Life drama

I'm not sure what catogory to place this under, but it's for personal advice, so I'm posting it here.

Normally, my life is pretty peaceful with a comfortable amount of chaos (though, never involving drama; mostly randomness and good times). I'm bisexual and most of my problems are revolving around that. I'm with a guy, who we will just call Dan from here.

I have a friend, whom shall be reffered to hereafter as Tony. Tony is also bisexual. He has a boyfriend, whom used to be a friend of mine. Tony cheats on his boyfriend, and he's too afraid to leave Tony. I try not to meddle in other peoples affairs. However, recently, I've been dragged into this unwillingly. He came to me asking for someone to fuck with no emotion and no relationship, knowing that I was in a pretty serious relationship and knowing some of the things I've been through making it hard for me to even be intimate with a lover. I'm not sure what I should do about him, but I've severed ties with him for now.

Monday, my father had a coronary because I fell asleep on the couch with Dan. No one was in a suggestive position, and we were in the front room, so people walking by could've seen. It would make more sense if he would react in the same way when I took naps with my ex-girlfriend. Strangely, what would be "inappropriate" by societys standards, my ex-girl and I were golden to get away with. However, the most innocent of things done with a guy become highly inappropriate. My father is Christian, and I feel that that might play in to this just a little. I'm not sure what exactly I'm asking for as far as this situation is concerned, I just feel like I need some consoulence on the subject, and I need to know if maybe it's so wrong to live our inalienable (life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness - all I'm asking is the liberty to pursuit the happiness in my life peacefully) rights now that I'm with a guy?

Ever since Monday, Dan has become uncomfortably distant. He only comes by for a hug in the mornings or before work and then he's gone again, just like that. I know he doesn't mean to be like this and that he's just waiting for things to settle between me and my father, but he's hurting both me and himself in the process. I need his contact right now especially since my father and I are disagreeing. So that's issue number one with Dan. Issue number two would concern last night. Dan came over last night, and actually asked to come inside. As soon as my door closed, he came on strongly. This was never a problem for me when I was with a girl - I knew that I wasn't going to leave, and the girls I was with always said they would never leave - and I usually was the one to break it off - plus, I was always dominate. I've been through some things that make it really hard for me to be intimate and submissive with a male, despite how much I care, and I'm wondering if maybe it's wrong to act like it's such a big deal. I'm so afraid that he'll be gone, just like every girl I was with.

My next issue is a friend, whom we will call Morgan. She slit her wrists right when I called her last night. She was talking about sitting on the couch and slitting her wrists in front of her mother (whom we affectionately dub "Hitler") in hopes that she might get of her boyfriend and get the picture. I told her to trust me. I told her that things would get better, but she's got to want it to get better, she has to try to make it better - not just sit on her arse and wait. She promptly said that she didn't trust anybody right now, was tired of me trying to rationalize everything, and hung up on me. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she says that she loves me. I'm in doubt. She only acts when she's single, as if I were nothing but someone to rebound with. She wants me to be with her. I don't lover her, and I don't think I could ever learn to love her. I'm not willing to give up someone I love for someone I could never learn to love, even if it would please my father. And maybe that's selfish of me. As much as I hate to think it, I find myself wondering if she even wants things to get better - if maybe she thinks that if things get bad enough, that I'll be with her.

I feel like, now that this drama has started, that my life is moving too fast and it feels like my head is spinning. Lately, I've felt like I wanted everything to just stop. I don't know what exactly this feeling is - the afore-mentioned along with ultimate understanding and absolute confusion - but I've been told its co-dependency.

So, what are your thoughts?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Right first off, your correct in not being willing to give up someone you love for someone you could never learn to love. You now already you couldn't love her so stay well away from that area! Also if she's unwilling to sort things out then please don't feel she is your responsibility, or feel that everything will be alright if you go with her, chances are they wont. As you mentioned yourself she acts like your nothing but a rebound. You aren't! Don't even think that you are. You were correct in saying that for things to get better she has to want them to get better, but her sitting there saying she was going to slit her wrists infront of her mum gives the indication she doesn't want it to get better, she wants some attention. (my personal experience has taught me that)
Secondly Dan giving you space is signaling he may not be comfy being around your house due to dad having a problem with the situation he found you two in. However it was innocent so I think he needs to chill a little. Dan coming on strongly to you shows he still wants you, but maybe you have the problem with letting go and letting him be in charge as your scared what your dad may say? (guessing here) Also it could be because your used to be dominating and being in charge, try it the other way round with you being in charge if you feel the same you may not be 100% sure about the relationship.
Severing ties with Tony is smart you don't need that trouble at the minute.
Erm lastly it's not wrong to want to live your rights now your with a guy, your father may see it as a burden or wrong but you should still feel able to do as you were when you were with a female. End of.
sorry if this has been no help.

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Originally Posted by munchkin13

Right first off, your correct in not being willing to give up someone you love for someone you could never learn to love. You now already you couldn't love her so stay well away from that area! Also if she's unwilling to sort things out then please don't feel she is your responsibility, or feel that everything will be alright if you go with her, chances are they wont. As you mentioned yourself she acts like your nothing but a rebound. You aren't! Don't even think that you are. You were correct in saying that for things to get better she has to want them to get better, but her sitting there saying she was going to slit her wrists infront of her mum gives the indication she doesn't want it to get better, she wants some attention. (my personal experience has taught me that)

I realized that this weekend. It's just that sometimes, I'm out of options - I've done everything I could possibly do - and it just seems like it's never enough. I was there for her from the beginning - when her father killed himself "to repent his sins and for not being a better father." I saw her this weekend at the LeSall Stewart Center at OSU (I was on stage closing for a couple bands...). She got away from "Hitler" to come see me. Things were okay with us until she started showing off her scars and the cuts from that one night. It would be hypocritical to condemn her for that, seeing as I used to be the same until I realized that I could hurt my father worse by not killing myself and being better than he could ever dream to be. That bought of my life only lasted a couple months, and that was because I had just had some traumatic things happen to me. I'm not proud of it, I try to cover them up, but she shows them off like they're some sort of right-of-fucking-passage. She knows that I won't be with her - especially right now, seeing as I have someone - but she acted like I was cheating on here when Dan called Saturday before I was on stage. I called her last night. "Oh my God! It's a Morgan!" "No, it's not. Morgan's dead. I killed her." "Sad. Why'd you do that?" "She's too emo for her own good, so I killed her."...

Things with her just seem to always be on a "roller-coaster." Things are either really good or really bad.

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Secondly Dan giving you space is signaling he may not be comfy being around your house due to dad having a problem with the situation he found you two in. However it was innocent so I think he needs to chill a little. Dan coming on strongly to you shows he still wants you, but maybe you have the problem with letting go and letting him be in charge as your scared what your dad may say? (guessing here) Also it could be because your used to be dominating and being in charge, try it the other way round with you being in charge if you feel the same you may not be 100% sure about the relationship.

He and I talked about that. He was just waiting for things to calm down with my father, but he still tries to be gone before they get home. He will hang out at the house while they're there for a moment (ie, if he's waiting for me to get what I need to go somewhere, like a walk/dinner/movie). I went with apartment hunting with him for him. He's about six months older than I am and a grade higher than I am (...I could never not fail a class...), so he gets a place in January - gives us a place to be away from our parents and a place for me to go if I get booted for a while (like usual - it's almost a family tradition to boot me ever four or so months). I actually let go last night after we got back from the movies (Happy Feet - seems childish, but kicks arse [then again, I like the original Power Rangers movie...]). It ranked in my "Top 10 Most Terrifying Experiences In My Life" but I still need to figure out where it stands. Today, we seemed closer - especially from his end. It seems like he's become a lot more protective. I've been trying to keep my thoughts on it positive - like it's one step closer to taking back control.

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Erm lastly it's not wrong to want to live your rights now your with a guy, your father may see it as a burden or wrong but you should still feel able to do as you were when you were with a female. End of.
sorry if this has been no help.

No, it has been helpful. I'm an easily-helped person. Even just a little feed back makes me feel consouled.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Glad I could help a little bit. And I'm really happy for you that everything seems to working itself out especially with the apartment situation. Best of luck and everything.

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