help you or not but it's worth a try a lot can be changed if we can change our thinking.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wow, I've actually never known or heard of anyone else who's experienced this kind of thing...usually people get tired at some point and *want* the party to end. Or as other people start leaving, the party just naturally winds down and it's easier for you to go since there's nothing to do.

I think post-party depression (har) might be a sign of a much deeper problem...you need to live your own life instead of letting it revolve around the time you spend with your friends. Learn how to enjoy yourself without the help of other people. Also remember that even away from a party, it's possible to interact with your friends. You can talk to them at school/work, or if you're at home you can send them an IM, post on their Facebook/MySpace, call 'em up or fire up Skype, play an online game and trashtalk them over voicechat...there are plenty of ways to be social without the alcohol.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

if joyFromParty - postPartySadness < 0 then
avoid parties;

And you could realize that your inability to live in the moment is having serious consequences on your happiness, pursue some zen studies, etc. Seriously, worry is the enemy of happiness.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Focus on what was fun about the party you had and stop comparing it to the "lonely" part of the situation afterwards. Like some have already said, worrying about the end will only decrease your ability to have fun while you dread about the end of the party.

Focus on having fun preemptively when you are at the party, and then when it's over, reflect on what you enjoyed, what was fun about it, or if there was a particular song/track/mix you liked about the music the host played, see if you can explore and collect that while you await for the next party invitation to come up. Just try to focus on being productive from feeding off of "good" memories and don't drone so much about how you feel about not being with your group of friends afterwards. They are your friends after all, aren't they?

I was speaking idiomatically.

I can kind of relate to this as well, but not to the same extent I guess. I usually feel when the party's about to end that I want to drag it out because I know I tend to feel lonely afterwards when it has ended. The only advise I can give is to think optimistic, only concentrate on having fun and when it's over just say to yourself that there will be other times to party and think of the good times you had this evening.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by bahamuty

Maybe you can start thinking some positive reinforcement when you find yourself starting to worry try to change your focus to "I'm going to a party tonight and I'm going to have a great time. Yeah, it'll end but that's OK. Because we can always have another party again."

Nice advice. I'll surely try that out next time. It sounds good but I'm not sure if it will work...

Originally Posted by Dhsu

I think post-party depression (har) might be a sign of a much deeper problem...you need to live your own life instead of letting it revolve around the time you spend with your friends. Learn how to enjoy yourself without the help of other people. Also remember that even away from a party, it's possible to interact with your friends. You can talk to them at school/work, or if you're at home you can send them an IM, post on their Facebook/MySpace, call 'em up or fire up Skype, play an online game and trashtalk them over voicechat...there are plenty of ways to be social without the alcohol.

As amazing as it may sound, I think I have forgotten how to spend time being alone. I often feel that being alone kind of makes you seem like a person with no friends to hang out with. I'm very self-concious and being alone makes me feel that I'm... unpopular. Being alone makes me uneasy, sometimes so badly that I cry. That's why I often need to have a companion with me, for things as simple as walking from one classroom to another. I really don't know how to work on this built-in concept of mine.

How ya doing, buddy?

Quote:

As amazing as it may sound, I think I have forgotten how to spend time being alone. I often feel that being alone kind of makes you seem like a person with no friends to hang out with. I'm very self-concious and being alone makes me feel that I'm... unpopular.

Whow - that´s an interesting perspective. When I hang out much I get a nagging feeling that I am wasting time. When somebody asks me to come over I usually ask "...to do what?" before I agree.

If you start to feel worthless when you are alone - that´s nomally not a sign of good self-confidence, is it?

I can think of several components that might make you feel bad:

- It´s hard to be alone with yourself if you don´t like this strange Yourself fellow so much
- You are just not used to it, which means that you don´t really know what to do on your own
- In your value-system loneliness is a bad thing that has to be avoided
- You don´t know how to measure your worth without other people

Or maybe it´s something completely different.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Just always continue to live in the present and not worry about anything and everything will be fine, you have the most power in the present.

Its just the mind and ego trying to distract you, i know its a bit hard to digest but this philosophy helps, my dad taught it to me and it has been working for me ever since.

The party is only temporary, you will have much better things happen that will make your life alot more happy as time goes on if you have positive thoughts.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Heh, I'm probably not the best to give advice onthis. I, more or less, am bored by parties and am constantly looking at my watch. I'm just not good with tons and tons of people.

At any rate, maybe you can see if there is anyone after the party who wants to hang out some more. Also, I would, as others have mentioned, begin to appreciate time by yourself. Every person is different. Some of my friends like to be around people constantly while I can enjoy it for only so long before I need some alone time.

Mayhaps you might also try some online things like games, chat, etc. That way, you are still talking with people.

Oh, and I disagree with your "being alone = no friends". Take a step back and look at it through different eyes. If you are with your friends constantly (three or four times a week or such), then you definitely have friends.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

If you get more drunk at parties, you'll never remember the end of them and so it won't upset you that they're ending.

That said, you have some serious self-confidence issues and you can't go through life relying on others so much. You should try to find a hobby you can do on your own, reading or knitting or something. When you find yourself alone, do that for a little bit and it'll take your mind off the fact that there's nobody around to make you feel socially accepted.

Also, there are more important things in life than being the most popular person in school or whatever. So long as you have a couple of tight friends, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. Or at any rate, that's what I've heard from people a lot less popular than myself.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

PARTY AT THE ABANDONED COAL MINE LOSE THE KEY

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?