PRIORITY #1

I think you unfairly altered the context a small bit, Sass. This isn't about a life or death situation. In MOST cases, if you had to choose between saving your spouse or your children, you spouse would probably TELL you to save the children rather than him/her. Thus clearing your conscience of any emotional choice at that very moment.



My point was that in a lasting relationship, who would you put more priority into loving?

YES I KNOW this isn't a perfect world. Most people end up hating their spouses, and most children end up hating their parents.
I just find it really fucking stupid that a lot of people will make their relationship with their spouse/significant other work for a while, and then when they have kids, the abandon the idea of supporting their relationship with their partner and focus only on the kids.

I just think that if you work at having a healthy relationship with your partner, then the kids will only benefit from that. Children are only a reflection of the parenting put into them and an example of what their parents were like (in most cases, I think). If you have a divorce and an unhappy love life, guess what your child is likely to end up with? (statistics say!) And I honestly am more concerned with that than raising them till they're 18 or so.

Seriously, you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with your mate, but a child is supposed to grow up and leave and live on their own. I'd honestly rather put more priority into the relationship I know is going to/supposed to last longer.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

You don't think, though, that in a normal family situation, the better the relationship with your partner, the more of a positive influence on the kids it is?

I simply feel that a lot of people yearn to care more for their children once their spousal situation dissolves because unlike their spouse, they can somehow discipline their child into loving them.

I'm not advocating fucking child neglect, but there's a fucking issue of commitment. If you can't commit to your spouse, why should it be any different for a little person who's only a product of your loins? A person who will probably end up learning to be just as noncommital as yourself?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Maybe this thread should be one of Divest's "Shitty Situation" threads, because yeah, I guess I agree there shouldn't have to be a situation where you would have to divide the love/commitment you have for your kids.

Now if a spouse abandon's that love or betrays it, that's their choice. A BAD choice, however, in most situations. Also, if a child abandons his/her parent's love and commitment, it's the same thing. Maybe they can't get away from it till their legally able to, or they run away, but it's still also their choice.

But I guess if nobody is trying to pry themselves away from you, you shouldn't have to prioritize.

I still stand that the healthier a marriage, the healthier the growing environment is for the child.

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