[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

What the.... why....racket....SHUT THE BLOODY FUCK UP. Trying to sleep here.... Oh man, there's good hangovers, and then there's better ones. Apparently I was shooting for the latter. And this taste...ugh, what in the underworld was I drinking. Definitely not my usual. The brothel lady must have convinced me to blow my sack on high shelf goods, as if she wasn't pricey enough...

I sit up, and attempt to gather my surroundings...to see an elf-lady prancing across a stone floor right past me.

Well, THAT'S definitely not the wench I took last night.

I look around some more, to see a bunch of fatasses, other than the lady-elf, lumbering around making a racket in a generally distasteful manner, and beyond them, something else. I get up and try to gather my surroundings more, but can't make sense of why in the overworld I would ever be in a place like this.

"Where is the broad I hired last night, fellows? I ordered breakfast, and I'm starving. And why is everybody screaming and the like. Can't you let a fellow bleed off his poison in peace?"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

After watching all the commotion happen in nearly a split second while still rubbing the morning (was it really morning?) dirt out of my eyes, I realized that maybe I wasn't where I was supposed to be...not that I'm ever supposed to be anywhere, but that's another tangent.

I didn't know who these fellows were, and I didn't know if I should trust them or not, though by the smell of them, and perhaps myself, it'd be best to stay cautious.

"Hello there, brother," I spoke to the dwarf holding the hammer at his side, "I don't suppose I'm the only one who has no bloody idea where we are, by the sound of it." I turned and faced the rest of them. "How about you fellows?"

Most of the other men (and 1 woman), spoke nothing much, seemingly groggy, or paranoid and amassed in confusion. One of them did reply to me, but while I was listening, I subtely noticed in the corner of my vision there was a door, or window maybe, in the far corner of the dank room...???

There's nowhere I can't reach.

(I'm a human, you dick. And so is Brady, and knk's a dwarf.)

I lit my sunrod and muddled up the stairs with the rest of the group of mostly halfwits. I had already decided to ignore the broad. What kind of name was Scary Bob anyways....
"I would rather have honestly taken the door," I said, once we arrived at the stone slab. "We might still be inside this place, but at least I wouldn't have had to walk an eternity to get nowhere."

I shined my rod on the placard as the dwarf and I examined it...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"I don't suppose we'll be served our last meal, eh, fellows?" The bumbling retarded fellow wasn't the only one longing for a meal right about now. I dig into my bag to see if I've been graced with any of my rations left intact.

I walk into the center of the dining hall and look around to take in my surrounding, noting the rum the brusk dwarf has found, and not finding anything else to my immediate interest. (Or do I?)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Rummaging through my bag, I was lucky enough to find some food. Whoever threw us in here must've been in an awful hurry, or maybe not. Strange to throw me into a cellar ALONG with my bag and weapons....

The dwarf with the hammer asks me my opinion about which door to go through. "Whichever one you like," I muttered, seeing as how he wouldn't have taken my opinion either way, considering the first door situation.

I quickly chewed my jerky and noticed the jolly retarded giant about to smash through the south (was it really south?) door. A crash and the door withered away, and nothing but a bustle quickly afterwards. There were goblins on the other side. I'd only encountered them once before in my life, but it wasn't good, and they don't carry a damn thing worth stealing.

Seeing the lady-elf fire an arrow through the doorway, and hearing one of the goblins squeel horrifically, I made my way next to her to take cover with the dining table. I quickly draw my hand cross-bow from my belt, load it, and aim...

Preemptive turn, for when Gabriel has attacked.

Move next to Scary Bob behind table
Draw Crossbow
Sky Flourish, at most oppurtune target

How ya doing, buddy?

"OUCH!"

"That bloody hurt!" The pain stinging in my shoulder made my head spin, but there was apparently no time for crying about it, especially to the company I had...

My left arm being injured, I merely let it drop to my side. I remembered having a stack of shurikens in my back pouch, and quickly grabbed one with my remaining good arm. I heaved it at the head of the fat goblin standing in the doorway, because I couldn't see anything behind him, unfortunately.

Afterwards I backed up once more behind Scary Bob, leaving the wench to cover me from being struck by any flying objects....and also noting that up close, her features weren't all the effeminate after all.

Draw shuriken with right hand (assuming it is the uninjured one).
Attack fat goblin.
Retreat behind Scary Bob

Most amazing jew boots

My arm feels much better, but still not enough to attempt to use it for my crossbow. Seeing everybody, minus the lady-man, rush into the fray, I head forward also.

Move one left, 5 down.
Use shuriken on closest beetle.
Easy Target attack .

FELIPE NO

I can faintly make out the scurrying goblin past the blanket of knives floating midair. What a marvelous sight, if not for the deadly situation. I hop up on the table to get a straight view of the beast, and a high ground throwing point.

Move on top of table next to me.
Sky flourish with shuriken @ goblin behind cloak of daggers or whatever it's called.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The heat of the situation was getting to me, although it had been no longer than possibly a minute in of itself. I felt I would have been ready to stab anybody who squirmed near me. But fortunately, I hadn't lost my head as much as the rest of those around me, just yet.

I put away my bow and drew my sword, and charged through the doorway, gaining a bit of momentum from the height of the table. Quickly I turned the corner through the doorway, and confronted the beetle that was retreating into the corner. There was never a better boost of morale than a mark running away, leaving their backs to be stabbed.

Move to beetle.
Store crossbow and unsheath sword.
Torturous strike.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"JUST.....DIE ALREADY!"

Sky flourish with sword @ beetle.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The gold catches my eye, and seeing as I've been stripped of what wealth I had, I'll certainly need some if I manage to escape this place...

I straddle over to the floor where the fat dwarf lay down his good. While nobody is looking quite attentively, I take the remaining gold pieces, and the silver statuette, and pocket them safely. The 5 coins into my purse (assuming I have one), and the other 10 into my pack.

I then explore the room.

Most amazing jew boots

Investigate black vial.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I hear the hollars and squeals outside in the next room, and glance through the doorway to see....ugh, rats. And big ones, too.

I've had quite enough of being attacked by things today, and rats gnawing my feet off does not sound appealing in the least, and if I were to kill them, they certainly wouldn't have anything worth looting. I would just shut the door, but the giant oaf ripped the bloody thing off it's hinges.

Move to door at bottom left of room. Attempt to enter and shut door behind me.

Most amazing jew boots

On turn, move to hatch and examine.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

(Erm, is there a torch in the room? If so, light it and examine why the goop is there. If not, use my sunrod. If there's any monsters, PARTICULARLY a giant fuckass spider, I'd rather fight the rats, book it outta there.
If it's just goop and there, test it for flammability in a spot away from the bulk of it, assuming I found a torch. If it's dangerously flammable, drudge through it to the hatch, if it melts conveniently, make my way to the hatch still.)

FELIPE NO

After being scared nearly out of my boots (but not out of my wits), I fled the room with the giant blob in that faux chest.

Seeing the rest of the ragtag group struggling to ward off a group of rats, some large, some yet larger, I decided quickly it'd be best to die with help doing so than to die alone and foolishly.

Run as far towards the fight as possible.
Equip hand crossbow.
Fire at Dire Rat north.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Seeing the rat fall down in front of me, barely alive, bleeding all over itself, I decided to find a new target to diffuse.

Equip sword.
Move to giant rat.
Torturous Strike.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Without mercy (as I couldn't imagine why anybody would have any mercy for an oversized rat trying to gnaw off the toes of innocent bystanders), I slayed the foul rodent, and wondered to myself what was keeping the rest of the pack from slaying the remaining beasts.

Being next to a swarm of rabid rats enveloped in a swarm of rabid sharp pokey things wasn't much to my liking, so I headed myself toward an adjacent wall.

Move 2 left, 4 down.
Sky flourish on Dire Rat.

Most amazing jew boots

"For a fair warning, there is definitely plenty of reason that we should keep moving. And if I were any of you, I would keep myself from going that way," I said, pointing in the direction I left the yellow mass of ooze.

Move through to room with crates. Investigate area.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Well, it's much larger than you, or you and I, or you and I and the rest of us together, I'd wager. That's about all I know.

Pockets 70 gold.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Before even having the chance to glance the room over completely, the rascal man-lady (I was wary enough to detect the male gender, but not the reason for such femininity) was heading back the way I had just warned the dwarf to not go. Unfortunately, not everybody had heard me. The dwarf, with his fetish for hitting things with blunt objects in order to compensate for some other deviation in his persona scuttled along after him.

I managed to catch up with them before they encountered whatever it was that attacked me, and tried to warn them one last time...

"Trust me brothers, you don't want to go that way. Not only is it a dead end, it's not friendly."

I was speaking idiomatically.

Seeing the small dwarf flee away from what I had already once before, I didn't feel so bad. The ignorance of the elf wasn't granting me any guilt either. I knew the other dwarf would probably try and kill everything that moved from hereonout, so I proceeded to also get the bloody hell out of there.

Move to north room. Examine furthest doorway.

Are we ever gonna get that room description? Don't wanna miss anything.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I am a thief, after all. Open Sesame!

FELIPE NO

"Aye, mate! But might I ask what impulses you to put an arrow into my brain?"

Attempt to converse with mystery person for information.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"Well, brother. I've no idea where I am, and I beg not for your food. I only wish to remove myself from this place, and certainly don't want to bother you with my arse. Perhaps I could pay you to open the door and let me out. I have gold, and if that's not enough, perhaps this statue of silver. Not very sightly, but could be melted down to your liking."

Jam it back in, in the dark.