Jessykins' Writing Thread...

Hey Jessykins, gotta say it takes balls to put your works out here. Seems like people are enjoying them though, and that says something.

But as someone who calls himself a writer as well, I gotta say one thing about your original post: you HAVE to re-read your stuff! Not only re-read it but re-write it, and then re-write it again. This is my biggest flaw as a writer and is something I'm trying to work on as well, but the thing is a story is never right the first time. So you just gotta keep working at it until it's as good as it's going to get, and even then it shouldn't be good enough. But then again, what the hell do I know, I'm just some dude on the internet.

Anyways, I've read a few of these, and the one I was most interested in was The Feeling is Mutual. Your discription, dialouge, characters are all fine, and I really liked the position Lilael was in at the beginning (situation-wise, not sexually). It's just a nice, curious juxtipostion.

What I had a problem with was that I needed to see more of a connection between Lilael's self-loathing and her actions. I understand that she was taking the fucking so she wouldn't be alone, but why would it lead her to murder? Was it aggressive or dispassionate action? And, though I understand that she hates herself, I don't understand why. It can't be because she keeps comming back to the redhead to get fucked, cause that's something she does to fuel her self-hatred. I just really want to know the origin of the self-hatred and, probably more importantly, why she wants to hate herself so bad. I mean, she's doing this to herself, right? She doesn't have to keep going back to the redhead - she could just leave. So why is this not the only time she's done this? And why won't it be, as I was lead to believe, the last time? (last time with the redhead, I hope, but not the last time period...)

I just feel like your so close to writing that one line that's going to make me change my mind about some small thing.

I'm sure none of this has been helpful, but, well, there it is anyways.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Jessykins

She doesn't HAVE to keep going back, right? Unless, of course, she's SO desperate for any sort of affection or attention that she'll go crawling back to the one who'd give it to her, even if it's negative.

No, I totally get that she is desperate for attention; I guess I'm left wonder why she needs it. Hard to touch on in these agrivatingly small windows into the life of Lilael (that's a compliment by the way ) but the really intriquing part is what makes her keep going back, because once we understand why Lilael keeps returning, then maybe we see something of a larger picture. Something to shoot for I guess...

By the way, just read the Rue stories and, as much as it pains me to admit it (because doing so destroys the dilusion that kids my same age can't write well), I was really getting into them. Each time I scrolled down to the last few pages and saw the end was coming I got sad. So then I had to sit and thing about why I liked them and I think the main reason is that you write 3rd person so much better than 1st person. I started to notice it in some of the other stories where your 1st person just didn't get inside the charater's head enough - like in the Lileal stories I never fully understood what her motivations were. I don't know how to explain it, but the narration always sounded too removed.

I know I suck at trying to define these things, but the overall point is your 3rd person writing seems very professional, and that make me jelous.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

yeah, I really don't have any good advice for you - I'll have to go back and re-read the first persons to see what was nagging me...

But, like Bob Ross says, you can get good at anything with practice (or something to that effect). So definately keep writing; you're giving me the itch to do a little myself.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.