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This wasn't exactly my fault, but I stillshould've known better. I once decided it might be a good idea to teach my little brother to make clam chowder. I gave him very specific instructions, stressed to him the importance of not leaving the pot for any period of time, then went outside to feed the animals. We lived quite literally on a farm, so this task took about 15 minutes. When I returned, I was greeted by the scent of blackened clam chowder, and the sight of my brother playing Megaman X2. I haven't had any faith in him whatsoever ever since. Again, not really my fault, but still... My mom decided to bake some chicken in the oven. Unfortunately, the oven was missing a pan to catch the grease at the bottom, where the only heating units were located (this was an old-ass oven, mind you). My mom put sheets of aluminum foil at the bottom to remedy the situation. I considered suggesting we put them on the 2nd, lower rack, but decided not to. She started the oven and the timer, then went to take a nap, telling me to wake her when the buzzer went off. So I sat and waited, waited even when I smelled smoke coming out, waited even when I saw small grease fires erupting in the oven. Waited until the timer buzzed, and woke my mother. When she saw the gray, ashen pieces of chicken, she asked why I hadn't woken her up. I replied that she told me to wake her up when the buzzer went off. Oh, what a good boy was I. Just tonight was something that I doubt I'll ever forget. It was my turn to cook dinner for my roomates (read: for the 7th time in a row), so I went with Rice a Roni with cheese sauce and sliced hot dogs. Just like mac n cheese, only with rice. So I boiled the rice up, then added the cheese sauce. After stirring the mix, I noticed some little dark bits in the sauce, which I took for herbs, as Rice a Roni tends to have those. So, I finish cooking, announce the meal's readiness, and dish some up for myself and return to my room. As I am sitting, browsing these very forums, I hear an exclamation from the kitchen and my name being called. I enter and ask what's wrong. One word. "Bugs!" Yes, ladies and gentlemen, those dark flecks were not in fact seasoning, but little tiny insects. Upon further inspection of the cupboard, it is revealed that there were quite a few boxes of food that had been infested by the little critters, which we believe to be tiny, possibly infant cockroaches. At this point I sat down and started feeling sick. You see, I was very hungry. So hungry, in fact, that I had already finished my plate of food. All of it. I had even licked my plate clean. Words cannot possibly convey to you how unnerved I am right now. I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?
The above statements may or may not be true.
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I decided to make kettle-cooked popcorn one day. I put the pot on the stove, put some oil in, and put a few kernels in and waited for them to pop... in the other room. After not hearing anything for about 10 minutes, I came back and lifted the lid... which promptly created a massive FIRE that spewed out of the pot.
Yes, that's right, I set a pot on fire with 3 kernels of popcorn. Grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out, getting extinguisher dust on half the entire kitchen and ruining $100 of food that was sitting out. My parents were SO pissed. I was speaking idiomatically. |
None of my horrible experiences were absolutely terrible, but I'll share a few anyways! Not too long ago, I decided to make Spanish rice from scratch. After leaving it in the skillet for five minutes to simmer, I smelled something burning. Well, I checked the rice, and the entire bottom was completely burnt. Oops. And then there was the biscuit incident! I threw a leftover biscuit (Popeyes!) into the microwave on high power for 2 minutes. Now, the biscuit came out fine, if not a little cold, the last billion times I did that. This time, however, I'm sure it started smoldering. The entire biscuit took on an unearthly and pasty shade of gray, and black wisps of smoke starting coming out. I threw the biscuit into a tub of water, and the water turned amber brown. The smell, I should add, was atrocious. Most amazing jew boots |
FELIPE NO
The above statements may or may not be true.
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i've never burned the house down or anything. I just try screwed up flavors that end up ruining my dinner. I think the worse one I did was using olive oil and mint extract as a chicken marinade. Did not turn out well. and it was the last chicken breast I had.
What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?
I like your booty but I'm not gay.
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err.. i boiled potatoes, and the water dried up. @____@ leaving a burnt, roasted potato stuck to the pan. not exactly tasty, if i may ay so.
but then again, i don't have much experience at cooking. XDDD How ya doing, buddy?
time flies like an arrow. fruit flies like a banana. XD
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I can't really cook, but one time, after waiting 45 minutes for a lasagne in the oven, it was ready I took it out by the edge of the plastic container was too hot and dropped it on the floor. I'd only also prepared boiled rice, so I had that with plenty of soya sauce.
There's nowhere I can't reach. |
I was making pasta a few minutes ago. I was in process of draining it right from the pot over the sink while using the lid. In the middle of draining, the lid pops off and all the pasta lands in the sink. A whole bag of pasta has gone to waste.
This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. |
blue |
Mac 'n cheese:
I was so excited to be actually cooking (and I had broccoli to go with it), and I had the water all boiled and such and had put the macaroni in. Then I opened up the packet of cheese and... lo and behold! It was all brown and clumpy! So I checked the mac 'n cheese box and... it had expired in 1991. This was definitely last year. I recall being very ticked off at the time... Most amazing jew boots |
I was actually going to make a thread on my personal cooking failure, but in the end I don't think it's really warranted. I say this because it's one of those things that should be as natural as breathing
Yet, it makes me feel pretty stupid that I can NEVER get bacon to cook right. Either I burn it or it's still raw. BACON! Do you guys know how fucking culinarily-challenged you gotta be to FUCK BACON UP? Am I doing something wrong here? I was speaking idiomatically. |
okay 10th grade we had to make some kind of food for religions class that had to do with the religion we were assigned too. so i had to make Latkas (sp? i duno it's crazy jewish potato pancakes)
i got the recipe off the net and then called up my friend to help me. She was coming over in, oh, about thirty minutes, so i got all the ingrdients together. i guess it was something STUPID i was doing, but i put EVERYTHING in a blender and just turned it into paste. i guess that was the wrong way to do it too. by the time addrienne got to my place, i dropped the mixture onto the ground. disgusting smelling pancake batter EVERYWHERE. We ended up discarding that shit and doing it over again. this time the right way, making potatoes into hashbrowns, putting it in the batter, frying it, etc. the kitchen smelled of disgusting potatoe pancake batter all day D: and week. oh hey after reading mac'n'cheese posting i am reminded of going to cook macncheese and finding BUGS in the fucking thing after pouring it into the boiling water. i was no longer hungry afterwards. What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? |
When I was younger, probably 13 or so, I was making a [frozen] pizza for myself and my younger brother cause my mom was out for a few hours. So I read the directions, popped it in the oven, checked the time.
Then I proceed to play a game that we'd rented. Turok something, I think. About forty-five minutes later... way longer than what was needed ...I remembered that I was cooking. Shit. The pizza crust was rock-hard burnt. We managed to eat some of the non-burnt toppings, and some out of the middle, but it was really hard. XD FELIPE NO |
I havn't really cooked in a while, but when I was in 8th grade, after having gone through home ec, I decided to make pretzels from scratch. Now, I had done this once before in class, had the directions, did everything correctly. Forgot to grease the pan. When I pried the pretzels off, they all had a shiny metallic coating on the bottom, and the pan was pretty much ruined. For health reasons, I didn't eat the pretzels.
What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
Once i tried to make Gu lo yuk (some Chinese stuff) all by myself, I saw someone else doing it and i thought i could remember how to make it. At first it went quite good. but then i had to fry the pickled chicken :-S. So i heated up the frying pan+fat. And threw in the chicken. The pan didn't take that quite well and the food was disgusting.
Afterward i spent an hour scrubbbing the pan clean again:P Most amazing jew boots
Proud to be Perfect
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The first time I grilled a steak turned out horrible. I use a charcoal grill so you can't really time it since the heat isn't controlled. It came out charred.
There's nowhere I can't reach. |
I don't know if I'd call it a failure, so much as it not turning out the way it's supposed to be.
My cousin and I had decided to make biscuits (From scratch, not the tubed kind.) while my mom was out. We got all the ingredients together, mixed everything properly, and all that was needed was the proper pan/sheet/whatever. We couldn't find the one that's supposed to be used for biscuits, so we ended up piling the whole thing onto a large cookie sheet and made one big uber-biscuit. It turned out pretty good. It was just hilariously big and unwieldy. Took half a week to eat the whole thing. This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it. |
Well - yet my biggest mistake had been a lot of bad eggs in my last cheesecake-dough - That cake turned out so horrible!... at least the filling was delicious =D I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body? |
I remember one time I was making this corn soup thingy, but the soup wasn't clear, so when I added pepper, it kept disappearing. I ended up making pepper soup. Couldn't even eat it, every spoonful burned my throat ;_;
Another time my mom told me to watch a pot of chili while she went off somewhere, but I was watching TV and didn't notice it burning. Cleaning the pot was not fun. And then there was the time my friend and I tried to make our own ice capps. Ice and milk everywhere. Blenders are scary. @.@ I was speaking idiomatically. |
I was trying to cook home made macaroni cheese. I tried wheat flour in the sauce, but it didn't seem to work. So I added more, and more, and more... until it got so thick I almsot burnt the saucer.
Piece of advice: unless you're making pastery/bread, use white flour What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? |
Larry Oji, Super Moderator, Judge, "Dirge for the Follin" Project Director, VG Frequency Creator |
ahh... Well My story begins like this...
One day we have a lab test.. in our cooking class. So we gotta make some soup or something. At first we sorta mess it up but we make up for i t later on. But the one thing we don't know is that WE'RE not drinking it. SOMEONE eles is.... turns out to be some senior chef whos looking for new guys for his resturant. We kinda are.... really suprised. So we work our asses off to make the soup good and yea. We taste test it and we find it isn't salt enough so we send one member to add salt. But he adds in pepper.... lots of it... Second taste test... turns out horrible. cuz the 4 of us are running around gasping and looking for something to drink. But guess what? Times up. and we hafta turn in one bowl of soup to the chef to taste. ugh boy oh boy... We're freaking out. As he test each bowl one by one. He says the pros and cons about it. As he sniffs our soup hes a bit curious of the taste.... You guys hafta see the look on his face.... bright red... we were yelled at so much you could hear it throughout the school note- if u want things done. Do it yourself. FELIPE NO |
Larry Oji, Super Moderator, Judge, "Dirge for the Follin" Project Director, VG Frequency Creator |
Some stupid recipe on the internet told me to put too much salt in my sushi rice, yeah, I should have known better.
How ya doing, buddy? |
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